These weeks just fly by, don't they?
Seems like just yesterday that I was writing about Honolulu being a lucky, poor team, and now... well, I won't spoil the surprise.
I'll level with you now though, because these rankings are based on cold, hard numbers (but never wins and losses), it's hard to come up with new and interesting content to write about. I'm loathed to fall back on lazy concepts like form, team chemistry and momentum when they - sadly - have nothing to do with sim football.
It is, however, that time of year when GMs are starting to think about scouting the DSFL for their next intake. With that in mind, I'll be bulking my word coun enhancing my rankings with some scouting tips. Don't worry GMs - I've got you.
1) Colorado Yeti (10-2, 5-1 Home; CRUNC Rating 101.4: Midseason Ranking: 1st, Midseason Rating: 97.0)
I lied when I first started these rankings. My numbers don't strictly run from 0 to 100, they're just normalised to a scale that I didn't think would be broken. How naive I was. I'm tempted to make a comparison between the Yeti and a certain evil real-world football team of a few years ago, but it would please their new GM too much, and I'm pretty sure the Yeti aren't cheating. I'd pick them on the road against 9 other ISFL teams without batting an eyelid.
I don't really want to recommend anything to the Yeti, it's hard to find clear needs. Therefore, to the hardest team to scout for, I'll give the hardest recommendation. Tayshawn Crunk of the London Royals is a playmaker, and the Yeti could find a way to use him even if safety isn't a position of need.
2) Orange County Otters (7-5, 5-1 Home; CRUNC Rating 75.6: Midseason Ranking: 2nd, Midseason Rating: 74.7)
Congratulations if you followed my advice to buy into the Otters after Week 4. I mean, the ledger shows hardly anyone did, but if you had, you'd be sitting on a fat 15.68% profit right now. Also, they're a fun team to root for as a neutral. Armstrong seems to be able to complete passes at any angle and distance, like he's seeing the field from some weird third dimension. If there's a team to upset Colorado in the Ultimus, it's Orange County.
The Otters have a fantastic kicker, but he's coming towards the end of a long career. They should take a look at the London Royals kicker, Jake Fencik. Fencik is a can't miss kicking prospect, easily the best at his position in the draft class.
3) Sarasota Sailfish (9-3, 4-2 Home; CRUNC Rating 69.8: Midseason Ranking: 3rd, Midseason Rating: 68.8)
Some teams have more luck than others, and this season it's all a bit... fishy. Sorry. Sarasota's loss in the fish bowl doesn't hurt them in the CRUNC ratings at all, they were the better team. The Sailfish are another team that I really like watching, their offense moves the ball effortlessly. If there's one team to upset the Yeti in the NSFC Championship game, it's Sarasota.
I'm going to recommend a linebacker to the Sailfish. L'Gazzy Burfict was a 10th round pick for the London Royals who has just passed 200 TPE. While he may not have some of the intangibles of the other prospects, a smart team like Sarasota should recognise the potential in a physical specimen who can't seem to stop getting better.
4) Yellowknife Wraiths (5-7, 2-4 Home; CRUNC Rating 59.4: Midseason Ranking: 5th, Midseason Rating: 61.2)
Yellowknife have moved up and deserved it. There's a school of thought that the ASFC is where the balance of power lies in this league, and I couldn't disagree with that more. The Wraiths have had truly miserable luck over the last 3 weeks, but luck changes. This is a good team.
As I look at the Wraiths' roster, it feels like they may look for a defensive end to develop, and they should take a long look at Albert Ruschmann of the London Royals. The definition of a high character guy, Rusch is loved in the locker room by teammates and management alike. On the field, he is a TFL monster who inhabits the backfield, and I would be amazed if he's on the board by the double digit picks.
5) New Orleans Second Line (7-5, 4-2 Home; CRUNC Rating 55.5: Midseason Ranking: 4th, Midseason Rating: 62.0)
In a vacuum, I would probably pick NOLA over Yellowknife. They were the better team when the two faced off in Week 9, and yes - I know what the score was. These rankings are cumulative over the season though, and the Second Line have taken a recent hit from playing the two best teams in the league. They'll come through a tight playoff race.
Forrest Gump isn't getting any younger, so I'll recommend London Royals running back Terry Yaki here. He's quietly improving week by week and grinding out the hard yards in a way that New Orleans should appreciate. Also, his user Doomraider has never mentioned anything in the Royals' locker room about not wanting a job in ISFL Head Office, so he may just be a perfect fit for the Second Line.
6) Austin Copperheads (4-8, 2-3 Home; CRUNC Rating 54.9: Midseason Ranking: 6th, Midseason Rating: 59.6)
Austin had a really tough run of games in the last 4 weeks. They should really have had 2 wins in those games. Is it mathematically impossible for them to make the playoffs? Maybe, I don't do that much research. What I do know is that they're a good team who has had some bad luck at the wrong time. I feel bad for Easton Cole.
Every team likes big boys in the trenches, so I'll recommend Royals rookie defensive tackle Brent Silva here. A waiver claim for the Royals, Silva is developing slowly but surely. If Austin take him late in the draft and stash him for a couple of seasons, they should have a solid player for their rotation.
7) Arizona Outlaws (7-5, 5-1 Home; CRUNC Rating 48.8: Midseason Ranking: 7th, Midseason Rating: 44.0)
Three quality performances were derailed in Week 12. Arizona have come on really strong in the last six weeks and should be able to make the playoffs. As the third-best team in a five team race, I really hope the Outlaws come through. They have enough to cause some chaos in the postseason.
Arizona have such a solid young core, I don't know who to point them towards. Let's go with Joe Show, tight end for the London Royals. Show is a consummate team player, willing to play tight end or full back, and a positive locker room influence. Also, the sentence "Jay Cue to Joe Show" is really, really satisfying to say. Try it. See?
8) Philadelphia Liberty (2-10, 1-5 Home; CRUNC Rating 36.2: Midseason Ranking: 8th, Midseason Rating: 36.2)
The Liberty were due wins, so I'm not surprised they've gone .500 over the last 4 weeks. The playoffs are probably out of reach at this point, but a nice high draft pick should be some consolation. The Liberty can make their own luck in the draft.
I feel like Philadelphia have a number of needs, but I think that cornerback Swantavious Jones of the London Royals would be a great target for them. Another huge character guy, Jones has the playmaking ability to make the difference on the field and the energy to help turn around a locker room. He could make a miserable season a distant memory.
9) Chicago Butchers (4-8, 3-3 Home; CRUNC Rating 34.0: Midseason Ranking: 11th, Midseason Rating: 30.9)
Chicago have shown real improvement recently, and their game with Baltimore will go a long way towards deciding who get the last NSFC playoff place. I'm picking Chicago - their road win in week 10 was their first of the season and showed me a different side to the Butchers. A playoff win would make their season.
The Butchers have a young team with lots of room for improvement, so I'll recommend a player for them to develop. Gavin LeClerc of the London Royals was an 11th round pick considered a little bit of a project, but he has broken into the Royals' starting lineup and shown that he can be productive. He could turn into a beast with the right coaching.
10) Baltimore Hawks (3-9, 3-3 Home; CRUNC Rating 32.7: Midseason Ranking: 9th, Midseason Rating: 32.6)
Four losses and the news that your wideouts are taking their ball home and setting up their own team - it's been a stretch to forget for Baltimore. Looking at their upcoming games I don't think the playoffs are likely. Go next.
Expansion leaves Baltimore needing receivers. If they want one that's ready to contribute right away, London Royals wideout Adam Spencer should be high on their list. With a veteran's head on his young shoulders, Spencer is a locker room leader and he should be good to contribute straight away.
11) San Jose SaberCats (7-5, 3-3 Home; CRUNC Rating 24.5: Midseason Ranking: 10th, Midseason Rating: 32.2)
I watch all the games, and I'm still not sure how the SaberCats are 7-5. They're punching a bit above their weight, sure, but I see them more as plucky underdogs than sim warlocks. Though I can't help but root for them a bit, their last four games will be very difficult.
The SaberCats could be looking to spend one of their picks on a safety for the future, so I'd direct them towards London Royals safety Steven Wadham. Drafted from Scotland late in the DSFL draft, Wadham forced his way into the Royals' starting strong safety spot and hasn't looked back. He could well be a steal for a second time.
12) Honolulu Hahalua (7-5, 4-3 Home; CRUNC Rating 7.3: Midseason Ranking: 12th, Midseason Rating: 4.4)
As a rookie on the London Royals, I have had the fortune to work with some really smart and helpful people. One of them is Maglubiyet, my GM and author of the incredibly insightful "Decompiling the Sim" series. Mag was generous enough to give me a sneak peek of his latest decompiled wisdom, and allowed me to share it here. So I will:
Finally, a reasonable explanation for the Hahalua's success. It's also why - if I ever become a GM - I'll rebrand and relocate the team to Australia. The Wooloomooloo Koalas would be unstoppable in this league.
Yeah, none of that was true. Sim unfair, Honolulu bad. Scout the Birddogs.
Seems like just yesterday that I was writing about Honolulu being a lucky, poor team, and now... well, I won't spoil the surprise.
I'll level with you now though, because these rankings are based on cold, hard numbers (but never wins and losses), it's hard to come up with new and interesting content to write about. I'm loathed to fall back on lazy concepts like form, team chemistry and momentum when they - sadly - have nothing to do with sim football.
It is, however, that time of year when GMs are starting to think about scouting the DSFL for their next intake. With that in mind, I'll be bulking my word coun enhancing my rankings with some scouting tips. Don't worry GMs - I've got you.
1) Colorado Yeti (10-2, 5-1 Home; CRUNC Rating 101.4: Midseason Ranking: 1st, Midseason Rating: 97.0)
I lied when I first started these rankings. My numbers don't strictly run from 0 to 100, they're just normalised to a scale that I didn't think would be broken. How naive I was. I'm tempted to make a comparison between the Yeti and a certain evil real-world football team of a few years ago, but it would please their new GM too much, and I'm pretty sure the Yeti aren't cheating. I'd pick them on the road against 9 other ISFL teams without batting an eyelid.
I don't really want to recommend anything to the Yeti, it's hard to find clear needs. Therefore, to the hardest team to scout for, I'll give the hardest recommendation. Tayshawn Crunk of the London Royals is a playmaker, and the Yeti could find a way to use him even if safety isn't a position of need.
2) Orange County Otters (7-5, 5-1 Home; CRUNC Rating 75.6: Midseason Ranking: 2nd, Midseason Rating: 74.7)
Congratulations if you followed my advice to buy into the Otters after Week 4. I mean, the ledger shows hardly anyone did, but if you had, you'd be sitting on a fat 15.68% profit right now. Also, they're a fun team to root for as a neutral. Armstrong seems to be able to complete passes at any angle and distance, like he's seeing the field from some weird third dimension. If there's a team to upset Colorado in the Ultimus, it's Orange County.
The Otters have a fantastic kicker, but he's coming towards the end of a long career. They should take a look at the London Royals kicker, Jake Fencik. Fencik is a can't miss kicking prospect, easily the best at his position in the draft class.
3) Sarasota Sailfish (9-3, 4-2 Home; CRUNC Rating 69.8: Midseason Ranking: 3rd, Midseason Rating: 68.8)
Some teams have more luck than others, and this season it's all a bit... fishy. Sorry. Sarasota's loss in the fish bowl doesn't hurt them in the CRUNC ratings at all, they were the better team. The Sailfish are another team that I really like watching, their offense moves the ball effortlessly. If there's one team to upset the Yeti in the NSFC Championship game, it's Sarasota.
I'm going to recommend a linebacker to the Sailfish. L'Gazzy Burfict was a 10th round pick for the London Royals who has just passed 200 TPE. While he may not have some of the intangibles of the other prospects, a smart team like Sarasota should recognise the potential in a physical specimen who can't seem to stop getting better.
4) Yellowknife Wraiths (5-7, 2-4 Home; CRUNC Rating 59.4: Midseason Ranking: 5th, Midseason Rating: 61.2)
Yellowknife have moved up and deserved it. There's a school of thought that the ASFC is where the balance of power lies in this league, and I couldn't disagree with that more. The Wraiths have had truly miserable luck over the last 3 weeks, but luck changes. This is a good team.
As I look at the Wraiths' roster, it feels like they may look for a defensive end to develop, and they should take a long look at Albert Ruschmann of the London Royals. The definition of a high character guy, Rusch is loved in the locker room by teammates and management alike. On the field, he is a TFL monster who inhabits the backfield, and I would be amazed if he's on the board by the double digit picks.
5) New Orleans Second Line (7-5, 4-2 Home; CRUNC Rating 55.5: Midseason Ranking: 4th, Midseason Rating: 62.0)
In a vacuum, I would probably pick NOLA over Yellowknife. They were the better team when the two faced off in Week 9, and yes - I know what the score was. These rankings are cumulative over the season though, and the Second Line have taken a recent hit from playing the two best teams in the league. They'll come through a tight playoff race.
Forrest Gump isn't getting any younger, so I'll recommend London Royals running back Terry Yaki here. He's quietly improving week by week and grinding out the hard yards in a way that New Orleans should appreciate. Also, his user Doomraider has never mentioned anything in the Royals' locker room about not wanting a job in ISFL Head Office, so he may just be a perfect fit for the Second Line.
6) Austin Copperheads (4-8, 2-3 Home; CRUNC Rating 54.9: Midseason Ranking: 6th, Midseason Rating: 59.6)
Austin had a really tough run of games in the last 4 weeks. They should really have had 2 wins in those games. Is it mathematically impossible for them to make the playoffs? Maybe, I don't do that much research. What I do know is that they're a good team who has had some bad luck at the wrong time. I feel bad for Easton Cole.
Every team likes big boys in the trenches, so I'll recommend Royals rookie defensive tackle Brent Silva here. A waiver claim for the Royals, Silva is developing slowly but surely. If Austin take him late in the draft and stash him for a couple of seasons, they should have a solid player for their rotation.
7) Arizona Outlaws (7-5, 5-1 Home; CRUNC Rating 48.8: Midseason Ranking: 7th, Midseason Rating: 44.0)
Three quality performances were derailed in Week 12. Arizona have come on really strong in the last six weeks and should be able to make the playoffs. As the third-best team in a five team race, I really hope the Outlaws come through. They have enough to cause some chaos in the postseason.
Arizona have such a solid young core, I don't know who to point them towards. Let's go with Joe Show, tight end for the London Royals. Show is a consummate team player, willing to play tight end or full back, and a positive locker room influence. Also, the sentence "Jay Cue to Joe Show" is really, really satisfying to say. Try it. See?
8) Philadelphia Liberty (2-10, 1-5 Home; CRUNC Rating 36.2: Midseason Ranking: 8th, Midseason Rating: 36.2)
The Liberty were due wins, so I'm not surprised they've gone .500 over the last 4 weeks. The playoffs are probably out of reach at this point, but a nice high draft pick should be some consolation. The Liberty can make their own luck in the draft.
I feel like Philadelphia have a number of needs, but I think that cornerback Swantavious Jones of the London Royals would be a great target for them. Another huge character guy, Jones has the playmaking ability to make the difference on the field and the energy to help turn around a locker room. He could make a miserable season a distant memory.
9) Chicago Butchers (4-8, 3-3 Home; CRUNC Rating 34.0: Midseason Ranking: 11th, Midseason Rating: 30.9)
Chicago have shown real improvement recently, and their game with Baltimore will go a long way towards deciding who get the last NSFC playoff place. I'm picking Chicago - their road win in week 10 was their first of the season and showed me a different side to the Butchers. A playoff win would make their season.
The Butchers have a young team with lots of room for improvement, so I'll recommend a player for them to develop. Gavin LeClerc of the London Royals was an 11th round pick considered a little bit of a project, but he has broken into the Royals' starting lineup and shown that he can be productive. He could turn into a beast with the right coaching.
10) Baltimore Hawks (3-9, 3-3 Home; CRUNC Rating 32.7: Midseason Ranking: 9th, Midseason Rating: 32.6)
Four losses and the news that your wideouts are taking their ball home and setting up their own team - it's been a stretch to forget for Baltimore. Looking at their upcoming games I don't think the playoffs are likely. Go next.
Expansion leaves Baltimore needing receivers. If they want one that's ready to contribute right away, London Royals wideout Adam Spencer should be high on their list. With a veteran's head on his young shoulders, Spencer is a locker room leader and he should be good to contribute straight away.
11) San Jose SaberCats (7-5, 3-3 Home; CRUNC Rating 24.5: Midseason Ranking: 10th, Midseason Rating: 32.2)
I watch all the games, and I'm still not sure how the SaberCats are 7-5. They're punching a bit above their weight, sure, but I see them more as plucky underdogs than sim warlocks. Though I can't help but root for them a bit, their last four games will be very difficult.
The SaberCats could be looking to spend one of their picks on a safety for the future, so I'd direct them towards London Royals safety Steven Wadham. Drafted from Scotland late in the DSFL draft, Wadham forced his way into the Royals' starting strong safety spot and hasn't looked back. He could well be a steal for a second time.
12) Honolulu Hahalua (7-5, 4-3 Home; CRUNC Rating 7.3: Midseason Ranking: 12th, Midseason Rating: 4.4)
As a rookie on the London Royals, I have had the fortune to work with some really smart and helpful people. One of them is Maglubiyet, my GM and author of the incredibly insightful "Decompiling the Sim" series. Mag was generous enough to give me a sneak peek of his latest decompiled wisdom, and allowed me to share it here. So I will:
"Another strange finding was VowelRatio. The actual code is quite complicated, but it says the following:
Does the team's name contain more than 50% vowels? If yes, set VowelRatio equal to this percentage.
Does the team's name contain more than 50% vowels and have less than a 50% chance of winning? If yes, set WinRate equal to VowelRatio.
This sets an otherwise losing team's win rate above 50% if they have enough vowels in their name."
Finally, a reasonable explanation for the Hahalua's success. It's also why - if I ever become a GM - I'll rebrand and relocate the team to Australia. The Wooloomooloo Koalas would be unstoppable in this league.
Yeah, none of that was true. Sim unfair, Honolulu bad. Scout the Birddogs.
A previous version of this article incorrectly gave the Hahalua a CRUNC rating of 4.4. This has been amended to give their true rating. Apologies to all concerned.