Bastion: "I just wanted to start off this press conference with a bit of a monologue if that's alright with everybody. I'm sure there are going to be a lot of people out there that watch this or end up reading the transcript that haven't followed me and don't know how I got to this moment. I grew up in a small, rural town in Michigan. A town that really didn't have much going for it. But it had football. Football was woven into the culture of that small town and it was the one thing that has always brought us together. That is where my love of football began.
"When I was a kid I always wanted to be a quarterback. To be able to run the offense and be the hero always seemed so enticing. But I soon realized that it was a hell of a lot more fun to do the hitting rather then be the one that's always getting hit. So I bulked up, and became a pass rushing machine. There is no better feeling than chasing down the quarterback and dropping him for a sack of 11 yards. Nothing better!
"But enough of my droning on about that. Let's get to some questions."
Reporter 1: Having forgone your last two years of eligibility, are you sure you're ready for the DSFL?
Bastion: I can tell you, with 100% certainty, that I am prepared for the DSFL. I didn't make this decision lightly. I thoroughly enjoyed Coach Harbaugh and everything he and the team did for me. But not only do I think I'm ready, I know I am. I truly believe that I'm not just going to survive and compete in the DSFL, I think I'm going to excel and turn a lot of heads this year. But don't take this as arrogance or pride or anything of the sort. I'm just very confident in my abilities. I fully understand that I have a long way to go in order to not only make it into the NSFL but to do well in it. I've looked over the talent in the DSFL, and I can see that there definitely is some. But I am confident in my ability to develop as a player and show the world just how capable I can be.
Reporter 2: There are reports of rumors going around that you are looking to only stay in the DSFL for 1 year. How do you respond to these rumors?
Bastion: Listen, I'm not hear to lie to you. I'm not doing this press conference to give everybody exactly what they want to hear. Those aren't rumors. That's the God's honest truth. I most definitely would love to move into the NSFL after one year. Any DSFL rookie that tells you otherwise is lying to your face. If I am ready after one year, then I am ready. It's as simple as that. But I am fully aware of the talent level of both the offensive and defensive line at the NSFL level. And I will need to do a lot of growing as both a player and as a person if I want to be ready for that. But I also am fully aware of the fact that I may very well not be ready after just a year. And if that is the case, I will be more than willing to stay in the DSFL until I am ready. Anybody who gives you a different answer than this, such as 'I would love to play in the DSFL for 3 years and be in it for the long haul!" is obviously lying or not committed to the game enough. Next question.
Reporter 3: I'm sure you've been contacted by GM's thinking of drafting you. Can you specify who?
Bastion: Ha ha. I give you props on the try. I will give you a half answer. Yes, I have been contacted by several GM's. And I appreciate the gesture. But I'm not going to name any names here because that's just not professional at this stage in my career. There is still plenty of time before the draft to talk to all of the GM's and get a feel for all of the DSFL teams.
Reporter 3: Then here's a follow up question. Which DSFL team are you most interested in playing for?
Bastion: Wow you are really fishing for a headline, huh? I will answer this as bluntly and honestly as possible... all of them. Yes that's right, I'd love to play for any one of them. The fact of the matter is, all I'm looking for in a DSFL team is a GM that is active and helpful to his team. I want a GM that is going to do what it takes to not only lead us to a championship and be winners, but to personally help me along my journey to bettering myself as a player and person. Of course a fun and active locker room would also be a plus, I'm more than okay settling for a team with a fantastic GM.
Reporter 4: You briefly mentioned it earlier, but how do you think you stack up against some of the other NSFL players?
Bastion: Oh man. I'm not even in the same galaxy as some of these guys. I mean look at Tuck. The dude is a monster. I mean he might be a legitimate monster that eats offensive lineman for breakfast. Put me next to him and there is a night and day difference. I have confidence in my abilities and what I believe that I can be one day. But I'm not delusional. I know I have a long way to go.
Reporter 5: Alright one last question... Who killed Dumbledore?
Bastion: Severus Snape killed Dumbledore. But really, when you think about it, it was Dumbledore's fault. The old man got cocky and thought he could go out destroying horcruxes by himself. So I guess the answer would be that Dumbledore killed Dumbledore. Quite the plot twist that I couldn't have foreseen.
Word Count: 1,018. Ready For Grading.
"When I was a kid I always wanted to be a quarterback. To be able to run the offense and be the hero always seemed so enticing. But I soon realized that it was a hell of a lot more fun to do the hitting rather then be the one that's always getting hit. So I bulked up, and became a pass rushing machine. There is no better feeling than chasing down the quarterback and dropping him for a sack of 11 yards. Nothing better!
"But enough of my droning on about that. Let's get to some questions."
Reporter 1: Having forgone your last two years of eligibility, are you sure you're ready for the DSFL?
Bastion: I can tell you, with 100% certainty, that I am prepared for the DSFL. I didn't make this decision lightly. I thoroughly enjoyed Coach Harbaugh and everything he and the team did for me. But not only do I think I'm ready, I know I am. I truly believe that I'm not just going to survive and compete in the DSFL, I think I'm going to excel and turn a lot of heads this year. But don't take this as arrogance or pride or anything of the sort. I'm just very confident in my abilities. I fully understand that I have a long way to go in order to not only make it into the NSFL but to do well in it. I've looked over the talent in the DSFL, and I can see that there definitely is some. But I am confident in my ability to develop as a player and show the world just how capable I can be.
Reporter 2: There are reports of rumors going around that you are looking to only stay in the DSFL for 1 year. How do you respond to these rumors?
Bastion: Listen, I'm not hear to lie to you. I'm not doing this press conference to give everybody exactly what they want to hear. Those aren't rumors. That's the God's honest truth. I most definitely would love to move into the NSFL after one year. Any DSFL rookie that tells you otherwise is lying to your face. If I am ready after one year, then I am ready. It's as simple as that. But I am fully aware of the talent level of both the offensive and defensive line at the NSFL level. And I will need to do a lot of growing as both a player and as a person if I want to be ready for that. But I also am fully aware of the fact that I may very well not be ready after just a year. And if that is the case, I will be more than willing to stay in the DSFL until I am ready. Anybody who gives you a different answer than this, such as 'I would love to play in the DSFL for 3 years and be in it for the long haul!" is obviously lying or not committed to the game enough. Next question.
Reporter 3: I'm sure you've been contacted by GM's thinking of drafting you. Can you specify who?
Bastion: Ha ha. I give you props on the try. I will give you a half answer. Yes, I have been contacted by several GM's. And I appreciate the gesture. But I'm not going to name any names here because that's just not professional at this stage in my career. There is still plenty of time before the draft to talk to all of the GM's and get a feel for all of the DSFL teams.
Reporter 3: Then here's a follow up question. Which DSFL team are you most interested in playing for?
Bastion: Wow you are really fishing for a headline, huh? I will answer this as bluntly and honestly as possible... all of them. Yes that's right, I'd love to play for any one of them. The fact of the matter is, all I'm looking for in a DSFL team is a GM that is active and helpful to his team. I want a GM that is going to do what it takes to not only lead us to a championship and be winners, but to personally help me along my journey to bettering myself as a player and person. Of course a fun and active locker room would also be a plus, I'm more than okay settling for a team with a fantastic GM.
Reporter 4: You briefly mentioned it earlier, but how do you think you stack up against some of the other NSFL players?
Bastion: Oh man. I'm not even in the same galaxy as some of these guys. I mean look at Tuck. The dude is a monster. I mean he might be a legitimate monster that eats offensive lineman for breakfast. Put me next to him and there is a night and day difference. I have confidence in my abilities and what I believe that I can be one day. But I'm not delusional. I know I have a long way to go.
Reporter 5: Alright one last question... Who killed Dumbledore?
Bastion: Severus Snape killed Dumbledore. But really, when you think about it, it was Dumbledore's fault. The old man got cocky and thought he could go out destroying horcruxes by himself. So I guess the answer would be that Dumbledore killed Dumbledore. Quite the plot twist that I couldn't have foreseen.
Word Count: 1,018. Ready For Grading.
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