(S48) PT #5 - Media Darling

[jdourtled]

Interviewer: Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to attend this interview Baldimir, you've kind of come out of nowhere and signed with the Dallas Birddogs, and many are asking, who are you, both as a player and maybe as a person too.

Baldimir: Thank you for having me, and I know that signing halfway through the season as an unknown quantity can be confusing, both to both fans of the league or team, and even some front office people, as for what kind of player I am, I'm the type of person who just wants to hit whoever's in front of me, sometimes to my own detriment. There are one or two times where the person I end up running over isn't even on the opposing team, causing some..... let's just say unpleasant conversations in the locker room.

Interviewer: Interesting, we don't have much more time, but you say you like to run people over, yet you're playing tight end and not offensive line, why is that.

Baldimir: In high school there wasn't enough room on the team for an extra olineman, so I just got put at tight end, and the rest is history.

Interviewer: Good enough reason for me, thank you again for the interview and good luck on the rest of the season and the upcoming DSFL draft.

Baldimir: You're welcome and thanks for having me again!

[dogwoodmaple]

We're here talking with San Jose SaberCats running back Maple Dogwood to look back on the current season and make some predictions about the playoffs.

Q: Maple, how would you grade your performance this season?
A: Well, we made the playoffs, so I am thrilled with that.  My goals are always team-first because I want to bring home the Ultimus back to San Jose. 

Q: What about individual accolades, is that something you ever think about?
A: Honestly, not really.  The best teams have multiple running backs so I knew that it would be in everybody's best interest to split carries. Plus, it keeps me fresh!

Q: Last question - who is your Ultimus Champ this year?
A: Obviously the San Jose SaberCats!  I think, like last year, our most difficult game will be against Arizona.  If we get past them, I like our odds not just to get to the Ultimus, but to bring home the title to the best fanbase in the entire country.  It will take every ounce of effort we have, but this squad can do it.


180 words

[xenosthelegend]

Interviewer: I am here with racing legend, and previous #1 pick in the ISFL draft Silence Suzuka.

Silence Suzuka: Thank you for the high praise.

Interviewer: So, Suzuka, how has it been transitioning from one sport to a completely different sport?

Silence Suzuka: Well the skillset isn't completely different. I still get to run as fast as I can at the wide receiver position. There are a couple differences though, the idea of route running doesn't exist in racing. There is no stopping until you finish the race. For a receiver there is a lot of starting and stopping while running routes, so that was difficult to get used to.

Interviewer: Your team the Yellowknife Wraiths have been middling since they drafted you, 8-8 2 seasons in a row, and finishing with a 9-7 record this most recent season. How do you feel about that?

Silence Suzuka: Never having a losing season since entering the league is a big accomplishment I think. You also neglected to mention how Yellowknife went from the worst team in the league to not only making the Ultimus, but holding Arizona to just 14 points in that Ultimus the season after being the worst team in the league.

[AW13]

PBE PT

[DeThePyro]

Shl Affilate

[Ultimatedestroye]

KC: You know every day I get ready in the same type of way. First off, you gotta start out with the perfect bathroom trip, now...
WM: *ahem*
KC: Right, anyways, you gotta make sure to fuel yourself up in the right way. Breakfast is always a great way to start a day, and what better way is cheese, cheese is so good. Youve got gouda, youve got cheddar, you've got parmasean, blue cheese...
WM: *AHEM*
KC: Sorry. Then, everyday, you gotta stretch for a bit. Don't matter what you decide to do on the day, you gotta stretch. Groceries? Stretch. Watching pure Cinema? Stretch. Sleeping in all day because you are sick? Believe it or not, most of my doctors would recommend stretching. Then, once you do that, you gotta catch up all the news that has happened. Global, National, Statewide, Local. I mean, we are in the bayou here, this is the place where we got "Gator man" and the crazy cajun food stories
WM: Alright we are done here *sigh*

[GlimsTC]

(The scene starts with an interviewer in a dark room. They’re dressed like some sort of detective out of an 80’s cartoon. They sit down at the table and turn on a  dim light hanging above. Across from them is Willie Swaggert, who sits in handcuffs.)

Interviewer: “So Mr.Swaggert, we finally gotcha. After years of arsony, burgerlery, violence and threatening behavior, you finally slipped up. Do you know how we finally caught you?”

Willie Swaggert: “UH, WELL, ACTUALLY, NO ONE CATCHES ME. I LET THEM FIND ME. IM THE REIGNING UNDISPUTED ROOKIE OF THE YEAR FOR A REASON.”

Interviewer: “…Right. Well. Regardless, it was your taxes. You never filed them. So tell me, why’d you do it? Why evade something so simple?”

Willie Swaggert: “BECAUSE I EVADE EVERYTHING, BABY. I’M AN ELUSIVE DUDE, YOU KNOW? THEM TAXES? THEY AIN’T TACKLING ME EITHER.”

Interviewer: “So you admit it?”

Willie Swaggert: “HELL YEAH I DO, I AIN’T NO BUSTA. LETEM KNOW SWAGGERT CAN’T BE STOPPED, YOU DIG?”

(Afterwards, Swaggert would be locked up in federal prison but was released back to Germany as part of a diplomatic deal made between them and the US. Swaggert however, while being a free man, must now participate in community service for an undisclosed amount of time.)

204 words

[Luciddreams702]

Lucid: Eric Thank you for joining me on First and Sim.

Cartman: yes well we’re getting paid right? I was promised a Free hat along with a check.

Lucid: right…. So you were recently signed off of Waivers to a Pre Draft Free Agent Contract by the Norfolk Seawolves in preparation for a playoff run. What does it mean to you to join the ISFL ahead of your official Rookie Season?

Cartman: They obviously recognized my totally sweet skills. I always knew I was going to make it to the ISFL so there is no Surprise. I’m here to show my excellence and win an Ultimini. Next season I’ll find out where my permanent home will be I’m looking forward to leaving all
My “Friends” behind and finally getting out of South Park.

Lucid: What do you bring to a Team? What should other teams know about you?

Cartman: Other teams will learn to Respect my Authority. I’m here to be the greatest O-Lineman to play in the League. I haven’t been this excited about something since I was awarded Hall Monitor Privileges. I bring Size power and total 100% commitment to any team that drafts me.

Lucid: Eric what do you say to teams that Question whether you have put on too much weight to be as agile as a starting Lineman needs to be?

Cartman: HEY!! I’m not fat I’m just big boned!! I recently started taking Lizzo. I’m just fine heading into the Season.

Lucid: Well Eric it’s definitely been an interesting interview and I’m looking forward to seeing what your career holds in store. Thank you for joining me. That’ll do it for another episode of Fan World Medias First and Sim, Like, Comment, and Join our World.

[8bitd1ck]

Interviewer: So you made your way here all the way from Russia, was it a big change for you?

Me: niet, I come from Soviet Union, Russia is just a piece of us. I actually was born in the US of A, I spent many years frozen looking forward to a return 

Interviewer: oh…fascinating…So RUS, you started as a kicker, correct? And now you’re linebacker? Is that where you want to stay?

Me: da I started as kicker, very strong legs. I decided my team needed some extra strength in other places and I wanted to see how I would do knocking quarterbacks on their asses. As expected, I am amazing at it. As to where I will end up as a player for the isfl is between me and my drafting team. But not linebacker. 

Interviewer: I appreciate the insight on your past and future, RUS. Is there anything you want to say to the kids out there looking up to you?

Me: Da comrade. The future is communism, we need your votes to change from this capitalist nightmare. First we start with the isfl, when I become commissioner we move to the entire country!

Interviewer: thanks RUS, that’s all the time we have. It was a pleasure

Me: niet comrade, pleasure was mine.

[Tayjay]

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