Introduction
Well well well, look at this. Two articles in one day! I haven’t posted any in like months so I figured with the 2x media now was as good of a time as any. While the other one was very touchy feely and full of icky emotions, I am hoping this one would be a bit more humorous.
This was another article that I wanted to do a long time ago. But life, uh, gets in the way. This all started a couple months ago when I was being a good lad and purchasing my weekly training in the Tijuana Luchadores player transactions page, when I saw just below me Ben had posted a message in the transaction page that said “-$1M to have someone graffiti "bums" on @speculadora and @PaytonM34 lockers at the OCO facility.” Interested, I looked down a bit below, where PaytonM34 posted a message where he paid $1M to send the lyrics for the song Mr. Brightside by The Killers to Ben. This whole exchange was pretty amazing to me, especially since the banker went along with it. Then I wondered, how long has this been going on?
Determined, I decided to scour all of the Tijuana player transaction pages, and look for all the times people have spent money on things other than training (they are paying for training I know, but it is funnier to think they aren’t). This ended up being a bigger task than I imagined, as the posts I just mentioned were on page 130, and this all started on page 45 and onwards. I am going to do this in a list format so it is easier to read. As with most great things in life and in the league, it all started with Beaver.
The Posts
Page 45 - Beaver was the first ever player in Tijuana history to buy something other than training/equipment. He purchased “1m for a lifeguard chair perch thingy so I can watch us build the wall san antonio is paying for.”
On the same page, Payton34M following in Beavers footsteps decided also to spend money on something other than training/equipment for the first time ever. He spent “1m to steal SA's secrit plays.”
Page 46 - Continuing what he started, Beaver then spent “1m for tacos” (if you think that is a lot, you haven’t had Tijuana tacos).
Page 47 - Payton also continuing on what has now started, he spent “1 million for some pub feed for the boys on the line”
Page 49 - Both Beaver and Payton decided to spend money again. Beaver spent “1m because payton sux”, and Payton spent “1m because beaver stinks.”
Page 51 - Beaver decided to spend another 1M for “1m tacos.”
Page 52 - This is the definitive moment of spending money on random shit, as user Ben finally decided to join his Bash Brothers and spend money as well. He decided to spend 1M on “1m guacamoles.”
Payton decided to follow this up by purchasing “1m hella quesadillas”, then Beaver joined in purchasing “1m fajitas”.
Page 53 - Continuing their spending streak, Ben spent money for “1 million burritos” and Beaver matches that with “1m salsa”.
Page 54 - Ben, on a role now, decides to buy “one million jalapeños”
Page 55 - Another double feature here, where Ben buys “one million coronas” and Beaver buys “1m margaritas”. Sounds like they had a good time!
Page 56 - Completely taken over by spending money on random stuff, Ben again spends his money on “one million red hot chilli peppers”
Page 57 - Beaver apparently was not having a great week, as he purchased “1m tequilas”. On top of this, we have a new contender in Slothfacekilla who purchased “$1 million tacos for training plz”. While this is still technically training, I decided to be nice and give him this one.
Page 58 - Ben must either hate Beaver or had a bad week as well, because in response to Beaver purchasing 1M tequilas, Ben then says “and a million more”, and spends another 1M for tequila.
Page 59 - We have reached a sad point in this journey now, where Beaver is no longer on Tijuana. But that doesn’t deter Ben as he keeps on buying in their honor. This time spending his money on “one million avocados”
Page 60 - The loss of his friends is really starting to affect Ben, as he now says “man I miss having beaver around. one million tears” and spends 1M on tears.
Page 61 - Ben, fighting the good fight, continues on and purchases “one million turtles”. Buying all of those turtles really must have made him care about the environment as he then spends money to remove “one million pieces of plastic kept out of the ocean”. What a nice guy.
Page 63 - Helping the resurgence of OL and trying to make them relevant, Ben spends money on “one million offensive linemen prospects”
Page 64 - Guess who’s back? We haven’t heard from Payton in a while but he now decides to do this, “Withdrawing 1 million fake dollars to donate to the Andrew Luck support group”. Ben, happy to see his friend back, says “1 million more to the support group” and “also 3 million professional dollars to the Duke Johnson's shoulder pads fan club”
Page 65 - Payton, going back to his spending ways, decides to send this completely not sponsored message “1m on buying Disney+ so that he can watch Remember the Titans, and Invincible right from his very home, I swear this is not a corporate advertisement”
Page 67 - Ben always has Beaver on his mind, this can especially be shown with what Ben purchases next! “1m to send smoke signals back to @Beaver in the shape of a trumpet :eyes:”
Page 70 - Ben is at is again, spending “1m to buy a signed Mason Rudolph jersey for @Beaver”. This is what true love looks like.
Page 71 - Ben buys “one million pancakes”. As an OL player I support this.
Page 73 - Being a true Dootadore, Ben purchases “one million doots :eyes:”
Page 75 - Reminiscing to the old days, Ben buys “one million san antonio tears”
Page 78 - Ben at it again, spending “one million dollars to bring dd back plz”. I am not sure who dd is though since I am still a youngin
Page 115 - This is what I like to call the dark period, as between Page 78-115 everyone bought normal training and nothing else. This was mainly due to the fact that the main gang were all gone and not on Tijuana anymore. But on this blessed day, Tijuana and Ben both were brought back to Tijuana. It didn’t take long for Payton to continue his spending ways, buying “-$1m for Rufio to get a restraining order”. On whom he got the restraining order for, we will never know.
Page 117 - Ben, happy to finally have his friends back, continues to spend money on things such as “-$1M for weed gummies for Bronko Mills”
Page 118 - Payton, also happy to be talking with Ben again, very nicely pays “-$1m for Ben Alexander-Arnold to move out of his mums basement and get married”
Page 119 - There is a fantasy group in Tijuana, and the only reason I know that is because Ben paid “-$1M for rufio to find our fantasy trophy before the season starts”
Page 120 - Payton must need some help in the fantasy league, since he paid “$1m to pay for a dynasty fantasy guru”
Page 121 - Ben also needs help in fantasy, he spent “-$1M to find out how to draft IDP for our dynasty fantasy draft”
Page 123 - Ben, being the generous person he is, decides to spend “$1M to help Payton think of something funny”
Page 125 - Beaver, while not on Tijuana, had paid for an assassin to lay on Bens pillows so they were not cool when he tried to sleeping on them. In response to this, Ben paid “-$1M to pay the assassin off and actually have him spoon me while I fall asleep”.
Payton as well spent money, in particular “-1m to bovo because he's my hero”
Page 127 - Ben at it again messing with Beaver, spending “-$1M to pay someone to make purchases in Kenya on @Beaver's credit card”
While this is happen Payton is going through a weird kinky phase, spending “-1m for a bigger than life size replica of Giovanni Bernards mustache”
Page 129 - Now that Beaver was back in Tijuana, it didn’t take long for Ben to mess with him, spending “-$1M to hire a busker to sit outside @Beaver's place every night and perform Mr Brightside very badly until he gets sick of it”
Page 130 - Now we are back to the beginning, where this whole journey all began. Ben has now just started paying money to mess with everyone and I am all for it. He paid “-$1M to have someone graffiti "bums" on @speculadora and @PaytonM34 lockers at the OCO facility”. Also Payton paid 1M to send all the lyrics for all of Mr. Brightside to Ben. I’d paste it, but I figured I’d save you all the suffering.
Page 131 - Ben is continuing to be very generous to everyone except Beaver. He decided to spend his hard earned cash by paying “-$1M to throw a welcome party for the new rookies to Tijuana except for Beaver”
Page 132 - He has finally returned. Beaver, the one who had started all of this finally come back to mess with Ben, spending “$1m for a bulk order of legos and the hiring of a ninja to quietly spread them around @Ben 's home while he's sleeping”
Page 134 - I can tell that Ben, Payton, and Beaver are happy to have each other back. Ben spent “1M to cancel the bachelorette so I don't have to listen to @Beaver and @PaytonM34 talk about it in the LR” and Beaver in response paid “1m to convince @Ben to be a contestant on the bachelorette”
Page 136 - Ben is on a tirade, going after Rufio by spending “1M to get Howlett checked for CTE since he got lost in Mexico trying to find the Baltimore locker room”
Page 139 - Beaver again is messing with Ben, spending “1m to hire Clare to stand outside @Ben 's door and whine 24/7”
Page 140 - After Tijuana won the Ultimini, Ben was so excited that he spent “1m to help fix the hangover/comedown after winning another ultimini” and Beaver continues to mess with Ben more, paying “1m to buy enough straws and tape that I can assemble to poke @Ben all the way in australia from here”
Page 141 - Beaver is on a role, now messing with Ben by spending “1m for the world's largest feather so I can tickle @Ben”
Page 142 - Now that Beaver is alone, he is just going in against Ben. I think this is his way of coping without him. He spent “1m worth of deodorant but mail it to @Ben please”
Page 143 - This got a little spicy, Ben now is spending “1m to fly @Beaver to me after he got me all worked up with the poking and tickling and have him finish what he started”
Page 144 - Beaver seems all in on what Ben is offering, preparing himself by spending “1m worth of yoga lessons in anticipation of this... rendezvous with @Ben”
Finally, Ben with the last message currently is spending money to help out Beaver, spending “1m to plan @Beaver's illegal entry to Australia and sneak him past border security”
Conclusion
Well I don’t know about you all, but this was a very beautiful and enlightening story. I hope that we can all look at what they have done and maybe take some inspiration from this.
Final totals on money spent are:
@Beaver - $15M
@PaytonM34 - $12M
@Ben - $35M
@slothfacekilla - $1M
Congrats you guys. You all spent a shit ton of money on random stuff. I hope you are proud. I know I am after writing this article. There isn’t a more fun way to watch $63M go down the drain.
Well well well, look at this. Two articles in one day! I haven’t posted any in like months so I figured with the 2x media now was as good of a time as any. While the other one was very touchy feely and full of icky emotions, I am hoping this one would be a bit more humorous.
This was another article that I wanted to do a long time ago. But life, uh, gets in the way. This all started a couple months ago when I was being a good lad and purchasing my weekly training in the Tijuana Luchadores player transactions page, when I saw just below me Ben had posted a message in the transaction page that said “-$1M to have someone graffiti "bums" on @speculadora and @PaytonM34 lockers at the OCO facility.” Interested, I looked down a bit below, where PaytonM34 posted a message where he paid $1M to send the lyrics for the song Mr. Brightside by The Killers to Ben. This whole exchange was pretty amazing to me, especially since the banker went along with it. Then I wondered, how long has this been going on?
Determined, I decided to scour all of the Tijuana player transaction pages, and look for all the times people have spent money on things other than training (they are paying for training I know, but it is funnier to think they aren’t). This ended up being a bigger task than I imagined, as the posts I just mentioned were on page 130, and this all started on page 45 and onwards. I am going to do this in a list format so it is easier to read. As with most great things in life and in the league, it all started with Beaver.
The Posts
Page 45 - Beaver was the first ever player in Tijuana history to buy something other than training/equipment. He purchased “1m for a lifeguard chair perch thingy so I can watch us build the wall san antonio is paying for.”
On the same page, Payton34M following in Beavers footsteps decided also to spend money on something other than training/equipment for the first time ever. He spent “1m to steal SA's secrit plays.”
Page 46 - Continuing what he started, Beaver then spent “1m for tacos” (if you think that is a lot, you haven’t had Tijuana tacos).
Page 47 - Payton also continuing on what has now started, he spent “1 million for some pub feed for the boys on the line”
Page 49 - Both Beaver and Payton decided to spend money again. Beaver spent “1m because payton sux”, and Payton spent “1m because beaver stinks.”
Page 51 - Beaver decided to spend another 1M for “1m tacos.”
Page 52 - This is the definitive moment of spending money on random shit, as user Ben finally decided to join his Bash Brothers and spend money as well. He decided to spend 1M on “1m guacamoles.”
Payton decided to follow this up by purchasing “1m hella quesadillas”, then Beaver joined in purchasing “1m fajitas”.
Page 53 - Continuing their spending streak, Ben spent money for “1 million burritos” and Beaver matches that with “1m salsa”.
Page 54 - Ben, on a role now, decides to buy “one million jalapeños”
Page 55 - Another double feature here, where Ben buys “one million coronas” and Beaver buys “1m margaritas”. Sounds like they had a good time!
Page 56 - Completely taken over by spending money on random stuff, Ben again spends his money on “one million red hot chilli peppers”
Page 57 - Beaver apparently was not having a great week, as he purchased “1m tequilas”. On top of this, we have a new contender in Slothfacekilla who purchased “$1 million tacos for training plz”. While this is still technically training, I decided to be nice and give him this one.
Page 58 - Ben must either hate Beaver or had a bad week as well, because in response to Beaver purchasing 1M tequilas, Ben then says “and a million more”, and spends another 1M for tequila.
Page 59 - We have reached a sad point in this journey now, where Beaver is no longer on Tijuana. But that doesn’t deter Ben as he keeps on buying in their honor. This time spending his money on “one million avocados”
Page 60 - The loss of his friends is really starting to affect Ben, as he now says “man I miss having beaver around. one million tears” and spends 1M on tears.
Page 61 - Ben, fighting the good fight, continues on and purchases “one million turtles”. Buying all of those turtles really must have made him care about the environment as he then spends money to remove “one million pieces of plastic kept out of the ocean”. What a nice guy.
Page 63 - Helping the resurgence of OL and trying to make them relevant, Ben spends money on “one million offensive linemen prospects”
Page 64 - Guess who’s back? We haven’t heard from Payton in a while but he now decides to do this, “Withdrawing 1 million fake dollars to donate to the Andrew Luck support group”. Ben, happy to see his friend back, says “1 million more to the support group” and “also 3 million professional dollars to the Duke Johnson's shoulder pads fan club”
Page 65 - Payton, going back to his spending ways, decides to send this completely not sponsored message “1m on buying Disney+ so that he can watch Remember the Titans, and Invincible right from his very home, I swear this is not a corporate advertisement”
Page 67 - Ben always has Beaver on his mind, this can especially be shown with what Ben purchases next! “1m to send smoke signals back to @Beaver in the shape of a trumpet :eyes:”
Page 70 - Ben is at is again, spending “1m to buy a signed Mason Rudolph jersey for @Beaver”. This is what true love looks like.
Page 71 - Ben buys “one million pancakes”. As an OL player I support this.
Page 73 - Being a true Dootadore, Ben purchases “one million doots :eyes:”
Page 75 - Reminiscing to the old days, Ben buys “one million san antonio tears”
Page 78 - Ben at it again, spending “one million dollars to bring dd back plz”. I am not sure who dd is though since I am still a youngin
Page 115 - This is what I like to call the dark period, as between Page 78-115 everyone bought normal training and nothing else. This was mainly due to the fact that the main gang were all gone and not on Tijuana anymore. But on this blessed day, Tijuana and Ben both were brought back to Tijuana. It didn’t take long for Payton to continue his spending ways, buying “-$1m for Rufio to get a restraining order”. On whom he got the restraining order for, we will never know.
Page 117 - Ben, happy to finally have his friends back, continues to spend money on things such as “-$1M for weed gummies for Bronko Mills”
Page 118 - Payton, also happy to be talking with Ben again, very nicely pays “-$1m for Ben Alexander-Arnold to move out of his mums basement and get married”
Page 119 - There is a fantasy group in Tijuana, and the only reason I know that is because Ben paid “-$1M for rufio to find our fantasy trophy before the season starts”
Page 120 - Payton must need some help in the fantasy league, since he paid “$1m to pay for a dynasty fantasy guru”
Page 121 - Ben also needs help in fantasy, he spent “-$1M to find out how to draft IDP for our dynasty fantasy draft”
Page 123 - Ben, being the generous person he is, decides to spend “$1M to help Payton think of something funny”
Page 125 - Beaver, while not on Tijuana, had paid for an assassin to lay on Bens pillows so they were not cool when he tried to sleeping on them. In response to this, Ben paid “-$1M to pay the assassin off and actually have him spoon me while I fall asleep”.
Payton as well spent money, in particular “-1m to bovo because he's my hero”
Page 127 - Ben at it again messing with Beaver, spending “-$1M to pay someone to make purchases in Kenya on @Beaver's credit card”
While this is happen Payton is going through a weird kinky phase, spending “-1m for a bigger than life size replica of Giovanni Bernards mustache”
Page 129 - Now that Beaver was back in Tijuana, it didn’t take long for Ben to mess with him, spending “-$1M to hire a busker to sit outside @Beaver's place every night and perform Mr Brightside very badly until he gets sick of it”
Page 130 - Now we are back to the beginning, where this whole journey all began. Ben has now just started paying money to mess with everyone and I am all for it. He paid “-$1M to have someone graffiti "bums" on @speculadora and @PaytonM34 lockers at the OCO facility”. Also Payton paid 1M to send all the lyrics for all of Mr. Brightside to Ben. I’d paste it, but I figured I’d save you all the suffering.
Page 131 - Ben is continuing to be very generous to everyone except Beaver. He decided to spend his hard earned cash by paying “-$1M to throw a welcome party for the new rookies to Tijuana except for Beaver”
Page 132 - He has finally returned. Beaver, the one who had started all of this finally come back to mess with Ben, spending “$1m for a bulk order of legos and the hiring of a ninja to quietly spread them around @Ben 's home while he's sleeping”
Page 134 - I can tell that Ben, Payton, and Beaver are happy to have each other back. Ben spent “1M to cancel the bachelorette so I don't have to listen to @Beaver and @PaytonM34 talk about it in the LR” and Beaver in response paid “1m to convince @Ben to be a contestant on the bachelorette”
Page 136 - Ben is on a tirade, going after Rufio by spending “1M to get Howlett checked for CTE since he got lost in Mexico trying to find the Baltimore locker room”
Page 139 - Beaver again is messing with Ben, spending “1m to hire Clare to stand outside @Ben 's door and whine 24/7”
Page 140 - After Tijuana won the Ultimini, Ben was so excited that he spent “1m to help fix the hangover/comedown after winning another ultimini” and Beaver continues to mess with Ben more, paying “1m to buy enough straws and tape that I can assemble to poke @Ben all the way in australia from here”
Page 141 - Beaver is on a role, now messing with Ben by spending “1m for the world's largest feather so I can tickle @Ben”
Page 142 - Now that Beaver is alone, he is just going in against Ben. I think this is his way of coping without him. He spent “1m worth of deodorant but mail it to @Ben please”
Page 143 - This got a little spicy, Ben now is spending “1m to fly @Beaver to me after he got me all worked up with the poking and tickling and have him finish what he started”
Page 144 - Beaver seems all in on what Ben is offering, preparing himself by spending “1m worth of yoga lessons in anticipation of this... rendezvous with @Ben”
Finally, Ben with the last message currently is spending money to help out Beaver, spending “1m to plan @Beaver's illegal entry to Australia and sneak him past border security”
Conclusion
Well I don’t know about you all, but this was a very beautiful and enlightening story. I hope that we can all look at what they have done and maybe take some inspiration from this.
Final totals on money spent are:
@Beaver - $15M
@PaytonM34 - $12M
@Ben - $35M
@slothfacekilla - $1M
Congrats you guys. You all spent a shit ton of money on random stuff. I hope you are proud. I know I am after writing this article. There isn’t a more fun way to watch $63M go down the drain.
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