The Philadelphia Liberty began their season by calling me up immediately after the draft. That is the reason we will be better this season. Sure, Warren Stephens is a decent safety turned linebacker and it’s likely he won’t be that bad. He probably won’t be great either on account of the fact that he is a rookie on defense, but he certainly won’t be bad. So why am I saying that calling up a rookie linebacker is the reason the Liberty will be better this season? Warren brings the power of rum with him. Whether spiced rum, other rum, clear rum, brown rum, rum in a fancy glass bottle, or rum in a crappy plastic bottle that may or may not be Malibu, Warren loves rum. And who doesn’t love the guy that is always handing out free drinks? Warren will be that guy. He’s going to basically be running a fully stocked minibar offering dozens of unique and carefully crafted rum drinks that will bring the team closer together than ever before. That newly enhanced team unity, combined with the new talent through the draft and callups, will vault the Liberty into the Ultimus, where it will win before launching a historic celebration of CoGM Tubby Tim’s birthday.
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209 words :)