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I was looking through the team budgets spreadsheet the other day in an attempt to make sense of a few of the picks in the NSFL Draft, and I found a very useful thing, which NSFL players would be staying in the DSFL this season. By figuring out which teams still have which players, we can put together a rough preview of what the six DSFL Teams will look like this season. But we can’t just look through this part of the spreadsheet, because there’s no pages for Austin or Chicago, so we need to add those guys to the list, because they’ll all be down there for at least one more season. Plus, we can throw in the S15 DSFL Rookies, as well as anyone else who has a tab in the “team roster” page that isn’t going to be playing in the majors this year, and that should give us a mostly complete list of all the DSFL rosters. So let’s see who can still put out a competitive team this season. (Also, if I got something wrong, please inform me and I will change it.)
Portland Pythons
QB Franklin Armstrong, 250 TPE (total: 256)
QB Adam Hardin, 55
RB Beauregard Smallwood-Chess, 136
RB Kermit Stronglegs, 121
RB Tyler Janes, 89
RB RKANSAW, 84
WR Wolfie McDummy, 123
WR Dashwan Jackson, 57
OL Gregor Clegaine, 50
DE Antonio Sandoval Jr., 50
DT Sam Torenson, 134
LB Lanzer Grievous, 250 (total: 262)
LB Blake Faux, 87
LB CrayCray Lewis, 60
LB Ricky Enbalse, 50
LB Pablo Sanchez, 50
LB Justin Tyme, 50
CB Xerxes Ridley, 250 (total: 285)
CB Stanley Marshall, 50
CB Taters Johnson, 50
S Avery Thomas, 69
S Chance Matthews, 67
S Tigole Bitties, 67
S Maxim Booth, 64
S Grayson Wayne, 50
Portland has a lot of things going in their favor this year. Not only are they bringing back three maxed out members of last season’s Ultimus winning team, but thanks to a trade with KC last season, they landed the #1 overall pick in the DSFL Draft, and snagged wide receiver Wolfie McDummy. They also got defensive tackle Sam Torenson with their original first, and both players are already over 100 TPE and climbing, with second rounder Blake Faux hot on their heels. They may need to play some of their running backs at receiver and tight end, and maybe one of their linebackers should play on the defensive line, but other than those minor adjustments, Portland absolutely has a chance to defend their title. They’ve got a couple of elite pieces just waiting for the call-up and a few young prospects that are be sure to become big names at the next level. The only part of this team that really worries me is the secondary. They’re getting Xerxes Ridley to stay down for a year since he’s going to Chicago, but past him, they have two young rookies at safety, Chance Matthews and Maxim Booth, and everything else is IA. They need to make sure at least one of those guys stays active. Otherwise, offenses are going to torch the middle of the field.
Projected record: 10-4
San Antonio Marshalls
RB Max Vaz, 67 TPE
WR Mister Big Chest, 82
WR Drew Maddow, 79
WR Robert Kleven, 57
TE Timmy Hoss, 191
OL Bobby Melvin, 109
DE James Andrews, 50
DE Memphis Wilkerson, 50
DT Cale Clay, 90
DT Bruce Waynner, 59
LB Jon Gott, 148
LB Pierce Van Buren, 120
LB Lawalin Tae’orr, 50
CB Anthony Rowland, 158
CB David Le Kre, 55
CB Neon Demon, 50
CB Buchanan Simons, 50
S Franklin Cooper, 73
S Shaquill Williams VII, 64
K/P Forthe Brand, 98
Do you notice anything off about San Antonio’s roster this season? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they have NO QUARTERBACK. They don’t even have an IA, there are zero quarterbacks on this roster. The fact that they didn’t get anyone to fill this spot is a huge oversight, and now, I have no clue what they’re going to do. Maybe they can pony up some cash to convert someone (I’d go with Bobby Melvin myself), maybe they can orchestrate a trade with Palm Beach or Tijuana, as they both have three on their roster right now. But other than those options, I stumped as to what they could do besides run exclusively out of the Wildcat, which brings me to the other thing this team is missing: any major send-downs. The Marshalls had the absolute worst luck in this regard, as the only active player that got selected by one of the expansion teams was TE Timmy Hoss, who is also now the team’s best player by a wide margin. Every other team in the D-League has at least two players over 200 TPE. San Antonio has none. They did pick up a couple of decent pieces, cornerback Anthony Rowland in the first and linebacker Pierce Van Buren in the second, but that isn’t nearly enough to make up for the mass exodus this team has just endured. The Fabulous Five aren’t walking through that door. They aren’t going 13-1 again this season. This is going to be a rough time to be a Marshalls fan.
Projected record: 3-11
Tijuana Luchadores
QB Corvo Havran, 250 TPE (total: 482)
QB TJ Hendrix, 65
QB Daniel Amon, 61
RB Forrest Gump, 250 (total: 271)
RB Zoro Roronoa, 168
RB Trey Moffett, 50
WR Rod Tidwell, 232
WR Hugh Mongo, 123
WR Laszlo Fourty-Two, 95
WR Berrell Trister, 67
WR Carlomagno Rey, 62
WR Brett Tacony, 57
WR Luca Romero, 50
WR Thomas Nova, 50
TE Pablo Sanchez IV, 100**
TE Judas Iscariot, 57
OL Brave Ulysses, 231
OL Edmond Beaver-Dantes, 179
OL Blake McCargue, 143
OL Ben Tu’inukuafe, 97
OL Jacob Rowan, 72
DE Lo Mein, 78
DT Dingus Hunk, 82
DT Bill Inohi, 59
LB Johnny Slothface, 250 (total: 277)
LB Jojo Burr-Kirven, 136
LB Brian Mills VIII, 100**
LB Michael Beckham, 50
CB Groovy Johnson, 59
CB Troy Bryant, 57
CB Trey Aguilar, 50
S Martavius Mack, 186
S Troy Humuhumunukunuku?pua?a, 175
S Momodou Jallow, 83
S Lars Fredricksen, 50
K/P Kyle Frost, 74
Tijuana is bringing perhaps the most complete team to the D-League. They’re bringing back their offensive trio from last season of Havran, Gump, and Tidwell, with first and third round wide receivers Laszlo Fourty-Two and Hugh Mongo alongside them, and fourth-rounder Judas Iscariot added at tight end. They’re bringing back all three of their O-linemen from last year, adding the second-rounder from New Zealand, Ben Tu’inukuafe, AND acquiring Blake McCargue from Philadelphia, giving them a full human O-line. Only in Tijuana, I swear. Tijuana didn’t go defense at all in the draft, only bolstering it with undrafted safety Lars Fredricksen. If he stays active, it might be wise to play him at corner, as that’s where this team is struggling mightily. They were able to bring back three safeties with send-downs as well as #3 overall pick Johnny Slothface, along with a few decent IAs at linebacker. This has the making of a defense that isn't the best in the league, but can hold teams to a low enough score, and let their offense do the heavy lifting. Plus, with San Antonio and Palm Beach likely to struggle this season, their schedule lines up favorably. These guys might be the favorites to have the best record in the regular season, and at this point, I think a Portland/Tijuana rematch in the Ultimini could be in the cards.
Projected record: 11-3
Norfolk Seawolves
QB Jay Longshaw, 198 TPE
QB John Tebow, 50
RB Dorfus Jimbo, 177
WR Ahri Espeeyeeseetee, 250 (total: 252)
WR Charles Mudley, 83
TE DeMarcus Strike, 62
TE Luke South, 50
DE Trevon Simmons, 50
DT Ryan Leaf Jr., 143
DT Nick Snider, 87
DT Poster Nutbag, 50
LB Marques Acho, 237
LB Allen Josh, 158
LB Eric Lorentz, 55
CB Dermot Lavelle Jr., 164
CB Tobias Chase, 99
S Giannis Kroustis, 174
S Jack Rambo, 161
S D’Angelo Thompson, 50
S Proy Tolamalu, 50
K/P Cameron Clutch, 82
Norfolk’s offense looks like a poor man’s version of Tijuana bringing back Longshaw and Jimbo, although having Espeeyeeseetee as the lone receiver of note could make him this year’s version of Bona’beri Jones. They added third-round tight end DeMarcus Strike to the mix, and he could be the #2 option pretty quickly with a little work. Norfolk got some pretty decent send-downs, even if some of them are IA like last year’s #1 pick Allen Josh. Throw in Ryan Leaf Jr. and Giannis Kroustis, two young actives with room to grow, and Marques Acho, who figures to be the spearhead of this Seawolf defense, and this might be the best defense in the D-League. And then there’s Dermot Lavelle Jr., the rookie with the most TPE gathered so far, taken with the third overall pick. This defense might be a problem to face, as there are skilled players at every level. If this offense can keep up, they could be dangerous, but I just don’t know if there’re enough skill players for that to happen.
Projected record: 8-6
Kansas City Coyotes
QB Rose Jenkins, 250 TPE (total: 385)
RB Jay Quick, 75
RB James Wade, 57
RB Ronald St. James III, 50
WR J.N. Nova, 108
WR Cedric Parker, 66
TE Joshua Palmer, 62
OL Anthony Jemima, 72
OL Jason McBride, 50
DE Evan Trigg, 50
DE Mick Moekr, 50
DT Rembrandt Khalil-Bugatti, 63
LB Lightsout Lewis, 250 (total: 273)
LB Blaster Blade Jr., 62
LB Buddha Lebowski, 50
CB Ace Boogie, Jr., 62
CB Andrew Solomon, 52
CB William Tell, 50
CB Christopher Loren, 50
S Derrick Bohne, 187
S Jaylen Storm, 119
S Cam Poole, 57
S Cody Kupp, 57
S Kenny Jammer, 50
S Brayden Larosse, 50
K/P Paul DiMirio III, 50
K/P Zac Korosec, 50
This team had the most draft picks of any team in the league this season, and their offense still looks pathetic. It’s the exact same offense as last season (aka the worst offense in the league), only Terry Taffy has been replaced by Kansas City’s only skill position pick, second round tight end Joshua Palmer, plus a couple of late-round O-linemen. Instead, KC chose to bolster their defense (which was also the worst in the league last season). Their big catch was second-rounder Jaylen Storm, who they might want to play at corner, because they are completely bereft of talent right there. Their only send-down ended up being their star linebacker/co-GM Lightsout Lewis. Aside from Lewis, Storm, and decent IA Derrick Bohne, no one else on this defense is even at 65 TPE right now, although that can change if Blaster Blade Jr., Evan Trigg, or William Tell put in the work. If everyone that the Yotes drafted turns into a 200+ player by year’s end, maybe they have a team that won’t have the worst record in the league, but this is going to be a very difficult year for the Coyotes.
Projected record: 4-10
Palm Beach Solar Bears
QB Apollo Lange, 139 TPE
QB Easton Cole, 55
QB Gimmy Jaroppolo, 50
RB Ben Bortboy, 159
RB Ludicolo Bigby, 143
WR Andre Thornton, 50
WR Lenard Marx, 50
TE Chase Jensen, 247
TE Michael Rood, 112
OL Rahm Kota, 103
DE Bo Hall, 55
DE Thad Castle, 50
DE Khalil Sack, 50
DT Donte Shields, 75
LB Guy Nikko, 207
LB Jameis Harrison, 50
CB Blaze Jensen, 50**
CB Keith Hornbacher, 50**
CB Matteo Maximin, 50
K/P Roderick Castleberry, 93
A lot of the progress we’ll see from Palm Beach this season will come from the development of their only high end draft pick, first-rounder Easton Cole. His user has a good track record (he was Carlito Crush), so I don’t think we’ll have to worry about him going IA, but there are a ton of other needs that this team has to worry about. They have no active wide receivers, no safeties at all, only a fourth-rounder who is active along the defensive line, and only two bots who are active at corner. Ben Bortboy is semi-active, so they’ll at least have someone to carry the rock for them. And Chase Jensen and Guy Nikko will be sent down to anchor both sides of the ball. Right now, there’s only three teams that I feel like have complete rosters. Four teams will make the playoffs. The two in the North will almost assuredly be Portland and Norfolk. In the South, Tijuana should get in, so it’s between Palm Beach and San Antonio. And given the choice between the two, I think Palm Beach will get in, even if they aren’t really playoff material.
Projected record: 6-8
**GM Bot