With the big league getting a mock draft point task it felt like a missed opportunity to not put together a DSFL mock.
I'll be dead straight. I've been on these forums less than a week. I'm going to be picking myself and friends way too high and I'll be snubbing a lot of people who probably deserve to be here.
If you have any issues with my selections or you feel like you should be higher... You should have a better player name, put more points in speed or have been on Discord when I happened to decide to make it as that was about the extent of my research.
Be prepared for some very ropey analysis, some hard hitting facts and a lot of added fiction. Also: Draft me.
So let's get started.
ROUND 1
1.1 Portland Pythons - NationalSimulation FootballLeague S
An easy pick for top of the draft. Great speed, great name and I've seen the term recreate bandied about which leads me to believe more experience than your regular S25 rookie.
FootballLeague will be a lock to go in the first round and is my pick for number one.
Draft Fact: FootballLeague once saved a possum from a vicious bear attack.
1.2 Myrtle Beach Buccaneers - Ananda Adyan OL
Who doesn't need OLine? In a deep class Adyan is making himself stand out through some very fresh signatures. He'll be swimming in cash and able to buy the finest gear. (Advertisement below).
On top for that he's a big lad ready to make an impact fresh out of college. The buccaneers couldn't do much better with this early pick.
Draft Fact: Adyan has nude portraits of queen Elizabeth hanging in his bathroom.
1.3 Tijuana Luchadores - Richard Leaking LB
My personal pick for best name (read most immature) in the class goes to old Leaking.
Leaking is going to be a big member of whichever team picks him, but I have the Luchadores getting a hold of him as the third pick of the draft.
Draft Fact: Leaking eats spaghetti using only a spoon.
1.4 Minnesota Grey Ducks - Albert Ruschman DE
A bit of a surprise here as you would expect the the Grey Ducks to plug their defensive back holes her but I have them adding to their DE contingent by picking the player who does exactly what it says on the tin. You need someone to rush the QB why not go for Ruschman.
Another big unit who excels at shedding his blockers. Ruschman could go a long way if he puts in the hours.
Draft Fact: Ruschman still believes babies are delivered via stork.
1.5 London Royals - Sheed Thebaw DT
You will all, no doubt, have read my scouting report on this behemoth of a man - if you want an in depth look I'd recommend having a read. Blessed at plugging gaps and talented at rushing the passer I have "The unblockable situation" moving to Europe to ply his trade.
Draft Fact: Thebaw has never thrown away a toenail clipping. He keeps them all in individual baggies. His collection got so large that he's had to rent a storage container.
1.6 Dallas Birddogs - Raylan Crowder DE
Writing a mock draft that you are in almost seems like cheating. You've got to take some liberties.
This strong, muscular, handsome prospect has the highest football IQ ever measured. Aced the Wonderlic and has saved burning babies from buildings on three separate occasions.
The pride of Kentucky will be an impact player for whichever team picks him up and already has defensive MVP locked up.
Draft Fact: Breakfast routine includes sandwiching a full stick of butter between two waffles & 3 cups of coffee with full cream milk.
1.7 Kansas City Coyotes - Tayshawn Crunk S
I have it on good authority that Tayshawn Crunk is a very fast man. Banned from the Olympics for being too much of a diva, Crunk had to move to his second passion, football, to make a career. With a small Safety class, expect Crunk to be off the board early.
Draft Fact: Crunks favourite video game character is Knuckles
1.8 Norfolk SeaWolves - Cmon Skiuuup TE
To finish the first round we have our first offensive skill position. Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe Skiuuup is another "recreate" leading to more experience in the league. The TE class is a small one and for no reason whatsoever I've decided the SeaWolves are looking to bring in a new one.
Draft Fact: Skiuuup was chess team captain at high school. He went 150 matches unbeaten.
ROUND 2
2.1 Portland Pythons - King Tutankhamun RB
Here we are folks, a solid start to the second round with the Pythons picking up the fastest man in the draft. He should be with the Pythons a number of seasons so this was a sound investment.
Draft Fact: King Tut once went white water rafting. There wasn't a helmet large enough for his head so they strapped a strainer on with duct tape.
2.2 Myrtle Beach Buccaneers - Alexander Johnson WR
The one note I have on my scout report for Alexander is "speed". You need a speedster out wide Johnson is your man. He may not run the cleanest routes but he will for sure run the fastest.
Draft Fact: Johnson only wears socks on his left feet.
2.3 Tijuana Luchadores - Darren Pama TE
I have the Luchadores reaching for Pama with the 11th pick of the draft. In need of TEs Pama is a great choice this early on. Excellent intangibles, high score on the Wonderlic. Pama will make an interesting addition.
Draft Fact: Often called Darren Parma because a lot of people are illiterate.
2.4 Minnesota Grey Ducks - Rusty Rucker LB
The Grey Ducks need an LB, Rucker is one, it's a match made in heaven. This is a solid option here, Ruckers quick wit and sharp tongue make up for his lack of top end pace. He may not produce outstanding stats on the field but he will produce entertainment in the locker room and that's what counts.
Draft Fact: Rucker has 7 bearded Dragons and gives each one a kiss on the head before going to bed.
2.5 London Royals - Lionel Rumper S
Lionel Rumper is a man of few words. But when he does open his mouth liquid gold rushes out. With the safety pretty short the royals should take a shot on Rumper here. I have it on good authority he is working out with a sprinting coach to really up his top end speed.
Draft Fact: Helps his cat clean itself, has been known to cough up hairballs.
2.6 Dallas Birddogs -Honky-Tonk Haywood DT
Honky-Tonk Haywood caught my eye from the start. Great name, got game. What more can you want.
Haywood will need to do something special to set himself apart from the rest of the DL prospects but I could see him potentially going here.
Draft Fact: Imports conditioner from Norway for his luscious hair.
2.7 Kansas City Coyotes - Mark Callous WR
I'm going to be honest here. I only picked Callous her because I'm a big Undertaker fan. If callous can have as long and storied career as his namesake, getting him in the second round could even be a steal.
Draft Fact: Has a brother - Dr Isaac Yankem. Dentist.
2.8 Norfolk SeaWolves - Curtis Blackshear CB
What does Blackshear have over most other CB prospects - you guessed it. Speed. Blackshear hasn't been the most active user but if he does start to work he could do big things in the league.
Draft Fact: Blackshear believes the earth is not flat or round but is instead a Pyramid.
I'll be brief with the next round:
Round 3
3.1 Portland Pythons - Jake Sackson
Draft Fact: Thought he was entering a hockey League. Was confused to see there was no rink.
3.2 Myrtle Beach Buccaneers - Booker Bookchin
Draft Fact: Befriended the dinner ladies at high school. Always got extra tater tots. Thus he is lovingly named Tater by his friends.
3.3 Tijuana Luchadores - Matt Peterson QB
Gotta have a QB here.
Draft Fact: Can actually throw a football over them mountains.
3.4 Minnesota Grey Ducks - Regius Goliathus LB
Draft Fact: Goliathus is scared of the dark. So much so he only blinks once a minute.
3.5 London Royals - Killian Chambers WR
Draft Fact: Chambers has an 11th finger. It is midway up his right arm.
3.6 Dallas Birddogs - Terry Yaki RB
Draft Fact: When asked what his favourite dinosaur is, he replied with Moose.
3.7 Kansas City Coyotes - Willy Weasel WR
Draft Fact: Refuses to eat anything the colour orange. "It's unnatural"
3.8 Norfolk SeaWolves - Mark Walker
Draft Fact: I couldn't find a more normal name than Mark Walker. That alone earned him this spot.
Disclaimer: This piece of work is entirely fiction, sponsored by the Crowder family.
I'll be dead straight. I've been on these forums less than a week. I'm going to be picking myself and friends way too high and I'll be snubbing a lot of people who probably deserve to be here.
If you have any issues with my selections or you feel like you should be higher... You should have a better player name, put more points in speed or have been on Discord when I happened to decide to make it as that was about the extent of my research.
Be prepared for some very ropey analysis, some hard hitting facts and a lot of added fiction. Also: Draft me.
So let's get started.
ROUND 1
1.1 Portland Pythons - NationalSimulation FootballLeague S
An easy pick for top of the draft. Great speed, great name and I've seen the term recreate bandied about which leads me to believe more experience than your regular S25 rookie.
FootballLeague will be a lock to go in the first round and is my pick for number one.
Draft Fact: FootballLeague once saved a possum from a vicious bear attack.
1.2 Myrtle Beach Buccaneers - Ananda Adyan OL
Who doesn't need OLine? In a deep class Adyan is making himself stand out through some very fresh signatures. He'll be swimming in cash and able to buy the finest gear. (Advertisement below).
On top for that he's a big lad ready to make an impact fresh out of college. The buccaneers couldn't do much better with this early pick.
Draft Fact: Adyan has nude portraits of queen Elizabeth hanging in his bathroom.
1.3 Tijuana Luchadores - Richard Leaking LB
My personal pick for best name (read most immature) in the class goes to old Leaking.
Leaking is going to be a big member of whichever team picks him, but I have the Luchadores getting a hold of him as the third pick of the draft.
Draft Fact: Leaking eats spaghetti using only a spoon.
1.4 Minnesota Grey Ducks - Albert Ruschman DE
A bit of a surprise here as you would expect the the Grey Ducks to plug their defensive back holes her but I have them adding to their DE contingent by picking the player who does exactly what it says on the tin. You need someone to rush the QB why not go for Ruschman.
Another big unit who excels at shedding his blockers. Ruschman could go a long way if he puts in the hours.
Draft Fact: Ruschman still believes babies are delivered via stork.
1.5 London Royals - Sheed Thebaw DT
You will all, no doubt, have read my scouting report on this behemoth of a man - if you want an in depth look I'd recommend having a read. Blessed at plugging gaps and talented at rushing the passer I have "The unblockable situation" moving to Europe to ply his trade.
Draft Fact: Thebaw has never thrown away a toenail clipping. He keeps them all in individual baggies. His collection got so large that he's had to rent a storage container.
1.6 Dallas Birddogs - Raylan Crowder DE
Writing a mock draft that you are in almost seems like cheating. You've got to take some liberties.
This strong, muscular, handsome prospect has the highest football IQ ever measured. Aced the Wonderlic and has saved burning babies from buildings on three separate occasions.
The pride of Kentucky will be an impact player for whichever team picks him up and already has defensive MVP locked up.
Draft Fact: Breakfast routine includes sandwiching a full stick of butter between two waffles & 3 cups of coffee with full cream milk.
1.7 Kansas City Coyotes - Tayshawn Crunk S
I have it on good authority that Tayshawn Crunk is a very fast man. Banned from the Olympics for being too much of a diva, Crunk had to move to his second passion, football, to make a career. With a small Safety class, expect Crunk to be off the board early.
Draft Fact: Crunks favourite video game character is Knuckles
1.8 Norfolk SeaWolves - Cmon Skiuuup TE
To finish the first round we have our first offensive skill position. Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe Skiuuup is another "recreate" leading to more experience in the league. The TE class is a small one and for no reason whatsoever I've decided the SeaWolves are looking to bring in a new one.
Draft Fact: Skiuuup was chess team captain at high school. He went 150 matches unbeaten.
ROUND 2
2.1 Portland Pythons - King Tutankhamun RB
Here we are folks, a solid start to the second round with the Pythons picking up the fastest man in the draft. He should be with the Pythons a number of seasons so this was a sound investment.
Draft Fact: King Tut once went white water rafting. There wasn't a helmet large enough for his head so they strapped a strainer on with duct tape.
2.2 Myrtle Beach Buccaneers - Alexander Johnson WR
The one note I have on my scout report for Alexander is "speed". You need a speedster out wide Johnson is your man. He may not run the cleanest routes but he will for sure run the fastest.
Draft Fact: Johnson only wears socks on his left feet.
2.3 Tijuana Luchadores - Darren Pama TE
I have the Luchadores reaching for Pama with the 11th pick of the draft. In need of TEs Pama is a great choice this early on. Excellent intangibles, high score on the Wonderlic. Pama will make an interesting addition.
Draft Fact: Often called Darren Parma because a lot of people are illiterate.
2.4 Minnesota Grey Ducks - Rusty Rucker LB
The Grey Ducks need an LB, Rucker is one, it's a match made in heaven. This is a solid option here, Ruckers quick wit and sharp tongue make up for his lack of top end pace. He may not produce outstanding stats on the field but he will produce entertainment in the locker room and that's what counts.
Draft Fact: Rucker has 7 bearded Dragons and gives each one a kiss on the head before going to bed.
2.5 London Royals - Lionel Rumper S
Lionel Rumper is a man of few words. But when he does open his mouth liquid gold rushes out. With the safety pretty short the royals should take a shot on Rumper here. I have it on good authority he is working out with a sprinting coach to really up his top end speed.
Draft Fact: Helps his cat clean itself, has been known to cough up hairballs.
2.6 Dallas Birddogs -Honky-Tonk Haywood DT
Honky-Tonk Haywood caught my eye from the start. Great name, got game. What more can you want.
Haywood will need to do something special to set himself apart from the rest of the DL prospects but I could see him potentially going here.
Draft Fact: Imports conditioner from Norway for his luscious hair.
2.7 Kansas City Coyotes - Mark Callous WR
I'm going to be honest here. I only picked Callous her because I'm a big Undertaker fan. If callous can have as long and storied career as his namesake, getting him in the second round could even be a steal.
Draft Fact: Has a brother - Dr Isaac Yankem. Dentist.
2.8 Norfolk SeaWolves - Curtis Blackshear CB
What does Blackshear have over most other CB prospects - you guessed it. Speed. Blackshear hasn't been the most active user but if he does start to work he could do big things in the league.
Draft Fact: Blackshear believes the earth is not flat or round but is instead a Pyramid.
I'll be brief with the next round:
Round 3
3.1 Portland Pythons - Jake Sackson
Draft Fact: Thought he was entering a hockey League. Was confused to see there was no rink.
3.2 Myrtle Beach Buccaneers - Booker Bookchin
Draft Fact: Befriended the dinner ladies at high school. Always got extra tater tots. Thus he is lovingly named Tater by his friends.
3.3 Tijuana Luchadores - Matt Peterson QB
Gotta have a QB here.
Draft Fact: Can actually throw a football over them mountains.
3.4 Minnesota Grey Ducks - Regius Goliathus LB
Draft Fact: Goliathus is scared of the dark. So much so he only blinks once a minute.
3.5 London Royals - Killian Chambers WR
Draft Fact: Chambers has an 11th finger. It is midway up his right arm.
3.6 Dallas Birddogs - Terry Yaki RB
Draft Fact: When asked what his favourite dinosaur is, he replied with Moose.
3.7 Kansas City Coyotes - Willy Weasel WR
Draft Fact: Refuses to eat anything the colour orange. "It's unnatural"
3.8 Norfolk SeaWolves - Mark Walker
Draft Fact: I couldn't find a more normal name than Mark Walker. That alone earned him this spot.
Disclaimer: This piece of work is entirely fiction, sponsored by the Crowder family.