04-07-2022, 11:20 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-11-2022, 09:52 AM by Crunk. Edited 1 time in total.)
Introduction
This entry serves as the first of a series that is intended to catalog the totality of human knowledge on the beings that have become known as the Corn People.
But before we can discuss what is known about the Corn People, we must first address an inconvenient fact about the topic; very little is known about the Corn People. They were a mysterious and enigmatic people leading up to the Corn War, and they remain the same despite the final battle taking place roughly 67 years ago. As such, the majority of our knowledge is anecdotal and conjectured. Some of this information exists in direct contradiction with other information but until we can discern fact from fiction, I will present all the information as it is.
History
Like most aspects of the Corn People, their origins remain shrouded in mystery. But many supernatural and spiritual possibilities have been presented, including the possibility that the corn entities are born of or related to various Native American gods and goddesses. Some believe that the Corn People are the true children of Selu, whom the Cherokee believe to be the first woman; born of the first corn plant to ever exist. It is said that upon her death, she utilized her blood to ensure that her children would never go hungry by creating the first corn fields. Some believe that the Corn People could be born of Her blood.
Others believe they were created by the corn goddess of the Keresan Puebloes, Iyatiku, who is said to have planted pieces of her heart that turned into the first corn fields. Others still say that the Corn People are the progeny of Chicomecoatl, the female aspect of maize in Aztec culture. Critics of these theories cite a complete and utter lack of Corn People in the oral and written histories of both the Native Americans and the pilgrims. Some would argue that this lack of a presence in history indicates that Corn People either did not exist before our time, or that they did not reveal themselves to humans until the modern era.
While it is currently unknown if Corn People existed prior to the 1950s, it is a known fact that the first documented sighting of such a creature was in the afternoon of August 31, 1951 in Plain City, Ohio. As small as Plain City is today, it was much smaller then. The only school in the city was on Main Street, and the city’s corn fields were on either side of the school and visible from the playground. According to Plain City Sheriff records, the school children had been telling their teachers about the strange yellow man hiding in the corn fields that day. This was, of course, attributed to the fantastic imagination of children. Until recess that afternoon, while the children played football in the courtyard and Agnes Miller, the third grade teacher at the time, heard several children shouting “Yellow man!” prompting her to look up from her book. According to the sheriff’s report, Agnes raised her head and locked eyes with a humanoid male that appeared to be made of corn, walking straight towards her and the children. She rushed the children inside and locked the doors, and rang the sheriff to explain what they had just seen.
It’s important to remember the sense of heightened paranoia around this time. World War II had only ended just 6 years prior, Soviet Russia completed their first nuclear weapons test just two years prior, and the second red scare was gaining momentum. One year before the first Corn Person encounter, Joseph McCarthy took to the senate floor to cite an alleged 81 cases of communist spies infiltrating the American government (despite any proof). This was a time when everyone and their mother was concerned that the Soviets were going to personally infiltrate their own communities and families. So while the events that unfolded were tragic and disappointing, they were in no way unexpected.
Many of the townspeople believed the entity to be either a Soviet plot to destroy the fabric of America, or the product of Soviet nuclear weapons testing, or both. As such, the town’s response was swift and militant. The nearby corn fields were surrounded and set ablaze.
The Corn War
Many of the details of the ensuing conflict were lost in the conflict itself. From that 31st night of August in 1951 to the 31st of August in 1982, humans and the Corn People traded blows and control of land. Many cities would become corn fields and many corn fields would become cities. For this reason, almost all written accounts of the Corn War have been lost and only spoken accounts remain. These are widely available on the internet and so they won’t be covered here. Aside from one noteworthy event which is of course the final battle of the war, which will be covered later in this entry.
Interestingly, after the war, corn fields now take up a far lesser percentage of Ohio land mass than they did prior to the war. This success on the part of the human armies is largely credited to the ineptitude of the General of the Corn Armies, Cornelius Corning the 1st (who is incidentally the great great grandfather of our very own Cob Corning) and to the high flammability of corn fields. Ohio has approximately 28.69 million acres of land (see here and here) and has only 3.55 million acres of corn fields (see here). This of course means that the Corn People control only 12.37% of Ohio. This may seem like a small percentage but it’s really not. Zoom into any satellite image of Ohio and you will most likely zoom into a corn field.
Despite this fact, the human population is growing which has led to an overall decrease in the number of corn fields. Many Corn People see this as a threat to their people and have started buying land to turn into more corn fields. At least we assume that’s why they’re buying land and turning it into corn fields. We don’t exactly have a lot of diplomatic lines into the Corn People communities and they remain reclusive. In fact, the only diplomatic ties we have with the Corn People to this day are the football players they release into our society. Once every harvest season, fully grown Corn People sprint out of the corn fields and onto the nearest football field. It is through football that Corn People are able to integrate with our society at all, and the humans benefit from having access to the Corn People’s freakish speed, strength, agility, and stamina. In fact, it was through the final battle of the war that this avenue to peace was discovered.
This final battle took place not on the battlefield, but on the football field. A team of Corn People football players rolled up to OSU campus and challenged the Big 10 team to a best of 3 battle. This battle was contingent on the terms that the winner of this football competition would be declared the winner of the war and all hostilities would cease immediately. The Corn People trounced the Ohio team with 2 shutout victories. I mean they just absolutely thrashed the humans. It was insane. It also technically means that Ohio is run by Corn People but this is of no real consequence so we won’t get into it.
Modern Times
In recent years, legislation has passed (despite the overwhelming majority of humans not supporting it) that allows Corn People to join human professional football leagues. Until recently, they were only allowed to compete on high school, college, and work football teams. Most notably, the first Corn Person to ever be drafted into the DSFL was cornerback Cob Corning. The human football team owners knew that the first person to snag a Corn Person would have an unfair advantage, leading to Cob being drafted 1OA by the Portland Pythons.
While the season is not yet over, Cob has proven the viability of professional Corn People football players. As of the writing of this entry, Cob has managed 55 tackles, 2 forced fumbles, 1 fumble recovery, 4 interceptions (one of which was a 40 yard pick 6), and a whopping 21 pass deflections. While the future of the Corn People may be uncertain, we can be certain that the future of this Corn Person is bright indeed. And with his breakthrough success, we may expect to see more Corn People in this league in the future.
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