It's game day, and the 1st place Colorado Yeti are at a hotel just outside downtown Chicago getting ready for the resumption of divisional play. The energy is palpable in the building - the Yeti haven't done this well in a regular season for... well, ever. This team is nearing it's third time hitting double digit wins, and there's still 5 games to go! One would think that things can only go up for the Yeti.
Despite this, one player seems to be much more grounded in reality than everyone else. Maybe it's all the hits he's been taking. Maybe he just doesn't know who the good boy is. Maybe he is struggling to figure out what that mysterious wagging thing is behind him. Either way, the Yeti's star QB and captain Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff McDummy has called for a press conference.
"The ISFL has been making huge strides in the last few years, most notably with the expansion to 14 teams this offseason. It is in light of that that I want to make this announcement formally, so as to not catch anyone by surprise."
"The S25 season will be my last season as a player in this league."
"I understand that I have not been protected by my team of nine seasons, and despite all the hard work and sacrifices I have put in over the last 63 years I completely understand their decision. I am no longer the young, agile pup of olden times, and by the end of S25 I fully expect to be physically and mentally done with football. It simply makes no sense for the Yeti to protect me over many of these young stars."
"Ever since Micycle started training me before my draft day, I knew I wanted to be a Yeti. A Yeti for LIFE. And so with my latest extension I hope to fulfill that promise to myself and our team owner. This team has given me so much and I am forever grateful. Together, we've gone from cellar dweller to perennial contender, gone from a team with almost no talent to the most talent-filled team in the league, and perhaps most importantly, won the franchise's first Ultimus trophy. I want to thank all of my teammates, GMs, and coaches for this amazing opportunity."
"While I can't wait to retire to a farm upstate, I want the fans to know one thing. I am all in on getting this team not one, but TWO Ultimus titles before I retire. There is a lot of work that still needs to be done, and I plan to be at the front of the pack helping to lead this team to the promised land."
"With that, I guess I can take some questions."
I guess this is a presser? It's mostly a media article but I'll be around to answer questions if anyone wants to ask them. Gib me that media money, I need to stay ahead of Isa >:)
Seriously though, Wolfie has been through a great career, and while it's certainly not HOF worthy, he was part of the team that got me that trophy that has eluded me for so long.
Special shout-outs to @Bwestfield, @Frick_Nasty, and @woelkers for being the GMs who helped build the Yeti from a joke to a contender. Despite Wolfie's best attempts, you made the Yeti great. I think the future is in solid hands with Syl and secret other next GM who hasn't been announced yet. For those who aren't in our war room, I've taken a huge step back in shadow GMing meddling in our affairs, and things have only gotten better :P Maybe I'll sell off the team. Who knows.
Recreate? Not happening for S26 I think. Check back for me around S27 or S28 - I need a break. If the Yeti are smart they'll draft me, but I'll be open to going anywhere.
Despite this, one player seems to be much more grounded in reality than everyone else. Maybe it's all the hits he's been taking. Maybe he just doesn't know who the good boy is. Maybe he is struggling to figure out what that mysterious wagging thing is behind him. Either way, the Yeti's star QB and captain Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff McDummy has called for a press conference.
"The ISFL has been making huge strides in the last few years, most notably with the expansion to 14 teams this offseason. It is in light of that that I want to make this announcement formally, so as to not catch anyone by surprise."
"The S25 season will be my last season as a player in this league."
"I understand that I have not been protected by my team of nine seasons, and despite all the hard work and sacrifices I have put in over the last 63 years I completely understand their decision. I am no longer the young, agile pup of olden times, and by the end of S25 I fully expect to be physically and mentally done with football. It simply makes no sense for the Yeti to protect me over many of these young stars."
"Ever since Micycle started training me before my draft day, I knew I wanted to be a Yeti. A Yeti for LIFE. And so with my latest extension I hope to fulfill that promise to myself and our team owner. This team has given me so much and I am forever grateful. Together, we've gone from cellar dweller to perennial contender, gone from a team with almost no talent to the most talent-filled team in the league, and perhaps most importantly, won the franchise's first Ultimus trophy. I want to thank all of my teammates, GMs, and coaches for this amazing opportunity."
"While I can't wait to retire to a farm upstate, I want the fans to know one thing. I am all in on getting this team not one, but TWO Ultimus titles before I retire. There is a lot of work that still needs to be done, and I plan to be at the front of the pack helping to lead this team to the promised land."
"With that, I guess I can take some questions."
I guess this is a presser? It's mostly a media article but I'll be around to answer questions if anyone wants to ask them. Gib me that media money, I need to stay ahead of Isa >:)
Seriously though, Wolfie has been through a great career, and while it's certainly not HOF worthy, he was part of the team that got me that trophy that has eluded me for so long.
Special shout-outs to @Bwestfield, @Frick_Nasty, and @woelkers for being the GMs who helped build the Yeti from a joke to a contender. Despite Wolfie's best attempts, you made the Yeti great. I think the future is in solid hands with Syl and secret other next GM who hasn't been announced yet. For those who aren't in our war room, I've taken a huge step back in shadow GMing meddling in our affairs, and things have only gotten better :P Maybe I'll sell off the team. Who knows.
Recreate? Not happening for S26 I think. Check back for me around S27 or S28 - I need a break. If the Yeti are smart they'll draft me, but I'll be open to going anywhere.