Robbed
Alright so let's look at the Kansas City Coyotes shall we? The Coyotes shouldn't be as bad as they are, but some fucking way they managed to finish at the bottom of their conference due to the last two weeks of the season and got beat out by one of the shittiest teams to ever exist in this god forsaken league, the Norfolk Seawolves. You have to be fucking awful to fall behind a team that's main strategy is to throw the ball at anything moving and hope it goes far. The Seawolves have no no sense of defense, and no offensive awareness, and yet the somehow still managed to ass fuck the Coyotes in the final leg of the season to overtake them and steal their playoff spot. Now how did the Coyotes let this happen? How did the team with extreme talent like Yulic Nagasawa, Andrew Reese, Alex Selich, and Lennox Garnett fall behind such a shitty excuse for a team? The answer is simple, I don't think the team had a GM in place who was doing much for the team, maybe because of inactivity or whatever. That problem is now solved though as the team has been taken over by someone who seems like they might be able to fix the legacy of the last sorry excuse the team had.
New Talent
Instead of talking about the biggest trade, we're going to talk about how the San Antonio Marshals waiver pickup, Luke Boechler, will be one of the most influential players to ever exist and will probably be remembered these playoffs for being literally the best person to ever have picked up a football. Boechler could take any sport and instantly be the best at it. Basketball? Fuck Lebron, this LeBoechler country. Golf? Tiger Woods? More like Tiger rides Boechler's Wood. Water Polo? No one fucking knows a single person who plays water polo but you get the picture, Boechler is better. So when the Marshals picked up this stud of a quarterback, did they know they were about to add the best quarterback to ever grace this planet? Probably not, because how could anyone know that just from looking at his huge, ripped frame and his beautiful sizzling twelve pack that touches the floor. Boechler will unquestionably be the MVP of the next two games as he leads the Marshals to a league championship without question, easily taking out the weak roster of the Tijuana Luchadores before moving on to the pathetic Portland Pythons who will be a simple and easy sweep.
Playoff Predictions
This is quite simply the easiest point task to talk about, and I'm going to give you a spoiler alert to start it off by just straight up telling you the answer to any playoff prediction you may have. If San Antonio is not winning by at least fifty points in the Ultimini final in your prediction, then you're doing something wrong and you need to get checked into a mental hospital because your dementia is acting up. The first round will be the biggest win margin in history as the Marshals will best the Luchadores by over a hundred points without question. Boechler will probably throw for twenty touchdowns because he's that much of a baller. On the other side, the Portland Pythons will utilize their star running back to take out the opposition in Norfolk since the Seawolves are the most shit team to ever exist and it's not even a funny joke that they have a playoff spot. Following this the Portland Pythons will attempt to take on the San Antonio Marshals in the finals, but it won't even be a contest because led by Boechler and Cobalt the team will run over Portland and Summer. Mic drop, I'm out.
Root for the Underdog
So as I'm sure you can see from above, the underdog of this entire fucking league is the Norfolk Seawolves and yet somehow they have already managed to make the playoffs over the Kansas City Coyotes which is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Like correct me if I'm wrong, but their entire team is bots and they're all lower TPE than I am and I basically have nothing. It is wild that they are even in the conversation for the Ultimini but now I'm going to swallow my pride and somehow convince you that they can beat Portland in the first round to make to the Ultimini championship game. First of all, dedication (?). The Seawolves have been training hard all year and are getting better I guess. Their run game is really strong and is pretty much the only important detail of their entire offense, and other than their running game they have literally nothing going for them so expect them to use that on the Pythons. The Pythons will lose because they won't be ready for the onslaught of anal fucking that the Seawolves running backs are primed for, and will probably lose by at least nine hundred points if not more.
Alright so let's look at the Kansas City Coyotes shall we? The Coyotes shouldn't be as bad as they are, but some fucking way they managed to finish at the bottom of their conference due to the last two weeks of the season and got beat out by one of the shittiest teams to ever exist in this god forsaken league, the Norfolk Seawolves. You have to be fucking awful to fall behind a team that's main strategy is to throw the ball at anything moving and hope it goes far. The Seawolves have no no sense of defense, and no offensive awareness, and yet the somehow still managed to ass fuck the Coyotes in the final leg of the season to overtake them and steal their playoff spot. Now how did the Coyotes let this happen? How did the team with extreme talent like Yulic Nagasawa, Andrew Reese, Alex Selich, and Lennox Garnett fall behind such a shitty excuse for a team? The answer is simple, I don't think the team had a GM in place who was doing much for the team, maybe because of inactivity or whatever. That problem is now solved though as the team has been taken over by someone who seems like they might be able to fix the legacy of the last sorry excuse the team had.
New Talent
Instead of talking about the biggest trade, we're going to talk about how the San Antonio Marshals waiver pickup, Luke Boechler, will be one of the most influential players to ever exist and will probably be remembered these playoffs for being literally the best person to ever have picked up a football. Boechler could take any sport and instantly be the best at it. Basketball? Fuck Lebron, this LeBoechler country. Golf? Tiger Woods? More like Tiger rides Boechler's Wood. Water Polo? No one fucking knows a single person who plays water polo but you get the picture, Boechler is better. So when the Marshals picked up this stud of a quarterback, did they know they were about to add the best quarterback to ever grace this planet? Probably not, because how could anyone know that just from looking at his huge, ripped frame and his beautiful sizzling twelve pack that touches the floor. Boechler will unquestionably be the MVP of the next two games as he leads the Marshals to a league championship without question, easily taking out the weak roster of the Tijuana Luchadores before moving on to the pathetic Portland Pythons who will be a simple and easy sweep.
Playoff Predictions
This is quite simply the easiest point task to talk about, and I'm going to give you a spoiler alert to start it off by just straight up telling you the answer to any playoff prediction you may have. If San Antonio is not winning by at least fifty points in the Ultimini final in your prediction, then you're doing something wrong and you need to get checked into a mental hospital because your dementia is acting up. The first round will be the biggest win margin in history as the Marshals will best the Luchadores by over a hundred points without question. Boechler will probably throw for twenty touchdowns because he's that much of a baller. On the other side, the Portland Pythons will utilize their star running back to take out the opposition in Norfolk since the Seawolves are the most shit team to ever exist and it's not even a funny joke that they have a playoff spot. Following this the Portland Pythons will attempt to take on the San Antonio Marshals in the finals, but it won't even be a contest because led by Boechler and Cobalt the team will run over Portland and Summer. Mic drop, I'm out.
Root for the Underdog
So as I'm sure you can see from above, the underdog of this entire fucking league is the Norfolk Seawolves and yet somehow they have already managed to make the playoffs over the Kansas City Coyotes which is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Like correct me if I'm wrong, but their entire team is bots and they're all lower TPE than I am and I basically have nothing. It is wild that they are even in the conversation for the Ultimini but now I'm going to swallow my pride and somehow convince you that they can beat Portland in the first round to make to the Ultimini championship game. First of all, dedication (?). The Seawolves have been training hard all year and are getting better I guess. Their run game is really strong and is pretty much the only important detail of their entire offense, and other than their running game they have literally nothing going for them so expect them to use that on the Pythons. The Pythons will lose because they won't be ready for the onslaught of anal fucking that the Seawolves running backs are primed for, and will probably lose by at least nine hundred points if not more.
