*If NSFC Teams were Easter Treats

[Jimi64]

Originally I was going to pick a treat for every ISFL team, but I got lazy and I don’t feel like typing that much on Easter.
With that being said, here are the NSFC teams as Easter candy. We’ll go in the order of the standings.

Berlin Fire Salamanders: Peeps

To be honest, I don’t eat peeps because I don’t like them, but me not liking them doesn’t mean I have anything against Berlin, I’m more just confused about how we got to this place with them. For me it still feels like just yesterday we expanded, and New York and Berlin were understandably bottom tier teams. Out of nowhere it seems, Berlin has shot up to the top of the conference with an extremely talented team.
So why Peeps? I have no idea why every year Peeps are all over the shelves and dominating the candy aisles. Maybe nobody was paying attention when the Peeps mafia was inserting their products everywhere. Maybe we’ll find out the marshmallows are laced with crack if someone actually decides to eat them. No idea, but somehow, Peeps and Berlin are at the top, and there’s nothing we can do about it.

Sarasota Sailfish: Cadburry Cream Egg

These are an Easter classic, but my personally experience has found that not everybody is a big fan. Some of them find the creamy center to be a bit gross and too, well, egg-like. Although being well known and loved by many, there is a loud crowd that still says they suck lmap. Therefore, these are perfect for Frost and the Sailfish. Some might say they suck, but they’re the reigning champs, one of the top grossing Easter candies. However, even those that say they suck will eat them behind a closed door with nobody around if they want something sweet. Overall a likeable candy for a likeable team that was at the top of their game last season. We’ll see if they can rise back to the top once more.

Chicago Butchers: Dots

Dots is not necessarily Easter themed, but I still associate it with the holiday. Maybe because it’s colorful and just seems Easter-like. Now I’ll be honest, Dots is one of the worst candies out there in my opinion. Here’s the thing though: it puts hair on your chest. Eating dots is like performing manual labor. They don’t taste too good, but if you’ve eaten one it’s like you’ve accomplished something. That pride is the best Dots flavor. So why choose this candy for Chicago? I associate the Butchers with hard-nosed, tough, defensive focused football. They won’t go down without a fight, and they’re likely to put some monster hits on your quarterback along the way. Getting hit by a defensive lineman is basically what its like to eat Dots.

Philadelphia Liberty: Nerds Jelly Beans

It’s only natural that someone would pick their favorite treat for their favorite team. However, this might be an odd pick for many, because I haven’t actually met someone who’s eaten these before, and jellybeans have a justified reputation as being average at best and gross at worst. You should know however, that these candies are magnificent, and I encourage you to buy some when Easter candy goes on sale over the next few days or so. Nerds are already good, we know this, but they’re an inconvenient candy. You take a jellybean, a candy that is incomplete by itself (who eats ONLY jelly? You need toast or something with it), and surround it with a nerds shell. It’s a wonderful mix of crunchy on the outside but chewy on the inside, and it just tastes really good.
The Liberty are like this treat because maybe not everyone has bought in yet. Maybe not everyone around the league things we’re a top tier candy, but they haven’t gotten to know us yet. Once the word spreads, everyone will come to see us as the best around. You just need to differentiate old Liberty from the new, just like you need to put away your biases about jellybeans to enjoy the wonderfully addicting creation of nerds jelly beans. However, slowly but surely, I think opinions are changing about the Liberty some people know we’re on the rise, but there’s still a lot of people to convert, just like there are so many who I still need to preach to about the best Easter candy.

Colorado Yeti: Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg

Ooo this is going to ruffle some feathers. Colorado is not a favorite team of many ISFL users primarily due to their success in recent times, and Reese’s are one of the best candies out there. However I’m here to tell all of you that you’ve gotten it wrong about the Yeti. Colorado has a lot of great users who do a lot for the league and have done nothing but represent the organization with their wonderful character and positive vibes. They are like the chocolate shell of a Reese’s. Then you bite into it, and you get this wonderful…wait. What is this?

Oh God. Oh no.

This isn’t a Reese’s peanut butter egg. This is a Reese’s BEANUT BUTTER CUP.



That positive shell of the Yeti is only a front. Inside they are thieving, conniving conspirators. HO is just a front. Schwarz pulls all the strings. It’s for the good of the league that they control things, or so they say. That’s why they are the beans. You aren’t expecting it. You didn’t want them. But beans are good for you, so eat up.

Yellowknife Wraiths: Twizzlers/Red Vines

I honestly don’t know much about Yellowknife. I looked at their team page though and it seems like they actually have a lot of talent. They’re flying under the radar at 2-2 in the NSFC, tied with most of the rest of the conference in that regard. However, I think they could make a big impact this season with all the S22 talent on their roster that’s peaking. With that in mind I decided to pick the red licorice stick candies for these guys. Many people wouldn’t pick twizzlers as their favorite candy, and some others would avoid them altogether because they hate licorice. These people would be fools. Twizzlers are actually awesome, they’re just not packed with sugar like other American candies. Learn to have a more sophisticated palate, and you’ll find that this candy is sneaky good, just like the Wraiths.

Baltimore Hawks: Hollow Chocolate Bunny

Man I love these things. My parents would always get me a big one every year for Easter, and I’d make it last a long time. Baltimore is at the bottom right now, and in a sense, chocolate bunnies are a low form of candy. There’s nothing very special about them, they’re just plain chocolate. There’s not even a lot of substance to that chocolate since it’s hollow. But chocolate is really good. The pieces that Baltimore have assembled to this point are very good pieces, but they simply just don’t have enough at this point. That will come with time, but for the moment they will just have to be a hollow shell of a team. The people that are on Baltimore, however, represent the team well. Some fantastic users are already creating a platform to build the team from. Perhaps one day they will become a solid chocolate bunny.


So there we are. Please feel free to debate my picks.

[bluesfan55]

i approve of the colorado candy

[WildfireMicro]

I love jelly beans

[zaynzk]

BEANS

[Big Edd]

Beans oh yes papi chulo

[Frostbite]

BEANS

Zayn safe reveal?

[Dewalt27]

@Highhaschdi trade me. I hate peeps.