10-09-2022, 04:24 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-11-2022, 05:23 PM by dude_man. Edited 5 times in total.)
Code:
2092
100/0 split in favor of me (thank you so much OP)
SH: Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the 3rd and final episode of the UltiWeek on Shazam! I’m your hostest with the mostest, Preston “Shazam” Hefner, and we’ve gone from one hot place to another, as we’re coming to you from Arizona! Oh, Arizona, home to the Cardinals and the Coyotes. Those are the only teams that matter. They’re also the only teams that’ll fit this intro, as we’ve got a living legend for us here today. He’s the former Breakout Player of the Year, former Offensive Player of the Year, two-time RB of the Year, two-time MVP, two-time Ultimus champ, three-time MOP, four-time All Pro, six-time Pro Bowler and a definite first ballot for the Hall. I can’t state how happy I am this man’s graced us with his presence, it’s Jay Cue Jr. (@Opera_Phantom)!
JCJr: Hey! Just glad to be here, thanks for the invite, always happy to get some chit chat going around the league! And after my first Ultimus Win with Arizona, I just want to keep that party going! After so many years suffering with the memes that we just couldn’t cut it in the playoffs, who’s laughing now?
SH: I mean…wow, man, I never expected to finally get to meet you in person. You’re legendary around not just these parts of Arizona, but around the world - I went to Portugal a season or so ago for vacation, and, last I checked, I’m pretty sure your jersey is outselling Ronaldo’s. Hell, some guys are calling you the Ronaldo of the ISFL. How does it feel to have such a high cult following around you?
JCJr: I guess that like in other sport, if you are successful enough, if you make the newspaper covers and headlines, if brands want to pay you money to endorse their stuff, people will follow you anywhere. And nowadays with the social media boom, if you show up on tv regularly, you can easily get a few million followers and this works like a snow ball going down the hill: more followers mean more money, more money from brands, means more followers. I just try to stay humble-ish when I am approached in the street, or when kids come to me after practice to get some photos, I try to get some quality time with them.
SH: Now, it feels like no matter where you go, you always have success. Even in that abysmal 1-15 Norfolk team, you still put up 800 rushing yards. My question is, how do you do it? Even in your 30s, you seem as if you have no sign of stopping. How?!?!
JCJr: The secret is to keep going after success every single day. A bad season doesn’t mean that your whole career will be a failure, so it is up to you to snap out of that and try to be the best player you can be. It goes without saying, but being on a winning team helps a lot with morale, and a high morale makes things easier. In the end, if you are consistently winning games and awards, it gives you that confidence boost to go for that extra 1 yard, or to go to practice whenever you feel sick and just want to stay home. Nobody gets 2 MVP awards without hard work, that I can tell you.
SH: I mean, hell, talent runs in your family - your uncle was the Outlaws legend Jay Cue. Do you think that it was just a coincidence, or were you basically built for the Arizona Outlaws?
JCJr: There is absolutely no denying that listening to my uncle rave about the Outlaws for a few years got me the “AZ Bug” running in my blood. I remember going to Phoenix to stay on the stadium sidelines and watch him lead the team through thick and thin. I know how he suffered when the Outlaws were just a bottom of the table team, missing the playoffs, losing games for weeks in a row. Coming to the league I knew I wanted to help the Outlaws in their pursuit of success, but you don’t know that the future holds.
SH: I’ve mentioned my previous love of touring - however, you’ve hip-hopped across the world as well, residing in Yellowknife, Berlin and, obviously, Arizona. What was the best moment about living in each of those areas?
JCJr: I played in great teams, from great places. YKW breathes football and the Wraiths, simply because it’s cold as fuck, it snows, rains, whatever, so all you have to do there is play or watch football. This helped me immensely, as I was just starting my career, so it allowed me to focus on my game and on the ways to improve every single aspect of it. The team was going through a lot at the time, so after 3 and a half seasons there,I felt it was time to move on.
Then Berlin came calling, so after so much time away from my country, I took the possibility to just be a couple hours aircraft ride from Lisbon. It helped that I was finally getting a shot at a good playoff run, so I got my first Ultimus game while playing in Europe, a game that we unfortunately lost. But even though the season ended in heartbreak with the loss against the Silverbacks, it showed me the pressure of winning, the playoff rush, so I decided then and there that those were the stages I wanted to be in every single season.
As for Arizona, heart reasons pretty much. Being close to my uncle and wanting to build on his success, or lack of, I wanted to help Arizona getting to that powerhouse recognition they once had. Besides, they offered me a great spot in their offense, and I knew that with the number of touches I would get, with my work ethic, I could go very far. And here come a lot of awards and pro bowls, including 2 ( who knows, maybe even 3, MVP awards.
SH:Alright, now imma try bringing this one segment back, it’s “Quick Thinks”. I give you a name, you give me your honest opinions on the guy. Sound fun?
JCJr: Sure, I guess.
SH: First name: Kotoni Staggs.
JCJr: Incredible wide receiver, great hands, can catch passes thrown of a sideways cannon. Being drafted out of University of Georgia, brought that winning mentality we so desperately crave. Had a fantastic Ultimus winning season, that culminated in that receiving TD on the ultimus that put Sarasota down in the first half.
SH: Your second name is the wonderful Akaki Akayre.
JCJr: Young blood. Hungry. Wants to succeed, badly. Brings up the best in all of those around him on the field. And being a Season 36 player, he is just starting.
SH: Let’s get your real opinion on this guy, Wendell Sailor.
JCJr: Cheater trying to steal MVPs from me. Makes no sense. And to make it worse, he’s Australian! Why did anyone allowed people off that island again?
SH: …I just came back from Australia, man. Anyway, Tre Johnson.
JCJr: Fellow 29er, one of the best in that class that really bought into our Outlaw ways. Makes a difference in every defensive play, and when he has a bad game, the team is closer to losing. Just shows the importance he has on the field.
SH: Your last two names are some pretty big defensive guys - both of the McTurtles.
JCJr: Two of the three pieces, along with Mark Goodhead, we needed to finally get a ring. The free agency snags we got really made us even more incredible and strong.
SH: Thanks for doing that, actually. Now, how many years, realistically, do you think you’ve got left in the tank? I know you’ve still got the heart to play, but do you still have the body?
JCJr: It has been no secret to anyone paying attention that Cue Jr. will be playing until his legs can’t go anymore. 9 seasons gone, so I am going with 4 seasons to go to try and break every running back record in the league. Still around 1300 yards to go for #1 all time, a lot of rushing TDs to go too and I will not retire until I can get them. I know I won’t probably play in Arizona until my retirement, but at the same time I am excited to see if any team takes a chance on old Cue Jr. to help him get some more stats as RB2.
SH: Now, you’ve lived a life full of intrigue and mystery: I think it’d be nice to go down memory lane with you, whaddaya say?
So, you ran classes for children to manage themselves financially? Wanna tell me more about that?
JCJr: Kids everywhere need to know what money is and how to make smart decisions with it. I was a kid at one point of my life, and I loved spending money on stupid crap. If I was not good enough at this football thing, I’d be in a real bad place probably. But not a lot of guys are fortunate enough to get some money in through sports, so save your money wisely. And that knowledge should start sooner, in school. But school doesn’t care. Cue Jr. does!
SH: Back when Sailor got called up, you didn’t really see eye to eye. You said that you “couldn’t be bothered” with catching balls from Wendy and you broke both of his damn hands. Have the feelings been mutual?
JCJr: It has been, yeah. It is no secret to anyone that they can’t look at each other without a sudden need to start breaking bones. Simo is skinny, so he’s no match to Cue Jr. physique, but the dude is from down under, so he is used to fighting a bunch of random deadly animals 24 hours a day. This makes for some interesting fights in the locker room and in the field. But there’s one thing they do know about, is how to be a professional football player. So, Cue Jr. can be on the field getting TD passes from Sailor at one point, and then right as they get to the locker room, all hell breaks loose.
SH: After retiring, you said in an interview you’d probably be an underwear model? Is that still a dream of yours?
JCJr: Money is money, and if there is one thing Cue Jr. loves more than winning on the field, is when some money comes with it. So why not get some checks coming in just by hanging out for the cameras the same way he spends time at home, either on his underwear or butt naked? Win win situation if you ask me.
SH: Alright, so I’m kinda stumped here - in one year, you tell kids about how to save money, and in another, you tell those same kids that they need to “keep your GPA above a certain threshold so that schools do not drop your scholarship offers.” I can’t say shit, I graduated with a broadcasting degree, but…explain, please.
JCJr: Is Cue Jr. known for being consistent in every aspect of his life? Besides drinking a lot and playing football? No right? So why bring the attention to this? Are you trying to make me look bad right on the eve of an award show? What is this? Who are you? Get me another drink, stat!
SH: That’s…that’s Terrence, our producer. Oh well, the last question I got is with-okay, this can’t be true. Jay Cue Jr., the legend of the backfield, the one who teaches kids how to invest properly, puts his money in…strip clubs? Why?
JCJr: Again, money is money. And money brings in money. Cue Jr. is no slouch, so if he sees an opportunity to make some extra cash, he goes all in. And besides, striping is art, we have classes for it nowadays even, don’t be a prude!
SH: Alright, I got one last question. In your storied career, you’ve gone to four teams, won several championships, and earned several team awards. My final question is, do you have any regrets?
JCJr: My only 2 regrets are letting Sailor keep both his hands without needing surgery to be repaired and to have in writing that I wouldn’t mind sharing a backfield. As you can understand, I was also drunk when I did both those things. Still enjoyed it though!
SH: And scene! Thank you so much to Jay Cue Jr. for agreeing to do this! It’s finally refreshing to be able to hear your side of the story. I wouldn’t have it any other way. This finishes up the UltiWeek tour, but don’t fret - I will be back soon. For now, though, I’m Preston Hefner, and we’ll be seeing you next time on the next episode of Shazam!
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