*Alfa Romeo Concept take two

[Sermokala]

A collection of overheard conversations taken during the National sim football league-Developmental sim football league awards show weekend. Everything contained was said by Fabricio Baldari, Mike Franchet, Corvo Havran, Lucio Bigby, or Taco Macaurther. Specific quotes have been changed to add coherency to the story and to avoid repetition with parts of the story. These records became leaked after a series of communications and interviews between the National sim football leauge franchise Baltimore As well as the Patapsco River which it iself is really just the confluence of marley creek and curtis creek as it flows out to chesapeak bay, this doesn't follow specificaly national map making conventions in order to conform with acts of congress in order to make Baltimore harbor which was protected by fort henry not exploitable to international meritime laws forceing the town not to fire on forgien ships attempting to dock so close to the city instead forceing them to take harbor in the chesipeak bay which was well within the sights of fort henry and yet was not a security risk to the city, The United states of America Formerly known as the province of Maryland (Granted to sir george calvert 1579 - 1632 by Charles the 1st king of England, King of Scotland, and King of Ireland) Formerly 13th state of the confederation and perpetual union, 7th State of the union, Hawks and the Minnesota Grey ducks (formerly the San antonio, Texas Marshalls, not to be confused for having afliliation with the national sim football league Arizona outlaws.

" So what's all this crazy business I've heard about you not being from anyway because you were "born in international waters?"

Well Somalia wasn't a fully functioning country at the moment and they couldn't really get a birth certificate, People would assume I was born in Italy with the name my parents gave me and it would have been hard to explain to the authorities In Russia to as why I was born either off the coast of Cuba or Guitanimo bay, which my uncle refused to recognize as rightful American territory.

None of that did anything to explain anything and I'm far more confused now then I was before I asked.

Well, you'd have to understand simultaneously the geopolitics of the Carribean, the grey market of collector cars and what a failed American-Italian footballer turned football manager out of Spain and England dubbed "the Alfa Romeo concept".

These are more words and concepts that confused me more If you don't start explaining things for real I swear to god I'll get your dsfl rights traded to Tijistan and send you down this season.

Jesus boss I'll get you another drink.

OK OK, fine so when the world thinks "expensive Italian supercar" They thing Ferrari, The GTO's are going for 40 to 50 million dollars each depending on a few things. The thing is that Ol Enzo was a god but didn't just sprout into the world in the 1950s making supercars by hand. There was an event that happened that send supercar making into hibernation for a while there you may have heard of it ... the Reformation. (this joke killed apparently I really don't know what to tell you it was really top-shelf alcohol being served) Anyway, even after world war two, it took a bit for Enzo to get the capital together and to design the GTO's and the other race cars that encapsulate his legacy. But, before all this, and I swear its the last time I'm going back in time, Enzo designed cars for Alfa Romeo. The story is disputed and convoluted as anything in Italy but Ol Enzo left Alfa Romeo back in 1939 right around the outbreak of war. The last car he would have worked on was the Alfa Romeo 8C 2900 B Lungo Spider. This thing is an absolute monster and what should be considered a cultural artifact for Italy. Its got a championship-winning straight-eight with championship racing caliber parts under a Black fearsome body that looks like a Black coated horse with a shining steel knight charging at you. It was a two-seater but with running boards between the Wheel basins for Gangsters to stand on while they hold onto the car with one hand and aim a machine gun with the other. This thing was specifically made for gangsters and dictators, for oppression and intimidation.

Now onto Cuba, Cuba is a magical place. Imagine Hawaii but five times bigger and a short hop off the coast of America. If it was run well or handled correctly by anyone it would probably have the largest Island economy in the world, more then England easily. But fate is as fate does and this wasn't to be the case. The dictator was horrible and ruined everything. The end of the revolution was quick and a lot of people rushed to get off the island before the communists came. I don't know the how or why but truly miraculously a mint condition one of these Lungo spiders was found in a garage with original everything including tweaking by Enzo himself with an authentic early engraving of the Ferrari horse on the engine block and a note from the lead designer of Alfa Romeo from the time. The guy who found it and was selling it to my grandfather had a list of demands with his first demand being the equivalent of 20 Million Dollars. My grandfather responded by sending my father in person with everything he asked for and a crew of Russian Mercenaries to "ensure the transaction went as planned". His cover for going to the Island was to visit it with my incredibly pregnant mother. Under the cover of darkness, they drove the thing directly onto a "military surplus" soviet amphibious lander, strapped it in and intended to make their escape. Unfortunately, the thing broke down on the way to the beach and caused an over-curious mechanic to remark at the engine being original as he replaced the fuel lines. He told the police that he thought it was stolen and they were smuggling it out of the country, to be fair they were totally doing this which was incredibly illegal by Cuban and American laws. The Russian mercenaries though incredibly outgunned the cops that showed up and "encouraged" them to leave. Then once they had the thing on the lander and were going to strap it down my mom went into labor with me. This delayed things but they made it to the boat and hoisted up the lander to the deck, got the car out and into a shipping container, resecured the car and dumped the lander back out into the sea. But with all the time wasted the Cuban navy had come around and began to shoot at the ship to make it slow down. They were not going to do this. So the captain decided the best thing to do was to go to Gitmo and get the US navy involved. It was really dark and they didn't have radar so they weren't sure at all what happened as they were more focused around helping my mom deliver me. I was born in transit out of the Carribean and no one was really tracking where it exactly happened. The boat went to Somalia to lose any legal issues and they then went north through the Suez and finally ended their trip taking me ashore for the first time in... well whatever the Crimea is now.

Fraby I know that can't be true I've been to your high school it has a weird fetish about being too poor to afford anything for the football team other than a concrete block wall and a dirt field. Also you an't Italian Fabricio Baldari isn't Russian.

It must be noted that the above paragraph is by far the most fabricated part of this transcript. While most of this is "blended" It is mostly verbatim. This last paragraph is comprised mostly of slurred and half-formed sentences. There was an attempt at this time to start a fire at the table they were using to make jello. They did not have a jello mix or any of the ingredients to make jello. They did not have a saucepan or any other implement to make the jello. I don't believe that at any point they made it past the "need fire" phase of cooking. We pick up again once they've been carted off to the hotel and then carted onto the plan back to Baltimore.

So what's the deal you were talking about with the "alfa Romeo concept"?

In the pantheon of Italian supercars, Alfa Romeo doesn't carry the helf of the likes of Ferrari, Lamborgini or Bugatti internationally but it carries a longer and arguably richer tradition than these other brands. More then anything they present as the epidemy of what people expect from an Italian car company: An extremely fast and extremely beautiful car that without a doubt will breakdown sooner than later and will be incredibly expensive to repair. The thing is that despite all their attempts they haven't really been able to become the top dog in Italy let alone the rest of the world. But despite this, they've been running steadily without closing down throughout the ups and downs of the car market. And isn't that the life so many people struggle for? The struggle to be powerful, pretty, and profitable. That's the American dream that we've all be sold and the rot that it tries so desperately to hide. Even if it's a lie and reality falls short of our dreams we still struggle to provide the memories of greatness, to generate the pride of yesterday, for the glory of what can be more than what any shred of evidence will tell us we should expect. That's the alfa Romeo concept.

Wait so what did you do with all that money there's no way you were going to be on a plane with that cash and a newborn.

Yeah at that level you don't pay in cash or a bank transfer. My grandfather was paid in IPO access, effectively being able to buy stock in companies right before they launched and people expected them to explode and make huge profits. The Italian guy, who wasn't Fabricio Baldari that I was named after btw, heard our story and basically gave my parents a bunch of money as a gift for my birth or something. My parents spent the next year in a vila on the coast of Italy, It really didn't cost them much and they did odd jobs to pass the time anyway.

So why did your parents send you to that shithole of a town to go to school and play football?

Oh, my grandpa never gave my family a cent. He lost everything he made in the dot com boom. The guys who gave him the tips felt bad they gave him bad tips so he got a great deal on a massive loan to invest in. He got bobby bonia'd a few years later.

Did he give a contract with deferred payment?

No, all his money was invested in Bernie Madoff. The guy was promising huge returns and didn't want to lose the money he was being loaned. He ended up losing everything. Got a credit card to buy a plane ticket to Miami and just walked into the ocean.

Wait so you're wanted by the mob?

I paid off any debt with the signing bonus on my rookie deal. It wasn't really about the money, he said in his note that he was content in his life and happy with the full extent of what he had done but wanted to choose how he died ... Coward, Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night. Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, Do not go gentle into that good night. Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. And you, my father, there on the sad height, Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Yes, he quoted Dylan Thomas word for word in a wild moment of pure clarity. The Hawks Hawity Hawk Mchawkface, Obviously the hawks private jet, is as or was miced up completely. Partially through he breaks into an incredibly accurate Scottish accent for some baffling reason, considering Dylan Thomas was Welsh.

A dirty secret about kerlow high is that it's not nearly as poor as we tell people. It actually got really high paid trainers and coaches at the middle school and junior varsity level as well.

But you don't have any equipment or stuff past that weird wall and dirt field.

Actually, we do have a bunch of stuff like the deep tissue masseuse guns saunas and special ice baths that regulate the temperature of the water without actual ice. They found oil near the city and the whole place is loaded with cash right now. We keep the poor shtick around because ... well, I think its more of a cool thing or something I don't know.

But you haven't gone to the playoffs like 60 years in a row right?

No that's all true the school also plays at a crazy high level for the huge schools as well. It's probably why we keep the poor thing going on so that when we play the games against the city kids and the rich schools we play that hillbilly accent and drink a ton of clear liquid out of mason jars.

Clear liquid?

Yeah, its really all water but we pretend its all moonshine. Well, its sometimes moonshine ... actually a lot of its moonshine you don't feel the pain that much when you're drunk and those playoff games you really start to feel it donecha know.

Was that a question or a statement?

I don't know man sometimes I really don't know. I hope none of this gets recorded and posted on an online forum though. It could get really embarrassing for me for the people back at home.

Lol, how would that happen the boss told us that what happens on hawkity hawk mchawkface stays on hawkity hawk mchawkface ... unless someone exits hawkity hawk mchawkface during the said event then it would fall under a weird quantum physics conditional sphere and he's not accountable for theoretical states of physics and their ramifications on previous binary rules of thinking.

Man, you really need to lay off that fireball franchy gave you.

3813 words beacuse this was posted originaly during 1.5x