I think I’ve previously discussed how I found my passion in the greatest American sport, but old ladies are notorious for repeating themselves, and far be it from me to upset that longstanding tradition.
In high school I dabbled with football, but mostly I shot hoops; people thought that, because of my substantial height, I’d enter the WNBA. Unfortunately, after an embarrassing post-prom slip up, I ended up getting pregnant and marrying Stanley Zbornak, the cheating bastard. I gave him 38 years of my life before I found him shtupping a flight attendant half my age. I left, and, after getting my GED in Miami, I attended Golden Gate University to get my English degree. I chose Golden Gate for three reasons: I wanted to move to sunny California, I like trollies, and I thought the steep inclines in San Francisco would be good for my aging glutes.
I thought my athletic days were behind me, but one day I saw this flyer for free cheesecake if you tried out for the football team. I attended purely for the cheesecake, but after I broke 6 ribs in 4 players during practice, the coach practically begged me to sign up. I figured heck, tackling a bunch of young hunks and eating all the cheesecake I can guzzle? Sounds like a pretty sweet deal, so I signed on. The rest, as they say, is history.
In high school I dabbled with football, but mostly I shot hoops; people thought that, because of my substantial height, I’d enter the WNBA. Unfortunately, after an embarrassing post-prom slip up, I ended up getting pregnant and marrying Stanley Zbornak, the cheating bastard. I gave him 38 years of my life before I found him shtupping a flight attendant half my age. I left, and, after getting my GED in Miami, I attended Golden Gate University to get my English degree. I chose Golden Gate for three reasons: I wanted to move to sunny California, I like trollies, and I thought the steep inclines in San Francisco would be good for my aging glutes.
I thought my athletic days were behind me, but one day I saw this flyer for free cheesecake if you tried out for the football team. I attended purely for the cheesecake, but after I broke 6 ribs in 4 players during practice, the coach practically begged me to sign up. I figured heck, tackling a bunch of young hunks and eating all the cheesecake I can guzzle? Sounds like a pretty sweet deal, so I signed on. The rest, as they say, is history.