09-03-2022, 02:30 PM
(This post was last modified: 09-03-2022, 03:00 PM by MobiausGrander. Edited 2 times in total.)
Among the greatest parts of this league is the creativity users demonstrate when coming up with names, graphics, and media (in addition to some other stuff I'm likely forgetting to mention) related to their player. When I first joined the league, seeing everyone's different forum signatures and the amount of effort that had been put into designing many of them was definitely one of the things that drew me in and made me want to stick around. Along those same lines, the creativity in the names and renders users had chosen for their players really jumped out at me - we as a league had football players, yes, but also murderous mooses, Avon Blocksdale, a literal hexagon, two players with incredibly long names that no one could pronounce but everyone not on the sim team adored (and if you didn't love them, you were wrong then and you're wrong now), the list goes on. I've heard rumblings over my two years here in the ISFL that the more ridiculous renders in the league, especially the non-human ones, are "immersion breaking" or other slights along those lines. I have to disagree - those ridiculous renders have added so much to my enjoyment of this league, and I know I'm not alone in saying so. That said, I'm sure they can be a total pain in the you know what for the events team workers who have to design sigs for every player in both drafts every season. I sympathize with those affected by that issue, but not nearly enough to want to see any sort of change/restriction to (appropriate) renders.
Anyway. Why are we here? This article is less about the renders I just spent a half of a paragraph rambling about, and more about the names. Yes, player names are awesome and often quite creative, but on a regular basis, those who are employed as general managers in both the ISFL and the DSFL are tasked with coming up with a bunch of names for the non-human players on their roster, and speaking as someone who was a DSFL GM for a few seasons, it can sometimes be a last minute/up to the deadline decision on what in the world you end up calling these bots. To some, this is a great benefit - I like to think I work well under pressure, and have been known to come up with cool stuff on the fly, whereas I've also been known to overthink the hell out of the tiniest things if given time to do so. Others cannot rise to the challenge, and fall flat in naming their team's bots. In general, who rises and who fails at this task is of course not my call to make, but this is my media article, so right now I am the supreme authority on the topic here. I will start by listing each team's bots, or at least, the ones I successfully locate. I am almost sure I'm gonna miss at least one.
LET US BEGIN.
Baltimore Hawks
Hawk Broad-Winged, Guard
Deuce Buckley, Guard
Baltimore OLBot3, Guard
All the things that I love about "Deuce Buckley" I hate about "Baltimore OLBot3". For anyone who may be on the outside looking in on this reference, Bruce Buckley was a S22 HOF (or, if he isn't already, he will be eventually at least) OL for Baltimore. Hawk Broad-Winged is in-theme and thus gets a check mark. No gold star though. Also, why does Baltimore have three OL bots that play guard in the index's roster?
5.5/10
Yellowknife Wraiths
Bob Ones, Guard
Samson Pooky, Guard
Tim Amper, Tackle
Mike Urtsi, Center
Alright I'm admittedly a little biased here but I respect that all four of these names follow a rule/theme. Bones, Spooky, Tamper, and of course, YKW legend Murtsi is paid homage through an OL bot. To Yellowknife's discredit though, I'm pretty sure they've used every one of these bot names in the past. Where's the creative go-getter spirit guys?
6/10
Colorado Yeti
Lux Botal, Tackle
Melvin Murder-Bot, Guard
SparkySparky BotMan, Tackle
Raphael Delabot, Guard
Another team that picked a theme and stuck with it! Every bot name here honors a former Colorado player (including aforementioned moose from paragraph number 1 of this media!) and I think that's just swell. They also found a way to work "bot" into each of these names because who doesn't love a little challenge? Great job Colorado.
8/10
Arizona Outlaws
Sixty Endurance, Guard
Julio Jones
Wondering if Julio Jones refers to the legendary Tennessee Titan, or a reference to that OL who retired a few seasons ago. Actually, now that I'm typing these thoughts, I'm pretty sure he was an Outlaw. Pieced that one together all by myself.
Sixty Endurance is pretty hilarious, but former affiliations prevent me from commenting any further on the matter. Also, look at hoity toity Arizona only needing two OL bots.
7/10
Orange County Otters
John Wayne, Center
La Guardia, Guard
Boston Logan, Guard
Hartsfield Jackson, Tackle
Now this I can get behind. I will say, I don't know how John Wayne beat out John Foster Dulles, but I'm also a dirty east coaster who didn't know John Wayne had an airport named after him. This is a great theme and it's well executed, plus the color orange is great, so these Otters are really doing well for themselves in my mind.
9/10
San Jose Sabercats
Beep Bot, Guard
San Jose is only trotting out one bot on their roster this year, and I have to say, this name does not spark joy. I can admire a self aware robot with a similarly self aware name as much as the next guy, but when you only get one shot at something like this, it's nice to see a little more effort put forth. This isn't even the first time they've used the name! I blame San Jose's quarterback in full.
3.5/10
Philadelphia Liberty
Literally no bots wtf liberty how am I supposed to rank all of the teams if you guys don't play ball come on negs
0/10
New Orleans Second Line
Jelly Roll Morton, Center
Louis Armstrong, Guard
Buddy Guy, Tackle
Oh hell yeah. I have a hunch Mith had something to do with the naming of these bots. New Orleans was the birthplace of jazz in the early 1900s, and considering the Second Line branding itself honors the musical traditions of New Orleans, this is easily my favorite theme so far. Before there was jazz, there was blues and ragtime, and Jelly Roll Morton was one of the two most famous names in the ragtime game along with his predecessor Scott Joplin. Morton is often considered one of the key links between the ragtime music that had existed for more than a decade, and the birth of a genre that would itself spawn hundreds of other genres of music over the next century. Hopefully, you already know who Louis Armstrong is. Buddy Guy is an interesting inclusion - Louis and Jelly Roll are two names that are forever linked with music in New Orleans, whereas many seem to associate Guy with Chicago because he spent much of the peak of his career there, though he was born in Louisiana and spent his early years there so ultimately no arguments here. Anyway, that's my music history tangent.
10/10
Chicago Butchers
HEIIAJS D, Guard
OWID HUSE, Guard
Pork Loin, Center
There's a respectable amount one can find and like about a center named Pork Loin, but I just don't get these other two. Is there an inside joke at play here? Did the Chicago GMs just smack their fist against the keyboard and see what comes out? I dunno man, I've tried reading them backwards, looking for anagrams, I declare it indecipherable.
4/10
Austin Copperheads
Libby Molly, Guard
Provolone Cheese, Center
I'm not sure who or what a Libby Molly is, but Provolone Cheese is a real keeper. It reminded me of the ISFL's own legendary Jack brothers, Colby and Monterey, who took the league by storm in Season 22 as rival quarterbacks. So thanks for that trip down memory lane, Austin!
6.5/10
Sarasota Sailfish
Big Kahuna, Guard
Coral Reef, Guard
Big Tuna, Tackle
Aww yeah, more themes on deck lads. Sarasota sticking with what they know here; all things nautical. Big Kahuna probably isn't a Pulp Fiction reference but I choose to believe it is at least a little. Coral Reef is an absolutely excellent name for an OL bot, especially one on a fish team, and if bots had renders, Reef would have to be the one I'd want to see brought to life the most. Very tiny ding to Sarasota's score for using Big as a first name twice in the span of only three bots. You're better than that. Also, another tiny ding for re-using last season's bot names, but I'm starting to get the impression that's common (plus in their defense, I haven't been checking on this for every team) and we all play in a league full of STAGNANT BOT NAME CREATIVITY. Do better, ISFL! Not you in particular though, Sailfish, you guys did pretty darn well with these names.
8.5/10
Honolulu Hahalua
Stingy McStingerson, Guard
Euro Truck, Guard
Stingy McStingerson is kinda charming, what with the whole sting ray mascot thing, until you realize "hahalua" specifically refers to manta rays, and manta rays do not sting. Someone correct me if I'm wrong here.
I don't get Euro Truck. That bot name dares to make me feel like an outsider looking into an inside joke. Now all I can think of is FORD TRUCK MONTH. Honolulu seems to be better at winning Ultimuses than they are naming OL bots, which I guess isn't necessarily a bad quality to have in a football team.
3/10.
Berlin Fire Salamanders
CC Cantrideabike, Guard
KyleLoves CarolinaBBQ, Guard
Kya McToxicerson, Tackle
RIP Goat Tank, Center
More themed excellence, this time coming to us in the form of references to users and league in-jokes. Have you heard about the time CC fell off his bike? What about @"inverted" 's love of barbecue that has been soaked in vinegar? And who could forget notoriously toxic user Kyamprac, who helped develop even more toxic users in this league like Zayn? Berlin's final bot name pays homage to an Otter/Fire Salamander/also Hahalua I guess legendary player, the Goat, the Myth, the Tank, GT himself. This was another nice trip down memory lane that happened solely through bot names, so I say good job Berlin.
8.75/10
New York Silverbacks
DiksOut ForHarambe, Center
Johann SilverBach, Guard
Guerilla Your Dreams, Guard
Furious George, Tackle
Funky Kong, Tackle
The New York Silverbacks are our first team to have a full bot OL! Kind of makes you wonder what zayn has against users who create at offensive line. Johann SilverBach is BAD. Almost "so bad it's good" but not bad enough, so unfortunately it just heavily leans toward bad. The rest of these names though? Keepers, dare I say. Furious George is definitely my favorite of the bunch here. We just need an angry version of the Man in the Yellow Hat now. Funky Kong is also an excellent shout, although I'm more of a Cranky Kong guy myself. "Guerilla Your Dreams" is just bad enough to succeed at that aforementioned "so bad it's good" thing. I'm not sure that last one would get approved as a player name, but boy does it amuse me. Harambe happened the spring before my first year at college; one of my first memories of walking into a college dormitory was seeing "RIP HARAMBE" written on every single whiteboard. I didn't expect an article that centers around criticizing critiquing bot names would stir up so many memories.
9.5/10
And there you have the ISFL's bot names! Lets see how they stack up against each other in a nice little list format.
1. New Orleans Second Line 10/10 (That said, I haven't forgotten you guys didn't scout either of my players; what gives?)
2. New York Silverbacks 9.5/10
3. Orange County Otters 9/10
4. Berlin Fire Salamanders 8.75/10
5. Sarasota Sailfish 8.5/10
6. Colorado Yeti 8/10
7. Arizona Outlaws 7/10
8. Austin Copperheads 6.5/10
9. Yellowknife Wraiths 6/10
10. Baltimore Hawks 5.5/10
11. Chicago Butchers 4/10
12. San Jose Sabercats 3.5/10
13. Honolulu Hahalua 3/10
14. Philadelphia Liberty 0/10
Dare we move on to the DSFL, where the bots are more plentiful and the GMs are (I might be making this up but bear with me) under even more of a time crunch to get their bots created and named? I think we dare.
BOT RANKING REMIX: DEVELOPMENT EDITION
Portland Pythons
An Nathair
Y Neidr
Si Oray
La Serpiente
Ejo Na
Die Schlange
Ka Nahesa
De Slang
Ang Ahas
A Serpe
Tus Nab
Am.. am I having a stroke? I am confident at least some of these mean snake. Maybe even all of them dare I say. At the very least, I'm confident Schlange and Serpiente both mean snake. Y Neidr and Tus Nab, I am less sure about, but boy are they fun to try to pronounce.
5/10
Norfolk Seawolves
Tont Boatzalez
Tugboat Thomas
Wildfire McPherson
Eye Scream
Pan Cakes
inEligible Receiver
Sea Wolf
Heck Beck
Tim Teboat
Captain Nemo
Doug Norfolk
Devin Hester
Highlights from this group for me include Heck Beck (nothing personal Beck, I'm just a sucker for a simple rhyme here and there,) Doug Norfolk, and inEligible Receiver, who by the way, you might be thrilled to know inEligible Receiver plays OL, so he's true to his name. Until he reports as eligible and lies to us all a la Bill Belichick.
5.5/10
Bondi Beach Buccaneers
Plexi Glass
Overwhelming Mutiny
Big Boi
Goatest Tank
Harry Nightingale
Kangaroo Jack
Moldy ArcticDip
Big Dinghy
Bernola Fireline
Contingency Plan
ShiverMe Timbers
Solar Bear
Davey Jones
Overwhelming Mutiny is an excellent name for a pirate team, as are some of these other nautical ones like Davey Jones, ShiverMe Timbers, and of course, Big Dinghy. There were some good things happening with that theme and I think I might have enjoyed seeing the bots stick with that one theme, but that obviously gets harder when you're naming 10+ bots in a sitting. Non-themed highlights for me include Solar Bear (RIP sweet prince) and Kangaroo Jack.
7.5/10
Kansas City Coyotes
HEIIAJSD OWIDHUSE
Hut Block
Falth Starth
Big Lug
Lil Nicky
Doctor Pepper
Cup of Tea
Hands Solo
Fish and Chips
Kai Oat
Royal Guard
Ghost of Potato
Alpha
Prairie Dog
Chew Backer
Macho Man
Mike Trickfoot
Kansas City is running away with the quantity award. Props to KCC for making so many of these names at least passable despite having so damn many to come up with. Highlights for me include Fish and Chips, Doctor Pepper, and Big Lug. What in the wide world of sports happened with that first name? Shades of Chicago there. Hey wait, the first names match. Someone from KCC or CHI explain the joke to me please.
5/10
Tijuana Luchadores
Aikeek Damunkball
Kyamid Victorious
Oryx The Taken King
Kotussle D. Muscle
El Duderino
Oozing Dobble
Dennis Payton
Triple Ham
Mr. Munkerd
Eggs AreBad
Kotussle D. Muscle sounds like a spinoff of Kotasa's name and I choose to believe this is his alter ego. Maybe even a masked wrestler type alter ego. Oozing Dobble is good stuff, and it's nice to see them pay homage to a franchise legend. What in the world is Triple Ham? And how can you not like eggs of any form?
6/10
Minnesota Grey Ducks
Darkwing Duck
Count Quackula
Quackson Five
Quackie Kennedy
Interior Quackodile
Quack the Ripper
Moby Duck
Psy Duck
Quack N. Dabeanstalk
James Pond
Fortyducks In'Atrenchcoat
Robber Ducky
Ortho Paeduck
Dee CC
Lamar Quackson
Duck Duck
Ayyy a team that rose to the challenge and stuck with their theme (mostly; I guess Dee CC does stray from the topic just a touch) despite facing great odds in the form of so many bots requiring names. Excellent job Minnesota. Fortyducks In'Atrenchcoat is a winner for sure, but picking just one highlight is impossible. Other notables here for me include Lamar Quackson, Quackie Kennedy, Interior Quackodile, and, if ya really wanted to make me pick just one favorite, I think I'd go with Quack N. Dabeanstalk. This is good stuff through and through.
10/10
Dallas Birddogs
Scoobert Doobert
Robo Pup
Baron Von Woofenstein
Barkevious Mingo
Ruff Day
Arf Vader
Boba Fetch
James Earl Bones
OBoneMonch Kanobi
Jabba The Mutt
Scrappy Doo
Hammer Doo
South Paw
Good Boi
One of the things I was most curious about when I set out on writing this article was how many of the bot names I came up with (with the invaluable help of my fellow GM, war room, and team at large) as DAL GM would still be around in today's DSFL. The answer is a lot of them! It's nice to receive true confirmation that I made a lasting impact on this franchise. Although, the trophies to the left of this post help with that a lot too :sunglasses: It's hard to rank these names without great amounts of bias considering I helped come up with a lot of them, so to keep the ol' playing field level, let's just call it an 11/10.
London Royals
Lonnie Dunn
Willy Spearshake
Sebastian Cane
Lil Benji
The Headsman
Twenty Seven
I'm not sure I've ever seen a DSFL roster have so few bots. Truly a testament to the London Royals' continued failure as an organization ((/s)). Did you guys know that former London GM Sebster is really fond of Cane's chicken? You should ask him about it some time. I wonder if Lil Benji from London and Lil Nicky from Kansas City are at all related. Willy Spearshake is the clear winner of the bunch for me; it's got everything you could ask for. A geographic reference, shaking spears, end of list. Can someone from London explain Twenty Seven to me? Why would you guys want to commemorate one of the seasons Dallas won the Ultimini? I didn't realize the Birddogs had such fervent supporters in London.
7/10
So, with that out of the way, how do our DSFL bots stack up against each other?
1. Dallas Birddogs 11/10
2. Minnesota Gray Ducks 10/10 (has anyone ever asked MIN why they use the European spelling of grey, rather than the American gray?)
3. Bondi Beach Buccaneers 7.5/10
4. London Royals 7/10
5. Tijuana Luchadores 6/10
6. Norfolk Seawolves 5.5/10
t7. Kansas City Coyotes 5/10
t7. Portland Pythons 5/10
And just to cap things off nicely, how do our teams stack up against each other when we combine the two leagues?
1. Dallas Birddogs 11/10
t2. New Orleans Second Line 10/10
t2. Minnesota Not Gray Ducks 10/10
4. New York Silverbacks 9.5/10
5. Orange County Otters 9/10
6. Berlin Fire Salamanders 8.75/10
7. Sarasota Sailfish 8.5/10
8. Colorado Yeti 8/10
9. Bondi Beach Buccaneers 7.5/10
t10. Arizona Outlaws 7/10
t10. London Royals 7/10
12. Austin Copperheads 6.5/10
t13. Tijuana Luchadores 6/10
t13. Yellowknife Wraiths 6/10
t15. Baltimore Hawks 5.5/10
t15. Norfolk Seawolves 5.5/10
t17. Kansas City Coyotes 5/10
t17. Portland Pythons 5/10
19. Chicago Butchers 4/10
20. San Jose Sabercats 3.5/10
21. Honolulu Hahalua 3/10
22. Philadelphia Liberty 0/10
Sorry to do you dirty by default like that Philly. Next time, don't be so good at well-rounded drafting and maybe you'll have some bots on your team.
I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Have a great day.
Anyway. Why are we here? This article is less about the renders I just spent a half of a paragraph rambling about, and more about the names. Yes, player names are awesome and often quite creative, but on a regular basis, those who are employed as general managers in both the ISFL and the DSFL are tasked with coming up with a bunch of names for the non-human players on their roster, and speaking as someone who was a DSFL GM for a few seasons, it can sometimes be a last minute/up to the deadline decision on what in the world you end up calling these bots. To some, this is a great benefit - I like to think I work well under pressure, and have been known to come up with cool stuff on the fly, whereas I've also been known to overthink the hell out of the tiniest things if given time to do so. Others cannot rise to the challenge, and fall flat in naming their team's bots. In general, who rises and who fails at this task is of course not my call to make, but this is my media article, so right now I am the supreme authority on the topic here. I will start by listing each team's bots, or at least, the ones I successfully locate. I am almost sure I'm gonna miss at least one.
LET US BEGIN.
Baltimore Hawks
Hawk Broad-Winged, Guard
Deuce Buckley, Guard
Baltimore OLBot3, Guard
All the things that I love about "Deuce Buckley" I hate about "Baltimore OLBot3". For anyone who may be on the outside looking in on this reference, Bruce Buckley was a S22 HOF (or, if he isn't already, he will be eventually at least) OL for Baltimore. Hawk Broad-Winged is in-theme and thus gets a check mark. No gold star though. Also, why does Baltimore have three OL bots that play guard in the index's roster?
5.5/10
Yellowknife Wraiths
Bob Ones, Guard
Samson Pooky, Guard
Tim Amper, Tackle
Mike Urtsi, Center
Alright I'm admittedly a little biased here but I respect that all four of these names follow a rule/theme. Bones, Spooky, Tamper, and of course, YKW legend Murtsi is paid homage through an OL bot. To Yellowknife's discredit though, I'm pretty sure they've used every one of these bot names in the past. Where's the creative go-getter spirit guys?
6/10
Colorado Yeti
Lux Botal, Tackle
Melvin Murder-Bot, Guard
SparkySparky BotMan, Tackle
Raphael Delabot, Guard
Another team that picked a theme and stuck with it! Every bot name here honors a former Colorado player (including aforementioned moose from paragraph number 1 of this media!) and I think that's just swell. They also found a way to work "bot" into each of these names because who doesn't love a little challenge? Great job Colorado.
8/10
Arizona Outlaws
Sixty Endurance, Guard
Julio Jones
Wondering if Julio Jones refers to the legendary Tennessee Titan, or a reference to that OL who retired a few seasons ago. Actually, now that I'm typing these thoughts, I'm pretty sure he was an Outlaw. Pieced that one together all by myself.
Sixty Endurance is pretty hilarious, but former affiliations prevent me from commenting any further on the matter. Also, look at hoity toity Arizona only needing two OL bots.
7/10
Orange County Otters
John Wayne, Center
La Guardia, Guard
Boston Logan, Guard
Hartsfield Jackson, Tackle
Now this I can get behind. I will say, I don't know how John Wayne beat out John Foster Dulles, but I'm also a dirty east coaster who didn't know John Wayne had an airport named after him. This is a great theme and it's well executed, plus the color orange is great, so these Otters are really doing well for themselves in my mind.
9/10
San Jose Sabercats
Beep Bot, Guard
San Jose is only trotting out one bot on their roster this year, and I have to say, this name does not spark joy. I can admire a self aware robot with a similarly self aware name as much as the next guy, but when you only get one shot at something like this, it's nice to see a little more effort put forth. This isn't even the first time they've used the name! I blame San Jose's quarterback in full.
3.5/10
Philadelphia Liberty
Literally no bots wtf liberty how am I supposed to rank all of the teams if you guys don't play ball come on negs
0/10
New Orleans Second Line
Jelly Roll Morton, Center
Louis Armstrong, Guard
Buddy Guy, Tackle
Oh hell yeah. I have a hunch Mith had something to do with the naming of these bots. New Orleans was the birthplace of jazz in the early 1900s, and considering the Second Line branding itself honors the musical traditions of New Orleans, this is easily my favorite theme so far. Before there was jazz, there was blues and ragtime, and Jelly Roll Morton was one of the two most famous names in the ragtime game along with his predecessor Scott Joplin. Morton is often considered one of the key links between the ragtime music that had existed for more than a decade, and the birth of a genre that would itself spawn hundreds of other genres of music over the next century. Hopefully, you already know who Louis Armstrong is. Buddy Guy is an interesting inclusion - Louis and Jelly Roll are two names that are forever linked with music in New Orleans, whereas many seem to associate Guy with Chicago because he spent much of the peak of his career there, though he was born in Louisiana and spent his early years there so ultimately no arguments here. Anyway, that's my music history tangent.
10/10
Chicago Butchers
HEIIAJS D, Guard
OWID HUSE, Guard
Pork Loin, Center
There's a respectable amount one can find and like about a center named Pork Loin, but I just don't get these other two. Is there an inside joke at play here? Did the Chicago GMs just smack their fist against the keyboard and see what comes out? I dunno man, I've tried reading them backwards, looking for anagrams, I declare it indecipherable.
4/10
Austin Copperheads
Libby Molly, Guard
Provolone Cheese, Center
I'm not sure who or what a Libby Molly is, but Provolone Cheese is a real keeper. It reminded me of the ISFL's own legendary Jack brothers, Colby and Monterey, who took the league by storm in Season 22 as rival quarterbacks. So thanks for that trip down memory lane, Austin!
6.5/10
Sarasota Sailfish
Big Kahuna, Guard
Coral Reef, Guard
Big Tuna, Tackle
Aww yeah, more themes on deck lads. Sarasota sticking with what they know here; all things nautical. Big Kahuna probably isn't a Pulp Fiction reference but I choose to believe it is at least a little. Coral Reef is an absolutely excellent name for an OL bot, especially one on a fish team, and if bots had renders, Reef would have to be the one I'd want to see brought to life the most. Very tiny ding to Sarasota's score for using Big as a first name twice in the span of only three bots. You're better than that. Also, another tiny ding for re-using last season's bot names, but I'm starting to get the impression that's common (plus in their defense, I haven't been checking on this for every team) and we all play in a league full of STAGNANT BOT NAME CREATIVITY. Do better, ISFL! Not you in particular though, Sailfish, you guys did pretty darn well with these names.
8.5/10
Honolulu Hahalua
Stingy McStingerson, Guard
Euro Truck, Guard
Stingy McStingerson is kinda charming, what with the whole sting ray mascot thing, until you realize "hahalua" specifically refers to manta rays, and manta rays do not sting. Someone correct me if I'm wrong here.
I don't get Euro Truck. That bot name dares to make me feel like an outsider looking into an inside joke. Now all I can think of is FORD TRUCK MONTH. Honolulu seems to be better at winning Ultimuses than they are naming OL bots, which I guess isn't necessarily a bad quality to have in a football team.
3/10.
Berlin Fire Salamanders
CC Cantrideabike, Guard
KyleLoves CarolinaBBQ, Guard
Kya McToxicerson, Tackle
RIP Goat Tank, Center
More themed excellence, this time coming to us in the form of references to users and league in-jokes. Have you heard about the time CC fell off his bike? What about @"inverted" 's love of barbecue that has been soaked in vinegar? And who could forget notoriously toxic user Kyamprac, who helped develop even more toxic users in this league like Zayn? Berlin's final bot name pays homage to an Otter/Fire Salamander/also Hahalua I guess legendary player, the Goat, the Myth, the Tank, GT himself. This was another nice trip down memory lane that happened solely through bot names, so I say good job Berlin.
8.75/10
New York Silverbacks
DiksOut ForHarambe, Center
Johann SilverBach, Guard
Guerilla Your Dreams, Guard
Furious George, Tackle
Funky Kong, Tackle
The New York Silverbacks are our first team to have a full bot OL! Kind of makes you wonder what zayn has against users who create at offensive line. Johann SilverBach is BAD. Almost "so bad it's good" but not bad enough, so unfortunately it just heavily leans toward bad. The rest of these names though? Keepers, dare I say. Furious George is definitely my favorite of the bunch here. We just need an angry version of the Man in the Yellow Hat now. Funky Kong is also an excellent shout, although I'm more of a Cranky Kong guy myself. "Guerilla Your Dreams" is just bad enough to succeed at that aforementioned "so bad it's good" thing. I'm not sure that last one would get approved as a player name, but boy does it amuse me. Harambe happened the spring before my first year at college; one of my first memories of walking into a college dormitory was seeing "RIP HARAMBE" written on every single whiteboard. I didn't expect an article that centers around criticizing critiquing bot names would stir up so many memories.
9.5/10
And there you have the ISFL's bot names! Lets see how they stack up against each other in a nice little list format.
1. New Orleans Second Line 10/10 (That said, I haven't forgotten you guys didn't scout either of my players; what gives?)
2. New York Silverbacks 9.5/10
3. Orange County Otters 9/10
4. Berlin Fire Salamanders 8.75/10
5. Sarasota Sailfish 8.5/10
6. Colorado Yeti 8/10
7. Arizona Outlaws 7/10
8. Austin Copperheads 6.5/10
9. Yellowknife Wraiths 6/10
10. Baltimore Hawks 5.5/10
11. Chicago Butchers 4/10
12. San Jose Sabercats 3.5/10
13. Honolulu Hahalua 3/10
14. Philadelphia Liberty 0/10
Dare we move on to the DSFL, where the bots are more plentiful and the GMs are (I might be making this up but bear with me) under even more of a time crunch to get their bots created and named? I think we dare.
BOT RANKING REMIX: DEVELOPMENT EDITION
Portland Pythons
An Nathair
Y Neidr
Si Oray
La Serpiente
Ejo Na
Die Schlange
Ka Nahesa
De Slang
Ang Ahas
A Serpe
Tus Nab
Am.. am I having a stroke? I am confident at least some of these mean snake. Maybe even all of them dare I say. At the very least, I'm confident Schlange and Serpiente both mean snake. Y Neidr and Tus Nab, I am less sure about, but boy are they fun to try to pronounce.
5/10
Norfolk Seawolves
Tont Boatzalez
Tugboat Thomas
Wildfire McPherson
Eye Scream
Pan Cakes
inEligible Receiver
Sea Wolf
Heck Beck
Tim Teboat
Captain Nemo
Doug Norfolk
Devin Hester
Highlights from this group for me include Heck Beck (nothing personal Beck, I'm just a sucker for a simple rhyme here and there,) Doug Norfolk, and inEligible Receiver, who by the way, you might be thrilled to know inEligible Receiver plays OL, so he's true to his name. Until he reports as eligible and lies to us all a la Bill Belichick.
5.5/10
Bondi Beach Buccaneers
Plexi Glass
Overwhelming Mutiny
Big Boi
Goatest Tank
Harry Nightingale
Kangaroo Jack
Moldy ArcticDip
Big Dinghy
Bernola Fireline
Contingency Plan
ShiverMe Timbers
Solar Bear
Davey Jones
Overwhelming Mutiny is an excellent name for a pirate team, as are some of these other nautical ones like Davey Jones, ShiverMe Timbers, and of course, Big Dinghy. There were some good things happening with that theme and I think I might have enjoyed seeing the bots stick with that one theme, but that obviously gets harder when you're naming 10+ bots in a sitting. Non-themed highlights for me include Solar Bear (RIP sweet prince) and Kangaroo Jack.
7.5/10
Kansas City Coyotes
HEIIAJSD OWIDHUSE
Hut Block
Falth Starth
Big Lug
Lil Nicky
Doctor Pepper
Cup of Tea
Hands Solo
Fish and Chips
Kai Oat
Royal Guard
Ghost of Potato
Alpha
Prairie Dog
Chew Backer
Macho Man
Mike Trickfoot
Kansas City is running away with the quantity award. Props to KCC for making so many of these names at least passable despite having so damn many to come up with. Highlights for me include Fish and Chips, Doctor Pepper, and Big Lug. What in the wide world of sports happened with that first name? Shades of Chicago there. Hey wait, the first names match. Someone from KCC or CHI explain the joke to me please.
5/10
Tijuana Luchadores
Aikeek Damunkball
Kyamid Victorious
Oryx The Taken King
Kotussle D. Muscle
El Duderino
Oozing Dobble
Dennis Payton
Triple Ham
Mr. Munkerd
Eggs AreBad
Kotussle D. Muscle sounds like a spinoff of Kotasa's name and I choose to believe this is his alter ego. Maybe even a masked wrestler type alter ego. Oozing Dobble is good stuff, and it's nice to see them pay homage to a franchise legend. What in the world is Triple Ham? And how can you not like eggs of any form?
6/10
Minnesota Grey Ducks
Darkwing Duck
Count Quackula
Quackson Five
Quackie Kennedy
Interior Quackodile
Quack the Ripper
Moby Duck
Psy Duck
Quack N. Dabeanstalk
James Pond
Fortyducks In'Atrenchcoat
Robber Ducky
Ortho Paeduck
Dee CC
Lamar Quackson
Duck Duck
Ayyy a team that rose to the challenge and stuck with their theme (mostly; I guess Dee CC does stray from the topic just a touch) despite facing great odds in the form of so many bots requiring names. Excellent job Minnesota. Fortyducks In'Atrenchcoat is a winner for sure, but picking just one highlight is impossible. Other notables here for me include Lamar Quackson, Quackie Kennedy, Interior Quackodile, and, if ya really wanted to make me pick just one favorite, I think I'd go with Quack N. Dabeanstalk. This is good stuff through and through.
10/10
Dallas Birddogs
Scoobert Doobert
Robo Pup
Baron Von Woofenstein
Barkevious Mingo
Ruff Day
Arf Vader
Boba Fetch
James Earl Bones
OBoneMonch Kanobi
Jabba The Mutt
Scrappy Doo
Hammer Doo
South Paw
Good Boi
One of the things I was most curious about when I set out on writing this article was how many of the bot names I came up with (with the invaluable help of my fellow GM, war room, and team at large) as DAL GM would still be around in today's DSFL. The answer is a lot of them! It's nice to receive true confirmation that I made a lasting impact on this franchise. Although, the trophies to the left of this post help with that a lot too :sunglasses: It's hard to rank these names without great amounts of bias considering I helped come up with a lot of them, so to keep the ol' playing field level, let's just call it an 11/10.
London Royals
Lonnie Dunn
Willy Spearshake
Sebastian Cane
Lil Benji
The Headsman
Twenty Seven
I'm not sure I've ever seen a DSFL roster have so few bots. Truly a testament to the London Royals' continued failure as an organization ((/s)). Did you guys know that former London GM Sebster is really fond of Cane's chicken? You should ask him about it some time. I wonder if Lil Benji from London and Lil Nicky from Kansas City are at all related. Willy Spearshake is the clear winner of the bunch for me; it's got everything you could ask for. A geographic reference, shaking spears, end of list. Can someone from London explain Twenty Seven to me? Why would you guys want to commemorate one of the seasons Dallas won the Ultimini? I didn't realize the Birddogs had such fervent supporters in London.
7/10
So, with that out of the way, how do our DSFL bots stack up against each other?
1. Dallas Birddogs 11/10
2. Minnesota Gray Ducks 10/10 (has anyone ever asked MIN why they use the European spelling of grey, rather than the American gray?)
3. Bondi Beach Buccaneers 7.5/10
4. London Royals 7/10
5. Tijuana Luchadores 6/10
6. Norfolk Seawolves 5.5/10
t7. Kansas City Coyotes 5/10
t7. Portland Pythons 5/10
And just to cap things off nicely, how do our teams stack up against each other when we combine the two leagues?
1. Dallas Birddogs 11/10
t2. New Orleans Second Line 10/10
t2. Minnesota Not Gray Ducks 10/10
4. New York Silverbacks 9.5/10
5. Orange County Otters 9/10
6. Berlin Fire Salamanders 8.75/10
7. Sarasota Sailfish 8.5/10
8. Colorado Yeti 8/10
9. Bondi Beach Buccaneers 7.5/10
t10. Arizona Outlaws 7/10
t10. London Royals 7/10
12. Austin Copperheads 6.5/10
t13. Tijuana Luchadores 6/10
t13. Yellowknife Wraiths 6/10
t15. Baltimore Hawks 5.5/10
t15. Norfolk Seawolves 5.5/10
t17. Kansas City Coyotes 5/10
t17. Portland Pythons 5/10
19. Chicago Butchers 4/10
20. San Jose Sabercats 3.5/10
21. Honolulu Hahalua 3/10
22. Philadelphia Liberty 0/10
Sorry to do you dirty by default like that Philly. Next time, don't be so good at well-rounded drafting and maybe you'll have some bots on your team.
I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Have a great day.