12-04-2023, 06:13 PM
(This post was last modified: 12-05-2023, 03:58 PM by DL14. Edited 2 times in total.)
An in-jest look at the DSFL rookie impact in Week 1
All info taken from the Tracker and the Index on 12th December 2023
Kansas City Coyotes
Week 1 result: Win v Royals 62-14
Daddy Dimes – QB #13
Did not play; Dimes is backup QB.
Impact Rating 0/10.
Purdy Mediocre – RB #21
Purdy had 20 rushing attempts with an average of 3 yards, gaining 4 first downs. Although not the actual bringer of any points in this game, it was still an influential performance for the team result.
Impact Rating 6/10.
Terry Keller – CB #21
Terry Keller was drafted 16 places below Purdy and as such should switch jersey number. If his impact on the field remains higher than the other #21 however, he will have made a good case to keep it. With 4 tackles and an interception in game 1 it will be an interesting battle.
Impact Rating 6/10.
Duilio’s Beard – LB #50
As the highest drafted player for Coyotes at 5, Duilio’s Beard will have a lot to prove. He played for KCC during the previous season and impressed enough to be chosen.
In game 1 against the London Royals he has already proven his worth with a tackle for loss, a forced fumble, a sack, as well as a pass deflection.
Impact Rating 9/10.
Damian Prince – DE #77
Was on the field.
Impact Rating 0/10.
Hearty Harry – K/P #12
Heart Harry finished the week with a 100% completion rate. 8 extra points and 2 field goals. Both FGs were from 40+ yards, with a long of 48.
Harry gained 14 points for his team this week.
Hearty Harry is such a visual abomination that officials likely close their eyes when he takes the field and just assume the kick is good.
75% of his punts landed inside the 20, with a long of 59 yards.
Impact Rating 10/10.
London Royals
Week 1 result: Loss v Coyotes 62-14
Daniel Ramirez – RB #12
Ramirez had 6 rushing attempts for 41 yards with an average of 6.8, which lead to 1 first down, and a single touchdown.
Impact Rating 6/10.
Stephen Murphy – TE #11
Standing at 6’6 Murphy is a massive target, but he failed to score any touchdowns or even a first down the whole game. He also had 1 dropped pass, but on a positive note performed a single pancake.
Impact Rating 2/10.
Chopper Donquixote – WR #4
Donquixote was number one overall pick, so expectations are high. His first outing resulted in 5 catches with an average of 15.6 yards. Unfortunately, he dropped a pass and didn’t score any points during his first game. Although a safe target when you need a first down and looks to have a great future, the big loss affected his impact this week.
Impact Rating 5/10.
Aaron Ford – WR #88
Finished with 2 catches for 32 yards, no touchdowns.
Impact Rating 2/10.
Devin Jones – CB #24
The cornerback scored 2 tackles and deflected 2 passes.
Impact Rating 3/10.
Léopold Roy – LB #21
Roy had the most tackles of all rookies this week with 9, whilst also contributing 2 tackles for loss.
Impact Rating 8/10.
Jaiden Thornburg – K/P #22
Jaiden had a lot of game-time during the Prospect Bowl and performed generally well, but the DSFL comes with added pressure. As a result, Thornburg missed his first kick of his DSFL career (a 41 yard field goal attempt) but did make both extra points.
Impact Rating 2/10
Minnesota Grey Ducks
Week 1 result: Win v Pythons 17-13
Maeve Mascarpone – RB #22
With only 9 rushing attempts resulting in just 1 first down from a 20+ yard run, the 3.9yd average shows the 8 other attempts to be minimal. However, in such a close game that one play would still play a part.
Impact Rating 4/10.
Brick Tamlin – RB #20
Assumingly operating currently as RB2, Tamlin had just 1 attempt for 2 yards, which didn’t result in a first down.
Impact Rating 0/10.
Taylor Swift – G #89
A complete rock in the Minnesota OL this week, with 4 pancakes, and no sacks allowed.
Impact Rating 8/10.
Ayden Fernandez – WR #11
Only 2 catches and 1 dropped pass.
Impact Rating 3/10.
KrustyKrab Pizza – WR #13
By far the best named player in this draft class. KrustyKrab played briefly for the Grey Ducks the previous season with a 58.3% first down conversion rate. With this evidence it could make Pizza one the best slot receivers in the league.
Week 1 resulted in 5 catches with a long of 42, and a touchdown in a close game.
Impact Rating 8/10.
Jon Arbuckle – CB #38
Arbuckle got 6 tackles and a pass deflection in their close match, causing a big impact on the outcome of the game.
Impact Rating 7/10.
PeePee Poop-Eater Jr. – FS #34
PeePee missed 3 tackles, but made up for it with an interception and 2 pass deflections along with his 5 tackles.
Impact Rating 7/10.
Drake Wane – SS #22
Drake was the Ducks highest drafted player, and if you know your ducks it’s by no surprise with a name like Drake… they probably felt they had to pick him.
He paid them dearly for their devotion with 6 tackles (though missing 3) and a sack, as well as 4 pass deflections, the most of any rookie.
Wane was much more influential than Mascarpone, and as such gets to keep the contested #22 jersey.
Impact Rating 9/10.
Portland Pythons
Week 1 result: Loss v Grey Ducks 17-13
Billy Van Goff – QB #10
This was the Pythons highest pick. Billy ended the game with 30 completions and a 60% completion rate, throwing for 322 yards, and with a longest of 55.
This sounds amazing until you see he threw 2 interceptions whilst being sacked 3 times, and threw zero touchdowns. Sometimes the people around you just have an off-game, or maybe he needs to release the ball quicker.
Impact Rating 6/10.
Scorch von Turbo – RB #22
Scorch had the most attempts of any running back this week with 30. 7 resulted in a first down and 1 a touchdown. Unfortunately he also fumbled the ball, but is clearly relied on heavily.
His average yardage was only 3, so he still needs to find the turbo.
Impact Rating 7/10.
Octavio Volarus – G #88
Another rookie guard and another 4 pancakes with 0 sacks allowed. No disappointment in this position.
Impact Rating 8/10.
Peter Malcowitz – TE #88
Malcowitz is 6’4, Volarus is 6’3, both wear #88. The locker room fight to determine who gets the jersey must have been won by Volarus as he came out much sharper.
Peter received only 4 catches and managed 1 first down in their week 1 game loss to the Grey Ducks.
Impact Rating 3/10.
Tucker Hoffman – DT #69
3 tackles. Useful, but not special.
Impact Rating 2/10.
Bondi Beach Buccaneers
Week 1 result: Win v Seawolves 38-20
Dru Freduci – RB #87
Chosen as captain in his rookie season, Dru got 18 attempts and ran for 58 yards, 3 first downs, and 1 touchdown. On top of this impressive outing he also got 2 pancakes.
Impact Rating 7/10.
Bronk Bowser – TE #3
Likely did not play as is currently third choice TE.
Impact Rating 0/10.
Carson Cutbirth – WR #4
0 dropped passes, 0 fumbles, 0 catches, and 0 yards…
Impact Rating 0/10.
Leo Simon Schwartz – DT #6
Leo was the Buccaneers first pick of the draft and he has immediately shown it was fully deserved.
He massively helped the defense perform with his 6 tackles, 3 tackles for loss, and singular sack.
He was just 1 missed tackle away from a perfect rating.
Impact Rating 9/10.
Wynn Jenkins – K/P #95
Being the first kicker off the board in the draft, his 100% conversion percentage should come as no surprise. Wynn picked up every point possible in his first game with 5/5 on XPM, and just the 1/1 FGM.
Punting was also excellent throughout their game against the Seawolves, putting 4/7 inside the 20, with 62 yard long.
Impact Rating 9/10.
Dallas Birddogs
Week 1 result: Loss v Luchadores 32-21
Blobba Ketchup – TE #86
Another one of my favourite names from the draft class.
2 catches and a first down, but failed to do much else.
Impact Rating 2/10.
John le Ston – TE #9
Like their other rookie tight end they converted a first down. 4 catches, 0 TD.
Impact Rating 2/10.
Big Pickle – WR #11
With their 4 catches they score a TD, a drop, and a fumble.
Impact Rating 3/10.
Silence Suzuka – WR #1
Suzuka made a cameo in the previous season with 0 TD and 4 dropped passes.
In game 1 this season, they surpassed their season TD record and scored, and started their progression towards their record for drops as well, with 1.
132 total yards including a 61 yard catch.
Impact Rating 6/10.
D’Jasper Probincrux IV – DE #69
The main man; first pick for the Birddogs. Either did not play or simply did not perform. Record zero in all stats.
Impact Rating 0/10.
Norfolk Seawolves
Week 1 result: Loss v Buccaneers 38-20
Lasse Zeigler – QB #14
Zeiglar was Seawolves top pick, second overall, with them in need of a quarterback.
He finished with only 41.2% completion, threw for 2 touchdowns and an interception, and got sacked 3 times. Though he threw for 266 yards, next week must be more efficient.
Impact Rating 5/10.
Fig Newton – RB #2
Amassed 26 attempts and ran for 136 yards, with 6 first downs. Newton was influential to the way the Seawolves were playing, but unfortunately didn’t get any touchdowns.
Impact Rating 6/10.
Jimmy Flemanze – TE #43
Just the 1 catch for 11 yards, but it was for a first down. 100% first down conversion rate.
Impact Rating 1/10.
Cletus Mayo – LB #7
2 tackles, and 1 TFL.
Impact Rating 2/10.
Sergei Nunkanblok – DE #13
I absolutely love the name, but he didn’t do anything special on the field this week… and footage shows he did in fact play.
Impact Rating 0/10.
Miller Light – FS #4
1 tackle and 1 pass deflected. A smooth but low calorie effort.
Impact Rating 1/10.
Cassius Ketch – SS #34
Ended the game with just a recorded 5 tackles.
Impact Rating 2/10.
Matthew McDairmid Jr. – K/P #7
Matthew kicked 100% XPM with 2/2 but only 50% FGM with 2/4, with a longest of just 29 yards.
Punted 7 times, but failed to launch any to inside the 20.
Impact Rating 2/10.
Tijuana Luchadores
Week 1 result: Win v Birddogs 32-21
Corey Trevor – RB #14
Running Back Trevor came to the Luchadores as their highest pick at number 8. During the first game they only managed 5 rushing attempts for only 8 yards. Zero touchdowns.
Impact Rating 1/10.
Earnest Splash – CB #5
5 tackles.
Impact Rating 3/10.
Oxford Comma – LB #44
Oxford Comma’s stats against the Birddogs in W1 include: 6 tackles, 1 missed tackle, and 0 in all other recorded stats.
Impact Rating 3/10.
Ex Ecute – DE #90
Definitely didn’t execute as they recorded zero stats throughout their first game.
Impact Rating 0/10.
Jack Sloth – K/P #3
Sloth missed an extra point, slumping his XPM to 75%, but nailed his only FG attempt, from 42 yards. When needed to punt, which was a total of 8 times; he dropped 3 inside the 20, and had a 52 yard long.
Impact Rating 6/10.
All info taken from the Tracker and the Index on 12th December 2023
Kansas City Coyotes
Week 1 result: Win v Royals 62-14
Daddy Dimes – QB #13
Did not play; Dimes is backup QB.
Impact Rating 0/10.
Purdy Mediocre – RB #21
Purdy had 20 rushing attempts with an average of 3 yards, gaining 4 first downs. Although not the actual bringer of any points in this game, it was still an influential performance for the team result.
Impact Rating 6/10.
Terry Keller – CB #21
Terry Keller was drafted 16 places below Purdy and as such should switch jersey number. If his impact on the field remains higher than the other #21 however, he will have made a good case to keep it. With 4 tackles and an interception in game 1 it will be an interesting battle.
Impact Rating 6/10.
Duilio’s Beard – LB #50
As the highest drafted player for Coyotes at 5, Duilio’s Beard will have a lot to prove. He played for KCC during the previous season and impressed enough to be chosen.
In game 1 against the London Royals he has already proven his worth with a tackle for loss, a forced fumble, a sack, as well as a pass deflection.
Impact Rating 9/10.
Damian Prince – DE #77
Was on the field.
Impact Rating 0/10.
Hearty Harry – K/P #12
Heart Harry finished the week with a 100% completion rate. 8 extra points and 2 field goals. Both FGs were from 40+ yards, with a long of 48.
Harry gained 14 points for his team this week.
Hearty Harry is such a visual abomination that officials likely close their eyes when he takes the field and just assume the kick is good.
75% of his punts landed inside the 20, with a long of 59 yards.
Impact Rating 10/10.
London Royals
Week 1 result: Loss v Coyotes 62-14
Daniel Ramirez – RB #12
Ramirez had 6 rushing attempts for 41 yards with an average of 6.8, which lead to 1 first down, and a single touchdown.
Impact Rating 6/10.
Stephen Murphy – TE #11
Standing at 6’6 Murphy is a massive target, but he failed to score any touchdowns or even a first down the whole game. He also had 1 dropped pass, but on a positive note performed a single pancake.
Impact Rating 2/10.
Chopper Donquixote – WR #4
Donquixote was number one overall pick, so expectations are high. His first outing resulted in 5 catches with an average of 15.6 yards. Unfortunately, he dropped a pass and didn’t score any points during his first game. Although a safe target when you need a first down and looks to have a great future, the big loss affected his impact this week.
Impact Rating 5/10.
Aaron Ford – WR #88
Finished with 2 catches for 32 yards, no touchdowns.
Impact Rating 2/10.
Devin Jones – CB #24
The cornerback scored 2 tackles and deflected 2 passes.
Impact Rating 3/10.
Léopold Roy – LB #21
Roy had the most tackles of all rookies this week with 9, whilst also contributing 2 tackles for loss.
Impact Rating 8/10.
Jaiden Thornburg – K/P #22
Jaiden had a lot of game-time during the Prospect Bowl and performed generally well, but the DSFL comes with added pressure. As a result, Thornburg missed his first kick of his DSFL career (a 41 yard field goal attempt) but did make both extra points.
Impact Rating 2/10
Minnesota Grey Ducks
Week 1 result: Win v Pythons 17-13
Maeve Mascarpone – RB #22
With only 9 rushing attempts resulting in just 1 first down from a 20+ yard run, the 3.9yd average shows the 8 other attempts to be minimal. However, in such a close game that one play would still play a part.
Impact Rating 4/10.
Brick Tamlin – RB #20
Assumingly operating currently as RB2, Tamlin had just 1 attempt for 2 yards, which didn’t result in a first down.
Impact Rating 0/10.
Taylor Swift – G #89
A complete rock in the Minnesota OL this week, with 4 pancakes, and no sacks allowed.
Impact Rating 8/10.
Ayden Fernandez – WR #11
Only 2 catches and 1 dropped pass.
Impact Rating 3/10.
KrustyKrab Pizza – WR #13
By far the best named player in this draft class. KrustyKrab played briefly for the Grey Ducks the previous season with a 58.3% first down conversion rate. With this evidence it could make Pizza one the best slot receivers in the league.
Week 1 resulted in 5 catches with a long of 42, and a touchdown in a close game.
Impact Rating 8/10.
Jon Arbuckle – CB #38
Arbuckle got 6 tackles and a pass deflection in their close match, causing a big impact on the outcome of the game.
Impact Rating 7/10.
PeePee Poop-Eater Jr. – FS #34
PeePee missed 3 tackles, but made up for it with an interception and 2 pass deflections along with his 5 tackles.
Impact Rating 7/10.
Drake Wane – SS #22
Drake was the Ducks highest drafted player, and if you know your ducks it’s by no surprise with a name like Drake… they probably felt they had to pick him.
He paid them dearly for their devotion with 6 tackles (though missing 3) and a sack, as well as 4 pass deflections, the most of any rookie.
Wane was much more influential than Mascarpone, and as such gets to keep the contested #22 jersey.
Impact Rating 9/10.
Portland Pythons
Week 1 result: Loss v Grey Ducks 17-13
Billy Van Goff – QB #10
This was the Pythons highest pick. Billy ended the game with 30 completions and a 60% completion rate, throwing for 322 yards, and with a longest of 55.
This sounds amazing until you see he threw 2 interceptions whilst being sacked 3 times, and threw zero touchdowns. Sometimes the people around you just have an off-game, or maybe he needs to release the ball quicker.
Impact Rating 6/10.
Scorch von Turbo – RB #22
Scorch had the most attempts of any running back this week with 30. 7 resulted in a first down and 1 a touchdown. Unfortunately he also fumbled the ball, but is clearly relied on heavily.
His average yardage was only 3, so he still needs to find the turbo.
Impact Rating 7/10.
Octavio Volarus – G #88
Another rookie guard and another 4 pancakes with 0 sacks allowed. No disappointment in this position.
Impact Rating 8/10.
Peter Malcowitz – TE #88
Malcowitz is 6’4, Volarus is 6’3, both wear #88. The locker room fight to determine who gets the jersey must have been won by Volarus as he came out much sharper.
Peter received only 4 catches and managed 1 first down in their week 1 game loss to the Grey Ducks.
Impact Rating 3/10.
Tucker Hoffman – DT #69
3 tackles. Useful, but not special.
Impact Rating 2/10.
Bondi Beach Buccaneers
Week 1 result: Win v Seawolves 38-20
Dru Freduci – RB #87
Chosen as captain in his rookie season, Dru got 18 attempts and ran for 58 yards, 3 first downs, and 1 touchdown. On top of this impressive outing he also got 2 pancakes.
Impact Rating 7/10.
Bronk Bowser – TE #3
Likely did not play as is currently third choice TE.
Impact Rating 0/10.
Carson Cutbirth – WR #4
0 dropped passes, 0 fumbles, 0 catches, and 0 yards…
Impact Rating 0/10.
Leo Simon Schwartz – DT #6
Leo was the Buccaneers first pick of the draft and he has immediately shown it was fully deserved.
He massively helped the defense perform with his 6 tackles, 3 tackles for loss, and singular sack.
He was just 1 missed tackle away from a perfect rating.
Impact Rating 9/10.
Wynn Jenkins – K/P #95
Being the first kicker off the board in the draft, his 100% conversion percentage should come as no surprise. Wynn picked up every point possible in his first game with 5/5 on XPM, and just the 1/1 FGM.
Punting was also excellent throughout their game against the Seawolves, putting 4/7 inside the 20, with 62 yard long.
Impact Rating 9/10.
Dallas Birddogs
Week 1 result: Loss v Luchadores 32-21
Blobba Ketchup – TE #86
Another one of my favourite names from the draft class.
2 catches and a first down, but failed to do much else.
Impact Rating 2/10.
John le Ston – TE #9
Like their other rookie tight end they converted a first down. 4 catches, 0 TD.
Impact Rating 2/10.
Big Pickle – WR #11
With their 4 catches they score a TD, a drop, and a fumble.
Impact Rating 3/10.
Silence Suzuka – WR #1
Suzuka made a cameo in the previous season with 0 TD and 4 dropped passes.
In game 1 this season, they surpassed their season TD record and scored, and started their progression towards their record for drops as well, with 1.
132 total yards including a 61 yard catch.
Impact Rating 6/10.
D’Jasper Probincrux IV – DE #69
The main man; first pick for the Birddogs. Either did not play or simply did not perform. Record zero in all stats.
Impact Rating 0/10.
Norfolk Seawolves
Week 1 result: Loss v Buccaneers 38-20
Lasse Zeigler – QB #14
Zeiglar was Seawolves top pick, second overall, with them in need of a quarterback.
He finished with only 41.2% completion, threw for 2 touchdowns and an interception, and got sacked 3 times. Though he threw for 266 yards, next week must be more efficient.
Impact Rating 5/10.
Fig Newton – RB #2
Amassed 26 attempts and ran for 136 yards, with 6 first downs. Newton was influential to the way the Seawolves were playing, but unfortunately didn’t get any touchdowns.
Impact Rating 6/10.
Jimmy Flemanze – TE #43
Just the 1 catch for 11 yards, but it was for a first down. 100% first down conversion rate.
Impact Rating 1/10.
Cletus Mayo – LB #7
2 tackles, and 1 TFL.
Impact Rating 2/10.
Sergei Nunkanblok – DE #13
I absolutely love the name, but he didn’t do anything special on the field this week… and footage shows he did in fact play.
Impact Rating 0/10.
Miller Light – FS #4
1 tackle and 1 pass deflected. A smooth but low calorie effort.
Impact Rating 1/10.
Cassius Ketch – SS #34
Ended the game with just a recorded 5 tackles.
Impact Rating 2/10.
Matthew McDairmid Jr. – K/P #7
Matthew kicked 100% XPM with 2/2 but only 50% FGM with 2/4, with a longest of just 29 yards.
Punted 7 times, but failed to launch any to inside the 20.
Impact Rating 2/10.
Tijuana Luchadores
Week 1 result: Win v Birddogs 32-21
Corey Trevor – RB #14
Running Back Trevor came to the Luchadores as their highest pick at number 8. During the first game they only managed 5 rushing attempts for only 8 yards. Zero touchdowns.
Impact Rating 1/10.
Earnest Splash – CB #5
5 tackles.
Impact Rating 3/10.
Oxford Comma – LB #44
Oxford Comma’s stats against the Birddogs in W1 include: 6 tackles, 1 missed tackle, and 0 in all other recorded stats.
Impact Rating 3/10.
Ex Ecute – DE #90
Definitely didn’t execute as they recorded zero stats throughout their first game.
Impact Rating 0/10.
Jack Sloth – K/P #3
Sloth missed an extra point, slumping his XPM to 75%, but nailed his only FG attempt, from 42 yards. When needed to punt, which was a total of 8 times; he dropped 3 inside the 20, and had a 52 yard long.
Impact Rating 6/10.