06-28-2019, 10:05 AM
(This post was last modified: 07-02-2019, 03:07 PM by Fordhammer.)
[div align=\\\"center\\\"]The Austin Analyst[/div]
[div align=\\\"center\\\"]Please read this paper it's all I have left after Becky took the kids fuck I'm lonely[/div]
Austin's inaugural roster features strong core of... Northerners?
If you're from Texas, chances are you love football. Every level of football from peewee to the pros is embraced by Texans, and the NSFL has been no different. The Austin community has been abuzz about the expansion Copperheads' inaugural season, and already tickets are selling at a premium and most games are nearly sold out. What the fans may not know is that this Texas team will be relying on talent from New York, Canada, and even Europe to bring wins back to Austin. The NSFL is unusually diverse compared to college football and the NFL, with players coming from all over the world and even fielding a team in far-away Yellowknife, so maybe this isn't as noteworthy as it would be in other leagues. Still, the paper needs to sell ad space so we're gonna write about it anyway.
It should come as no surprise to anyone that the league's two expansion teams are made up of a patchwork of players from all sorts of backgrounds. The life of an expansion team is difficult, because as a GM you are simultaneously aiming to build a sustainable roster while also finding immediate success to impress your fanbase. Austin's GM AdamS and Assistant GM JKortesi81 had to get their hands on talent wherever they could find it, with limited opportunities to do so. Most of the roster came by way of the Expansion Draft, in which the Copperheads and Chicago Butchers each selected 12 unprotected players. Chicago has a few players from the farflung corners of the world, but in comparison to Austin they field many more players from traditional football states like Louisiana, Tennessee, Georgia, California, and Florida. Their roster is highlighted by hometown hero Rose Jenkins, whose career at Northern Illinois is the stuff of legend for the otherwise middling D1 program.
So, without further ado, here's a list of the many northern boys that will be donning the Austin uniform this season and beyond:
Offense
QB Easton Cole - Buffalo, NY: The young up-and-comer out of Auburn University may have played college ball in the South, but he's originally from the home of the Bills. Cole is a developmental prospect and will likely take a year or two to fully maximize his talents, but the expectation is that he will lead this team for a long time with the crisp, zippy passes he was known for in college.
RB Mako Mendonca - London, UK: Mendonca came all the way across the pond to bring his talents to Rice University. After a quick tenure with the Palm Beach Solar Bears he was picked up by the Copperheads in the first round of the draft. While Mendonca may not have elite speed or bruising strength he brings a lot of versatility to Austin's backfield and could even take snaps out of the slot receiver position.
TE Peter Larson - Odense, Denmark: The Danes were once known as fearsome warriors and expert sailors, now they're known for legos and fine cuts of pipe tobacco. Peter Larson has a similar story. Once known as a raw QB prospect with elite potential at Washington, he is now looking to switch positions to Tight End. It's unclear what kind of impact he'll have on the roster this season, but he seems motivated to make an impact and there's no doubt he'll find a way to get on the field.
WR Django Anoa'i - Huntington Station, NY: I know we would all prefer to pretend that Long Island doesn't exist, and maybe in some ideal future that dream will come true. However, as long as we're living in the real world let's recognize the absolute gift they've given us named Django Anoa'i. Anoa'i is a graduate of Beloit University, making his breakout on the pro scene even more impressive. Austin's first choice in the Expansion Draft and second overall after Kwame Mbanefo, Anoa'i is a monster of a human and an elite receiver. At 6'6" he has a unique size/speed combo that makes him a threat at basically every level of the field, there's no doubt that he will be a prominent target in this offense.
WR Sam Hardwick - Unknown???: Where is Sam Hardwick from? Nobody knows, it's a complete mystery. We sent some of our finest reporters to dig up information on Hardwick's origins, and none of them have been seen since. We asked several contacts at Clemson but they just laughed and said if they told us they'd have to kill us. We even tried LSD but my visions just told me he was from "far beyond the stars" whatever the heck that means. This international man of mystery isn't just an erotic enigma, he's a star talent on the field. He's the deep burner to complement Anoa'i's big body target, and you can expect some big plays out of Hardwick this year.
Defense
DT Nick Snider - Waterloo, ON: 300 pounds is a little too heavy for hockey, but for this Canadian it's just right to be a disruptive Defensive Tackle. The University of Waterloo shirked multiple offers to play in the CFL and instead heads down south to make a name for himself in the NSFL. Snider has good strength to shed blocks and penetrate the line, but needs to improve his speed if he wants to be a pass rush threat which most modern 3-techs are expected to be to an extent. He has plenty of experienced talent around him to help with his progress and analysts are generally optimistic about his future.
DT Football Sackerman - Somewhere in Rhode Island: Scientists still haven't triangulated exactly where in Rhode Island Football Sackerman calls home, but thanks to the efforts of dedicated researchers at the Community College of Rhode Island we're getting close. Football Sackerman would probably be one of the dumbest names ever in any profession except for pro football. Luckily for him, that's exactly where he ended up. Fast, strong, and disruptive, Sackerman led the league in sacks last season. He will be a centerpiece of this defense and a terror for opponents.
DE Joseph Henry - London, ON: The Ohio State product has had pro written all over him since he was a child. With his large frame, long arms, and impressive strength he has been a solid pass rusher for several seasons. The question remains though, can he go beyond that and become an elite talent? Henry's pro career has not shown much growth out of the player, and he may end up as a decent rotational guy instead of a top-end DE.
DE Grayon Kuusela - Columbus, OH: Another Ohio State product who spent a brief period on the same team has Henry, Kuusela has been a far more refined product in the pros. A dangerous pass rusher who can also set the edge against runs and chase down backs who get into the second level, Kuusela is an all around capable DE and will be a prominent component in Austin's defense.
LB Sandip Bakshi - Rochester, NY: Another New Yorker, Bakshi grew up in Rochester and proceeded to attend Syracuse University due to its proximity to home. Bakshi has been all over the place in his career, acting as a DE at Syracuse, an OLB in Tijuana, and effectively a Cover 2 Mike LB in Yellowknife. Bakshi's speed makes him a great pursuer at the second level, as he is able to chase down the ball carrier and mop up plays and has the speed to keep up in pass coverage. He has rarely attacked behind the line of scrimmage in the pros, although he could be asked to do so on the Copperheads. Either way, you can expect Bakshi to get a lot of tackles and pass defenses, the kind of unromantic volume stats that are the "meat and potatoes" of most defenses.
LB A.J. Robertson - Belleview, WA: Another athletic linebacker, Robertson doesn't have Bakshi's straight line speed or strength but he brings more refined skills and good vision for the ball. Unlike Bakshi, Robertson's role in Arizona was very much to attack the backfield and he recorded 8 tackles for a loss and 2 sacks last season. Robertson's technical prowess and agility have helped him to read blocking schemes and attack running plays before they fully develop. It will be worth watching if Austin will use him in this same manner or switch his role up as well.
CB Dermot Lavelle, Jr. - Yellowknife, NT: The son of Wraiths legend Dermot Lavelle, Junior has been living and breathing Yellowknife most of his life, including attending Aurora College. This Yellowknife-for-life attitude has not carried over to the pros though, as Lavelle is headed down to Austin where he will line up across Spencer Castle. Lavelle is kind of slow for a defensive back but makes up for it with very good zone coverage skills and great ball-hawking talent. QBs may avoid throwing his way just to avoid the embarrassment of getting picked off. He also offers good run support with size and bulk more reminiscent of a safety than a corner.
Special Teams
Nope, Austin's kicker the Thighmaster Crisco is 100% Texas.
So, the question that the Copperheads need to answer this year is a simple one. Will fans embrace this thoroughly northern team, or will they be clamoring for hometown talent? The answer no doubt lies in whether the Copperheads can produce wins and make the playoffs, as success is the best way to silence the haters.
[div align=\\\"center\\\"]Please read this paper it's all I have left after Becky took the kids fuck I'm lonely[/div]
Austin's inaugural roster features strong core of... Northerners?
If you're from Texas, chances are you love football. Every level of football from peewee to the pros is embraced by Texans, and the NSFL has been no different. The Austin community has been abuzz about the expansion Copperheads' inaugural season, and already tickets are selling at a premium and most games are nearly sold out. What the fans may not know is that this Texas team will be relying on talent from New York, Canada, and even Europe to bring wins back to Austin. The NSFL is unusually diverse compared to college football and the NFL, with players coming from all over the world and even fielding a team in far-away Yellowknife, so maybe this isn't as noteworthy as it would be in other leagues. Still, the paper needs to sell ad space so we're gonna write about it anyway.
It should come as no surprise to anyone that the league's two expansion teams are made up of a patchwork of players from all sorts of backgrounds. The life of an expansion team is difficult, because as a GM you are simultaneously aiming to build a sustainable roster while also finding immediate success to impress your fanbase. Austin's GM AdamS and Assistant GM JKortesi81 had to get their hands on talent wherever they could find it, with limited opportunities to do so. Most of the roster came by way of the Expansion Draft, in which the Copperheads and Chicago Butchers each selected 12 unprotected players. Chicago has a few players from the farflung corners of the world, but in comparison to Austin they field many more players from traditional football states like Louisiana, Tennessee, Georgia, California, and Florida. Their roster is highlighted by hometown hero Rose Jenkins, whose career at Northern Illinois is the stuff of legend for the otherwise middling D1 program.
So, without further ado, here's a list of the many northern boys that will be donning the Austin uniform this season and beyond:
Offense
QB Easton Cole - Buffalo, NY: The young up-and-comer out of Auburn University may have played college ball in the South, but he's originally from the home of the Bills. Cole is a developmental prospect and will likely take a year or two to fully maximize his talents, but the expectation is that he will lead this team for a long time with the crisp, zippy passes he was known for in college.
RB Mako Mendonca - London, UK: Mendonca came all the way across the pond to bring his talents to Rice University. After a quick tenure with the Palm Beach Solar Bears he was picked up by the Copperheads in the first round of the draft. While Mendonca may not have elite speed or bruising strength he brings a lot of versatility to Austin's backfield and could even take snaps out of the slot receiver position.
TE Peter Larson - Odense, Denmark: The Danes were once known as fearsome warriors and expert sailors, now they're known for legos and fine cuts of pipe tobacco. Peter Larson has a similar story. Once known as a raw QB prospect with elite potential at Washington, he is now looking to switch positions to Tight End. It's unclear what kind of impact he'll have on the roster this season, but he seems motivated to make an impact and there's no doubt he'll find a way to get on the field.
WR Django Anoa'i - Huntington Station, NY: I know we would all prefer to pretend that Long Island doesn't exist, and maybe in some ideal future that dream will come true. However, as long as we're living in the real world let's recognize the absolute gift they've given us named Django Anoa'i. Anoa'i is a graduate of Beloit University, making his breakout on the pro scene even more impressive. Austin's first choice in the Expansion Draft and second overall after Kwame Mbanefo, Anoa'i is a monster of a human and an elite receiver. At 6'6" he has a unique size/speed combo that makes him a threat at basically every level of the field, there's no doubt that he will be a prominent target in this offense.
WR Sam Hardwick - Unknown???: Where is Sam Hardwick from? Nobody knows, it's a complete mystery. We sent some of our finest reporters to dig up information on Hardwick's origins, and none of them have been seen since. We asked several contacts at Clemson but they just laughed and said if they told us they'd have to kill us. We even tried LSD but my visions just told me he was from "far beyond the stars" whatever the heck that means. This international man of mystery isn't just an erotic enigma, he's a star talent on the field. He's the deep burner to complement Anoa'i's big body target, and you can expect some big plays out of Hardwick this year.
Defense
DT Nick Snider - Waterloo, ON: 300 pounds is a little too heavy for hockey, but for this Canadian it's just right to be a disruptive Defensive Tackle. The University of Waterloo shirked multiple offers to play in the CFL and instead heads down south to make a name for himself in the NSFL. Snider has good strength to shed blocks and penetrate the line, but needs to improve his speed if he wants to be a pass rush threat which most modern 3-techs are expected to be to an extent. He has plenty of experienced talent around him to help with his progress and analysts are generally optimistic about his future.
DT Football Sackerman - Somewhere in Rhode Island: Scientists still haven't triangulated exactly where in Rhode Island Football Sackerman calls home, but thanks to the efforts of dedicated researchers at the Community College of Rhode Island we're getting close. Football Sackerman would probably be one of the dumbest names ever in any profession except for pro football. Luckily for him, that's exactly where he ended up. Fast, strong, and disruptive, Sackerman led the league in sacks last season. He will be a centerpiece of this defense and a terror for opponents.
DE Joseph Henry - London, ON: The Ohio State product has had pro written all over him since he was a child. With his large frame, long arms, and impressive strength he has been a solid pass rusher for several seasons. The question remains though, can he go beyond that and become an elite talent? Henry's pro career has not shown much growth out of the player, and he may end up as a decent rotational guy instead of a top-end DE.
DE Grayon Kuusela - Columbus, OH: Another Ohio State product who spent a brief period on the same team has Henry, Kuusela has been a far more refined product in the pros. A dangerous pass rusher who can also set the edge against runs and chase down backs who get into the second level, Kuusela is an all around capable DE and will be a prominent component in Austin's defense.
LB Sandip Bakshi - Rochester, NY: Another New Yorker, Bakshi grew up in Rochester and proceeded to attend Syracuse University due to its proximity to home. Bakshi has been all over the place in his career, acting as a DE at Syracuse, an OLB in Tijuana, and effectively a Cover 2 Mike LB in Yellowknife. Bakshi's speed makes him a great pursuer at the second level, as he is able to chase down the ball carrier and mop up plays and has the speed to keep up in pass coverage. He has rarely attacked behind the line of scrimmage in the pros, although he could be asked to do so on the Copperheads. Either way, you can expect Bakshi to get a lot of tackles and pass defenses, the kind of unromantic volume stats that are the "meat and potatoes" of most defenses.
LB A.J. Robertson - Belleview, WA: Another athletic linebacker, Robertson doesn't have Bakshi's straight line speed or strength but he brings more refined skills and good vision for the ball. Unlike Bakshi, Robertson's role in Arizona was very much to attack the backfield and he recorded 8 tackles for a loss and 2 sacks last season. Robertson's technical prowess and agility have helped him to read blocking schemes and attack running plays before they fully develop. It will be worth watching if Austin will use him in this same manner or switch his role up as well.
CB Dermot Lavelle, Jr. - Yellowknife, NT: The son of Wraiths legend Dermot Lavelle, Junior has been living and breathing Yellowknife most of his life, including attending Aurora College. This Yellowknife-for-life attitude has not carried over to the pros though, as Lavelle is headed down to Austin where he will line up across Spencer Castle. Lavelle is kind of slow for a defensive back but makes up for it with very good zone coverage skills and great ball-hawking talent. QBs may avoid throwing his way just to avoid the embarrassment of getting picked off. He also offers good run support with size and bulk more reminiscent of a safety than a corner.
Special Teams
Nope, Austin's kicker the Thighmaster Crisco is 100% Texas.
So, the question that the Copperheads need to answer this year is a simple one. Will fans embrace this thoroughly northern team, or will they be clamoring for hometown talent? The answer no doubt lies in whether the Copperheads can produce wins and make the playoffs, as success is the best way to silence the haters.
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Word Count: 1,605 ready for grading