Ben Bortboy, running back for the Palm Beach Solar Bears, has been spending his time during the offseason eating Cool Ranch Doritos. He has done nothing for the last 2 weeks besides eating Cool Ranch Doritos. He has not slept. He has not used the bathroom. Ben is not sure if he is in Hell or purgatory. He deeply wishes to stop consuming Doritos, but he physically can’t stop. He is in pain. He does not know what he did to deserve this terrible fate. Each bite from a handful of Cool Ranch Doritos makes his entire body shake with fatigue and artificial flavoring. Please help.
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