Ranking the ISFL teams by their logo/Mascot
You know what I've never seen on this site before? Arbitrary rankings of individual team logos. That has been done before? Shit. It's not like it gets done two or three times a season right? It does? Balls. Oh well, I've already got this all written up so you're getting it anyway.
Here is another 4000 words typed up on a phone, which hopefully 0 people read as it is complete and utter drivel.
The offseason is long and full of terrors so we have to fill out time (and bank accounts) somehow. But seriously someone go get me a couple of splints and some ice for my thumbs. They may be out of commission for the next few weeks.
Berlin Fire Salamanders
So it turns out Salamanders aren't lizards - fuck. Well boy is my face red. 10 year old me would be killing 28 year old me for the blunder that is about to come:
The first thing I think of when I talk about berlin/Germany is all of the Fire Salamanders running around. Said nobody ever.
I jest but I actually like the Fire Salamander as a Mascot. Lizards are cool fire is cool (well, hot) Berlin seems like a decent city.
Now you'll see below that I knock a few points off all of the animal themed teams as it is completely overdone in American sports, however that will not be the case for the Fire Salamanders. I had a friend as a child who owned a bearded dragon, I loved that bearded dragon so much I was asked to look after it whilst they were away in Vietnam. 2 days in and I left the cage slightly ajar, Trotski escaped. After days of looking I'd all but given up on finding the little critter but there he is huddled amongst the PS2 cables underneith the box for Reign of Fire (he's dead now but not from this. He lived to whatever age lizards are meant to live to). This long anecdote is a way for me to not deduct points based on my pre-disposition of disliking animal teams, I feel I need to make it up to the lizard community for what I did to Trotski.
I havent seen any teams with Fire Salamanders as a logo before so it gets plus points for originality.
The colouring looks like it could be rather German so overall I'm a fan.
I'm giving the Salamanders a tongue lashing 83/100
On reflection after the above reveal that a salamander is not a lizard and is indeed an amphibian I have had to dock the points for being just another animal logo. New score a tongue flicking 68/100.
A decent start for out first team up.
New York Silverbacks
Next we have our second expansion team the New York Silverbacks. There was a lot of controversy in the league over head office selecting another US team for expansion but New York is the sporting capital so it only makes sense. Either way that's not what we are talking about here. We are here to look at the logo. You'll notice straight away that the silverback is a Gorilla which means it will be losing points for being an animal team. However it won't be the full amount as they could have gone for the new York gorilla's which would have been very bland. Silverbacks at least has a pleasing ring to it.
I've always been a fan of Silverback gorilla's, my dad has a very long hairy grey back so we always called him a silverback. That was before he and my mum fucked off to the other side of the world and left us here in Scotland. Now Silverbacks bring up a feeling of hurt and abandonment. Sorry New York, that will definitely go against you in the scoring section.
Now the silverbacks are definitely going for a king kong approach and it definitely works but I can't help but feel like the GMs missed a trick with an overseas expansion team. With Uganda holding a good portion of the world's Silverback Gorilla's I'd prefer The Ugandan Silverbacks as the first African expansion team.
Due to a combination of animal themed logo and abandonment issues the Silverbacks score an arm-wrentchingly low 32/100
Philadelphia Liberty
I have so far waxed lyrical about my disdain for Animal logos so you would think the Liberty may be my favourite so far. Well, you would be wrong. I'm not American so this logo may just go past me. I get it, it's the Liberty Bell.
I honestly have 0 idea what the Liberty Bell signifies (other than liberty?) but I don't quite understand why this should be used as a logo. You can't really dress up someone as the liberty Bell to run around and hype up the crowd, that wouldn't work. Do you have a big bell with a crack in it in the stadium which you ring whenever a touchdown is scored? That's kinda cool but still seems overly cheesy.
Its not like I hate America or American culture but at the end of the day, this is a bell. A fucking bell. Nothings going to get you fired up about a bell. Ring the bell that is used to make lawmakers come to legislative meetings - that really brings the fear of God into your opponents. See it doesn't work.
I'm not going to wax lyrical any further on this.
Liberty score a dull ringing 35/100. To the Americans in the league this logo may hit home, but to me it means nothing.
Austin Copperheads
Snake. Check. Texas. Check. Football. Check.
This is about as clichéd as you can get, an American football team in Texas with a snake logo. Give that snake a gun in its hands and have it in front of the Texas state flag and we would have hit American Football Logo Bingo.
This would have been one of the lower scorers in the league up until around about a week ago. What changed? I hear you ask. Well Austin have seeked out the services of Dallas Birddogs stalwart r0tzbua to design a new logo for them. Still sticking with the copperheads as a logo r0tz has designed a much better looking logo. Yes we've hit another Texas cliché with the star as the backdrop but at this point it has just become endearing.
Copperheads are fairly commonplace in Texas. And much like the snake, the Austin Copperheads this season Froze in the face of danger, biting the occasional team who got too close. That was a tricky analogy but we got there in the end.
I really like the Austin colours now, teal and brown really pops, that combined with the vicious snake they have now goes a long way to boosting their score to much more than it would have been 2 weeks ago.
The Austin Copperheads slither their way to a semi respectable 77/100
Yellowknife Wraiths
Now this is some fucking good shit right here. The Yellowknife Wraiths have nailed their branding. A wraith isn't an animal - which immediately boosts it, it's got very gothic creepy vibes which I love and a colour scheme which allows for some gorgeous uniforms.
A wraith is an undead creature originating from Scottish folklore according to monster.fandom.com Wiki. Scottish folklore you say? Even better, a bit of Scottish Pizzaz brought to the league, who can argue against that.
The designer has done a great job of making the Wraith properly creepy, it's got cold blue piercing eyes a bit like the white walkers from game of thrones (remember when that was good?) and a skeletal frame underneath a black hood. Some real grim reaper comparisons could be made here.
I can imagine the stadium in Yellowknife (where even is that?) has these wraiths hanging down in all over the stadium, if it was me I would have wraith reflections programmed to show up in the away changing room mirrors just for the extra mind games.
I genuinely think this is one of the tidier logos in the full ISFL list. Shout out to their ridiculously good looking draft gifs as well. Those uniforms are sweet.
The Yellowknife Wraiths score a horrendously spooky 92/100
Baltimore Hawks
Now these next few paragraphs are going to make it sound like I have a massive hatred for Baltimore. I definitely don't in fact I really like a number of the people they drafted (except Frazzle, he's a wanker) and I'm sure the guys already there are top notch as well. Unfortunately for the team this writeup isn't about the players. It's about the logo. And if there is one thing I can say about the Baltimore Hawks logo it's this. I hate it, let's dig into why that's the case.
The logo is a bird. If there's one subset of animal logos that are overdone more than any other it's the bird logo.
"But Asked Madden aren't you an in real life Cardinals fan, and aren't the Cardinals a bird?"
Well, yes... However, if there is one subset of birds more overdone than any others when it comes to team Mascots and logos it's the bird of prey. A cardinal is a bad ass small red bird. All other bird logos are large (usually brown) raptors, that's the difference here.
You may ask me why I have a deep hatred for bird logos. It all stems back to me being a child. This may come off as being whiney and it is 100% a first world problem. My aforementioned dad spends a godforsaken amount of time bird watching. Any weekend break/couple of week holiday we would get growing up was spent out in the middle of nowhere standing in the pissing rain or blistering sun whilst my dad peered through his binoculars at one of a number of small brown blobs, getting excited.
I hate them. Fuck birds. Unless you're a cardinal, then we're cool.
To make matters worse for Baltimore they picked a hawk. I hate the seahawks so that's another big L in that column.
All that said and done Baltimore bring up the rear with with a limp winged 22/100.
Honolulu Hahalua
One from the last expansion now. Honolulu have quite possibly my favourite of all the logos and designs in the ISFL. The sharp vibrant colours and the serious face make this Manta Ray one of the most eye catching logos of the bunch.
Very thematic, Honolulu have chosen the name Hahalulu - meaning two breaths and the Hawaiain name for the Manta Ray.
Now you'd think this is another animal - surely that's going to lose it points? Not in this case. The manta used by Honolulu not only has very human features but also has a great name - Andy Reid Fish.
Andy Reid fish brings honolulu great luck on the field often guiding them to victories they should never have been able to win. Off the field Andy Reid Fish is a cultural phenomenon in Honolulu. Often seen tanning whoppers at the local big Kahuna Burger.
Unfortunately I am going to rock a couple of points for the animal logo however that still gives Honolulu a very strong showing with an elegant 88/100.
Arizona Outlaws
Onto the Arizona Outlaws now. I absolutely love the branding idea but I can't decide whether they pulled it off or not.
So what are the positives? The colours are great, really suiting the Arizona location (although I would say it's more of a maroon than a red).
When you think of Outlaws you think of the wild west, you think of the good the bad and the ugly, a fistful of dollars, for a few dollars more and any other spaghetti Western from back in the day. You think of cowboys with their barell hats, their bandana over their mouth and their spurs in their heels. Everyone wanted to be a cowboy growing up and Arizona have really knocked the branding out of the park if they want to be considered the cool none animal team.
At least they would have knocked it out of the park if it wasn't for these points.
1. The guy in the logo looks like a discount mortal combat character. They took sub zeros face and put a cowboy hat on him then coloured him burgundy. Don't get me wrong, I like a bit of mortal kombat as much as the next person but when it comes to team branding you need originality, you shouldn't be leaving yourself up to any lawsuits down the line.
2. They have completely ripped off a Bulgarian Esports team. Aptly named the Outlaws. Now you might say "but Madden, it's a different picture". You would be correct, however the premise is there barrel hat - check, bandana round the face - check, cold lifeless dead eyes - check, shitty font with pointy corners - check. They looked at the Bulgarian Outlaws - thought "that looks cool", stretched it out a bit and used the paint can in paint to turn the blue to red. - shame in you.
Anyway, all that said. I do still really like the logo. I'm giving it a saloon door swinging 69/100 (nice). It would have been a lot higher if not for all of the gimmick infringement.
Chicago Butchers
This one is going to be short but sweet as I really don't have many, if any, bad things to say about this logo and branding.
You can go one of a number of ways when it comes to mascots. You can have loveable mascots, goofy mascots, hyper mascots and downright weird mascots. What the Butchers have gone for is a sinister macabre Mascot. A hulking great man heaving around a bloodstained meat cleaver, wondering around the stadium glaring at rival fans. Or at least that's how I picture it in my head, they haven't quite got that experience on DDSPF16 yet.
The branding itself is absolutely fantastic. One black fist clutching the aforementioned bloodstained meat cleaver. It really pops. Its simple, it hits the spot. It looks great on draft cards and the black and red punctuate the darkness of the squad.
I don't really have mutch else to say other than thank you Chicago for not creating another animal team. Thank you for creating a unique logo not stolen from an esports team.
Im going to give the Chicago Butchers a bone crunching 92/100, drawing them level pegging with the Yellowknife Wraiths.
New Orleans Second Line
Now we go from the macabre to the downright strange. I may just be complete and utter uncultured swine but I really do not get this branding at all. This is the first of the lot which I had to Google. (edit: absolute lies you googled hahalua).
Wiki says "The Second Line is a tradition in parades organized by Social, Aid and Pleasure Clubs (SAPCs) with a brass band parades in New Orleans, Louisiana, United States."
This leaves me none the wiser on why a football team would have the name Second Line. They appear to be the people who follow the band in a parade, dancing and walking carrying parasols and handkerchiefs. Just as a note I mean 0 offense by any of this, I'm just uncultured Scottish swine - having a team named after the second line may make sense in America. I get that New Orleans is famous for its parades but I just can't see how someone looked at this and said "Yes! Great idea".
So onto the logo itself: you've got a couple of people carrying the previously mentioned parasols, a guy playing a trumpet and a curvaceous lady following behind... I have to be honest again, I am not a fan. It looks like it should be on a Spanish soccer team Jersey. It doesn't look like it belongs on an American football Jersey.
It isn't all bad for New Orleans, thematically it goes with the city. The colours are unique in the league as well. I just can't get past that European football vibe.
For that reason I'm giving the new Orleans Second Line a tooting 30/100
Orange County Otters
I'm definitely playing hard and fast with the animal rule, because this is yet another one I'm not going to dock full marks from. Why is that? I mean have you seen otters? They are absolutely the most adorable little things in the world. They hold each others hands when they sleep to stop themselves from drifting apart. They're cute and fluffy and have sweet little faces. They are a bit rapey. They lie on their backs when they eat. All in all just incredible little creatures.
The fact that the ISFLs answer to the Empire rocks them as its logo and Mascot makes it even better.
So onto the logo itself and I'm immediately hit by the fact this is completely the wrong colour for an otter. An otter is anywhere between light and dark brown. The Orange County Otters logo is, well, orange. They haven't chosen an otter as their logo they've decides on a fox. But the orange County foxes doesn't have a ring to it so the intelligent folk over at the orange County locker room opened up Google and typed "mammals starting with the letter o" and up popped the otter. This is a team that could really do with an update to their logo (can I recommend Dallas's own user r0tzbua?).
A lot of good things have come out of the branding aside from the ludicrous amount of championships. The otters have a bunch of stupidly delightful emotes with their little otter Mascot. They make me smile every time I see them.
However this isn't an emoji ranking, this is a logo ranking. Had OCO actually had an otter as their logo I would be ranking them a lot higher than they are going to be. As it stands with their fox logo, I have half a mind to disqualify them. Instead I'm going to just significantly penalise them. These otters score an oyster cracking 51/100. Oh what could have been!
Sarasota Sailfish
Sarasota are another of our newer teams joining at the same time as the Honolulu Hahalua. Both teams appeared to want to go down the fishy route. Personally I prefer the branding of honolulu as it allows for better sigs and really pops. Sarasota though is still unique in its own right.
We'll start with the team colours here. Sarasota is known for its white sandy beach and its tropical blue/green waters. This has been captured rather well in the sailfish logo, although the greens do look a bit more "monster energy" than they do "tropical beach".
On to the animal itself now. The sailfish can be found off the coast of Florida so that's certainly a tick in the relevant box. The sailfish can grow up to 1200 lbs and are absolutely rapid in the water. That surely counts for something in the coolness factor. That's like stacking 4 linemen on top of each other then having them run at 70 mph, doesn't sound very fun does it. So points to Sarasota in a number of different fields, but where does it all fall down?
I think this one just comes down to personal preference. The logo itself looks rather 2D which, when you're joining at the same time as Andy Reid Fish, causes you to not stand out. I do like the Sailfish idea but it feels like they just missed on the design, it's not bad but it's not fantastic. For that reason they receive 72 filets out of 100
Colorado Yeti
The Colorado Yeti are an absolute powerhouse in the ISFL right now, but can they be a powerhouse in the branding standings?
The short answer to this is, no.
First off, the yeti is a legendary creature from the Himalayas and has absolutely no ties to the mountains of colorado. The only loose connection is the fact that colorado has some snow peaked mountains.
Its not all bad for Colorado. Even if they don't score points in the relevancy stat, they do pick up a few points in the cool factor. Yeti have been the subject of myth and legend for hundreds of years and can be found all over the place in pop culture. Yeti wouldn't really be put in the animal category and would instead join the mythological category immediately putting up a few extra points.
So we are tipping on a knife edge here, some elements are excellent others are fine. It all comes down to what the logo actually looks like. And that's where the team are let down slightly. Some may say the minimalism of the logo is what's needed in football... I'd disagree the silhouette on top of a bullseye style thing really doesn't do it for me. There's no sharpness there's no edginess, it's all just a bit bland. Is it a yeti is it a big foot who knows they all look the same when cast in a black shadow. If they're just true to their roots and don't want to change I understand and respect that. I don't personally like the branding.
I'm going to give the yeti 46 hoaxes out of 100. It's fine... If a bit meh.
San Jose Sabercats
And finally we come to our champions. The best team in the league in season 24. Standing head and shoulders above the rest in terms of football, soundness and attractiveness, the Sabercats took the league by storm last year but can they take the logo rankings by storm... We shall find out in a bit.
I need to be upfront before I get to the ranking though. This team picked my player - Raylan Crowder - at number 4 overall in the draft. Now I'm going to try and remain as unbiased as possible but if a bit of unconscious bias slips in, I'll apologise up front.
Now I think it's clear to see to everyone in the league that the Sabercats have the best branding in the league. Who didn't love saber toothed cats growing up. They're agile like a cat, have claws as lethal as a bears and have teeth the size of a meat cleaver just looking to do the damage. They avoid the trap of taking a clichéd animal by going down the extinct route which gets bonus points in my book.
This apex predator is perfect for the apex team in the league and I'm half tempted to give them 100 bangers before we even get to the logo itself. But I've got self control so I'll reserve judgement until after.
As a side note the green and gold of the San Jose colours are sexual. They are slimming and intimidating, perfect for the soon to be back to back champions of the league.
To the logo now. This may be where we see the Sabercats docked a couple of marks... Wait what the fuck, they have similarities to the Thundercats logo? One of the best cartoons ever created? Sign me up. Now if only this thundercats logo was in the sexual green and gold of the Sabercats. It is? Holy moly we're on to a winner here ladies and gentlemen.
I could wax lyrical about the Sabercats all day but that would be unfair to the other teams.
I'm going to go with my gut and give the Sabercats an orthodontic 99/100. Meaning not only are they our champions in the League, they are now also champions in the branding department.
(editors note: when scoring pre draft, Asked Madden gave this team 82/100, this article could be slightly biased)
So there you have it, hopefully I've been able to waste a good 10 minutes of your time. I've certainly wasted a good few hours of mine typing it out on my phone (don't ask why, it's absolute stupidity). No offence was meant to any of the logo designers, everyone has done 100x better than I ever could so take this all with a massive helping of salt.
You know what I've never seen on this site before? Arbitrary rankings of individual team logos. That has been done before? Shit. It's not like it gets done two or three times a season right? It does? Balls. Oh well, I've already got this all written up so you're getting it anyway.
Here is another 4000 words typed up on a phone, which hopefully 0 people read as it is complete and utter drivel.
The offseason is long and full of terrors so we have to fill out time (and bank accounts) somehow. But seriously someone go get me a couple of splints and some ice for my thumbs. They may be out of commission for the next few weeks.
Berlin Fire Salamanders
So it turns out Salamanders aren't lizards - fuck. Well boy is my face red. 10 year old me would be killing 28 year old me for the blunder that is about to come:
The first thing I think of when I talk about berlin/Germany is all of the Fire Salamanders running around. Said nobody ever.
I jest but I actually like the Fire Salamander as a Mascot. Lizards are cool fire is cool (well, hot) Berlin seems like a decent city.
Now you'll see below that I knock a few points off all of the animal themed teams as it is completely overdone in American sports, however that will not be the case for the Fire Salamanders. I had a friend as a child who owned a bearded dragon, I loved that bearded dragon so much I was asked to look after it whilst they were away in Vietnam. 2 days in and I left the cage slightly ajar, Trotski escaped. After days of looking I'd all but given up on finding the little critter but there he is huddled amongst the PS2 cables underneith the box for Reign of Fire (he's dead now but not from this. He lived to whatever age lizards are meant to live to). This long anecdote is a way for me to not deduct points based on my pre-disposition of disliking animal teams, I feel I need to make it up to the lizard community for what I did to Trotski.
I havent seen any teams with Fire Salamanders as a logo before so it gets plus points for originality.
The colouring looks like it could be rather German so overall I'm a fan.
I'm giving the Salamanders a tongue lashing 83/100
On reflection after the above reveal that a salamander is not a lizard and is indeed an amphibian I have had to dock the points for being just another animal logo. New score a tongue flicking 68/100.
A decent start for out first team up.
New York Silverbacks
Next we have our second expansion team the New York Silverbacks. There was a lot of controversy in the league over head office selecting another US team for expansion but New York is the sporting capital so it only makes sense. Either way that's not what we are talking about here. We are here to look at the logo. You'll notice straight away that the silverback is a Gorilla which means it will be losing points for being an animal team. However it won't be the full amount as they could have gone for the new York gorilla's which would have been very bland. Silverbacks at least has a pleasing ring to it.
I've always been a fan of Silverback gorilla's, my dad has a very long hairy grey back so we always called him a silverback. That was before he and my mum fucked off to the other side of the world and left us here in Scotland. Now Silverbacks bring up a feeling of hurt and abandonment. Sorry New York, that will definitely go against you in the scoring section.
Now the silverbacks are definitely going for a king kong approach and it definitely works but I can't help but feel like the GMs missed a trick with an overseas expansion team. With Uganda holding a good portion of the world's Silverback Gorilla's I'd prefer The Ugandan Silverbacks as the first African expansion team.
Due to a combination of animal themed logo and abandonment issues the Silverbacks score an arm-wrentchingly low 32/100
Philadelphia Liberty
I have so far waxed lyrical about my disdain for Animal logos so you would think the Liberty may be my favourite so far. Well, you would be wrong. I'm not American so this logo may just go past me. I get it, it's the Liberty Bell.
I honestly have 0 idea what the Liberty Bell signifies (other than liberty?) but I don't quite understand why this should be used as a logo. You can't really dress up someone as the liberty Bell to run around and hype up the crowd, that wouldn't work. Do you have a big bell with a crack in it in the stadium which you ring whenever a touchdown is scored? That's kinda cool but still seems overly cheesy.
Its not like I hate America or American culture but at the end of the day, this is a bell. A fucking bell. Nothings going to get you fired up about a bell. Ring the bell that is used to make lawmakers come to legislative meetings - that really brings the fear of God into your opponents. See it doesn't work.
I'm not going to wax lyrical any further on this.
Liberty score a dull ringing 35/100. To the Americans in the league this logo may hit home, but to me it means nothing.
Austin Copperheads
Snake. Check. Texas. Check. Football. Check.
This is about as clichéd as you can get, an American football team in Texas with a snake logo. Give that snake a gun in its hands and have it in front of the Texas state flag and we would have hit American Football Logo Bingo.
This would have been one of the lower scorers in the league up until around about a week ago. What changed? I hear you ask. Well Austin have seeked out the services of Dallas Birddogs stalwart r0tzbua to design a new logo for them. Still sticking with the copperheads as a logo r0tz has designed a much better looking logo. Yes we've hit another Texas cliché with the star as the backdrop but at this point it has just become endearing.
Copperheads are fairly commonplace in Texas. And much like the snake, the Austin Copperheads this season Froze in the face of danger, biting the occasional team who got too close. That was a tricky analogy but we got there in the end.
I really like the Austin colours now, teal and brown really pops, that combined with the vicious snake they have now goes a long way to boosting their score to much more than it would have been 2 weeks ago.
The Austin Copperheads slither their way to a semi respectable 77/100
Yellowknife Wraiths
Now this is some fucking good shit right here. The Yellowknife Wraiths have nailed their branding. A wraith isn't an animal - which immediately boosts it, it's got very gothic creepy vibes which I love and a colour scheme which allows for some gorgeous uniforms.
A wraith is an undead creature originating from Scottish folklore according to monster.fandom.com Wiki. Scottish folklore you say? Even better, a bit of Scottish Pizzaz brought to the league, who can argue against that.
The designer has done a great job of making the Wraith properly creepy, it's got cold blue piercing eyes a bit like the white walkers from game of thrones (remember when that was good?) and a skeletal frame underneath a black hood. Some real grim reaper comparisons could be made here.
I can imagine the stadium in Yellowknife (where even is that?) has these wraiths hanging down in all over the stadium, if it was me I would have wraith reflections programmed to show up in the away changing room mirrors just for the extra mind games.
I genuinely think this is one of the tidier logos in the full ISFL list. Shout out to their ridiculously good looking draft gifs as well. Those uniforms are sweet.
The Yellowknife Wraiths score a horrendously spooky 92/100
Baltimore Hawks
Now these next few paragraphs are going to make it sound like I have a massive hatred for Baltimore. I definitely don't in fact I really like a number of the people they drafted (except Frazzle, he's a wanker) and I'm sure the guys already there are top notch as well. Unfortunately for the team this writeup isn't about the players. It's about the logo. And if there is one thing I can say about the Baltimore Hawks logo it's this. I hate it, let's dig into why that's the case.
The logo is a bird. If there's one subset of animal logos that are overdone more than any other it's the bird logo.
"But Asked Madden aren't you an in real life Cardinals fan, and aren't the Cardinals a bird?"
Well, yes... However, if there is one subset of birds more overdone than any others when it comes to team Mascots and logos it's the bird of prey. A cardinal is a bad ass small red bird. All other bird logos are large (usually brown) raptors, that's the difference here.
You may ask me why I have a deep hatred for bird logos. It all stems back to me being a child. This may come off as being whiney and it is 100% a first world problem. My aforementioned dad spends a godforsaken amount of time bird watching. Any weekend break/couple of week holiday we would get growing up was spent out in the middle of nowhere standing in the pissing rain or blistering sun whilst my dad peered through his binoculars at one of a number of small brown blobs, getting excited.
I hate them. Fuck birds. Unless you're a cardinal, then we're cool.
To make matters worse for Baltimore they picked a hawk. I hate the seahawks so that's another big L in that column.
All that said and done Baltimore bring up the rear with with a limp winged 22/100.
Honolulu Hahalua
One from the last expansion now. Honolulu have quite possibly my favourite of all the logos and designs in the ISFL. The sharp vibrant colours and the serious face make this Manta Ray one of the most eye catching logos of the bunch.
Very thematic, Honolulu have chosen the name Hahalulu - meaning two breaths and the Hawaiain name for the Manta Ray.
Now you'd think this is another animal - surely that's going to lose it points? Not in this case. The manta used by Honolulu not only has very human features but also has a great name - Andy Reid Fish.
Andy Reid fish brings honolulu great luck on the field often guiding them to victories they should never have been able to win. Off the field Andy Reid Fish is a cultural phenomenon in Honolulu. Often seen tanning whoppers at the local big Kahuna Burger.
Unfortunately I am going to rock a couple of points for the animal logo however that still gives Honolulu a very strong showing with an elegant 88/100.
Arizona Outlaws
Onto the Arizona Outlaws now. I absolutely love the branding idea but I can't decide whether they pulled it off or not.
So what are the positives? The colours are great, really suiting the Arizona location (although I would say it's more of a maroon than a red).
When you think of Outlaws you think of the wild west, you think of the good the bad and the ugly, a fistful of dollars, for a few dollars more and any other spaghetti Western from back in the day. You think of cowboys with their barell hats, their bandana over their mouth and their spurs in their heels. Everyone wanted to be a cowboy growing up and Arizona have really knocked the branding out of the park if they want to be considered the cool none animal team.
At least they would have knocked it out of the park if it wasn't for these points.
1. The guy in the logo looks like a discount mortal combat character. They took sub zeros face and put a cowboy hat on him then coloured him burgundy. Don't get me wrong, I like a bit of mortal kombat as much as the next person but when it comes to team branding you need originality, you shouldn't be leaving yourself up to any lawsuits down the line.
2. They have completely ripped off a Bulgarian Esports team. Aptly named the Outlaws. Now you might say "but Madden, it's a different picture". You would be correct, however the premise is there barrel hat - check, bandana round the face - check, cold lifeless dead eyes - check, shitty font with pointy corners - check. They looked at the Bulgarian Outlaws - thought "that looks cool", stretched it out a bit and used the paint can in paint to turn the blue to red. - shame in you.
Anyway, all that said. I do still really like the logo. I'm giving it a saloon door swinging 69/100 (nice). It would have been a lot higher if not for all of the gimmick infringement.
Chicago Butchers
This one is going to be short but sweet as I really don't have many, if any, bad things to say about this logo and branding.
You can go one of a number of ways when it comes to mascots. You can have loveable mascots, goofy mascots, hyper mascots and downright weird mascots. What the Butchers have gone for is a sinister macabre Mascot. A hulking great man heaving around a bloodstained meat cleaver, wondering around the stadium glaring at rival fans. Or at least that's how I picture it in my head, they haven't quite got that experience on DDSPF16 yet.
The branding itself is absolutely fantastic. One black fist clutching the aforementioned bloodstained meat cleaver. It really pops. Its simple, it hits the spot. It looks great on draft cards and the black and red punctuate the darkness of the squad.
I don't really have mutch else to say other than thank you Chicago for not creating another animal team. Thank you for creating a unique logo not stolen from an esports team.
Im going to give the Chicago Butchers a bone crunching 92/100, drawing them level pegging with the Yellowknife Wraiths.
New Orleans Second Line
Now we go from the macabre to the downright strange. I may just be complete and utter uncultured swine but I really do not get this branding at all. This is the first of the lot which I had to Google. (edit: absolute lies you googled hahalua).
Wiki says "The Second Line is a tradition in parades organized by Social, Aid and Pleasure Clubs (SAPCs) with a brass band parades in New Orleans, Louisiana, United States."
This leaves me none the wiser on why a football team would have the name Second Line. They appear to be the people who follow the band in a parade, dancing and walking carrying parasols and handkerchiefs. Just as a note I mean 0 offense by any of this, I'm just uncultured Scottish swine - having a team named after the second line may make sense in America. I get that New Orleans is famous for its parades but I just can't see how someone looked at this and said "Yes! Great idea".
So onto the logo itself: you've got a couple of people carrying the previously mentioned parasols, a guy playing a trumpet and a curvaceous lady following behind... I have to be honest again, I am not a fan. It looks like it should be on a Spanish soccer team Jersey. It doesn't look like it belongs on an American football Jersey.
It isn't all bad for New Orleans, thematically it goes with the city. The colours are unique in the league as well. I just can't get past that European football vibe.
For that reason I'm giving the new Orleans Second Line a tooting 30/100
Orange County Otters
I'm definitely playing hard and fast with the animal rule, because this is yet another one I'm not going to dock full marks from. Why is that? I mean have you seen otters? They are absolutely the most adorable little things in the world. They hold each others hands when they sleep to stop themselves from drifting apart. They're cute and fluffy and have sweet little faces. They are a bit rapey. They lie on their backs when they eat. All in all just incredible little creatures.
The fact that the ISFLs answer to the Empire rocks them as its logo and Mascot makes it even better.
So onto the logo itself and I'm immediately hit by the fact this is completely the wrong colour for an otter. An otter is anywhere between light and dark brown. The Orange County Otters logo is, well, orange. They haven't chosen an otter as their logo they've decides on a fox. But the orange County foxes doesn't have a ring to it so the intelligent folk over at the orange County locker room opened up Google and typed "mammals starting with the letter o" and up popped the otter. This is a team that could really do with an update to their logo (can I recommend Dallas's own user r0tzbua?).
A lot of good things have come out of the branding aside from the ludicrous amount of championships. The otters have a bunch of stupidly delightful emotes with their little otter Mascot. They make me smile every time I see them.
However this isn't an emoji ranking, this is a logo ranking. Had OCO actually had an otter as their logo I would be ranking them a lot higher than they are going to be. As it stands with their fox logo, I have half a mind to disqualify them. Instead I'm going to just significantly penalise them. These otters score an oyster cracking 51/100. Oh what could have been!
Sarasota Sailfish
Sarasota are another of our newer teams joining at the same time as the Honolulu Hahalua. Both teams appeared to want to go down the fishy route. Personally I prefer the branding of honolulu as it allows for better sigs and really pops. Sarasota though is still unique in its own right.
We'll start with the team colours here. Sarasota is known for its white sandy beach and its tropical blue/green waters. This has been captured rather well in the sailfish logo, although the greens do look a bit more "monster energy" than they do "tropical beach".
On to the animal itself now. The sailfish can be found off the coast of Florida so that's certainly a tick in the relevant box. The sailfish can grow up to 1200 lbs and are absolutely rapid in the water. That surely counts for something in the coolness factor. That's like stacking 4 linemen on top of each other then having them run at 70 mph, doesn't sound very fun does it. So points to Sarasota in a number of different fields, but where does it all fall down?
I think this one just comes down to personal preference. The logo itself looks rather 2D which, when you're joining at the same time as Andy Reid Fish, causes you to not stand out. I do like the Sailfish idea but it feels like they just missed on the design, it's not bad but it's not fantastic. For that reason they receive 72 filets out of 100
Colorado Yeti
The Colorado Yeti are an absolute powerhouse in the ISFL right now, but can they be a powerhouse in the branding standings?
The short answer to this is, no.
First off, the yeti is a legendary creature from the Himalayas and has absolutely no ties to the mountains of colorado. The only loose connection is the fact that colorado has some snow peaked mountains.
Its not all bad for Colorado. Even if they don't score points in the relevancy stat, they do pick up a few points in the cool factor. Yeti have been the subject of myth and legend for hundreds of years and can be found all over the place in pop culture. Yeti wouldn't really be put in the animal category and would instead join the mythological category immediately putting up a few extra points.
So we are tipping on a knife edge here, some elements are excellent others are fine. It all comes down to what the logo actually looks like. And that's where the team are let down slightly. Some may say the minimalism of the logo is what's needed in football... I'd disagree the silhouette on top of a bullseye style thing really doesn't do it for me. There's no sharpness there's no edginess, it's all just a bit bland. Is it a yeti is it a big foot who knows they all look the same when cast in a black shadow. If they're just true to their roots and don't want to change I understand and respect that. I don't personally like the branding.
I'm going to give the yeti 46 hoaxes out of 100. It's fine... If a bit meh.
San Jose Sabercats
And finally we come to our champions. The best team in the league in season 24. Standing head and shoulders above the rest in terms of football, soundness and attractiveness, the Sabercats took the league by storm last year but can they take the logo rankings by storm... We shall find out in a bit.
I need to be upfront before I get to the ranking though. This team picked my player - Raylan Crowder - at number 4 overall in the draft. Now I'm going to try and remain as unbiased as possible but if a bit of unconscious bias slips in, I'll apologise up front.
Now I think it's clear to see to everyone in the league that the Sabercats have the best branding in the league. Who didn't love saber toothed cats growing up. They're agile like a cat, have claws as lethal as a bears and have teeth the size of a meat cleaver just looking to do the damage. They avoid the trap of taking a clichéd animal by going down the extinct route which gets bonus points in my book.
This apex predator is perfect for the apex team in the league and I'm half tempted to give them 100 bangers before we even get to the logo itself. But I've got self control so I'll reserve judgement until after.
As a side note the green and gold of the San Jose colours are sexual. They are slimming and intimidating, perfect for the soon to be back to back champions of the league.
To the logo now. This may be where we see the Sabercats docked a couple of marks... Wait what the fuck, they have similarities to the Thundercats logo? One of the best cartoons ever created? Sign me up. Now if only this thundercats logo was in the sexual green and gold of the Sabercats. It is? Holy moly we're on to a winner here ladies and gentlemen.
I could wax lyrical about the Sabercats all day but that would be unfair to the other teams.
I'm going to go with my gut and give the Sabercats an orthodontic 99/100. Meaning not only are they our champions in the League, they are now also champions in the branding department.
(editors note: when scoring pre draft, Asked Madden gave this team 82/100, this article could be slightly biased)
So there you have it, hopefully I've been able to waste a good 10 minutes of your time. I've certainly wasted a good few hours of mine typing it out on my phone (don't ask why, it's absolute stupidity). No offence was meant to any of the logo designers, everyone has done 100x better than I ever could so take this all with a massive helping of salt.
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