11-20-2023, 11:16 PM
(This post was last modified: 11-28-2023, 07:13 PM by xenosthelegend. Edited 1 time in total.)
HEYO ISFL, THIS IS WILLIE SWAGGERT, THE MIRACLE FROM MINNESOTA, RECENTLY FACING DEPORTATION TO GERMONEY FOR REASONS UNRELATED TO THIS. THERE WAS A ARTICLE ABOUT ME THAT WAS VERY SLANDEROUS AND IT'S TIME I SPREAD THE TRUTH...MY TRUTH...TO THE PUBLIC. FOR THOSE WHO WISH TO READ THAT FAKE NEWS GARBAGE, PLEASE REFER TO THIS: https://forums.sim-football.com/showthre...?tid=48488
NOW...LET'S TALK ABOUT THESE ALLEGATIONS...
FAKE NEWS: Willie Swaggert was on the bench during his High School years
REAL NEWS: UNTRUE!!!! I WAS A STARTER EVERY SINGLE YEAR AND MY PARENTS AND COACHES SAID I WAS VERY VERY VERY VERY TALENTED...THE BEST PLAYER THEY EVER SEEN. I STARTED EVERY SINGLE YEAR AND I COULD HAVE PLAYED ANY AND EVERY POSITION BUT I LIMITED MYSELF BECAUSE WHEN YOU AS GOOD AS ME YOU DON'T GOTTA WORK HARDER TO STAND OUT...I WAS ALREADY STANDING OUT. STOP BEING JEALOUS OF ME.
FAKE NEWS: Willie Swaggert's adoptive father, Felix Archstone, used his connections and money to hide all negative press about Willie Swaggert
REAL NEWS: WOOOOOOOOW. REALLY GOTTA DRAG MY DAD INTO THIS, HUH???? MY DAD A GOOD MAN, AND HE ALWAYS ON THE SIDE OF JUSTICE. MY JUSTICE. IT WAS JUST A COINCIDENCE THAT HE HAPPENED TO BE IN TALKS WITH THE SCHOOL STAFF AND MEDIA ABOUT ME OFTEN. ACTUALLY, PROBABLY LESS OF A COINCIDENCE AND MORE OF A "Wow your son is very talented and is the only reason our school is relevant in any sort of capacity thank you so much for adopting a miracle upon this world god bless" KIND OF TALK. DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY PAPA OR MAMA AGAIN OR I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GONNA...BE ADVISED BY MY AGENT TO NOT FINISHED THIS SENTENCE. NEXT TOPIC.
FAKE NEWS: Willie Swaggert was involved in the tragic death of Anthony Hart, a High School teammate of his
REAL NEWS: UH, NUH UH. WHY WOULD I KILL SOMEONE? THAT WOULD IMPLY I FEARED THEM OR SOMETHIN, AND I AIN'T FEAR OR ENVY NO ONE. I DIDN'T DO IT, I DUNNO WHY YOU GUYS KEEP SAYING I DID IT. I MEAN, HART DESERVED EVERY BIT OF IT AND I'M GLAD HE DEAD, BUT I AIN'T HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. I UNDERSTAND THE MAN WHO DID IT HAPPENED TO HAVE VERY SIMILAR CATCHPHRASES TO ME, WAS THE SAME HEIGHT, WEIGHT, AGE, SKIN COLOR, HAD THE SAME HAIR, AND SO FORTH, BUT IT WASN'T ME. THE ONLY KILLING I DO IS ON THE FIELD WHEN I PUSH PEOPLE TO THE GROUND AND TELL THEM TO STOP TRYNA HIT MY QB LIKE SOME WEIRDOS. I AM A GOOD MAN.
FAKE NEWS: Willie Swaggert is an unhinged maniac with a power complex
REAL NEWS: I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THE GREAT PEOPLE OF MINNESOTA THINK I'M A COMPLETE SAINT AND THANK ME DAILY FOR BEING ON THEIR TEAM. THAT'S RIGHT, THEY SAID I'M DOING THEM A FAVOR BEING ON THEIR TEAM. I COULD HAVE PICKED ANY TEAM I WANTED BUT I GAVE THE DUCKS THE GREEN LIGHT BECAUSE I LOVE THEM AND THEY LOVE ME AND WE'RE GOING TO GET MARRIED THIS YEAR SO I CAN AVOID DEPORTATION. NO OFFENSE TO BERLIN COAT FACTORY BUT I AIN'T TRYING TO LIVE IN WHATEVER THE HELL A GERMONEY IS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK AMERICAN THERE?????? ALSO, I DON'T NEED NO COATS, MY INSANE MUSCLE MASS KEEPS ME WARM ENOUGH DAY IN AND DAY OUT THANK YOU VERY MUCH. BUUUUUT, MAYBE IF THEY'D LIKE TO PAY ME A REALLY BIG MEGA MILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT I COULD CHANGE MY MIND. MY AGENT'S PHONE IS ALWAYS ON, YOU KNOW WHO TO CALL.
CONCLUSION: WILLIE SWAGGERT IS THE GOAT AND AN INNOCENT MAN
REAL CONCLUSION: TRUE!!!!!! SO I SAY TO YOU THIS, DUMBASS REPORTER: RELEASE WHATEVER ELSE YOU GOT ON ME. I WILL NOT BE SILENT. I WILL NOT LOSE. I AM WILLIE THE MIRACLE SWAGGERT. I WILL WIN AND I WILL KEEP WINNING. THANK YOU FOR READING MY TRUTH AND LETTING ME, THE VICTIM OF THIS HORRIBLE INCIDENT, HAVE A VOICE...I HOPE EVIL PEOPLE LIKE THIS REPORTER WILL BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE IN THE FUTURE SO PEOPLE LIKE ME NEVER HAVE TO HEAR SUCH NEGATIVITY AGAIN. GO DUCKS!!!!! AND UH, GO FIRE SALARYMANDERS!!!
(686 words. Also side note, if people ended up finding this style of article annoying to read or anything feel free to leave some feedback!)
NOW...LET'S TALK ABOUT THESE ALLEGATIONS...
FAKE NEWS: Willie Swaggert was on the bench during his High School years
REAL NEWS: UNTRUE!!!! I WAS A STARTER EVERY SINGLE YEAR AND MY PARENTS AND COACHES SAID I WAS VERY VERY VERY VERY TALENTED...THE BEST PLAYER THEY EVER SEEN. I STARTED EVERY SINGLE YEAR AND I COULD HAVE PLAYED ANY AND EVERY POSITION BUT I LIMITED MYSELF BECAUSE WHEN YOU AS GOOD AS ME YOU DON'T GOTTA WORK HARDER TO STAND OUT...I WAS ALREADY STANDING OUT. STOP BEING JEALOUS OF ME.
FAKE NEWS: Willie Swaggert's adoptive father, Felix Archstone, used his connections and money to hide all negative press about Willie Swaggert
REAL NEWS: WOOOOOOOOW. REALLY GOTTA DRAG MY DAD INTO THIS, HUH???? MY DAD A GOOD MAN, AND HE ALWAYS ON THE SIDE OF JUSTICE. MY JUSTICE. IT WAS JUST A COINCIDENCE THAT HE HAPPENED TO BE IN TALKS WITH THE SCHOOL STAFF AND MEDIA ABOUT ME OFTEN. ACTUALLY, PROBABLY LESS OF A COINCIDENCE AND MORE OF A "Wow your son is very talented and is the only reason our school is relevant in any sort of capacity thank you so much for adopting a miracle upon this world god bless" KIND OF TALK. DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY PAPA OR MAMA AGAIN OR I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GONNA...BE ADVISED BY MY AGENT TO NOT FINISHED THIS SENTENCE. NEXT TOPIC.
FAKE NEWS: Willie Swaggert was involved in the tragic death of Anthony Hart, a High School teammate of his
REAL NEWS: UH, NUH UH. WHY WOULD I KILL SOMEONE? THAT WOULD IMPLY I FEARED THEM OR SOMETHIN, AND I AIN'T FEAR OR ENVY NO ONE. I DIDN'T DO IT, I DUNNO WHY YOU GUYS KEEP SAYING I DID IT. I MEAN, HART DESERVED EVERY BIT OF IT AND I'M GLAD HE DEAD, BUT I AIN'T HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. I UNDERSTAND THE MAN WHO DID IT HAPPENED TO HAVE VERY SIMILAR CATCHPHRASES TO ME, WAS THE SAME HEIGHT, WEIGHT, AGE, SKIN COLOR, HAD THE SAME HAIR, AND SO FORTH, BUT IT WASN'T ME. THE ONLY KILLING I DO IS ON THE FIELD WHEN I PUSH PEOPLE TO THE GROUND AND TELL THEM TO STOP TRYNA HIT MY QB LIKE SOME WEIRDOS. I AM A GOOD MAN.
FAKE NEWS: Willie Swaggert is an unhinged maniac with a power complex
REAL NEWS: I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THE GREAT PEOPLE OF MINNESOTA THINK I'M A COMPLETE SAINT AND THANK ME DAILY FOR BEING ON THEIR TEAM. THAT'S RIGHT, THEY SAID I'M DOING THEM A FAVOR BEING ON THEIR TEAM. I COULD HAVE PICKED ANY TEAM I WANTED BUT I GAVE THE DUCKS THE GREEN LIGHT BECAUSE I LOVE THEM AND THEY LOVE ME AND WE'RE GOING TO GET MARRIED THIS YEAR SO I CAN AVOID DEPORTATION. NO OFFENSE TO BERLIN COAT FACTORY BUT I AIN'T TRYING TO LIVE IN WHATEVER THE HELL A GERMONEY IS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK AMERICAN THERE?????? ALSO, I DON'T NEED NO COATS, MY INSANE MUSCLE MASS KEEPS ME WARM ENOUGH DAY IN AND DAY OUT THANK YOU VERY MUCH. BUUUUUT, MAYBE IF THEY'D LIKE TO PAY ME A REALLY BIG MEGA MILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT I COULD CHANGE MY MIND. MY AGENT'S PHONE IS ALWAYS ON, YOU KNOW WHO TO CALL.
CONCLUSION: WILLIE SWAGGERT IS THE GOAT AND AN INNOCENT MAN
REAL CONCLUSION: TRUE!!!!!! SO I SAY TO YOU THIS, DUMBASS REPORTER: RELEASE WHATEVER ELSE YOU GOT ON ME. I WILL NOT BE SILENT. I WILL NOT LOSE. I AM WILLIE THE MIRACLE SWAGGERT. I WILL WIN AND I WILL KEEP WINNING. THANK YOU FOR READING MY TRUTH AND LETTING ME, THE VICTIM OF THIS HORRIBLE INCIDENT, HAVE A VOICE...I HOPE EVIL PEOPLE LIKE THIS REPORTER WILL BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE IN THE FUTURE SO PEOPLE LIKE ME NEVER HAVE TO HEAR SUCH NEGATIVITY AGAIN. GO DUCKS!!!!! AND UH, GO FIRE SALARYMANDERS!!!
(686 words. Also side note, if people ended up finding this style of article annoying to read or anything feel free to leave some feedback!)
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