05-27-2021, 02:09 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-28-2021, 06:29 AM by jzajenius36.)
2x Media Bonus Claim
I first joined this league in July of last year and, despite having little idea what was going on, what I should be accomplishing, and how incapable I was of keeping up with team discords, I have somehow managed to be both active and a contributing member to an ISFL franchise. While I’ve heard some folks lament how slow the seasons are, they seem anything but to me. The amount of times I’ve gone back to count how many seasons I’ve played and double check my draft year is hilarious. I can hardly believe I’ve been in the ISFL for 4 seasons now. Well as the seasons begin to pile up, Liberty names and faces become more recognizable, and my build becomes more viable, I thought it’d be nice to take a quick stroll down memory lane and check in with some old allies. Those whom I shared my inaugural season in the DSFL with, in Portland, with the Pythons.
Season 24 in the ISFL. That was probably my most active time in the league, despite being quite overwhelmed. I really had no idea that fantasy leagues this in-depth existed, never mind for most of the major sports. So I jumped in feet first to the discord chat and posting as my Honky Tonk persona in the media page. Eventually I found a lot of that a bit draining, but I’ve stayed active. I’ve started to remember names of players from my Portland days as they pass me on the field of the ISFL. Yet I’ve never done a dive back to S24. Although this wasn’t the most in-depth research project, it was really interesting to see who stuck it out, and who flamed out. So without further ado let’s jump right in to some of my findings:
League stars:
I figured I’d break the players into groups, since there are too many to talk about individually. The players I’ll mention here are nearly household names, if they aren’t already. I’ll speak on these players in no particular order:
Sam Howitzer, QB, New York Silverbacks
Originally drafted by the Yellow Knife Wraiths at pick 24 in the season 24 draft, he is now head honcho in New York. Man he absolutely tore it up for the Pythons in my only year there. His crazy statlines of 62% completion percentage and a 21/6 touchdown to INT ratio had him at number 1 with a bullet for the QB of the year and MVP trophies. While he was unable to guide the Pythons to the playoffs, it was no fault of his. Howitzer is now the face of the Silverbacks, having quarterbacked the team from NY since its inception into the league in his rookie season. While there have been growing pains, his 15:5 TD:INT ratio from a year ago is a sign things are building quickly in NY, and I can’t wait to get another shot at him this year.
Brad Thomaslacher, LB, Austin Copperheads
A man whom needs no introduction. An absolute force of nature. Thomaslacher, Captain of the team from Austin, is a name all offensive players know, especially coming off a year with 10 tackles for loss, 10 sacks, and 95 tackles. The combination of Thomaslacher, Tyler Mountain, and Dex Kennedy is arguably the most feared linebacking core in the league. I’d highlight his humble beginnings, but there really are none. In my year with Brad, he finished in the top 10 in tackles while disrupting plays and dropping into coverage. He was grabbed with the 12th selection in the ISFL S24 draft. Thomaslacher was asked to do a lot in Portland as the defensive front was young, but he was a joy in the locker room and a true leader of men. We’ll be seeing a lot of him, going-forward.
Darren Pama, WR, Arizona Outlaws
This man jumped on the scene and has not taken his foot off the gas pedal. Since his rookie year, he’s been a media king in the league. One of the most frequently heard and recognized players already, many may still not even know Pama’s tumultuous ride to stardom. Pama was originally drafted as a tight end going into Portland. Unfortunately for Pama, Portland (or – porTEland) drafted a stable of tight ends in his draft class as part of a strategy to target players with potential over positional need or fit. Ultimately, this strategy lead to Pama transitioning to running back during his time with Portland. While Pama’s commitment to griding and improving was never questioned, his season at RB wasn’t great. While he finished just a bit short of 1,000 yards on the year, he was only able to cobble together a 4.0 yards per carry average, and essentially split time in half with Anders Christiansen. Though the run game was a bit stagnant, it was clear Pama was going to be a committed player and locker room presence. He’s since made the successful transition to Wide Receiver, and jumped from 300 yards in his rookie ISFL year, to 500, and most recently up to 900. No doubt he will crack the top 10 in receiving yards this coming year.
Dan Foster, DB, Yellow Knife Wraiths
Foster was the highest draft pick from this group of individuals, which is saying a lot. He was selected second overall and has since found much success, including multiple titles, with the Yellow Knife Wraiths. While his numbers in Portland weren’t anything outstanding, they were quite solid for a rookie. His 68 tackles were good for 4th in the league amongst quarterbacks, and his 15 passes defensed were tied for third across the whole league. Foster showed his tackling acumen in his rookie ISFL career, registering 77. The ensuing season had the Wraiths out in front of the league with 13 wins, and with Foster registering 66 tackles and one interception, it was clear the Wraiths would be able to bring him along slowly. Or so they thought. In the Wraiths’ round 1 playoff game, Foster registered an interception in his first career playoff game. Not to be outdone, in a slugfest in round 2 versus the Sailfish, Foster recorded his first career sack. For most players, these are contributions to be proud of in your ISFL sophomore year. But those players aren’t Dan Foster. In the Season 26 Ultimus, the Wraiths would go on to stomp the Second Line. The Wraiths’ offense was clicking, but the New Orleans nightmare wasn’t orchestrated by Colby Jack, no no, the leading Wraith in this horror flick is the apparition known as Dan Foster. Foster finished the day with three interceptions, including one taken all the way to the house, to go along with his 5 tackles. His status was cemented at that moment as a defensive juggernaut, in only his second year. Two years later, Foster was awarded the team captaincy
And set his career high with 4 picks in the regular season. He set the tone early in the S28 playoffs with 3 passes defensed and an interception, and he and his defensive comrades went on to win the Ultimus while allowing opponents an average of only 15 points per game in 3 playoff games. So for those counting at home, in four years Foster has earned the team captaincy, won two Ultimus titles, and been the MVP of one of them. Makes me want to grab my resume and stick it in the shredder! I’m excited to follow Foster’s career to see what other hardware comes his way.
Joel Drake, FS, Colorado Yeti
Drake was one of 5 Pythons selected as a second rounder in the ISFL draft. And boy was this a home run pick by Colorado. While Dan Foster was a solid but not spectacular member of the Python’s secondary on the stat sheet, Drake went in the other direction. He took home the Season 24 Safety of the Year trophy for his play, which included 82 tackles, 3 interceptions, 2 sacks, and an impressive two defensive touchdowns. The ultimate playmaker in the DSFL, expectations were much more subdued in Drake’s rookie ISFL season. Woops! From week 1 it was clear he would be picking up right where he left off, as he lead the Yeti in tackles with 8, and a pass defensed in a win over Sarasota. He went on to finish with a whopping 133 tackles, good for 7th in the league, to go along with 3 INTS, 19 passes defensed, and a Drake-patented defensive touchdown. The Yeti won 13 games that year but came up just short of an Ultimus. While his total counting stats and the team’s success has regressed since Drake’s rookie year, he’s still sitting at an impressive 13 career interceptions in four years (14 including week 1 of season 28), and is clearly one of the league’s premier playmakers at the safety position.
Chuck Roth, defensive tackle, Arizona Outlaws
This man is just so fat and skilled, he can get it done on either side of the ball – and by get it done, I mean dominate. Roth was an offensive tackle for our Portland Pythons. As soon as he showed up, it was on. He finished his rookie year second in the DSFL with 59 pancakes and 2 sacks allowed. He was clearly headed for stardom as a tackle; however, apparently playing tackle wasn’t good enough – Roth wanted to tally some tackles as well. The Pythons, having lost superstar Honky Tonk Haywood the previous season, shifted Roth to fill the void at defensive tackle. The result? Roth finished second in sacks amongst defensive tackles and tied for second with 8 tackles for loss. It was clear the man had found his home. The following season, Roth came up with Arizona and tallied an impressive 45 tackles, 3 for a loss, and three sacks. Having gotten his nose wet, Roth went ahead and finished Season 27 tied for first amongst defensive tackles with 8 sacks, including a safety. Ho-hum, another 7 sacks the next year and 6 tackles for loss, along with 2 fumbles forced and recovered. Roth is going be a problem for a long time, in the middle of the Arizona defense. While it makes me happy to see fellow teammates succeed, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit jealous. Roth switches to my position, comes up to the ISFL, and just makes it look easy out there. The only solace I can take is that, so far thru season 29, Honky Tonk is leading defensive tackles in tackles.
So many other players I’d love to profile and are deserving. Here’s to looking at you Davriel Levine, Blago Kokot, and Tugg Speedman! I’m sorry! But I’d like to get to my next section of my article before my fingers fall off.
Pouring some out:
This section goes out to my homies that aint make it. To those who had promising careers shattered by…injuries…or other issues. This was definitely an eye-opening exercise. Some of these guys I remember well, while some seemed like sure-fire hall of famers down the line. Time is a cruel mistress.
Angelo Cirilli, Defensive Tackle, Free Agent
First up is the man I felt most akin to when I first arrived in the league. Both Cirilli and myself built defensive tackles and were selected late in the DSFL draft by Portland. We were both pretty vocal in the locker room and matched eachothers’ hype as well as our teammates’. Each game in our rookie season felt like appointment viewing. It was super fun. Well maybe more for me. While Angelo and Honky Tonk were nearly even in terms of build and TPE earned, Angelo unfortunately committed an error during one of his updates and as a result, fell behind Haywood in TPE earned and playing time. While there were rumors that Angelo’s responsibilities outside of the ISFL largely contributed to his resulting inactivity, I’ve always quietly surmised that the TPE issues and lack of playing time, mixed with his drop in the draft, cemented it. I’ll always have a soft spot for the big fella, and I hope one day he finds his way back here.
Donald McBobby, OL, Arizona Outlaws
I mentioned earlier that some of my former Python teammates seemed like locks for super stardom. Well McBobby was at the top of the charts without exaggeration. In his inaugural DSFL season with Portland, McBobby registered 85 tackles, two TFL, a team leading six sacks, an interception, and a safety. The man was seemingly everywhere, even with two other super talented linebackers next to him. While I wasn’t around to witness his Season 25, McBobby went on to record 97 tackles, ten sacks, and seven passes defensed. Not a bad DSFL career, ey? However, despite the achievements, McBobby wasn’t selected until mid-third round. Seems the GMs were on to something early. McBobby’s activity fell off a cliff in late 2020, with updates coming more and more sporadic. Eventually Arizona shifted McBobby to offensive lineman, where he continues to contribute. Really one of the true “what ifs” from the S24/25 Pythons roster.
Matty Martinsson, LB, Free Agent
Martinsson is basically a parallel of McBobby. Another linebacker for Portland whom found immediate success, but nearly just as quickly disappeared into the ether. Martinsson jumped onto the scene in season 24 DSFL, leading the Pythons in tackles with 103, which put him at 8th in the league. This despite fighting for tackles alongside talented fellow linebackers Thomaslacher and McBobby. Again, though I wasn’t there for his sophomore season, Martinsson followed up with 87 tackles and 10 TFL, along with three sacks. Unfortunately, Matty boy disappeared after a mid-November update, never to be seen again. He was perhaps reluctantly picked at number 82 of the sixth round in the ISFL draft, where he has since failed to find a roster spot in the league. Another shining example of a player with potential out the wazoo who just didn’t have the drive to make it in the league.
Korbin Brown, WR, Retired
Brown absolutely crushed it in his season 24 DSFL year. Howitzer’s favorite target, Brown finished third in the league with 75 catches and 886 yards and lead the league with 9 receiving TD’s. As if that wasn’t enough, Brown also tallied over 1,100 total return yards – the only returner to finish with over 1,000 combined return yards – and 2 return touchdowns. Not surprisingly, he took home the Kick Returner of the Year honors. He had already been selected in the third round of the ISFL draft the year before and seemed primed for a stellar career as he graduated to his ISFL roster. Brown went on to produce nicely for Baltimore in his rookie year, posting 69 catches for 815 yards and 7 touchdowns. However, after the season, Brown went out to the media and stated he would be opting out of his contract to pursue a more expansive role with another team. HOWEVER, a social media post by Brown on, wait for it, April 1st, 2021, indicated he would be retiring. While this announcement was later clarified as satire, Brown officially filed his retirement paperwork on May 16th, 2021. Rumors have it that the league office was nonplussed with the joke and may have prompted the official retirement announcement. Ok, well…there’s all that. One of the most bizarre stories I’ve come across in this league. Whatever happened, it’s sad to see a player with so much potential leave the league at such a young age. No doubt Brown would’ve been one of the flashiest receivers in the league in the upcoming seasons.
Nick Marksman, Tight End, Free Agent
Similar to the others listed above, Marksman had promise that’s for sure. 68 catches for 605 yards placed in second in the league amongst tight ends. Again, we had an unceremonious exit from the league. Tricky Nick never showed up for the ensuing minicamp and was never heard from again. No interesting anecdotes a la Korbin Brown. Just dust in the wind.
Pseudo QB, Kicker, Honolulu Hahalua
This is a player that I’ve written about several times in order to bestow accolades upon him for his Season 24 DSFL season. So it’s especially painful to see this player out of the league. Pseudo QB paired with Blagot Kokot (and Korbin Brown) to form arguably the greatest season for a special teams unit in DSFL history. Pseudo QB, the kicker, was exceptional even in this group. He finished the season 28 for 28, and just missed out on a perfect kicking season as he went 32 for 33 in point after attempts. Most impressively he did most of his damage from distance. He was 9/9 from 40-49 and 1/1 from 50+. Only 6 of his kicks came within 29 yards. He also set the distance record for the season with a long of 50. Would you be surprised if I told you he won kicker of the year? As mentioned he, along with Kokot and Brown, swept the Kicker, Punter, and Returner of the Year awards for DSFL Season 24. Again, there’s no crazy turn of events or drama that took place. Pseudo just kind of vanished. Crazy to think a player with one of the most impressive performances in special teams history didn’t have the gumption to stick with it. A real shame. Regardless, I’ll remember him fondly as part of a unit that really was special.
Dave Batista, wide receiver, retired
Another player that initially joined the team as a tight end. As you can see, between Markman, Pama, and Batista, changes needed to be made early. Well Batista was quickly moved over to a wide receiver position to keep him on the field. The early results were encouraging indeed. Batista finished his rookie season with 55 catches, good for twelfth in the league, to go along with four touchdowns. However, Batista was not a one-profession man. Despite being drafted in the second round, as the 27th overall pick, his moonlighting days as an actor caught more traction as Batista continued to dabble in roles during the post-season 24 offseason. Finally, after rumors swirled for months about his future, Batista called a press conference to announce he was retiring in order to more fully commit to following his dreams in the film industry. While it shouldn’t be a surprise that Batista and his gregarious nature has found success in larger roles on the big screen and on streaming services, it’s regrettable that we weren’t able to see where his ISFL career could’ve taken him. Nonetheless, we wish Dave Batista well in his other persuits.
Some late bloomers on the rise:
I almost submitted this write up without this section, but I wanted to give a quick shout out to a couple guys who aren’t TPE grinders, but who have continued to slowly stack them up and are contributing to teams.
Marc Hamel, offensive tackle, New York silverbacks
A big boi with a bright future. Marc Hamel stepped onto the scene and immediately began rag-dolling defensive lineman out of the way. Hamel combined with Portland Pythons Offensive lineman Chuck Roth to qualify as two of the top 5 offensive linemen in total pancakes. Hamel also only allowed two sacks on the entire year. Hamel went on to win offensive lineman of the year and finished second in the DSFL with 61 pancakes in the DSFL Season 25 year, allowing only one sack this time around. Despite the accolades, Hamel fell to the fifth round, pick 58 overall. There were questions regarding his conditioning and work ethic headed into the ISFL. Hamel came out his rookie ISFL season and really showed promise. While his pancake numbers weren’t terrific, he only allowed one sack; however, season 27 was a set back. Hamel was directly attributed six sacks against him – the most out of any qualified offensive lineman that finished in the top ~35 in pancakes. The Silverbacks as a whole finished with a disappointing 3.6 average yards per rush, while QB Howitzer struggled to get anything going in the air. The following season was better for Hamel and the Silverbacks in general, as team performance improved. Hamel may have finally found his groove as, so far into the current season, he’s tied for third in total pancakes. While Hamel dind’t immediately live up to his DSFL numbers, he’s been a steady contributor for NY and may be turning into the lineman we always thought he was. Hey, some guys just need more time. I’m happy to see things moving in the right direction for the big fella.
Anders Christiansen, running back, Philadelphia Liberty
Here’s a Liberty teammate I get to talk about! Christiansen, like Hamel, had an extremely successful career that didn’t translate into a high draft pick for the ISFL. Obviously running backs are in abundance most years, but this player really did all he could in two DSFL years. Despite sharing the backfield with Darren Pama, Christiansen finished his rookie year in the top-15 in rushing yards with a respectable 4.4 average per carry and four touchdowns. Establishing himself as the lighting to Pama’s thunder. The following season revealed the same backfield timeshare for both players, with the results mirroring their rookie season. While Pama finished fourth in the DSFL with 1,300+ yards, a 4.4 average per carry, and 8 touchdowns, Christiansen contributed a thousand yard season as well, with a 66 yard long and a 5.0 average per carry. The pair were one of only two teams to have two running backs with over 1,000 yards rushing. Christiansen finished second in the DSFL in yards per carry for players who had more than 25 attempts. However, Christansen’s commitment was questioned before the draft, as was his ability considering the great offensive line in front of him. The result was his drop to the sixth round of the draft, to pick 74. Perhaps the best thing that could’ve happened to him. Christiansen continued to grind and prove the doubters wrong. He worked his way into a small role for Colorado in season 27, getting only 35 touches but scoring six touchdowns. This caught the eye of the Liberty, who went out and got him for Season 28. Despite the rebuild in Philly and his secondary status to lauded running back Darryl Williams, Christiansen finished in the top 15 in rushing with a 4.1 yard average while Williams was dancing his way to 1,00 yards, a 5.0 average, and 16 touchdowns. Christansen has cemented himself as a terrific change of pace back, and he continues that role coming into this season next to rookie rb Lonnie Jackson. I’m excited to share the sideline with a former Python and hope/believe we will achieve great success in the coming years as our draft class grows into a force.
So that’s it. I gotta say it was quite fun to do this. As a guy who doesn’t pay nearly enough attention to the league goings-on, a trip down memory lane was long overdue. I’m looking forward to seeing where a lot of these guys are a couple season from now. While a few players have hit 1k-plus TPE, there are more of us on the way. Soon enough, the league will be run by the Howitzers, Pamas, and Thomaslacher’s of the league. I just hope my guy Honky Tonk is good enough to keep up! Cheers to you, my former Portland Python teammates! Good luck on your journey’s to stardom.
I first joined this league in July of last year and, despite having little idea what was going on, what I should be accomplishing, and how incapable I was of keeping up with team discords, I have somehow managed to be both active and a contributing member to an ISFL franchise. While I’ve heard some folks lament how slow the seasons are, they seem anything but to me. The amount of times I’ve gone back to count how many seasons I’ve played and double check my draft year is hilarious. I can hardly believe I’ve been in the ISFL for 4 seasons now. Well as the seasons begin to pile up, Liberty names and faces become more recognizable, and my build becomes more viable, I thought it’d be nice to take a quick stroll down memory lane and check in with some old allies. Those whom I shared my inaugural season in the DSFL with, in Portland, with the Pythons.
Season 24 in the ISFL. That was probably my most active time in the league, despite being quite overwhelmed. I really had no idea that fantasy leagues this in-depth existed, never mind for most of the major sports. So I jumped in feet first to the discord chat and posting as my Honky Tonk persona in the media page. Eventually I found a lot of that a bit draining, but I’ve stayed active. I’ve started to remember names of players from my Portland days as they pass me on the field of the ISFL. Yet I’ve never done a dive back to S24. Although this wasn’t the most in-depth research project, it was really interesting to see who stuck it out, and who flamed out. So without further ado let’s jump right in to some of my findings:
League stars:
I figured I’d break the players into groups, since there are too many to talk about individually. The players I’ll mention here are nearly household names, if they aren’t already. I’ll speak on these players in no particular order:
Sam Howitzer, QB, New York Silverbacks
Originally drafted by the Yellow Knife Wraiths at pick 24 in the season 24 draft, he is now head honcho in New York. Man he absolutely tore it up for the Pythons in my only year there. His crazy statlines of 62% completion percentage and a 21/6 touchdown to INT ratio had him at number 1 with a bullet for the QB of the year and MVP trophies. While he was unable to guide the Pythons to the playoffs, it was no fault of his. Howitzer is now the face of the Silverbacks, having quarterbacked the team from NY since its inception into the league in his rookie season. While there have been growing pains, his 15:5 TD:INT ratio from a year ago is a sign things are building quickly in NY, and I can’t wait to get another shot at him this year.
Brad Thomaslacher, LB, Austin Copperheads
A man whom needs no introduction. An absolute force of nature. Thomaslacher, Captain of the team from Austin, is a name all offensive players know, especially coming off a year with 10 tackles for loss, 10 sacks, and 95 tackles. The combination of Thomaslacher, Tyler Mountain, and Dex Kennedy is arguably the most feared linebacking core in the league. I’d highlight his humble beginnings, but there really are none. In my year with Brad, he finished in the top 10 in tackles while disrupting plays and dropping into coverage. He was grabbed with the 12th selection in the ISFL S24 draft. Thomaslacher was asked to do a lot in Portland as the defensive front was young, but he was a joy in the locker room and a true leader of men. We’ll be seeing a lot of him, going-forward.
Darren Pama, WR, Arizona Outlaws
This man jumped on the scene and has not taken his foot off the gas pedal. Since his rookie year, he’s been a media king in the league. One of the most frequently heard and recognized players already, many may still not even know Pama’s tumultuous ride to stardom. Pama was originally drafted as a tight end going into Portland. Unfortunately for Pama, Portland (or – porTEland) drafted a stable of tight ends in his draft class as part of a strategy to target players with potential over positional need or fit. Ultimately, this strategy lead to Pama transitioning to running back during his time with Portland. While Pama’s commitment to griding and improving was never questioned, his season at RB wasn’t great. While he finished just a bit short of 1,000 yards on the year, he was only able to cobble together a 4.0 yards per carry average, and essentially split time in half with Anders Christiansen. Though the run game was a bit stagnant, it was clear Pama was going to be a committed player and locker room presence. He’s since made the successful transition to Wide Receiver, and jumped from 300 yards in his rookie ISFL year, to 500, and most recently up to 900. No doubt he will crack the top 10 in receiving yards this coming year.
Dan Foster, DB, Yellow Knife Wraiths
Foster was the highest draft pick from this group of individuals, which is saying a lot. He was selected second overall and has since found much success, including multiple titles, with the Yellow Knife Wraiths. While his numbers in Portland weren’t anything outstanding, they were quite solid for a rookie. His 68 tackles were good for 4th in the league amongst quarterbacks, and his 15 passes defensed were tied for third across the whole league. Foster showed his tackling acumen in his rookie ISFL career, registering 77. The ensuing season had the Wraiths out in front of the league with 13 wins, and with Foster registering 66 tackles and one interception, it was clear the Wraiths would be able to bring him along slowly. Or so they thought. In the Wraiths’ round 1 playoff game, Foster registered an interception in his first career playoff game. Not to be outdone, in a slugfest in round 2 versus the Sailfish, Foster recorded his first career sack. For most players, these are contributions to be proud of in your ISFL sophomore year. But those players aren’t Dan Foster. In the Season 26 Ultimus, the Wraiths would go on to stomp the Second Line. The Wraiths’ offense was clicking, but the New Orleans nightmare wasn’t orchestrated by Colby Jack, no no, the leading Wraith in this horror flick is the apparition known as Dan Foster. Foster finished the day with three interceptions, including one taken all the way to the house, to go along with his 5 tackles. His status was cemented at that moment as a defensive juggernaut, in only his second year. Two years later, Foster was awarded the team captaincy
And set his career high with 4 picks in the regular season. He set the tone early in the S28 playoffs with 3 passes defensed and an interception, and he and his defensive comrades went on to win the Ultimus while allowing opponents an average of only 15 points per game in 3 playoff games. So for those counting at home, in four years Foster has earned the team captaincy, won two Ultimus titles, and been the MVP of one of them. Makes me want to grab my resume and stick it in the shredder! I’m excited to follow Foster’s career to see what other hardware comes his way.
Joel Drake, FS, Colorado Yeti
Drake was one of 5 Pythons selected as a second rounder in the ISFL draft. And boy was this a home run pick by Colorado. While Dan Foster was a solid but not spectacular member of the Python’s secondary on the stat sheet, Drake went in the other direction. He took home the Season 24 Safety of the Year trophy for his play, which included 82 tackles, 3 interceptions, 2 sacks, and an impressive two defensive touchdowns. The ultimate playmaker in the DSFL, expectations were much more subdued in Drake’s rookie ISFL season. Woops! From week 1 it was clear he would be picking up right where he left off, as he lead the Yeti in tackles with 8, and a pass defensed in a win over Sarasota. He went on to finish with a whopping 133 tackles, good for 7th in the league, to go along with 3 INTS, 19 passes defensed, and a Drake-patented defensive touchdown. The Yeti won 13 games that year but came up just short of an Ultimus. While his total counting stats and the team’s success has regressed since Drake’s rookie year, he’s still sitting at an impressive 13 career interceptions in four years (14 including week 1 of season 28), and is clearly one of the league’s premier playmakers at the safety position.
Chuck Roth, defensive tackle, Arizona Outlaws
This man is just so fat and skilled, he can get it done on either side of the ball – and by get it done, I mean dominate. Roth was an offensive tackle for our Portland Pythons. As soon as he showed up, it was on. He finished his rookie year second in the DSFL with 59 pancakes and 2 sacks allowed. He was clearly headed for stardom as a tackle; however, apparently playing tackle wasn’t good enough – Roth wanted to tally some tackles as well. The Pythons, having lost superstar Honky Tonk Haywood the previous season, shifted Roth to fill the void at defensive tackle. The result? Roth finished second in sacks amongst defensive tackles and tied for second with 8 tackles for loss. It was clear the man had found his home. The following season, Roth came up with Arizona and tallied an impressive 45 tackles, 3 for a loss, and three sacks. Having gotten his nose wet, Roth went ahead and finished Season 27 tied for first amongst defensive tackles with 8 sacks, including a safety. Ho-hum, another 7 sacks the next year and 6 tackles for loss, along with 2 fumbles forced and recovered. Roth is going be a problem for a long time, in the middle of the Arizona defense. While it makes me happy to see fellow teammates succeed, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit jealous. Roth switches to my position, comes up to the ISFL, and just makes it look easy out there. The only solace I can take is that, so far thru season 29, Honky Tonk is leading defensive tackles in tackles.
So many other players I’d love to profile and are deserving. Here’s to looking at you Davriel Levine, Blago Kokot, and Tugg Speedman! I’m sorry! But I’d like to get to my next section of my article before my fingers fall off.
Pouring some out:
This section goes out to my homies that aint make it. To those who had promising careers shattered by…injuries…or other issues. This was definitely an eye-opening exercise. Some of these guys I remember well, while some seemed like sure-fire hall of famers down the line. Time is a cruel mistress.
Angelo Cirilli, Defensive Tackle, Free Agent
First up is the man I felt most akin to when I first arrived in the league. Both Cirilli and myself built defensive tackles and were selected late in the DSFL draft by Portland. We were both pretty vocal in the locker room and matched eachothers’ hype as well as our teammates’. Each game in our rookie season felt like appointment viewing. It was super fun. Well maybe more for me. While Angelo and Honky Tonk were nearly even in terms of build and TPE earned, Angelo unfortunately committed an error during one of his updates and as a result, fell behind Haywood in TPE earned and playing time. While there were rumors that Angelo’s responsibilities outside of the ISFL largely contributed to his resulting inactivity, I’ve always quietly surmised that the TPE issues and lack of playing time, mixed with his drop in the draft, cemented it. I’ll always have a soft spot for the big fella, and I hope one day he finds his way back here.
Donald McBobby, OL, Arizona Outlaws
I mentioned earlier that some of my former Python teammates seemed like locks for super stardom. Well McBobby was at the top of the charts without exaggeration. In his inaugural DSFL season with Portland, McBobby registered 85 tackles, two TFL, a team leading six sacks, an interception, and a safety. The man was seemingly everywhere, even with two other super talented linebackers next to him. While I wasn’t around to witness his Season 25, McBobby went on to record 97 tackles, ten sacks, and seven passes defensed. Not a bad DSFL career, ey? However, despite the achievements, McBobby wasn’t selected until mid-third round. Seems the GMs were on to something early. McBobby’s activity fell off a cliff in late 2020, with updates coming more and more sporadic. Eventually Arizona shifted McBobby to offensive lineman, where he continues to contribute. Really one of the true “what ifs” from the S24/25 Pythons roster.
Matty Martinsson, LB, Free Agent
Martinsson is basically a parallel of McBobby. Another linebacker for Portland whom found immediate success, but nearly just as quickly disappeared into the ether. Martinsson jumped onto the scene in season 24 DSFL, leading the Pythons in tackles with 103, which put him at 8th in the league. This despite fighting for tackles alongside talented fellow linebackers Thomaslacher and McBobby. Again, though I wasn’t there for his sophomore season, Martinsson followed up with 87 tackles and 10 TFL, along with three sacks. Unfortunately, Matty boy disappeared after a mid-November update, never to be seen again. He was perhaps reluctantly picked at number 82 of the sixth round in the ISFL draft, where he has since failed to find a roster spot in the league. Another shining example of a player with potential out the wazoo who just didn’t have the drive to make it in the league.
Korbin Brown, WR, Retired
Brown absolutely crushed it in his season 24 DSFL year. Howitzer’s favorite target, Brown finished third in the league with 75 catches and 886 yards and lead the league with 9 receiving TD’s. As if that wasn’t enough, Brown also tallied over 1,100 total return yards – the only returner to finish with over 1,000 combined return yards – and 2 return touchdowns. Not surprisingly, he took home the Kick Returner of the Year honors. He had already been selected in the third round of the ISFL draft the year before and seemed primed for a stellar career as he graduated to his ISFL roster. Brown went on to produce nicely for Baltimore in his rookie year, posting 69 catches for 815 yards and 7 touchdowns. However, after the season, Brown went out to the media and stated he would be opting out of his contract to pursue a more expansive role with another team. HOWEVER, a social media post by Brown on, wait for it, April 1st, 2021, indicated he would be retiring. While this announcement was later clarified as satire, Brown officially filed his retirement paperwork on May 16th, 2021. Rumors have it that the league office was nonplussed with the joke and may have prompted the official retirement announcement. Ok, well…there’s all that. One of the most bizarre stories I’ve come across in this league. Whatever happened, it’s sad to see a player with so much potential leave the league at such a young age. No doubt Brown would’ve been one of the flashiest receivers in the league in the upcoming seasons.
Nick Marksman, Tight End, Free Agent
Similar to the others listed above, Marksman had promise that’s for sure. 68 catches for 605 yards placed in second in the league amongst tight ends. Again, we had an unceremonious exit from the league. Tricky Nick never showed up for the ensuing minicamp and was never heard from again. No interesting anecdotes a la Korbin Brown. Just dust in the wind.
Pseudo QB, Kicker, Honolulu Hahalua
This is a player that I’ve written about several times in order to bestow accolades upon him for his Season 24 DSFL season. So it’s especially painful to see this player out of the league. Pseudo QB paired with Blagot Kokot (and Korbin Brown) to form arguably the greatest season for a special teams unit in DSFL history. Pseudo QB, the kicker, was exceptional even in this group. He finished the season 28 for 28, and just missed out on a perfect kicking season as he went 32 for 33 in point after attempts. Most impressively he did most of his damage from distance. He was 9/9 from 40-49 and 1/1 from 50+. Only 6 of his kicks came within 29 yards. He also set the distance record for the season with a long of 50. Would you be surprised if I told you he won kicker of the year? As mentioned he, along with Kokot and Brown, swept the Kicker, Punter, and Returner of the Year awards for DSFL Season 24. Again, there’s no crazy turn of events or drama that took place. Pseudo just kind of vanished. Crazy to think a player with one of the most impressive performances in special teams history didn’t have the gumption to stick with it. A real shame. Regardless, I’ll remember him fondly as part of a unit that really was special.
Dave Batista, wide receiver, retired
Another player that initially joined the team as a tight end. As you can see, between Markman, Pama, and Batista, changes needed to be made early. Well Batista was quickly moved over to a wide receiver position to keep him on the field. The early results were encouraging indeed. Batista finished his rookie season with 55 catches, good for twelfth in the league, to go along with four touchdowns. However, Batista was not a one-profession man. Despite being drafted in the second round, as the 27th overall pick, his moonlighting days as an actor caught more traction as Batista continued to dabble in roles during the post-season 24 offseason. Finally, after rumors swirled for months about his future, Batista called a press conference to announce he was retiring in order to more fully commit to following his dreams in the film industry. While it shouldn’t be a surprise that Batista and his gregarious nature has found success in larger roles on the big screen and on streaming services, it’s regrettable that we weren’t able to see where his ISFL career could’ve taken him. Nonetheless, we wish Dave Batista well in his other persuits.
Some late bloomers on the rise:
I almost submitted this write up without this section, but I wanted to give a quick shout out to a couple guys who aren’t TPE grinders, but who have continued to slowly stack them up and are contributing to teams.
Marc Hamel, offensive tackle, New York silverbacks
A big boi with a bright future. Marc Hamel stepped onto the scene and immediately began rag-dolling defensive lineman out of the way. Hamel combined with Portland Pythons Offensive lineman Chuck Roth to qualify as two of the top 5 offensive linemen in total pancakes. Hamel also only allowed two sacks on the entire year. Hamel went on to win offensive lineman of the year and finished second in the DSFL with 61 pancakes in the DSFL Season 25 year, allowing only one sack this time around. Despite the accolades, Hamel fell to the fifth round, pick 58 overall. There were questions regarding his conditioning and work ethic headed into the ISFL. Hamel came out his rookie ISFL season and really showed promise. While his pancake numbers weren’t terrific, he only allowed one sack; however, season 27 was a set back. Hamel was directly attributed six sacks against him – the most out of any qualified offensive lineman that finished in the top ~35 in pancakes. The Silverbacks as a whole finished with a disappointing 3.6 average yards per rush, while QB Howitzer struggled to get anything going in the air. The following season was better for Hamel and the Silverbacks in general, as team performance improved. Hamel may have finally found his groove as, so far into the current season, he’s tied for third in total pancakes. While Hamel dind’t immediately live up to his DSFL numbers, he’s been a steady contributor for NY and may be turning into the lineman we always thought he was. Hey, some guys just need more time. I’m happy to see things moving in the right direction for the big fella.
Anders Christiansen, running back, Philadelphia Liberty
Here’s a Liberty teammate I get to talk about! Christiansen, like Hamel, had an extremely successful career that didn’t translate into a high draft pick for the ISFL. Obviously running backs are in abundance most years, but this player really did all he could in two DSFL years. Despite sharing the backfield with Darren Pama, Christiansen finished his rookie year in the top-15 in rushing yards with a respectable 4.4 average per carry and four touchdowns. Establishing himself as the lighting to Pama’s thunder. The following season revealed the same backfield timeshare for both players, with the results mirroring their rookie season. While Pama finished fourth in the DSFL with 1,300+ yards, a 4.4 average per carry, and 8 touchdowns, Christiansen contributed a thousand yard season as well, with a 66 yard long and a 5.0 average per carry. The pair were one of only two teams to have two running backs with over 1,000 yards rushing. Christiansen finished second in the DSFL in yards per carry for players who had more than 25 attempts. However, Christansen’s commitment was questioned before the draft, as was his ability considering the great offensive line in front of him. The result was his drop to the sixth round of the draft, to pick 74. Perhaps the best thing that could’ve happened to him. Christiansen continued to grind and prove the doubters wrong. He worked his way into a small role for Colorado in season 27, getting only 35 touches but scoring six touchdowns. This caught the eye of the Liberty, who went out and got him for Season 28. Despite the rebuild in Philly and his secondary status to lauded running back Darryl Williams, Christiansen finished in the top 15 in rushing with a 4.1 yard average while Williams was dancing his way to 1,00 yards, a 5.0 average, and 16 touchdowns. Christansen has cemented himself as a terrific change of pace back, and he continues that role coming into this season next to rookie rb Lonnie Jackson. I’m excited to share the sideline with a former Python and hope/believe we will achieve great success in the coming years as our draft class grows into a force.
So that’s it. I gotta say it was quite fun to do this. As a guy who doesn’t pay nearly enough attention to the league goings-on, a trip down memory lane was long overdue. I’m looking forward to seeing where a lot of these guys are a couple season from now. While a few players have hit 1k-plus TPE, there are more of us on the way. Soon enough, the league will be run by the Howitzers, Pamas, and Thomaslacher’s of the league. I just hope my guy Honky Tonk is good enough to keep up! Cheers to you, my former Portland Python teammates! Good luck on your journey’s to stardom.
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