*New Mascot In London (Bye Derek)

[Ace]

For the record, this isn't used as a PT.

So, when I brought my incredibly thorough proposal to the London Royals management offices for a mascot, I was informed that we already had a mascot on staff. Apparently, his name is “Royal”, which is the laziest bit of mascot creativity I’ve had the misfortune of putting my eyes on.

Look at this idiot.

He’s not even a good-looking mascot. How’s this guy supposed to capture the hearts of children? How’s he supposed to be an ambassador for a franchise so great? He’s not. I did some research on the guy. Come to find out, his name is Derek, (I am going to opt out of sharing his last name, because I’ll take the high road here) and Derek is a student here in London at the University of East London, which is widely regarded as just… not good. I’ve got it on good authority that he actively CHOOSES to drink Smirnoff Ice fruit flavored malt beverages. 

He just can’t wait to rip into a Smirnoff Ice Green Apple after the game, even after debuting the prototype suit.

Derek is just an unbearable sort of guy. Think Bad Santa. This is almost as bad as when the Calgary Flames’ (NHL team) minor league affiliate the Adirondack Flames unveiled a new mascot by showing how he killed firefighters. Scorch took no prisoners. I mean, let's take a step back and think about this. Would a mascot that's literally made of fire just stand back and accept its death by these unknown assailants? No, it would fight back, and that's what Scorch did. It fought for survival, and won, and human lives were the cost. In hindsight, Scorch is 1000% better than "Royal" or Derek. 

Burn baby, burn.

This is where we’re going to differentiate ourselves from our…. Disappointing past. We’re going to do our best to distance ourselves from Derek, and from those that may see a Mascot as a fursona and get inappropriate ideas of what they are all about. We are, once and for all, pleased to announce a new mascot that’s for the Royals fans, by the Royals fans. I am pleased to introduce you to….

Roar!

You may not like it, but this is what peak mascot performance looks like. Roar doesn’t look like an idiot, he isn’t Derek, and he’s a multi-sport collegiate athlete that isn’t on the roster anymore. We’re looking at you, Blorgl. Roar takes his shit seriously. He is ready for business on game days, and ready for work on the off days. He can bench press more than half of the Royals roster (we’re looking at you, CJ Sonjack). Roar is here to help the London Royals corporate partners with the advertising of their products and services, and for community outreach programs. That’s better than anything that Derek ever did, that’s for damn sure. 

Stay tuned next time for the Adventures of Roar – Part 1. Some corporate investors may never be the same.

[Jo3fish5]

Rawr xd

[Jimi64]

This is elite media