“So as everyone knows the draft is already underway and the general managers have been locked into a smoke filled room to fight over the draft prospects. I am Agent Tesla and I represent the best player in the draft Magnus Rikiya. Here today to answer any questions about him. Alright let's get this press conference started. You in the orange shirt on the right.”
“Yes Lorri Greninger here with the mumble mumble news, and I would just like to know where your player Magnus Rikiya is right now?”
“Great question Lorri. Magnus has been shuttled to an underground bunker in an undisclosed location to continue training safely away from the diseased. His spouse and all of my other medical contacts are currently working on a cure for the plague that is terrorizing the world at the moment. We hope to prevent the need for a shutdown of the NSFL to the best of our abilities, but you can never be too careful. Next white shirt front and center.”
“Yes thank you, Barbie Reeger here with the garble garble chronicle, and I would just like to ask do you have any thoughts about the rumors that your client Magnus has been selected second overall by the New Orleans Second Line?”
“That would be great to have Magnus go that early after he fell to the second round the first time around and especially to such a good team. It has been a big goal of his to go in the first round of the draft, and the fact that the public seems to believe my client will be second off the board shows we are doing something right. Right now though we are not holding our breath when it comes to that. There are so many good players in this draft and while we have put in all the work that we can sometimes it is not enough. Yes you in the grey shirt on the left.”
“Jenae Alegre here with the fictional times, and I wanted to ask what your thoughts are on the general manager of the Austin Copperheads possibly jokingly suggesting that they would take your client Magnus Rikiya with the first overall this season?”
Agent Tesla let out a sharp exhale as they looked up at the ceiling for a moment before they turned their attention back to Jenae. “I would reiterate that we are not holding our breath on that. Just for those who do not know Mr. Kortesi is my boss in the media grading department. Honestly I believe we get along well enough that he would draft my client under the right circumstances with the first overall pick; I do not believe these are those right circumstances given just how stacked this draft class is with talent that is of more value to Austin. While I am an amazing agent and have the best prospect as a client; our ability to manipulate the sim gods at this time fall behind some of the other prospects and I believe that is of greater value to Austin at this time. Navy blue shirt on the right.”
“Thank you, Brendon Vanoni here with the grumble grumble live. You say you and your client are not holding your respective breath about going first or second overall. Where do you honestly see your client going then?”
“I have seen Magnus mocked as late as fourteenth overall, however I believe that was in error. Wholeheartedly believe my client goes in the first round, although precisely where is the question of course. While I might not be holding my breath about first or second I do expect Magnus to be one of the first three players off the board. Just as we said in our first draft recap we would not necessarily say that all the teams that pass on Magnus made a mistake, but if he makes it past third overall they can expect to have some insurance claims on their stadiums is all I'll say about that. You in the bath robe in the back.”
“Greg Forck here with simulation sports stories. Are you threatening arson if your player is not one of the first three selections?”
“The term is promising Greg. You in the bunny hat in the way back.”
“Yes yes, Fabiola Yard here with the MS Paint Yeti Deluxe Logo News Network. You project Magnus as a top three pick I think we can all agree with that here, but do you think that might be because a team trades up for him? Are there any teams you think are more likely to go for your client? Any teams you think are less likely to go for your client?”
“Full disclosure I have been told my client and I have fans in at least four locker rooms, and had productive scouting sessions with at least a few more teams than that. The only team that I do not see going after my client is the Sarasota Sailfish. They no longer have a first round selection and were smart enough given that to not even scout my client. Would not at all be surprised to see them trade up into the first round to get one of their guys, however I know their general managers get along with some other prospects better than they do my client and myself. No shame in wanting to keep those good relationships rolling. You in the funny t-shirt next to the anthropomorphic turnip.”
“Kendrick Bruzewski with the random news generated name times. Are there any players Magnus hopes to get to play with from this draft class?”
“Give me just a moment,” Tesla replied as they opened up their laptop to look up a list of names on the TPE tracker. Just to make sure that they remembered as many people as possible. “Let's get the most obvious two out of the way first with the best safety duo in DSFL history in Matt 'Son of Havoc' Cross and Wesley 'Handsome Face' Eriksen. They have been two of the leaders on defense for Norfolk, and Wesley even played with Magnus as a Mulerider during the prospect bowl. Honestly anyone from Norfolk would be high on Magnus' list from what he has told me, but those two especially as active defensive players.”
“Thubba Bumper would be great, although my understanding is that our clients want different things from where they end up. Luke Skywalker and Suleiman Ramza have both been quality quarterbacks and terrific teammates that Magnus would love to be around at the next level. Jack Banks and Spike Suzuki have been lovely linebackers and as members of that talented defense Magnus would be happy to have them around backing him up again. Kevin Koh especially as they played together for the Huskies back in the day and he has been a great teammate in Norfolk. Bayden Brosley as another superb secondary member would be someone Magnus could trust at the next level. Special shout out to Sam Sidekick as the best kicker that Magnus has ever had the pleasure of working with during their football career.”
“After those major Norfolk players we could go to William Lim, Phat Boi, Nuniq Annastesia, Slinky Claxton, and Ben Stackinpaper who were Magnus' teammates on the Muleriders. Along with all of them having been stellar members of the league from our encounters with them during our time in the Developmental Simulation Football League. Derred de Ville, Troen Egghands, Brandon Booker, James Cho, Octavio Clemente, Tyler Oles Jr, Buck Thornton, Deshun Jones, Sandro Ryeu, Chester Sweets, Mo 'Mamba' Magic, Colt Mendoza, and Eric Barlow are all defensive players that Magnus would be happy to play alongside given their talent along with personal relationship. Honestly have had jersey swaps with the majority of them if I remember his actions right in that regard.”
“Offensive side of things is a bit harder since we have both had less interaction with that side of the ball, but I will try to give you a good list. Just nobody get mad at me if I forget someone. There is White Goodman, Acura Skyline, definitely Eddie Jeeta, Michael Witheblock, Heath Evans, Tatsu Nakamura, Bruce Buckley, Jim Waters, Calvin Golladay, Ben Slothlisberger, and Susan Cash Jr. Same as defense those are all players that have the talent and that Magnus believes he could get along with even though they play the opposing side in games. So that should be a pretty good list for you all to talk about, right? Oof! Almost missed LiterallyJust A. Hexagon! Count them in on the defensive side of things.”
“That's about 1400 words about my client Magnus Rikiya and now I can address the elephant in the room. There was an article released by someone who need not be named that seemed to suggest that not only am I some secret serial killer, but it also then went on to compare me to a man known for cannibalism. I just want to make it abundantly clear here that I have never knowingly and willingly partaken in the eating of human flesh. The practice disgusts me and I want no part of it. Now I will be taking questions about that article. You in the tie on the right.”
“Yes Eliza Callicoat with Channel 6 news. One of the others implicated by this hard hitting article is one of your coworkers in the media grading department Memento Mori. There killer comparison being Jack The Ripper; thoughts?”
Tesla let out a long sigh before they responded. “Memento Mori has been a dear in the media department and was a massive help dealing with the presser backlog last off-season. Sincerely hoping they do the same this season as that is one of the sections I do not like to deal with as much. That said I have reason to disbelieve that Jack The Ripper was just one criminal versus a series of copycat attacks, and either way the idea that Memento Mori has what it takes to watch a soul bleed out is absurd. Do you know how difficult it is to put on a friendly face after taking the life of another human being? Let alone taking several lives? They do not seem the type to me. Next leather jacket in the ninth row.”
“Rhonda Seigler with the Gucci Good News. One of the other players implicated is known trash talker Zamir Kehla, who was compared to The Zodiac Killer given their talent for taunts. What say you about that?”
“If Zamir has killed a single man, woman, or child I would be surprised. Why? Because I have not heard about it and Zamir would be telling everybody all over the place. When Zamir accomplishes something everybody hears about it as you all well know. Next the blue vest in the front.”
“Kathi Mccrorey here from Too Many Consecutive Consonants Weekly. You say you have never knowingly and willingly partaken in the eating of human flesh. What about the knowing, but unwilling partaking in the eating of human flesh? Also what about the unknowing, but willing partaking in the eating of human flesh?”
“Yes to the first one, but no to the second one to my knowledge. I readily admit that I have accidentally swallowed part of a lip before, but it was unwilling and an unpleasant experience. The whole affair gives me the heebie jeebies if I am honest. Now the strong looking lady in the second row.”
“Yes um Kerstin Festini of the Fair Rub Club monthly. Esteemed offensive lineman Bruce Buckley was also listed as one of the suspected serial killers. You are a well known supper of the Fair Rub Club and subscribe to several of our magazines and so we would love to hear your opinion on this matter.”
“Yeah he is definitely a murderer in the making. The National Simulation Football League though needs to get more human offensive line players though and I full expect any team interested to be willing to cover hush money. Not a fan of him targeting reporters as a media maker myself, but if he needs someone to teach him a code I would be happy to consider it. You in the tactical vest with the large pen.”
“Jc Scritchfield here for Large Pen Daily, Large Pen Weekly, and Large Pen Annual. Thank you for taking the time to answer these questions we know you are a busy person. There are beliefs among my coworkers that this was a loosely targeted smear campaign to negatively impact mock drafts as your client and iStegosauruz's client are the projected first two selections. What would you say to that, and what would you say about iStegosauruz being compared to Ted Bundy?”
“A good news source; allow me to address the serial killer accusation there first. Ted Bundy only wishes they were as intelligent as iStegosauruz as I have greater faith in iStegosauruz getting away with their crimes. Although given their preference of open source they might just publicly release the evidence after the fact given how good a citizen they are in my experience. That said I do not see them having the mental fortitude necessary to both kill someone and act as a normal person after the fact. It takes a very different type of person to be able to end a life and go on as though nothing ever happened. Now black shirt fourth from the back.”
“Laverne Seti of Shirley Seasonal. You denied having partaken in the consumption of human flesh, but I think we all noticed the conspicuous lack of a denial about the committing of murder. Have you knowingly and willingly committed murder before Tesla?”
“I would never and have never committed an act of murder. Yes the, uh, mustachioed gentleman on the right.”
“Yes, um, hum, I am Gicholas the Nreat here with Totally Real News Network. You have recently been accused of being a secret serial killer and were compared to one Jeffrey Dahmer. How do you react to see those comparisons?”
“They are complete and utter baloney, bunk, drivel, gibberish, hogwash, nonsense, phooey, and rubbish. First off, I am not a serial killer as I have never murdered anyone in my long life. Second, he was deemed as charming in a way, but it was entirely superficial and anyone who spent an extended period of time with him could tell he was damaged. Third, not Elizabeth Bathory? My nickname on Discord is Lady Tesla signifying both woman and royalty; I have been described as otherworldly, and also my picture is that of a pseudo vampire. That is what I have to say about all that. You have another question for me though it seems.”
“Gicholas the Nreat with another question here. Hypothetically speaking if you were a serial killer, and could team up with another rookie as a sort of Bonnie and Clyde style serial killing team. Who would your partner be, and why would you want them to be your partner?”
“Switching strongly to the meta side instead of the fictional side to just say that is a fun question and I thank NicholasTheGreat for it. Now to answer the question there are three people I immediately think of when I think of partnering period, but only one of them might be available for this exercise. So I am going to break it down into three effective components here. One, they have to either be comfortable with committing murder themselves, or be comfortable with me committing murder. Two, they have to have a skill that would be of value to me while we are on the run. Three, they have to be a rookie per the rules of the question.”
“So the number of people I think capable of murder on this site is honestly a very small number. Of that small number I can think of a couple I get along with well enough to maybe partner with them, but none of them are rookies at the moment. Instead the number who would support me as I go on a murderous rampage, and I think I am lovable enough that said number is fairly decent. Then the number of people with useful skills to me is understandably much higher, however the overlap then reduces that number considerably. This leaves me with about a dozen people I would consider for my partner in crime off the top of my head. Now I am going to list two though just in case my use of rookie as a term is deemed unfair.”
“My first choice would be new rookie IsaStarcossed representative of Adélie de Pengu in the S23 draft. They are one of the people I get along with best in the league I would say, possess an undeniably valuable skill set, and given our friendship I believe they would not stop me in hypothetically killing the people I believe need killing. Since they are an S23 rookie though they may not count in your eyes which is why I will do another from S22 who I think would be willing and able to support me in my purely hypothetical murderous endeavors.”
“The person I would go with from S22 is Memento Mori. They have been accused of being a serial killer like myself; have a user name that suggests they are more comfortable with death, and are also my coworker in the media grading department. We get along well enough I would say, and based on one of our conversations I believe they might not oppose my purely hypothetical murderous endeavors. There are a couple of others I would consider from S22, however I hope I have made the right hypothetical decision.”
“All that out of the way I have time for a couple more questions. You in the yellow shirt and glasses.”
“Yes Malcom Zordan here representing Power Ranger Primer. Are you telling us that you have never killed anyone?”
“I never said anything of the sort Malcom. All I have said here is that I have never murdered anyone, and that is true as all of my kills have been justified. Yes you with the many rings.”
“Garfield Cobian here for their blog. You are saying you have killed people in the past, but are you planning to kill again?”
Agent Tesla just grinned as the light in the conference room faded.
“Yes Lorri Greninger here with the mumble mumble news, and I would just like to know where your player Magnus Rikiya is right now?”
“Great question Lorri. Magnus has been shuttled to an underground bunker in an undisclosed location to continue training safely away from the diseased. His spouse and all of my other medical contacts are currently working on a cure for the plague that is terrorizing the world at the moment. We hope to prevent the need for a shutdown of the NSFL to the best of our abilities, but you can never be too careful. Next white shirt front and center.”
“Yes thank you, Barbie Reeger here with the garble garble chronicle, and I would just like to ask do you have any thoughts about the rumors that your client Magnus has been selected second overall by the New Orleans Second Line?”
“That would be great to have Magnus go that early after he fell to the second round the first time around and especially to such a good team. It has been a big goal of his to go in the first round of the draft, and the fact that the public seems to believe my client will be second off the board shows we are doing something right. Right now though we are not holding our breath when it comes to that. There are so many good players in this draft and while we have put in all the work that we can sometimes it is not enough. Yes you in the grey shirt on the left.”
“Jenae Alegre here with the fictional times, and I wanted to ask what your thoughts are on the general manager of the Austin Copperheads possibly jokingly suggesting that they would take your client Magnus Rikiya with the first overall this season?”
Agent Tesla let out a sharp exhale as they looked up at the ceiling for a moment before they turned their attention back to Jenae. “I would reiterate that we are not holding our breath on that. Just for those who do not know Mr. Kortesi is my boss in the media grading department. Honestly I believe we get along well enough that he would draft my client under the right circumstances with the first overall pick; I do not believe these are those right circumstances given just how stacked this draft class is with talent that is of more value to Austin. While I am an amazing agent and have the best prospect as a client; our ability to manipulate the sim gods at this time fall behind some of the other prospects and I believe that is of greater value to Austin at this time. Navy blue shirt on the right.”
“Thank you, Brendon Vanoni here with the grumble grumble live. You say you and your client are not holding your respective breath about going first or second overall. Where do you honestly see your client going then?”
“I have seen Magnus mocked as late as fourteenth overall, however I believe that was in error. Wholeheartedly believe my client goes in the first round, although precisely where is the question of course. While I might not be holding my breath about first or second I do expect Magnus to be one of the first three players off the board. Just as we said in our first draft recap we would not necessarily say that all the teams that pass on Magnus made a mistake, but if he makes it past third overall they can expect to have some insurance claims on their stadiums is all I'll say about that. You in the bath robe in the back.”
“Greg Forck here with simulation sports stories. Are you threatening arson if your player is not one of the first three selections?”
“The term is promising Greg. You in the bunny hat in the way back.”
“Yes yes, Fabiola Yard here with the MS Paint Yeti Deluxe Logo News Network. You project Magnus as a top three pick I think we can all agree with that here, but do you think that might be because a team trades up for him? Are there any teams you think are more likely to go for your client? Any teams you think are less likely to go for your client?”
“Full disclosure I have been told my client and I have fans in at least four locker rooms, and had productive scouting sessions with at least a few more teams than that. The only team that I do not see going after my client is the Sarasota Sailfish. They no longer have a first round selection and were smart enough given that to not even scout my client. Would not at all be surprised to see them trade up into the first round to get one of their guys, however I know their general managers get along with some other prospects better than they do my client and myself. No shame in wanting to keep those good relationships rolling. You in the funny t-shirt next to the anthropomorphic turnip.”
“Kendrick Bruzewski with the random news generated name times. Are there any players Magnus hopes to get to play with from this draft class?”
“Give me just a moment,” Tesla replied as they opened up their laptop to look up a list of names on the TPE tracker. Just to make sure that they remembered as many people as possible. “Let's get the most obvious two out of the way first with the best safety duo in DSFL history in Matt 'Son of Havoc' Cross and Wesley 'Handsome Face' Eriksen. They have been two of the leaders on defense for Norfolk, and Wesley even played with Magnus as a Mulerider during the prospect bowl. Honestly anyone from Norfolk would be high on Magnus' list from what he has told me, but those two especially as active defensive players.”
“Thubba Bumper would be great, although my understanding is that our clients want different things from where they end up. Luke Skywalker and Suleiman Ramza have both been quality quarterbacks and terrific teammates that Magnus would love to be around at the next level. Jack Banks and Spike Suzuki have been lovely linebackers and as members of that talented defense Magnus would be happy to have them around backing him up again. Kevin Koh especially as they played together for the Huskies back in the day and he has been a great teammate in Norfolk. Bayden Brosley as another superb secondary member would be someone Magnus could trust at the next level. Special shout out to Sam Sidekick as the best kicker that Magnus has ever had the pleasure of working with during their football career.”
“After those major Norfolk players we could go to William Lim, Phat Boi, Nuniq Annastesia, Slinky Claxton, and Ben Stackinpaper who were Magnus' teammates on the Muleriders. Along with all of them having been stellar members of the league from our encounters with them during our time in the Developmental Simulation Football League. Derred de Ville, Troen Egghands, Brandon Booker, James Cho, Octavio Clemente, Tyler Oles Jr, Buck Thornton, Deshun Jones, Sandro Ryeu, Chester Sweets, Mo 'Mamba' Magic, Colt Mendoza, and Eric Barlow are all defensive players that Magnus would be happy to play alongside given their talent along with personal relationship. Honestly have had jersey swaps with the majority of them if I remember his actions right in that regard.”
“Offensive side of things is a bit harder since we have both had less interaction with that side of the ball, but I will try to give you a good list. Just nobody get mad at me if I forget someone. There is White Goodman, Acura Skyline, definitely Eddie Jeeta, Michael Witheblock, Heath Evans, Tatsu Nakamura, Bruce Buckley, Jim Waters, Calvin Golladay, Ben Slothlisberger, and Susan Cash Jr. Same as defense those are all players that have the talent and that Magnus believes he could get along with even though they play the opposing side in games. So that should be a pretty good list for you all to talk about, right? Oof! Almost missed LiterallyJust A. Hexagon! Count them in on the defensive side of things.”
“That's about 1400 words about my client Magnus Rikiya and now I can address the elephant in the room. There was an article released by someone who need not be named that seemed to suggest that not only am I some secret serial killer, but it also then went on to compare me to a man known for cannibalism. I just want to make it abundantly clear here that I have never knowingly and willingly partaken in the eating of human flesh. The practice disgusts me and I want no part of it. Now I will be taking questions about that article. You in the tie on the right.”
“Yes Eliza Callicoat with Channel 6 news. One of the others implicated by this hard hitting article is one of your coworkers in the media grading department Memento Mori. There killer comparison being Jack The Ripper; thoughts?”
Tesla let out a long sigh before they responded. “Memento Mori has been a dear in the media department and was a massive help dealing with the presser backlog last off-season. Sincerely hoping they do the same this season as that is one of the sections I do not like to deal with as much. That said I have reason to disbelieve that Jack The Ripper was just one criminal versus a series of copycat attacks, and either way the idea that Memento Mori has what it takes to watch a soul bleed out is absurd. Do you know how difficult it is to put on a friendly face after taking the life of another human being? Let alone taking several lives? They do not seem the type to me. Next leather jacket in the ninth row.”
“Rhonda Seigler with the Gucci Good News. One of the other players implicated is known trash talker Zamir Kehla, who was compared to The Zodiac Killer given their talent for taunts. What say you about that?”
“If Zamir has killed a single man, woman, or child I would be surprised. Why? Because I have not heard about it and Zamir would be telling everybody all over the place. When Zamir accomplishes something everybody hears about it as you all well know. Next the blue vest in the front.”
“Kathi Mccrorey here from Too Many Consecutive Consonants Weekly. You say you have never knowingly and willingly partaken in the eating of human flesh. What about the knowing, but unwilling partaking in the eating of human flesh? Also what about the unknowing, but willing partaking in the eating of human flesh?”
“Yes to the first one, but no to the second one to my knowledge. I readily admit that I have accidentally swallowed part of a lip before, but it was unwilling and an unpleasant experience. The whole affair gives me the heebie jeebies if I am honest. Now the strong looking lady in the second row.”
“Yes um Kerstin Festini of the Fair Rub Club monthly. Esteemed offensive lineman Bruce Buckley was also listed as one of the suspected serial killers. You are a well known supper of the Fair Rub Club and subscribe to several of our magazines and so we would love to hear your opinion on this matter.”
“Yeah he is definitely a murderer in the making. The National Simulation Football League though needs to get more human offensive line players though and I full expect any team interested to be willing to cover hush money. Not a fan of him targeting reporters as a media maker myself, but if he needs someone to teach him a code I would be happy to consider it. You in the tactical vest with the large pen.”
“Jc Scritchfield here for Large Pen Daily, Large Pen Weekly, and Large Pen Annual. Thank you for taking the time to answer these questions we know you are a busy person. There are beliefs among my coworkers that this was a loosely targeted smear campaign to negatively impact mock drafts as your client and iStegosauruz's client are the projected first two selections. What would you say to that, and what would you say about iStegosauruz being compared to Ted Bundy?”
“A good news source; allow me to address the serial killer accusation there first. Ted Bundy only wishes they were as intelligent as iStegosauruz as I have greater faith in iStegosauruz getting away with their crimes. Although given their preference of open source they might just publicly release the evidence after the fact given how good a citizen they are in my experience. That said I do not see them having the mental fortitude necessary to both kill someone and act as a normal person after the fact. It takes a very different type of person to be able to end a life and go on as though nothing ever happened. Now black shirt fourth from the back.”
“Laverne Seti of Shirley Seasonal. You denied having partaken in the consumption of human flesh, but I think we all noticed the conspicuous lack of a denial about the committing of murder. Have you knowingly and willingly committed murder before Tesla?”
“I would never and have never committed an act of murder. Yes the, uh, mustachioed gentleman on the right.”
“Yes, um, hum, I am Gicholas the Nreat here with Totally Real News Network. You have recently been accused of being a secret serial killer and were compared to one Jeffrey Dahmer. How do you react to see those comparisons?”
“They are complete and utter baloney, bunk, drivel, gibberish, hogwash, nonsense, phooey, and rubbish. First off, I am not a serial killer as I have never murdered anyone in my long life. Second, he was deemed as charming in a way, but it was entirely superficial and anyone who spent an extended period of time with him could tell he was damaged. Third, not Elizabeth Bathory? My nickname on Discord is Lady Tesla signifying both woman and royalty; I have been described as otherworldly, and also my picture is that of a pseudo vampire. That is what I have to say about all that. You have another question for me though it seems.”
“Gicholas the Nreat with another question here. Hypothetically speaking if you were a serial killer, and could team up with another rookie as a sort of Bonnie and Clyde style serial killing team. Who would your partner be, and why would you want them to be your partner?”
“Switching strongly to the meta side instead of the fictional side to just say that is a fun question and I thank NicholasTheGreat for it. Now to answer the question there are three people I immediately think of when I think of partnering period, but only one of them might be available for this exercise. So I am going to break it down into three effective components here. One, they have to either be comfortable with committing murder themselves, or be comfortable with me committing murder. Two, they have to have a skill that would be of value to me while we are on the run. Three, they have to be a rookie per the rules of the question.”
“So the number of people I think capable of murder on this site is honestly a very small number. Of that small number I can think of a couple I get along with well enough to maybe partner with them, but none of them are rookies at the moment. Instead the number who would support me as I go on a murderous rampage, and I think I am lovable enough that said number is fairly decent. Then the number of people with useful skills to me is understandably much higher, however the overlap then reduces that number considerably. This leaves me with about a dozen people I would consider for my partner in crime off the top of my head. Now I am going to list two though just in case my use of rookie as a term is deemed unfair.”
“My first choice would be new rookie IsaStarcossed representative of Adélie de Pengu in the S23 draft. They are one of the people I get along with best in the league I would say, possess an undeniably valuable skill set, and given our friendship I believe they would not stop me in hypothetically killing the people I believe need killing. Since they are an S23 rookie though they may not count in your eyes which is why I will do another from S22 who I think would be willing and able to support me in my purely hypothetical murderous endeavors.”
“The person I would go with from S22 is Memento Mori. They have been accused of being a serial killer like myself; have a user name that suggests they are more comfortable with death, and are also my coworker in the media grading department. We get along well enough I would say, and based on one of our conversations I believe they might not oppose my purely hypothetical murderous endeavors. There are a couple of others I would consider from S22, however I hope I have made the right hypothetical decision.”
“All that out of the way I have time for a couple more questions. You in the yellow shirt and glasses.”
“Yes Malcom Zordan here representing Power Ranger Primer. Are you telling us that you have never killed anyone?”
“I never said anything of the sort Malcom. All I have said here is that I have never murdered anyone, and that is true as all of my kills have been justified. Yes you with the many rings.”
“Garfield Cobian here for their blog. You are saying you have killed people in the past, but are you planning to kill again?”
Agent Tesla just grinned as the light in the conference room faded.
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