05-07-2024, 03:24 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-07-2024, 04:13 PM by wetwilleh. Edited 1 time in total.)
SIMULATION’S SWEETHEARTS, SLANDER OR SPOT-ON?
The entire world existing within a computer simulation has been a well-touted and widely supported conspiracy theory since the concept of computer simulations reached popular culture and media. Once a thing entirely of science-fiction, with our increasing knowledge in the fields of technology and logic, the underlying premise begins to be more and more understandable, if not believable. Could our entire existence exist within the confines of a computer program? Are our thoughts and feelings nothing more than sophisticated ones and zeroes? What about our favorite sports teams?
Let us assume for a moment that the theory can be accepted. Already we have before us a number of questions. First and foremost: why? What would be the point of creating such an elaborate and detailed simulation of society? Who would benefit and how? Are we the test or the test subject? Disturbing questions all, for which we are, by definition, unable to answer.
Scientists and philosophers alike tend to probe this theory by comparing our existence and perception of the world against the rules and systems we find in our current computer simulations. For instance, any simulation worth its salt would be constructed with hard-coded rules, perhaps even arbitrary ones, that would make up the necessary framework in which the simulation can take place. No test or simulation can exist without bounds, therefore if we are truly being simulated, bounds must exist. A computer game may have a boundary instituted at the edge of its playable space or a physics framework that limits speed at a point that is reasonably computable and render-able for a given set of hardware. If one is so inclined, one could indeed draw a conceivable comparison to our “real”-world limit of our solar system or the speed of light.
One particular and important piece of structure for a simulation would be the control system. Understandably, simulations can become erratic and chaotic under the right conditions, so it would be a useful tool to have a set of conditions to reset and re-establish equilibrium. In our world, this could take the form of a great flood like the story of Noah from Christian mythology or a sweeping plague like the Black Death in the mid 14th century.
Or, equally as devastating, the dominance of the ISFL’s Arizona Outlaws.
After winning a second straight Ultimus, concerned parties amongst ISFL players and GMs are beginning to resort to any reason they can find for the Outlaws’ regular successes, including conspiracy. Not only have they won back to back, this is their sixth championship win in 11 seasons and not even their first back-to-back in that time. Add on their asterisk-ridden threepeat in the inaugural years of the NSFL and their 2031 win and Arizona has notched 10 out of 47 total Ultimus Bowl wins, more than 21%. They’ve also appeared in over a quarter of championship games with 13 total appearances. Only the Yellowknife Wraiths can match them in appearances with their own 13, but their success rate is remarkably worse, having won only 5 of those appearances.
What makes a team so consistently successful over 47 seasons of play? Even including their “drought” years, the Outlaws have only 10 losing seasons since the founding of the league and team, and some of those even made the playoffs. The modern Outlaws haven’t had a losing season since 2037. Players and coaches come and go and team chemistry and philosophy is an ever-evolving intangible. What then, is their secret?
To some ISFL members? Divine favoritism.
“During my darkness retreat,” recounts Honolulu Hahalua LB JJ What (@JJ5), “the ayahuasca opened my third eye where I met ‘God’. He was a balding, middle-aged man looking over a computer program. He informed me that I was a terrible criminal in my past life and I was sentenced to being a football player and watching an Arizona based team win championship after championship.”
Portland Pythons TE and recent Ultimini champion Tyler Higbee II (@SensibleDictator) would seem to agree. “It’s completely blasphemous!” says Higbee. “The [simulation] doesn’t even try to hide its love for [them]!”
It’s hard to blame the players for their disdain, seeing as Arizona regularly competes and wins even while experiencing turnover. To get a better idea of what Arizona might be doing behind the scenes, we reached out to Outlaws GM Lemonoppy (@lemonoppy), who provided some shocking testimony.
“Don't reveal the secrets!” said the GM when asked about the simulation conspiracy. “Every time we lose, it's to throw the reporters off the trail.”
When we re-affirmed that we were, in fact, reporters from the Doghouse, he started, as if he just realized what he had said on the record. But he chose to double down.
“Actually, who cares about keeping the simulation a secret? I've done the calculations and I have no regrets on choosing to end the charade. I'm blowing it all down, I want a three-peat before I retire!”
Lemonoppy left without further comment, but the testimony stands for itself. An established GM claimed that their own team was benefitting from a universal simulation. As stated before, the Outlaws have currently won two Ultimus in a row, so is Lemonoppy saying that it is inevitable they will win a third? Is the fix already in?
There is only one avenue forward in the pursuit of scientific, cosmic, and spiritual enlightenment. Only one way for us all to affirm our free will and cast off the simulated shackles by which we may be bound.
The Arizona Outlaws must not win Ultimus XLVIII.
As always, look to the Doghouse for more on this developing story.
The entire world existing within a computer simulation has been a well-touted and widely supported conspiracy theory since the concept of computer simulations reached popular culture and media. Once a thing entirely of science-fiction, with our increasing knowledge in the fields of technology and logic, the underlying premise begins to be more and more understandable, if not believable. Could our entire existence exist within the confines of a computer program? Are our thoughts and feelings nothing more than sophisticated ones and zeroes? What about our favorite sports teams?
Let us assume for a moment that the theory can be accepted. Already we have before us a number of questions. First and foremost: why? What would be the point of creating such an elaborate and detailed simulation of society? Who would benefit and how? Are we the test or the test subject? Disturbing questions all, for which we are, by definition, unable to answer.
Scientists and philosophers alike tend to probe this theory by comparing our existence and perception of the world against the rules and systems we find in our current computer simulations. For instance, any simulation worth its salt would be constructed with hard-coded rules, perhaps even arbitrary ones, that would make up the necessary framework in which the simulation can take place. No test or simulation can exist without bounds, therefore if we are truly being simulated, bounds must exist. A computer game may have a boundary instituted at the edge of its playable space or a physics framework that limits speed at a point that is reasonably computable and render-able for a given set of hardware. If one is so inclined, one could indeed draw a conceivable comparison to our “real”-world limit of our solar system or the speed of light.
One particular and important piece of structure for a simulation would be the control system. Understandably, simulations can become erratic and chaotic under the right conditions, so it would be a useful tool to have a set of conditions to reset and re-establish equilibrium. In our world, this could take the form of a great flood like the story of Noah from Christian mythology or a sweeping plague like the Black Death in the mid 14th century.
Or, equally as devastating, the dominance of the ISFL’s Arizona Outlaws.
After winning a second straight Ultimus, concerned parties amongst ISFL players and GMs are beginning to resort to any reason they can find for the Outlaws’ regular successes, including conspiracy. Not only have they won back to back, this is their sixth championship win in 11 seasons and not even their first back-to-back in that time. Add on their asterisk-ridden threepeat in the inaugural years of the NSFL and their 2031 win and Arizona has notched 10 out of 47 total Ultimus Bowl wins, more than 21%. They’ve also appeared in over a quarter of championship games with 13 total appearances. Only the Yellowknife Wraiths can match them in appearances with their own 13, but their success rate is remarkably worse, having won only 5 of those appearances.
What makes a team so consistently successful over 47 seasons of play? Even including their “drought” years, the Outlaws have only 10 losing seasons since the founding of the league and team, and some of those even made the playoffs. The modern Outlaws haven’t had a losing season since 2037. Players and coaches come and go and team chemistry and philosophy is an ever-evolving intangible. What then, is their secret?
To some ISFL members? Divine favoritism.
“During my darkness retreat,” recounts Honolulu Hahalua LB JJ What (@JJ5), “the ayahuasca opened my third eye where I met ‘God’. He was a balding, middle-aged man looking over a computer program. He informed me that I was a terrible criminal in my past life and I was sentenced to being a football player and watching an Arizona based team win championship after championship.”
Portland Pythons TE and recent Ultimini champion Tyler Higbee II (@SensibleDictator) would seem to agree. “It’s completely blasphemous!” says Higbee. “The [simulation] doesn’t even try to hide its love for [them]!”
It’s hard to blame the players for their disdain, seeing as Arizona regularly competes and wins even while experiencing turnover. To get a better idea of what Arizona might be doing behind the scenes, we reached out to Outlaws GM Lemonoppy (@lemonoppy), who provided some shocking testimony.
“Don't reveal the secrets!” said the GM when asked about the simulation conspiracy. “Every time we lose, it's to throw the reporters off the trail.”
When we re-affirmed that we were, in fact, reporters from the Doghouse, he started, as if he just realized what he had said on the record. But he chose to double down.
“Actually, who cares about keeping the simulation a secret? I've done the calculations and I have no regrets on choosing to end the charade. I'm blowing it all down, I want a three-peat before I retire!”
Lemonoppy left without further comment, but the testimony stands for itself. An established GM claimed that their own team was benefitting from a universal simulation. As stated before, the Outlaws have currently won two Ultimus in a row, so is Lemonoppy saying that it is inevitable they will win a third? Is the fix already in?
There is only one avenue forward in the pursuit of scientific, cosmic, and spiritual enlightenment. Only one way for us all to affirm our free will and cast off the simulated shackles by which we may be bound.
The Arizona Outlaws must not win Ultimus XLVIII.
As always, look to the Doghouse for more on this developing story.