03-16-2023, 08:02 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-17-2023, 01:47 PM by xenosthelegend. Edited 3 times in total.)
I wasn’t able to get this up before @jdc4654 got his mock draft up, so fair play to him, but in my humble opinion, his is more of a Big Board than a mock draft per se, since he doesn’t have players going to a specific team. You can argue semantics about it if you want, but for now, I’ve got my own thoughts on where people are going, so let’s do it. Also, I’m not sure if I can do my own mock later, since I’m likely going to be in Honolulu’s war room. I’m doing this based on the teams current record after eleven weeks, which means this should be their approximate draft order. I’m keeping this order even if this goes up after Week 12, because it took me a long time to assemble this, and I’m not redoing the order. YOU. CAN’T. STOP. ME.
Draft Order:
New York
Berlin
Honolulu
Baltimore
San Jose
Colorado
New Orleans
Sarasota
Orange County
Cape Town
Austin
Yellowknife
Chicago
Arizona
Team Needs:
ARI: WR, TE, DE, S
AUS: WR, CB, S, K/P
BAL: RB, OL, LB
BER: TE, LB, CB
CHI: OL, DT, LB, CB, S
COL: RB, WR, OL, DT, LB
CTC: OL, DL, LB, CB
HON: WR, LB, S, K/P
NOLA: QB, RB, TE, OL, DE, CB
NYS: RB, WR, DL, S, K/P
OCO: WR, OL, DE, LB, S
SAR: RB, OL, DT, LB
SJS: QB, WR, TE, OL, LB, CB
YKW: WR, DT, S
1. New York: Jumbo Edward, @furiousPanda, DT, Portland
New York’s defensive line is abysmal; they do have a couple of young prospects on the way there in Lionel Scrimmage and James Batista, but the rest of their line is well past their sell-by date. Edward would be a terrific infusion of talent at their most dire position of need, and he comes with the added benefit of lots of previous experience. He’s been multiple well-respected players before, and I think this one may be his very best, going #1 overall.
2. New Orleans (via Berlin): Ezra Azazel, @"baz1757", CB, Tijuana
A man who was once told that you can never have too many Z’s in your name, Ezra Azazel might be asked to be the main centerpiece of the Second Line’s future. The Second Line doesn't always have all of their draft picks, but they made sure to pick one up in the Jay Cue Jr. trade, so that they could really get a stud in this draft. New Orleans's secondary hasn't panned out in a way that they would have liked, and outside of The "Friggin" Stig, there's not much there. Azazel would make a great compliment and eventual successor to him.
3. Honolulu: Mary Marie, @aeonsjenni, S, Bondi Beach
Last year’s DSFL #1 overall pick, Mary Marie has been one of the best newcomers to the league this season. She’s been writing plenty of well-made articles that bring a sense of analytics to the league, which is always fun. She would fill a really big hole in Honolulu’s secondary, and her face claim is Sailor Uranus, and that’s a big win in my book.
4. Colorado (via Baltimore): Wolfie McDummy Jr., @infinitempg, WR, Dallas
Could it be literally anyone else? Wolfie Sr. was a Yeti legend, and there’s almost no chance in hell Wolfie Jr. will wind up in any other color besides Yeti red. Not to mention he was also Micycle McCormick before Wolfie, and while he was also Busch Goose, he planned to be a player who played for multiple teams; it didn’t work out that way, but that was the plan. Plus, Baltimore doesn’t have a pick until #60 overall (what a bad year to not have all your picks), so that probably won’t happen. But with that particular name, it seems likely that Colorado would be the preferred destination again.
5. Orange County (via San Jose): Loose Cannon, @Jumbo, LB, London
Even with taking Sim Sunigh #3 overall two seasons ago, the Otters desperately need a little something extra in their linebacker room. So-Much Jazz is fairly middling at this point and Bender Rodriguez is about to be shut down for good after this season. Even with their plethora of young callups they’ll get this offseason, linebacker still remains a great area of concern for them, and what better way to address that problem then by taking the current biggest earner in the class in Loose Cannon. That’ll fix a few things for ya.
6. Colorado: Craig Brand, @ElMerchanto, LB, Dallas
The second of three first round picks in the Yeti’s back pocket, and what a good year to have them. Now that they have their receiver of the future, maybe it’s time to look at their linebacker room as well. I’m sure they’d be crushed to miss out on Loose Cannon, but linebacker is a fairly deep position this year, and there’ll be plenty of them to go around. Colorado needs another good backer to pair with Waylen Greene, and I think Craig Brand fits what they need well.
7. New Orleans: Bruce White, @toofpete, DE, Portland
Morpheus Czargyros has been one of the best players in Second Line history over the course of his illustrious career but he's about to wrap up his tenth season. It's only downhill from here, so it's time for New Orleans to invest in their future and try to fill out their threatening defensive line. White's been super active since joining the league, being part of a podcast, and that'll show a big commitment to the league, which will earn him big points from the leagues scouts.
8. Sarasota: Liath Squirrel, @LiathTheSquirrel, LB, Minnesota
Hey Liath, you’re a first round pick, congrats. Right now, Sarasota’s linebacker corps looks like this. #1: Aqeel Steele, one of the highest earning players from a massive draft class. #2: Fronky Fresh, a GM player in his rookie season who should be a fixture of the team for years to come. #3: dont draft, an eleventh year player who might barely survive the next round of regression. And #4: Justin Cloud, a ghost. There’s definitely room for someone to squeeze in there, especially someone like Liath who’s done a lot in this league before, including GMing a DSFL team, and running a podcast with yours truly.
9. Colorado (via Orange County): Dub Redd, @wizard_literal, DT, Tijuana
Rounding out the Yeti’s first round picks, Dub Redd fixes a massive problem for the Yeti. They have two studs on the fringes of their D-line in Nathan Explosion and Aidan Hutchinson Jr., however their anchor is currently being filled by an underwhelming three-man rotation with no one over 250 TPE, and all being inactive. Redd would be a terrific get for this position, as he’s shown a lot over the last several weeks, with his ongoing “From the Offices of Mouse and Wizard” series with @aeonsjenni. I could see him landing as a top ten pick fairly easily.
10. Cape Town: Kadarius Claypool II, @Weaves, CB, Norfolk
On the surface, Cape Town looks set at corner, until you realize that their three corners haven’t updated in two weeks, two months, and five months respectively, and despite the fact that they have a bunch of people who could call up next season, not one of them is a cornerback. They need to make a move at this position now before it becomes more dire. Weaves is a podcaster with a big interest in the league, and at this spot, he could find himself as a main contributor on a contending team. Who wouldn’t like that?
11. Austin: Oliver Tolliver, @Memento Mori, WR, Bondi Beach
The Austin Copperheads have been “three elite receiver set”-ing defenses to death over the last several seasons. That much has been evident by the fact that they traded for Deshawn Penne, now that Johnny Patey isn’t performing like he used to. You might think that a WR3 wouldn’t be worth such a high draft pick, but A) Memento Mori is WORTH IT, and B) if Austin wants to keep their high-octane offense running on all cylinders, this would be the play, especially since Penne only has a few years of elite play left.
12. Yellowknife: Rico Savage, @TheRake, S, Norfolk
It’s always tough to know what to shop for for the Wraiths, as it feels like their roster is permanently loaded, I don’t know how they do it. Safety feels like a good place to start, as most of that room is either old or inactive. Savage could start right away, and could end up being a huge contributor on a top-level defense. Also, sorry dude, you’re going after toofpete again, it’s a positional need thing.
13. Chicago: John Stark VIII, @UptownCord, LB, Portland
Chicago has a different problem with their linebacker corps, their linebackers might not be there next season. Brian Duke is a free agent, Sakeem Webb is retiring, and Dexter Hall is about to auto-retire. Duke will probably re-sign, but even if he does, this would be a good move to fill out the linebacker corps. Stark has done numerous media posts, and even made an Ultimus site proposal. Should be a good selection in this range (even if he thought me going to Honolulu wasn’t (lol)).
14. Arizona: Icepick O’Hullihan, @Joe Shabado, S, Kansas City
Finding holes for Arizona to fill in their stacked roster is like trying to shiny hunt in the new Pokemon games: it’ll take you a while and you might just straight up pass by one if you’re not looking closely enough. The biggest things I can point to is at safety or tight end, and there aren’t enough safeties left on the board to wait much longer here. Arizona takes Icepick here and pairs him with NotSo Smart to make a killer young safety duo.
15. New York: Kyle Crane, @Ultimatedestroye, RB, Kansas City
After only two offensive players in the entire first round, the second round will start with a big swing in the other direction. There aren’t a lot of high-end running backs in this draft, but this might be a good place for New York to invest in one. Michael Touchback has been alright, but it feels like this team can do better there. Especially with Michaelangelo McTurtle about to hit regression, and no one in the pipeline, Crane to New York makes a lot of sense to me.
16. Berlin: Otto the Orange, @Greenbaynathan, TE, Norfolk
Berlin needs many things, but right now the best tight end on the board is just waiting to be selected, and I think this would be a terrific get for them. Otto’s user was formerly Nathan Claflin, who had a solid six-year career in the league. This time around, Otto finds himself as the top tight end on the board in a class with several quality tight ends, and a genuine need across the league for more of them. Otto’s in a good spot, and I think landing in Berlin would be a great destination for him.
17. Honolulu: Ray Baker, @jdc4654, K/P, Kansas City
Ok, here me out. Honolulu is good but very, very young at most of its positions. While there are a few other needs on this team, specialist is about to be not just a need, but a requirement. Ikick Ballz is about to be auto-retired and they need someone new this offseason. Plus, they don’t pick again until #45, and that’ll be way too late to get him. This could be a trade-down team (maybe with New Orleans to get the next player on this list), but since I’m not doing trades this time around, Baker is the play here.
18. San Jose (via Baltimore): Lloyd Bannings, @bowl0, QB, Tijuana
Taking a quarterback is a tricky exercise in the ISFL, as you don’t wanna do it too early or too late, or you’ll risk having a couple of seasons with a less than elite signal caller, and no one wants that. I think the ideal time to take a quarterback is during a QB’s seventh season, the one just before regression. But what if there isn’t one next year, or you miss out on it, do you just hope one falls to you? No. Take the initiative, go quarterback, fill that hole now, figure the rest out later. Bannings is a former GM, and had a strong 11-year run as Rean Schwarzer. This feels like a slam dunk.
19. San Jose: Artemis Entreri, @entreri, WR, Minnesota
And what better position to follow up the last pick than with a receiver to attach to his hip for the rest of his career? The Sabercats desperately need an injection of new blood at receiver after they traded for an inactive President Camacho, and traded away Deshawn Penne and DeAndre King, and this would be a terrific starting point. He’s been a strong player in the D-League, and would probably be an instant starter at WR2 or slot receiver.
20. Colorado: Malik Brooks, @AK41, RB, Bondi Beach
Right now, the Yeti’s only surefire running back for next season is Ceti Pyxis, as Triple Option is retiring and Marvin Toledo is an inactive free agent. I think they’d be wise to get Pyxis a reliever and Brooks could be that guy. In fact, he might see an immediate call-up, as he may have more TPE Week 1 of next season than Toledo would. Seems like an easy pick-up for me.
21. New Orleans: Max Honestly, @"LeSizz", TE, London
The reason why I think New Orleans will move up in this spot is that even though they have a ton of holes to fill, missing out on either Bannings or Brooks would be devastating to them. However, if they stay at this spot, a tight end wouldn’t be a bad idea. Even if they hadn’t traded away Rex Crenshaw, he’s retiring anyway, so an upgrade is to be expected. Honestly does graphic art and is active on Discord, and that’s a pretty good thing for your resume.
22. Sarasota: Billy Jor-El, @LtHudz, DT, Minnesota
After seven consecutive offensive players, Sarasota will end that streak by going defensive tackle and taking Billy Jor-El. This would likely be the play, since Stacks McHits will probably be regressed to the point where a rookie Jor-El would be ahead of her. This would give Sarasota a whopper of a defensive line, and would lend a big hand to their run defense.
23. San Jose (via Orange County): DJ Maclean, @Urq660, LB, Bondi Beach
The sudden retirement of Zavier Perkins will make San Jose have to address that in some way, and now seems like a great time to do that, since there’s a slight dropoff to the next linebacker on the board. DJ Maclean could fill the hole left behind by Perkins, and on top of that Urq spent ten seasons in San Jose as Guy Gibson. This seems like the ideal landing spot for him.
24. Cape Town: Justin Willis, @Cycro, OL, Dallas
Everyone get ready to get excited, we’re talking about offensive linemen, baby. Cape Town has one really good lineman in Swantavius Payne, but they also drafted another one the same season as Payne, and he’s almost 1000 TPE below him. Maybe it’s time to add another active player to that mix. Willis was the first lineman taken in the DSFL Draft last season. It tracks that he’d be the first one again here.
25. Austin: Brian Vincent-Vega, @WrittinDirectino, S, London
Two seasons ago, the Copperhead took Geralt in the second round to help build up their secondary. This year, they’ll get someone to go alongside him. BVV is fairly new to the game, but has been writing media stuff, and would be a great addition to a secondary that’s really starting to fill out in Austin alongside the aforementioned Geralt, Draft Steal, and Zamir Kehla Jr.
26. Yellowknife: Rolud Onyxgut, @crash1005, DE, Bondi Beach
A side effect of moving Absolute Unit to quarterback is that they now actually need to replace him, and this would be a solid time to do that. Onyxgut would be a strong pick in this range, and would let the team run some 4-3 defenses, or just straight up move on from Teddy Rhinoback, if they’d rather just stick with nickel defense.
27. Chicago: Synystyr Gates, @Dustillation, CB, Tijuana
I think Chicago would’ve preferred a safety in this spot, as their only safety right now is in their 11th season, but anyone in the secondary would be a great get for them, even if they’d be slightly out of position. If they find another way to address their safety spot, they can still go for Gates as a slot corner.
28. Arizona: Emile Charles, @Number 82, WR, Portland
Rounding out the second round, Arizona adds to their receiver corps to make sure that when Donovan Winters III gets a call-up, he has the best damn receiver corps available. Louis Blondin and Captain Stinkwater both hit regression this year, and you would theoretically want someone to grow with your new quarterback. Charles could absolutely be that for Winters. Not to mention, he is the Graphics king, and won that Ultimus Host City contest.
29. Cape Town (via New York): Logjammed McBobface, @"marccelaat", DE, Tijuana
Third round picks might go a little quick as we’re starting to get a little long in the post length. With Able Archer retiring, Ryan Lawrence would probably get a call-up, but they could also add another linemen like McBobface to run 4-3 and stock up for when Christian Marciano starts to decline.
30. Berlin: Leo Stud, @Matlestud, LB, Portland
Back-to-back Berlin picks. The Fire Salamanders are fairly set at linebacker, but this would let them replace LaDamien Beck, and he can play wherever you’d need him to in the front seven.
31. Berlin (via Honolulu): Bill Cravy, @KlausGoatCasinos, CB, Minnesota
Why is this not good team so hard to pick for? Ok, how about in the secondary. Cravy probably wouldn’t get an immediate call-up from right here, but he’s someone who could come up in a year and replace an inconsistent Johnny Delusional.
32. Colorado (via Baltimore): Modest Mussorgsky, @Gragg9, OL, Minnesota
This offseason, Colorado needs to make the offense as loaded as possible in preparation for when NCADV RAINN comes up. (Can someone tell me how to pronounce his name? Every time I say it to myself, I sound drunk, and that’s only sometimes the case.) Mussorgsky will help give the offense more time to function, and that’s only a positive thing.
33. San Jose: Nick Williams, @nickWilliams, TE, London
San Jose, meet your DeShawn Penne replacement. Penne put up consistently great numbers for a tight end for a very long time, so it stands to reason that San Jose values the position, and will try to find his replacement ASAP.
34. Colorado: Legs McMillon, @jollyjiggs, WR, Norfolk
What’s better than adding one strong receiver in the draft? ADDING TWO! Even with adding Wolfie McDummy Jr., the Yeti desperately need more weapons for Live Laughlove, and eventually *DRUNK NOISES*. So far, Colorado’s added a running back, two receivers, and a linemen in the first 35 picks. Offense is on the menu, boys!
35. New York (via New Orleans): Benji Aguilera, @CROney3, WR, Tijuana
More offense is on the menu! The Silverbacks have a couple of strong receivers, but they could pick up someone to push Swantavius Torch for the WR3 spot. More weapons for a young Blaine Falco isn’t a bad thing.
36. Sarasota: Benjamin Duvernay, @Purpl3Spartan, CB, Portland
Sarasota has four players in their secondary in regression. Legitimately, how is that even possible? They have one player already who could get a call-up from last year’s draft, but they’re gonna need some more to actually form a secondary that isn’t in hospice.
37. Orange County: Brandon Welch Jr. @Dolphins, CB, London
Orange County is another team with an advancing secondary. They probably would prefer a safety in this spot, but they’ll have three fourth round picks to maybe find one there. Even if they don’t get someone there, Welch Jr. in this spot would be a great value as a possible Rean Schwarzer replacement, or more likely a slot corner behind Ace McAllister and Jamdrian LeBayers.
38. Cape Town: Terry Johnson, @Gumbaman, LB, Norfolk
If Johnson gets selected here, he might get a quick call up to replace a retiring Dominos Pizzaman, but they might also choose to wait a year, and see how Doc Fireball does in his final seasons.
39. San Jose (via Austin): Great Khali, @crazylemire, OL, Dallas
Right now, the Sabercats are running with an almost full line of offensive line bots, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they took a look at someone like this Punjabi giant. Gotta have someone to open up holes for Ozzy Buckshank and Lord Farquaad. (Quick aside, the actual Great Khali was in the Adam Sandler Longest Yard movie, and I think he was a fullback. Fun little tidbit.)
40. Yellowknife: Forozka Duanei, @BWIII, WR, Portland
The Wraiths currently only have two receivers which is a bit odd for a team that's always seemed to reliably have a plethora of great pass catchers. With how inexperienced their QB is, getting the most help for him possible would be a great idea. This would be BW’s fourth player, so actually he might go a bit higher than this.
41. Chicago: Jason Steele, @FireworkFuse, DT, Kansas City
Steele might be an immediate call-up here, depending on if Franklin Turtle would outpace him after another round of regression. I’d call him up and ease him into his eventual full-time role.
42. Arizona: Burnt Toast, @ToastCharger, TE, Bondi Beach
And finally, the final pick of our mock. Another weapon for Arizona’s restructuring offense. With the incoming retirement of Herc Kirkby, it’s a no-brainer to get his replacement right here in draft class that’s strong at the position.
Draft Order:
New York
Berlin
Honolulu
Baltimore
San Jose
Colorado
New Orleans
Sarasota
Orange County
Cape Town
Austin
Yellowknife
Chicago
Arizona
Team Needs:
ARI: WR, TE, DE, S
AUS: WR, CB, S, K/P
BAL: RB, OL, LB
BER: TE, LB, CB
CHI: OL, DT, LB, CB, S
COL: RB, WR, OL, DT, LB
CTC: OL, DL, LB, CB
HON: WR, LB, S, K/P
NOLA: QB, RB, TE, OL, DE, CB
NYS: RB, WR, DL, S, K/P
OCO: WR, OL, DE, LB, S
SAR: RB, OL, DT, LB
SJS: QB, WR, TE, OL, LB, CB
YKW: WR, DT, S
1. New York: Jumbo Edward, @furiousPanda, DT, Portland
New York’s defensive line is abysmal; they do have a couple of young prospects on the way there in Lionel Scrimmage and James Batista, but the rest of their line is well past their sell-by date. Edward would be a terrific infusion of talent at their most dire position of need, and he comes with the added benefit of lots of previous experience. He’s been multiple well-respected players before, and I think this one may be his very best, going #1 overall.
2. New Orleans (via Berlin): Ezra Azazel, @"baz1757", CB, Tijuana
A man who was once told that you can never have too many Z’s in your name, Ezra Azazel might be asked to be the main centerpiece of the Second Line’s future. The Second Line doesn't always have all of their draft picks, but they made sure to pick one up in the Jay Cue Jr. trade, so that they could really get a stud in this draft. New Orleans's secondary hasn't panned out in a way that they would have liked, and outside of The "Friggin" Stig, there's not much there. Azazel would make a great compliment and eventual successor to him.
3. Honolulu: Mary Marie, @aeonsjenni, S, Bondi Beach
Last year’s DSFL #1 overall pick, Mary Marie has been one of the best newcomers to the league this season. She’s been writing plenty of well-made articles that bring a sense of analytics to the league, which is always fun. She would fill a really big hole in Honolulu’s secondary, and her face claim is Sailor Uranus, and that’s a big win in my book.
4. Colorado (via Baltimore): Wolfie McDummy Jr., @infinitempg, WR, Dallas
Could it be literally anyone else? Wolfie Sr. was a Yeti legend, and there’s almost no chance in hell Wolfie Jr. will wind up in any other color besides Yeti red. Not to mention he was also Micycle McCormick before Wolfie, and while he was also Busch Goose, he planned to be a player who played for multiple teams; it didn’t work out that way, but that was the plan. Plus, Baltimore doesn’t have a pick until #60 overall (what a bad year to not have all your picks), so that probably won’t happen. But with that particular name, it seems likely that Colorado would be the preferred destination again.
5. Orange County (via San Jose): Loose Cannon, @Jumbo, LB, London
Even with taking Sim Sunigh #3 overall two seasons ago, the Otters desperately need a little something extra in their linebacker room. So-Much Jazz is fairly middling at this point and Bender Rodriguez is about to be shut down for good after this season. Even with their plethora of young callups they’ll get this offseason, linebacker still remains a great area of concern for them, and what better way to address that problem then by taking the current biggest earner in the class in Loose Cannon. That’ll fix a few things for ya.
6. Colorado: Craig Brand, @ElMerchanto, LB, Dallas
The second of three first round picks in the Yeti’s back pocket, and what a good year to have them. Now that they have their receiver of the future, maybe it’s time to look at their linebacker room as well. I’m sure they’d be crushed to miss out on Loose Cannon, but linebacker is a fairly deep position this year, and there’ll be plenty of them to go around. Colorado needs another good backer to pair with Waylen Greene, and I think Craig Brand fits what they need well.
7. New Orleans: Bruce White, @toofpete, DE, Portland
Morpheus Czargyros has been one of the best players in Second Line history over the course of his illustrious career but he's about to wrap up his tenth season. It's only downhill from here, so it's time for New Orleans to invest in their future and try to fill out their threatening defensive line. White's been super active since joining the league, being part of a podcast, and that'll show a big commitment to the league, which will earn him big points from the leagues scouts.
8. Sarasota: Liath Squirrel, @LiathTheSquirrel, LB, Minnesota
Hey Liath, you’re a first round pick, congrats. Right now, Sarasota’s linebacker corps looks like this. #1: Aqeel Steele, one of the highest earning players from a massive draft class. #2: Fronky Fresh, a GM player in his rookie season who should be a fixture of the team for years to come. #3: dont draft, an eleventh year player who might barely survive the next round of regression. And #4: Justin Cloud, a ghost. There’s definitely room for someone to squeeze in there, especially someone like Liath who’s done a lot in this league before, including GMing a DSFL team, and running a podcast with yours truly.
9. Colorado (via Orange County): Dub Redd, @wizard_literal, DT, Tijuana
Rounding out the Yeti’s first round picks, Dub Redd fixes a massive problem for the Yeti. They have two studs on the fringes of their D-line in Nathan Explosion and Aidan Hutchinson Jr., however their anchor is currently being filled by an underwhelming three-man rotation with no one over 250 TPE, and all being inactive. Redd would be a terrific get for this position, as he’s shown a lot over the last several weeks, with his ongoing “From the Offices of Mouse and Wizard” series with @aeonsjenni. I could see him landing as a top ten pick fairly easily.
10. Cape Town: Kadarius Claypool II, @Weaves, CB, Norfolk
On the surface, Cape Town looks set at corner, until you realize that their three corners haven’t updated in two weeks, two months, and five months respectively, and despite the fact that they have a bunch of people who could call up next season, not one of them is a cornerback. They need to make a move at this position now before it becomes more dire. Weaves is a podcaster with a big interest in the league, and at this spot, he could find himself as a main contributor on a contending team. Who wouldn’t like that?
11. Austin: Oliver Tolliver, @Memento Mori, WR, Bondi Beach
The Austin Copperheads have been “three elite receiver set”-ing defenses to death over the last several seasons. That much has been evident by the fact that they traded for Deshawn Penne, now that Johnny Patey isn’t performing like he used to. You might think that a WR3 wouldn’t be worth such a high draft pick, but A) Memento Mori is WORTH IT, and B) if Austin wants to keep their high-octane offense running on all cylinders, this would be the play, especially since Penne only has a few years of elite play left.
12. Yellowknife: Rico Savage, @TheRake, S, Norfolk
It’s always tough to know what to shop for for the Wraiths, as it feels like their roster is permanently loaded, I don’t know how they do it. Safety feels like a good place to start, as most of that room is either old or inactive. Savage could start right away, and could end up being a huge contributor on a top-level defense. Also, sorry dude, you’re going after toofpete again, it’s a positional need thing.
13. Chicago: John Stark VIII, @UptownCord, LB, Portland
Chicago has a different problem with their linebacker corps, their linebackers might not be there next season. Brian Duke is a free agent, Sakeem Webb is retiring, and Dexter Hall is about to auto-retire. Duke will probably re-sign, but even if he does, this would be a good move to fill out the linebacker corps. Stark has done numerous media posts, and even made an Ultimus site proposal. Should be a good selection in this range (even if he thought me going to Honolulu wasn’t (lol)).
14. Arizona: Icepick O’Hullihan, @Joe Shabado, S, Kansas City
Finding holes for Arizona to fill in their stacked roster is like trying to shiny hunt in the new Pokemon games: it’ll take you a while and you might just straight up pass by one if you’re not looking closely enough. The biggest things I can point to is at safety or tight end, and there aren’t enough safeties left on the board to wait much longer here. Arizona takes Icepick here and pairs him with NotSo Smart to make a killer young safety duo.
15. New York: Kyle Crane, @Ultimatedestroye, RB, Kansas City
After only two offensive players in the entire first round, the second round will start with a big swing in the other direction. There aren’t a lot of high-end running backs in this draft, but this might be a good place for New York to invest in one. Michael Touchback has been alright, but it feels like this team can do better there. Especially with Michaelangelo McTurtle about to hit regression, and no one in the pipeline, Crane to New York makes a lot of sense to me.
16. Berlin: Otto the Orange, @Greenbaynathan, TE, Norfolk
Berlin needs many things, but right now the best tight end on the board is just waiting to be selected, and I think this would be a terrific get for them. Otto’s user was formerly Nathan Claflin, who had a solid six-year career in the league. This time around, Otto finds himself as the top tight end on the board in a class with several quality tight ends, and a genuine need across the league for more of them. Otto’s in a good spot, and I think landing in Berlin would be a great destination for him.
17. Honolulu: Ray Baker, @jdc4654, K/P, Kansas City
Ok, here me out. Honolulu is good but very, very young at most of its positions. While there are a few other needs on this team, specialist is about to be not just a need, but a requirement. Ikick Ballz is about to be auto-retired and they need someone new this offseason. Plus, they don’t pick again until #45, and that’ll be way too late to get him. This could be a trade-down team (maybe with New Orleans to get the next player on this list), but since I’m not doing trades this time around, Baker is the play here.
18. San Jose (via Baltimore): Lloyd Bannings, @bowl0, QB, Tijuana
Taking a quarterback is a tricky exercise in the ISFL, as you don’t wanna do it too early or too late, or you’ll risk having a couple of seasons with a less than elite signal caller, and no one wants that. I think the ideal time to take a quarterback is during a QB’s seventh season, the one just before regression. But what if there isn’t one next year, or you miss out on it, do you just hope one falls to you? No. Take the initiative, go quarterback, fill that hole now, figure the rest out later. Bannings is a former GM, and had a strong 11-year run as Rean Schwarzer. This feels like a slam dunk.
19. San Jose: Artemis Entreri, @entreri, WR, Minnesota
And what better position to follow up the last pick than with a receiver to attach to his hip for the rest of his career? The Sabercats desperately need an injection of new blood at receiver after they traded for an inactive President Camacho, and traded away Deshawn Penne and DeAndre King, and this would be a terrific starting point. He’s been a strong player in the D-League, and would probably be an instant starter at WR2 or slot receiver.
20. Colorado: Malik Brooks, @AK41, RB, Bondi Beach
Right now, the Yeti’s only surefire running back for next season is Ceti Pyxis, as Triple Option is retiring and Marvin Toledo is an inactive free agent. I think they’d be wise to get Pyxis a reliever and Brooks could be that guy. In fact, he might see an immediate call-up, as he may have more TPE Week 1 of next season than Toledo would. Seems like an easy pick-up for me.
21. New Orleans: Max Honestly, @"LeSizz", TE, London
The reason why I think New Orleans will move up in this spot is that even though they have a ton of holes to fill, missing out on either Bannings or Brooks would be devastating to them. However, if they stay at this spot, a tight end wouldn’t be a bad idea. Even if they hadn’t traded away Rex Crenshaw, he’s retiring anyway, so an upgrade is to be expected. Honestly does graphic art and is active on Discord, and that’s a pretty good thing for your resume.
22. Sarasota: Billy Jor-El, @LtHudz, DT, Minnesota
After seven consecutive offensive players, Sarasota will end that streak by going defensive tackle and taking Billy Jor-El. This would likely be the play, since Stacks McHits will probably be regressed to the point where a rookie Jor-El would be ahead of her. This would give Sarasota a whopper of a defensive line, and would lend a big hand to their run defense.
23. San Jose (via Orange County): DJ Maclean, @Urq660, LB, Bondi Beach
The sudden retirement of Zavier Perkins will make San Jose have to address that in some way, and now seems like a great time to do that, since there’s a slight dropoff to the next linebacker on the board. DJ Maclean could fill the hole left behind by Perkins, and on top of that Urq spent ten seasons in San Jose as Guy Gibson. This seems like the ideal landing spot for him.
24. Cape Town: Justin Willis, @Cycro, OL, Dallas
Everyone get ready to get excited, we’re talking about offensive linemen, baby. Cape Town has one really good lineman in Swantavius Payne, but they also drafted another one the same season as Payne, and he’s almost 1000 TPE below him. Maybe it’s time to add another active player to that mix. Willis was the first lineman taken in the DSFL Draft last season. It tracks that he’d be the first one again here.
25. Austin: Brian Vincent-Vega, @WrittinDirectino, S, London
Two seasons ago, the Copperhead took Geralt in the second round to help build up their secondary. This year, they’ll get someone to go alongside him. BVV is fairly new to the game, but has been writing media stuff, and would be a great addition to a secondary that’s really starting to fill out in Austin alongside the aforementioned Geralt, Draft Steal, and Zamir Kehla Jr.
26. Yellowknife: Rolud Onyxgut, @crash1005, DE, Bondi Beach
A side effect of moving Absolute Unit to quarterback is that they now actually need to replace him, and this would be a solid time to do that. Onyxgut would be a strong pick in this range, and would let the team run some 4-3 defenses, or just straight up move on from Teddy Rhinoback, if they’d rather just stick with nickel defense.
27. Chicago: Synystyr Gates, @Dustillation, CB, Tijuana
I think Chicago would’ve preferred a safety in this spot, as their only safety right now is in their 11th season, but anyone in the secondary would be a great get for them, even if they’d be slightly out of position. If they find another way to address their safety spot, they can still go for Gates as a slot corner.
28. Arizona: Emile Charles, @Number 82, WR, Portland
Rounding out the second round, Arizona adds to their receiver corps to make sure that when Donovan Winters III gets a call-up, he has the best damn receiver corps available. Louis Blondin and Captain Stinkwater both hit regression this year, and you would theoretically want someone to grow with your new quarterback. Charles could absolutely be that for Winters. Not to mention, he is the Graphics king, and won that Ultimus Host City contest.
29. Cape Town (via New York): Logjammed McBobface, @"marccelaat", DE, Tijuana
Third round picks might go a little quick as we’re starting to get a little long in the post length. With Able Archer retiring, Ryan Lawrence would probably get a call-up, but they could also add another linemen like McBobface to run 4-3 and stock up for when Christian Marciano starts to decline.
30. Berlin: Leo Stud, @Matlestud, LB, Portland
Back-to-back Berlin picks. The Fire Salamanders are fairly set at linebacker, but this would let them replace LaDamien Beck, and he can play wherever you’d need him to in the front seven.
31. Berlin (via Honolulu): Bill Cravy, @KlausGoatCasinos, CB, Minnesota
Why is this not good team so hard to pick for? Ok, how about in the secondary. Cravy probably wouldn’t get an immediate call-up from right here, but he’s someone who could come up in a year and replace an inconsistent Johnny Delusional.
32. Colorado (via Baltimore): Modest Mussorgsky, @Gragg9, OL, Minnesota
This offseason, Colorado needs to make the offense as loaded as possible in preparation for when NCADV RAINN comes up. (Can someone tell me how to pronounce his name? Every time I say it to myself, I sound drunk, and that’s only sometimes the case.) Mussorgsky will help give the offense more time to function, and that’s only a positive thing.
33. San Jose: Nick Williams, @nickWilliams, TE, London
San Jose, meet your DeShawn Penne replacement. Penne put up consistently great numbers for a tight end for a very long time, so it stands to reason that San Jose values the position, and will try to find his replacement ASAP.
34. Colorado: Legs McMillon, @jollyjiggs, WR, Norfolk
What’s better than adding one strong receiver in the draft? ADDING TWO! Even with adding Wolfie McDummy Jr., the Yeti desperately need more weapons for Live Laughlove, and eventually *DRUNK NOISES*. So far, Colorado’s added a running back, two receivers, and a linemen in the first 35 picks. Offense is on the menu, boys!
35. New York (via New Orleans): Benji Aguilera, @CROney3, WR, Tijuana
More offense is on the menu! The Silverbacks have a couple of strong receivers, but they could pick up someone to push Swantavius Torch for the WR3 spot. More weapons for a young Blaine Falco isn’t a bad thing.
36. Sarasota: Benjamin Duvernay, @Purpl3Spartan, CB, Portland
Sarasota has four players in their secondary in regression. Legitimately, how is that even possible? They have one player already who could get a call-up from last year’s draft, but they’re gonna need some more to actually form a secondary that isn’t in hospice.
37. Orange County: Brandon Welch Jr. @Dolphins, CB, London
Orange County is another team with an advancing secondary. They probably would prefer a safety in this spot, but they’ll have three fourth round picks to maybe find one there. Even if they don’t get someone there, Welch Jr. in this spot would be a great value as a possible Rean Schwarzer replacement, or more likely a slot corner behind Ace McAllister and Jamdrian LeBayers.
38. Cape Town: Terry Johnson, @Gumbaman, LB, Norfolk
If Johnson gets selected here, he might get a quick call up to replace a retiring Dominos Pizzaman, but they might also choose to wait a year, and see how Doc Fireball does in his final seasons.
39. San Jose (via Austin): Great Khali, @crazylemire, OL, Dallas
Right now, the Sabercats are running with an almost full line of offensive line bots, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they took a look at someone like this Punjabi giant. Gotta have someone to open up holes for Ozzy Buckshank and Lord Farquaad. (Quick aside, the actual Great Khali was in the Adam Sandler Longest Yard movie, and I think he was a fullback. Fun little tidbit.)
40. Yellowknife: Forozka Duanei, @BWIII, WR, Portland
The Wraiths currently only have two receivers which is a bit odd for a team that's always seemed to reliably have a plethora of great pass catchers. With how inexperienced their QB is, getting the most help for him possible would be a great idea. This would be BW’s fourth player, so actually he might go a bit higher than this.
41. Chicago: Jason Steele, @FireworkFuse, DT, Kansas City
Steele might be an immediate call-up here, depending on if Franklin Turtle would outpace him after another round of regression. I’d call him up and ease him into his eventual full-time role.
42. Arizona: Burnt Toast, @ToastCharger, TE, Bondi Beach
And finally, the final pick of our mock. Another weapon for Arizona’s restructuring offense. With the incoming retirement of Herc Kirkby, it’s a no-brainer to get his replacement right here in draft class that’s strong at the position.