Denver, Colorado
In an unexpected trade following the preseason, the Colorado Yeti have traded away Kieran O’Connell to the Philadelphia Liberty, finally dismantling the one competent position group remaining on their roster. “This was a great trade. I really think both teams came out of this with exactly what they needed,” said a representative for Colorado, probably.
The deal brings useless linebacker Arby Krimlaw and future DSFL free agent Michael Newman to Colorado, along with a 4th round pick they can get a quality ass wipe with, and all it cost them was a starting caliber runner who performed admirably in place of Boss Tweed. When asked why the deal was made, “team needs” was the general response. “We needed to downgrade our running back position desperately,” Yeti General Manager @Daybe was probably thinking. “There’s no way we can get the #1 overall pick with a run game this strong. Then how will we waste it on a player no one is targeting that high?”
Since taking over as general manager, @TheMemeMaestro has put in a lot of work shipping off all the talent on the roster. He started with the powerful defense that almost forced the Yeti into the playoffs, giving the team a burst of confidence that would have destroyed the front office’s long term plans. After shipping off promising defensive end Big Bot and member of the best CB duo Philippe Carter, it appeared that all was going to plan, but somehow Mayran Jackson decided not to retire in protest of going to Colorado. “Mayran Jackson’s willingness to play for us was unexpected, but these kind of obstacles have to be overcome,” is the kind of thing I could see them thinking. The deal did result in a silver lining, though, having attracted the attention of malcontent Daybe, who saw what was happening in Colorado and wanted to be a part of it. Maestro moved quickly, giving up a starting linebacker and two second round picks for Brice Boggs. “I know it was expensive, but speed-rushing backers are really valuable, and Boggs has a LOT of potential. We worry he might be as good as Wyatt Fulton one day, but if that ever happens we can just trade him away, too” he probably said while crying into a mirror.
While the defense had been weakened, the offense was threatening to be competent. Fortunately, star QB Logan Noble got suspended for illegal practices, putting the team right back on track to fail. “This was a huge break for us. We were trying to figure out how to get the little shit injured, but this was even better” some dark corner of his mind was thinking. This was the opportunity the Yeti had been DREAMING of. They immediately traded to acquire two different QBs of equal value, ensuring a QB controversy that would keep the offense from coming together, got rid of another starting linebacker, and sent the suspiciously hard-working receivers Ross and Jackson to other teams before their “habits” poisoned other team members. “We believe work ethic is contagious, and we needed to cut that right out.”
When asked how he felt about the work ethic of Nicolas Pierno, Maestro only shook his head. “He definitely needs to tone it down on the practice field, but I think we built a system ready to make him fail. Between our lazy wide receivers who can’t get open anymore, and the offensive line shrugging as pass rushers come for him, he should be too concussed to make it to practice by the end of the season. It’s a gamble, but taking risks is what being a GM is all about.”
Having now weakened the team at QB, RB, WR, DE, LB, CB and S (all of that is completely true), we don’t expect Maestro and Daybe to take any time off. “Being a GM is hard work, but I think we’ve shown we’ll do whatever it takes. Some day, we’ll be ready to stand up to Arizona and say ‘hey, that number one overall pick belongs to US now!”
GRADED
In an unexpected trade following the preseason, the Colorado Yeti have traded away Kieran O’Connell to the Philadelphia Liberty, finally dismantling the one competent position group remaining on their roster. “This was a great trade. I really think both teams came out of this with exactly what they needed,” said a representative for Colorado, probably.
The deal brings useless linebacker Arby Krimlaw and future DSFL free agent Michael Newman to Colorado, along with a 4th round pick they can get a quality ass wipe with, and all it cost them was a starting caliber runner who performed admirably in place of Boss Tweed. When asked why the deal was made, “team needs” was the general response. “We needed to downgrade our running back position desperately,” Yeti General Manager @Daybe was probably thinking. “There’s no way we can get the #1 overall pick with a run game this strong. Then how will we waste it on a player no one is targeting that high?”
Since taking over as general manager, @TheMemeMaestro has put in a lot of work shipping off all the talent on the roster. He started with the powerful defense that almost forced the Yeti into the playoffs, giving the team a burst of confidence that would have destroyed the front office’s long term plans. After shipping off promising defensive end Big Bot and member of the best CB duo Philippe Carter, it appeared that all was going to plan, but somehow Mayran Jackson decided not to retire in protest of going to Colorado. “Mayran Jackson’s willingness to play for us was unexpected, but these kind of obstacles have to be overcome,” is the kind of thing I could see them thinking. The deal did result in a silver lining, though, having attracted the attention of malcontent Daybe, who saw what was happening in Colorado and wanted to be a part of it. Maestro moved quickly, giving up a starting linebacker and two second round picks for Brice Boggs. “I know it was expensive, but speed-rushing backers are really valuable, and Boggs has a LOT of potential. We worry he might be as good as Wyatt Fulton one day, but if that ever happens we can just trade him away, too” he probably said while crying into a mirror.
While the defense had been weakened, the offense was threatening to be competent. Fortunately, star QB Logan Noble got suspended for illegal practices, putting the team right back on track to fail. “This was a huge break for us. We were trying to figure out how to get the little shit injured, but this was even better” some dark corner of his mind was thinking. This was the opportunity the Yeti had been DREAMING of. They immediately traded to acquire two different QBs of equal value, ensuring a QB controversy that would keep the offense from coming together, got rid of another starting linebacker, and sent the suspiciously hard-working receivers Ross and Jackson to other teams before their “habits” poisoned other team members. “We believe work ethic is contagious, and we needed to cut that right out.”
When asked how he felt about the work ethic of Nicolas Pierno, Maestro only shook his head. “He definitely needs to tone it down on the practice field, but I think we built a system ready to make him fail. Between our lazy wide receivers who can’t get open anymore, and the offensive line shrugging as pass rushers come for him, he should be too concussed to make it to practice by the end of the season. It’s a gamble, but taking risks is what being a GM is all about.”
Having now weakened the team at QB, RB, WR, DE, LB, CB and S (all of that is completely true), we don’t expect Maestro and Daybe to take any time off. “Being a GM is hard work, but I think we’ve shown we’ll do whatever it takes. Some day, we’ll be ready to stand up to Arizona and say ‘hey, that number one overall pick belongs to US now!”
GRADED