12-27-2021, 04:02 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-07-2022, 03:36 AM by Asked Madden. Edited 1 time in total.)
Top 5 individual performances – DSFL
Well now that I’m into 25% regression at this stage of my career, it’s safe to say it’s been a long time since I’ve paid much if any attention to the goings-on of the DSFL. So now that we’ve entered double-media days, mixed with the fact that I can’t keep my player competitive via once-a-season media posts, it’s probably time I start paying attention to the DSFL again as I’m likely to be back there shortly. What better way than to take my general media motif of “top 5 something-or-other…” and apply it to some great performances that likely went unnoticed or ignored by jerks like me – which I am assuming may be a large number of ISFL players.
Pre-list apologies
As always, when I do these lists I tend to overlook guys and only come to see that for myself towards the end of my articles. BIG WOOP WHATEVER ITS JUST STUPID MEDIA…I mean…sorry about that. I’d like to take a moment to shout out two guys who belonged somewhere here. Those two would be:
MINN RB Lalu Muhammad Zohri, and;
NOR QB Malcolm Savage
Both guys had 6 mentions a piece in the top offensive performances via the Index. Both guys should rest easy knowing they’re likely the leaders in the clubhouse for some actual, official DSFL awards this season. Sorry and congrats!
Now let’s get to my crappy list!
Number 5, a duo:
Miracle Whip/CMC’s Burner - Tijuana Luchadores – Week 1 v Dallas Birddogs
Whip, RB – 21 att, 244 yds, 2 TDs
Burner, RB – 13 att, 75 yds, 2 TD, 3 kr for 158 yds, 1 TD
Sorry I’m starting my list by cheating. I just couldn’t choose one here. Oh well. It’s no surprise to see these Tijuana running backs on this list to start. The third year veterans were coming off a Season 31 performance that had them finishing with the 3rd and 5th most rushing yards at 1,125 and 802, respectably, both at an incredible 4.9 yards per carry. The top rushing combo in the league. It was safe to say that, coming into Season 32, week 1, the Portland Birddogs knew the Luchadores’ game plan. This being the first game of the Season 32 DSFL season, we would find out soon who had who’s number.
Out of the gate it was the Dallas Birddogs setting the tone. After a 63 yard kick return to start the season, the ‘dogs put up 3 points and went to work on defense. After Miracle Whip ripped off a nice 8-yard gainer, he followed it up with another 10-yards up the gut…that is until the ball was ripped free by linebacker Greyfriars Bobby and recovered by Dallas. The Birddogs subsequent drive was capped off by a 5 yard TD, making it 10-0. Not a promising start for Tijuana and Whip. But Burner decided to start spicing things up to end the quarter. The Luchadores put their next drive together, capped by a 3-yard TD plunge from Burner. The Birddogs stay scorching hot, driving the field for another touchdown. 17-7, Dallas. But they would commit a big error before the end of the quarter – kicking to Burner. The kickoff travelled into the endzone and into Burner’s hands, 1-yard deep. Instead of allowing the touchback, Burner takes off, gets a couple blocks, and rips it down the sideline! 101-yard touchdown! 17-14, somehow. The momentum carried into the second quarter, as the Luchadores score 2 touchdowns to Dallas’ 1, including a beautiful 16-yard toss to Burner for his third touchdown of the half! 28-24 heading into the third. While Burner has stolen the show, Whip did still tally 164 yards on the ground somehow seemingly under the radar. The issue was 2 lost fumbles and a 53-yard scamper on the final play of the first half. Despite the turnovers, the toll had clearly been taken on the Dallas defense. The third quarter saw the duo combine for 80 yards and a Whip TD run. 60 more yards combined from the two put the duo’s total all-purpose yards at 466 and 5 TD’s, as the Luchadores finally broke the Birddogs’ back. 49-31 win, and a scary good start for the returning Luchadore stars.
Number 4:
Rip Ravensknees – Bondi Beach Buccaneers – Week 4 v London Royals
4 tackles, 3 interceptions
One of the leaders of the Buccaneers’ defense, Ravensknee was coming off an extremely promising rookie Season 31 performance, finishing with 65 tackles, a few fumbles forced and recovered, and 3 ints. Ravensknee wasted no time proving that his coverage skills flashed last year were not a fluke, as he racked up 5 passes defensed and 2 interceptions through his first 3 Season 32 games, along with 14 total tackles. While his strong play seemed to indicate Ravensknee was quickly becoming one of the DSFL’s best young ball-hawkers, Week 4 against London was sure to be a new test. The Royals top-2 receivers, both rookies, were beasts. Bradley Welch would finish 12ht in the league in rec yards, and at 19 yards per catch, was far and away the biggest homerun hitter at the position. His counterpart, Toucan Sam, finished at 16.3, or tied for 2nd for yards per catch from players with at least 40+ touches. Talk about explosive.
This must-watch matchup got going early in Week 4, but it first included Ravensknee’s counterpart, CB Sharkey. Sharkey picks off the Shinomya pass to Welch 3 plays into the game and takes it to the house! The next drive saw London QB Shinomya put the pieces back together, driving the Royals down the field until – there he is! Rip Ravensknee undercuts the slant for Sam at the 11 yard line and returns it 8 yards. A promising drive stolen away from the lockdown corner. The Buccs would end the quarter up 14-7. An early 2nd quarter TD made it 21-7, and an eventual Royals field goal still had them behind 21-10 nearing the half. However, the Royals force a 3-and-out with 57 seconds left, allowing them a chance to chip away a bit more. A 5 yard return on a poor punt gave the Royals 44 seconds from the Buccs own 42. But the first play from scrimmage – there he is again! Ravensknee again in coverage rips the ball away from Sam on the jump ball and returns it 27 yards. 3 tackles and 2 big interceptions to end the half for the playmaker.
The third quarter saw one touchdown from the Buccs, making the score 28-10, and to those in the stadium and at home, appearing to place the final nail in the coffin for the Royals. They finished the quarter with 8 rushing yards on 6 attempts, 1/3 for 56 yards on passes, 2 penalties, and a missed field goal. The moral of the offense broken by the Bucc’s lockdown secondary. While London did hit a couple of big play passes, including that 56 yarder and eventually a 69-yard toss to Welch late in the 4th, the Royals would finish the second half with only 5 completions. To add insult to injury, Rip Ravensknee decides to tally his third interception on an overthrow towards Sam. His third pick while in coverage of Sam. His three picks on the day total what he tallied all of Season 31, give him 5 on the year for Season 32, and total a whopping 8 picks in just 18 career games. Talk about a coming out party!
Number 3:
Wendell Sailor, QB – Portland Pythons – Week 3 v Bondi Beach Buccaneers
24/41, 341 yds, 5 tds
As a rookie, Wendell Sailor was managed and leashed by the Pythons. While his 20:13 TD:INT ratio was solid, he finished only in front of Tijuana and Bondi Beach for attempts, and was one of just two QBs to fail to reach a 60% completion rate. While he wasn’t necessarily unleashed in Season 32 (still second to last in attempts amongst qualified players), Sailor did put up a terrific 28:10 ratio. Sailor started the season right, dropping the Grey Ducks in Week 1. 20/27 for 210 yards, 2 TDs and 1 Int. Not groundbreaking numbers, but his 106 rating still stood out. However, Week 2 proved to Sailor that nothing comes easy. After his positive performance, Sailor finished 17/27 for 216, with 1 TD, 1 Int. Certainly a slight step back. Week 3 against Bondi Beach was a tough matchup on paper, with the Buccs ready to load up on the run and force Sailor to make plays.
Woops.
The Pythons came out of the gate throwing. Passing for 6 of its first drives’ 9 plays, capped with a 12 yard Sailor TD toss. The Buccs, clearly not ready to go, can only muster 1 yard on its opening drive and a punt. 5 plays later, thanks largely to a 51 yard gash on the ground, Sailor connects on a 12-yard strike to Reyes for the TD. 14-0, Portland. Sailor unexpectedly finishes the quarter 6-12 for 112 yards and 2 TDs against the ballhawk corners Sharkey and Ravensknee. Still, the Buccs D would put up a fight. Despite the Buccs offense being completely stagnant, the Buccs D – specifically Ravensknee – picks off Sailor. Nevertheless, Portland tacks on 10 as they wear down the Bindi Beach D, who have barely left the field. 24-7 at the half. The second half would look much the same. Sailor, now unleashed, continues to toss balls all over the field. Many incompletions, but also a couple more TDs on the board. Sailor is up to 4 TD passes, all within 12 yards. Sailor’s fifth TD pass would come in the fourth quarter and was the cherry on top, as he tosses for 60 yards on the drive and another strike to Reyes for a 7 yard touchdown. While accuracy issues continue to plague Sailor, there’s just something about the red-zone that get’s him going. There is certainly more talent to unlock, that’s for sure. I mean how else can you view a guy that finished second to last in attempts, yet finishes within 2 TD passes of the leader? With the Portland running game so solid, a jump from Sailor could see this team back in the Ultimini in Season 33.
Number 2:
Seawolf Snorkles, FS – Norfolk Seawolves – Week 12 v London Royals
6 tackles, 1 sack, 1 forced fumble, 1 pass defensed, 1 interception, 1 TD
Poor London, just getting preyed upon here. Something about our friends across the pond seem to bring out the best in their opponents. Seawolf Snorkles had a very quiet rookie season with Norfolk, playing sparingly and fishing with 19 tackles and 3 pass break-ups. While his Season 32 numbers don’t jump right off the page at you, they were indicative of his ability to just do his job. Just 35 tackles on the season, but his 3 tackles forced and 2 recovered lead all DSFL free safeties, as did his 10 pass-break ups. He was also the only one to score a defensive touchdown. The most impressive part is more about how most of these numbers came all in one day.
Although scuffling a bit heading into week 12, it was a banner year so far for the Seawolves. 9-2 and heading towards a DSFL South Division title. The opponent, a London Royals team that – to its credit- just put together a real nice performance for its 3rd win of the season. A true David v Goliath matchup.
Surprisingly, London would navigate 3 penalties on its first drive on the way to 3-points. Taking a 3-0 lead to start the game. That uphoric feeling was soon lost, as Norfolk would go on to score the next 17 points of the quarter, 17-3 after 1. 3 tackles for our guy Snorkles. The second quarter saw the teams exchange touchdown drives to make it 24-10 Norfolk. This script seems almost too correct. Oh and 2 more tackles and a forced fumble for our protagonist, Snorkle. The third quarter saw London score first for the 3rd straight quarter, only for Norfolk to match the Royals TD with one of its own. 31-17. Norfolk would also tack on 3 more points thanks to an interception, that itself came on the back of a big hit and sack by Seawolf Snorkle on London QB Shinomya. 34-17 Norfolk heading into the fourth, where we would see some scoring fireworks. Norfolk began by putting up another 7, finally breaking the trend. While Shinomya and London would match with a 5 yard TD of their own, Norfolk again pounds in another TD. 48-24. Now our guy Snorkles had already had himself a career day. 6 tackles, a sack, a forced fumble. Not bad for a guy trying to carve out a name and a place for himself amongst a stacked team. But Snorkles wanted that damn game ball. After a poor kick return and a couple of dead plays, London was backed up its own 11 yard line and facing a 3rd and 14. Now I guess being up 24 points, looking at a 3rd and long, and seeing only 3 min left in the game will leave you some confidence as a defender, but let’s not take too much away from Snorkle. For on the next play he cuts off his route assignment and darts infront of Shinomya’s pass to Johnson for the interception! Picking his way through London with the help of a defensive escort he carves his way into the endzone for the pick-six! Again, maybe the stat line is a bit inflated considering the matchup and the game flow, but you’ve got to give it up for a stat-stuffed line like that. Snorkle ticked nearly every box for a defender in Week 12. A free saftey’ wet-dream game. Let’s let him have it, ok!?
Number 1:
Miracle Whip, RB - Tijuana Luchadores – Week 5 v Minnesota Grey Ducks
11 att, 57 yds, 3 rec, 155 yds, 2 TDs
Ok ok, so maybe this doesn’t belong at number 1. Fine. Maybe none of these 5 belong in the top 5. Fine. I didn’t follow these teams all season and I didn’t spend a ton of time analysing the top performances of the week. All I know is when I see a stat line where a guy only touches the ball 14 times but puts up over 200 yards, I take notice. Again feeling a bit bad that I’ve now mentioned 2 top performance weeks and highlighted the same guy twice as well as his teammate, but to hell with it. This is my media!
By this point in the article, everyone should be well acquainted with Luchadores’ RB Miracle Whip, as well as his running mate, CMCs Burner. While Burner had another terrific game in week 5, tallying over 100 combined rushing/receiving yards, this one is all about the Whip. This matchup got off to a good start for Minnesota, stripping burner on the Luchadores’ second play from scrimmage and taking its second drive for 7 points. Add that to its field goal on its own first drive and the Ducks were rollin’ out of the gate, 10-0. But here comes Tijuana. The very first play of the drive, Miracle Whip runs a route through the middle of the field, then dekes the Ducks zone defense with a beautiful out-and-up route that leaves him alone deep into the secondary. Luchadores lineman create time and space, and LaughLove hits Whip in stride for a 73 yard touchdown pass. Despite the fireworks, the scoring frenzy would not hold into the second quarter. A 52 yard field goal from the Ducks accounts for the only scoring. Fans scratch their heads going into the half as the Luchadores run the ball just 3 times and pass 15 times in the quarter. 13-7 Grey Ducks. The second half continued as a slogfest. The 3rd quarter featured a combined 6 punts, 5 penalties, 2 sacks, 1 fumble, and a partridge in a pear tree. No points. Only 4 rushing attempts from the Luchadores, including Burner’s second lost fumble of the game. Since his 73 yard touchdown, Whip touched the ball 4 times for 28 yards. Something’s wrong here. Luckily Tijuana seemed to finally realize it. The fourth quarter saw another punt from Tijuana, but they did feed Whip 3 times on its opening drive. But after forcing a punt, the Luchadores go 3-and-out on 3 incomplete passes. The defense, keeping the team in the game, forces yet another punt with 6 minutes left. It’s tough to tell what the Ducks were doing as the Luchadores lined up its offense, but Whip won’t complain. After the snap, Whip goes into the right flat; however, seeing the safeties have worked up within the box, Whip turns up field and runs a go-route. Credit to Luchadores QB LaughLove, who is rolling left, sees the adjustment, and launches a ball across his body downfield. Running under it is Whip, who is again all alone deep into the secondary. And with that speed, he’s gone. 80 yard TD strike! 14-13 Tijuana. The Tijuana defense, perhaps the true stars of this game, shut down the Ducks offense and force a turnover on downs with 1:37 left. From there, Whip is handed the ball 4 straight times for 18 yards, ceding a 3 yard TD plunge to Burner for the icing on the cake. The difference in the game – 2 70+ yard TD catches from Whip.
That’s the end of the list. Congratulations to Miracle Whip and the other DSFL boys mentioned. Good luck to all of you in the upcoming ISFL draft, if you’re eligible, and looking forward to blowing a few of you up in the backfield if you ever see the ball. Otherwise I expect to see a few more of these names in the Season 33 DSFL ‘performance of the week’ index page, and hopefully they’ll be rightly placed on this list assuming a few more monster games.
(3,0001 words)
Well now that I’m into 25% regression at this stage of my career, it’s safe to say it’s been a long time since I’ve paid much if any attention to the goings-on of the DSFL. So now that we’ve entered double-media days, mixed with the fact that I can’t keep my player competitive via once-a-season media posts, it’s probably time I start paying attention to the DSFL again as I’m likely to be back there shortly. What better way than to take my general media motif of “top 5 something-or-other…” and apply it to some great performances that likely went unnoticed or ignored by jerks like me – which I am assuming may be a large number of ISFL players.
Pre-list apologies
As always, when I do these lists I tend to overlook guys and only come to see that for myself towards the end of my articles. BIG WOOP WHATEVER ITS JUST STUPID MEDIA…I mean…sorry about that. I’d like to take a moment to shout out two guys who belonged somewhere here. Those two would be:
MINN RB Lalu Muhammad Zohri, and;
NOR QB Malcolm Savage
Both guys had 6 mentions a piece in the top offensive performances via the Index. Both guys should rest easy knowing they’re likely the leaders in the clubhouse for some actual, official DSFL awards this season. Sorry and congrats!
Now let’s get to my crappy list!
Number 5, a duo:
Miracle Whip/CMC’s Burner - Tijuana Luchadores – Week 1 v Dallas Birddogs
Whip, RB – 21 att, 244 yds, 2 TDs
Burner, RB – 13 att, 75 yds, 2 TD, 3 kr for 158 yds, 1 TD
Sorry I’m starting my list by cheating. I just couldn’t choose one here. Oh well. It’s no surprise to see these Tijuana running backs on this list to start. The third year veterans were coming off a Season 31 performance that had them finishing with the 3rd and 5th most rushing yards at 1,125 and 802, respectably, both at an incredible 4.9 yards per carry. The top rushing combo in the league. It was safe to say that, coming into Season 32, week 1, the Portland Birddogs knew the Luchadores’ game plan. This being the first game of the Season 32 DSFL season, we would find out soon who had who’s number.
Out of the gate it was the Dallas Birddogs setting the tone. After a 63 yard kick return to start the season, the ‘dogs put up 3 points and went to work on defense. After Miracle Whip ripped off a nice 8-yard gainer, he followed it up with another 10-yards up the gut…that is until the ball was ripped free by linebacker Greyfriars Bobby and recovered by Dallas. The Birddogs subsequent drive was capped off by a 5 yard TD, making it 10-0. Not a promising start for Tijuana and Whip. But Burner decided to start spicing things up to end the quarter. The Luchadores put their next drive together, capped by a 3-yard TD plunge from Burner. The Birddogs stay scorching hot, driving the field for another touchdown. 17-7, Dallas. But they would commit a big error before the end of the quarter – kicking to Burner. The kickoff travelled into the endzone and into Burner’s hands, 1-yard deep. Instead of allowing the touchback, Burner takes off, gets a couple blocks, and rips it down the sideline! 101-yard touchdown! 17-14, somehow. The momentum carried into the second quarter, as the Luchadores score 2 touchdowns to Dallas’ 1, including a beautiful 16-yard toss to Burner for his third touchdown of the half! 28-24 heading into the third. While Burner has stolen the show, Whip did still tally 164 yards on the ground somehow seemingly under the radar. The issue was 2 lost fumbles and a 53-yard scamper on the final play of the first half. Despite the turnovers, the toll had clearly been taken on the Dallas defense. The third quarter saw the duo combine for 80 yards and a Whip TD run. 60 more yards combined from the two put the duo’s total all-purpose yards at 466 and 5 TD’s, as the Luchadores finally broke the Birddogs’ back. 49-31 win, and a scary good start for the returning Luchadore stars.
Number 4:
Rip Ravensknees – Bondi Beach Buccaneers – Week 4 v London Royals
4 tackles, 3 interceptions
One of the leaders of the Buccaneers’ defense, Ravensknee was coming off an extremely promising rookie Season 31 performance, finishing with 65 tackles, a few fumbles forced and recovered, and 3 ints. Ravensknee wasted no time proving that his coverage skills flashed last year were not a fluke, as he racked up 5 passes defensed and 2 interceptions through his first 3 Season 32 games, along with 14 total tackles. While his strong play seemed to indicate Ravensknee was quickly becoming one of the DSFL’s best young ball-hawkers, Week 4 against London was sure to be a new test. The Royals top-2 receivers, both rookies, were beasts. Bradley Welch would finish 12ht in the league in rec yards, and at 19 yards per catch, was far and away the biggest homerun hitter at the position. His counterpart, Toucan Sam, finished at 16.3, or tied for 2nd for yards per catch from players with at least 40+ touches. Talk about explosive.
This must-watch matchup got going early in Week 4, but it first included Ravensknee’s counterpart, CB Sharkey. Sharkey picks off the Shinomya pass to Welch 3 plays into the game and takes it to the house! The next drive saw London QB Shinomya put the pieces back together, driving the Royals down the field until – there he is! Rip Ravensknee undercuts the slant for Sam at the 11 yard line and returns it 8 yards. A promising drive stolen away from the lockdown corner. The Buccs would end the quarter up 14-7. An early 2nd quarter TD made it 21-7, and an eventual Royals field goal still had them behind 21-10 nearing the half. However, the Royals force a 3-and-out with 57 seconds left, allowing them a chance to chip away a bit more. A 5 yard return on a poor punt gave the Royals 44 seconds from the Buccs own 42. But the first play from scrimmage – there he is again! Ravensknee again in coverage rips the ball away from Sam on the jump ball and returns it 27 yards. 3 tackles and 2 big interceptions to end the half for the playmaker.
The third quarter saw one touchdown from the Buccs, making the score 28-10, and to those in the stadium and at home, appearing to place the final nail in the coffin for the Royals. They finished the quarter with 8 rushing yards on 6 attempts, 1/3 for 56 yards on passes, 2 penalties, and a missed field goal. The moral of the offense broken by the Bucc’s lockdown secondary. While London did hit a couple of big play passes, including that 56 yarder and eventually a 69-yard toss to Welch late in the 4th, the Royals would finish the second half with only 5 completions. To add insult to injury, Rip Ravensknee decides to tally his third interception on an overthrow towards Sam. His third pick while in coverage of Sam. His three picks on the day total what he tallied all of Season 31, give him 5 on the year for Season 32, and total a whopping 8 picks in just 18 career games. Talk about a coming out party!
Number 3:
Wendell Sailor, QB – Portland Pythons – Week 3 v Bondi Beach Buccaneers
24/41, 341 yds, 5 tds
As a rookie, Wendell Sailor was managed and leashed by the Pythons. While his 20:13 TD:INT ratio was solid, he finished only in front of Tijuana and Bondi Beach for attempts, and was one of just two QBs to fail to reach a 60% completion rate. While he wasn’t necessarily unleashed in Season 32 (still second to last in attempts amongst qualified players), Sailor did put up a terrific 28:10 ratio. Sailor started the season right, dropping the Grey Ducks in Week 1. 20/27 for 210 yards, 2 TDs and 1 Int. Not groundbreaking numbers, but his 106 rating still stood out. However, Week 2 proved to Sailor that nothing comes easy. After his positive performance, Sailor finished 17/27 for 216, with 1 TD, 1 Int. Certainly a slight step back. Week 3 against Bondi Beach was a tough matchup on paper, with the Buccs ready to load up on the run and force Sailor to make plays.
Woops.
The Pythons came out of the gate throwing. Passing for 6 of its first drives’ 9 plays, capped with a 12 yard Sailor TD toss. The Buccs, clearly not ready to go, can only muster 1 yard on its opening drive and a punt. 5 plays later, thanks largely to a 51 yard gash on the ground, Sailor connects on a 12-yard strike to Reyes for the TD. 14-0, Portland. Sailor unexpectedly finishes the quarter 6-12 for 112 yards and 2 TDs against the ballhawk corners Sharkey and Ravensknee. Still, the Buccs D would put up a fight. Despite the Buccs offense being completely stagnant, the Buccs D – specifically Ravensknee – picks off Sailor. Nevertheless, Portland tacks on 10 as they wear down the Bindi Beach D, who have barely left the field. 24-7 at the half. The second half would look much the same. Sailor, now unleashed, continues to toss balls all over the field. Many incompletions, but also a couple more TDs on the board. Sailor is up to 4 TD passes, all within 12 yards. Sailor’s fifth TD pass would come in the fourth quarter and was the cherry on top, as he tosses for 60 yards on the drive and another strike to Reyes for a 7 yard touchdown. While accuracy issues continue to plague Sailor, there’s just something about the red-zone that get’s him going. There is certainly more talent to unlock, that’s for sure. I mean how else can you view a guy that finished second to last in attempts, yet finishes within 2 TD passes of the leader? With the Portland running game so solid, a jump from Sailor could see this team back in the Ultimini in Season 33.
Number 2:
Seawolf Snorkles, FS – Norfolk Seawolves – Week 12 v London Royals
6 tackles, 1 sack, 1 forced fumble, 1 pass defensed, 1 interception, 1 TD
Poor London, just getting preyed upon here. Something about our friends across the pond seem to bring out the best in their opponents. Seawolf Snorkles had a very quiet rookie season with Norfolk, playing sparingly and fishing with 19 tackles and 3 pass break-ups. While his Season 32 numbers don’t jump right off the page at you, they were indicative of his ability to just do his job. Just 35 tackles on the season, but his 3 tackles forced and 2 recovered lead all DSFL free safeties, as did his 10 pass-break ups. He was also the only one to score a defensive touchdown. The most impressive part is more about how most of these numbers came all in one day.
Although scuffling a bit heading into week 12, it was a banner year so far for the Seawolves. 9-2 and heading towards a DSFL South Division title. The opponent, a London Royals team that – to its credit- just put together a real nice performance for its 3rd win of the season. A true David v Goliath matchup.
Surprisingly, London would navigate 3 penalties on its first drive on the way to 3-points. Taking a 3-0 lead to start the game. That uphoric feeling was soon lost, as Norfolk would go on to score the next 17 points of the quarter, 17-3 after 1. 3 tackles for our guy Snorkles. The second quarter saw the teams exchange touchdown drives to make it 24-10 Norfolk. This script seems almost too correct. Oh and 2 more tackles and a forced fumble for our protagonist, Snorkle. The third quarter saw London score first for the 3rd straight quarter, only for Norfolk to match the Royals TD with one of its own. 31-17. Norfolk would also tack on 3 more points thanks to an interception, that itself came on the back of a big hit and sack by Seawolf Snorkle on London QB Shinomya. 34-17 Norfolk heading into the fourth, where we would see some scoring fireworks. Norfolk began by putting up another 7, finally breaking the trend. While Shinomya and London would match with a 5 yard TD of their own, Norfolk again pounds in another TD. 48-24. Now our guy Snorkles had already had himself a career day. 6 tackles, a sack, a forced fumble. Not bad for a guy trying to carve out a name and a place for himself amongst a stacked team. But Snorkles wanted that damn game ball. After a poor kick return and a couple of dead plays, London was backed up its own 11 yard line and facing a 3rd and 14. Now I guess being up 24 points, looking at a 3rd and long, and seeing only 3 min left in the game will leave you some confidence as a defender, but let’s not take too much away from Snorkle. For on the next play he cuts off his route assignment and darts infront of Shinomya’s pass to Johnson for the interception! Picking his way through London with the help of a defensive escort he carves his way into the endzone for the pick-six! Again, maybe the stat line is a bit inflated considering the matchup and the game flow, but you’ve got to give it up for a stat-stuffed line like that. Snorkle ticked nearly every box for a defender in Week 12. A free saftey’ wet-dream game. Let’s let him have it, ok!?
Number 1:
Miracle Whip, RB - Tijuana Luchadores – Week 5 v Minnesota Grey Ducks
11 att, 57 yds, 3 rec, 155 yds, 2 TDs
Ok ok, so maybe this doesn’t belong at number 1. Fine. Maybe none of these 5 belong in the top 5. Fine. I didn’t follow these teams all season and I didn’t spend a ton of time analysing the top performances of the week. All I know is when I see a stat line where a guy only touches the ball 14 times but puts up over 200 yards, I take notice. Again feeling a bit bad that I’ve now mentioned 2 top performance weeks and highlighted the same guy twice as well as his teammate, but to hell with it. This is my media!
By this point in the article, everyone should be well acquainted with Luchadores’ RB Miracle Whip, as well as his running mate, CMCs Burner. While Burner had another terrific game in week 5, tallying over 100 combined rushing/receiving yards, this one is all about the Whip. This matchup got off to a good start for Minnesota, stripping burner on the Luchadores’ second play from scrimmage and taking its second drive for 7 points. Add that to its field goal on its own first drive and the Ducks were rollin’ out of the gate, 10-0. But here comes Tijuana. The very first play of the drive, Miracle Whip runs a route through the middle of the field, then dekes the Ducks zone defense with a beautiful out-and-up route that leaves him alone deep into the secondary. Luchadores lineman create time and space, and LaughLove hits Whip in stride for a 73 yard touchdown pass. Despite the fireworks, the scoring frenzy would not hold into the second quarter. A 52 yard field goal from the Ducks accounts for the only scoring. Fans scratch their heads going into the half as the Luchadores run the ball just 3 times and pass 15 times in the quarter. 13-7 Grey Ducks. The second half continued as a slogfest. The 3rd quarter featured a combined 6 punts, 5 penalties, 2 sacks, 1 fumble, and a partridge in a pear tree. No points. Only 4 rushing attempts from the Luchadores, including Burner’s second lost fumble of the game. Since his 73 yard touchdown, Whip touched the ball 4 times for 28 yards. Something’s wrong here. Luckily Tijuana seemed to finally realize it. The fourth quarter saw another punt from Tijuana, but they did feed Whip 3 times on its opening drive. But after forcing a punt, the Luchadores go 3-and-out on 3 incomplete passes. The defense, keeping the team in the game, forces yet another punt with 6 minutes left. It’s tough to tell what the Ducks were doing as the Luchadores lined up its offense, but Whip won’t complain. After the snap, Whip goes into the right flat; however, seeing the safeties have worked up within the box, Whip turns up field and runs a go-route. Credit to Luchadores QB LaughLove, who is rolling left, sees the adjustment, and launches a ball across his body downfield. Running under it is Whip, who is again all alone deep into the secondary. And with that speed, he’s gone. 80 yard TD strike! 14-13 Tijuana. The Tijuana defense, perhaps the true stars of this game, shut down the Ducks offense and force a turnover on downs with 1:37 left. From there, Whip is handed the ball 4 straight times for 18 yards, ceding a 3 yard TD plunge to Burner for the icing on the cake. The difference in the game – 2 70+ yard TD catches from Whip.
That’s the end of the list. Congratulations to Miracle Whip and the other DSFL boys mentioned. Good luck to all of you in the upcoming ISFL draft, if you’re eligible, and looking forward to blowing a few of you up in the backfield if you ever see the ball. Otherwise I expect to see a few more of these names in the Season 33 DSFL ‘performance of the week’ index page, and hopefully they’ll be rightly placed on this list assuming a few more monster games.
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