Prospect Overview
Stormblessed is exactly the opposite of the “traditional” prospect. While other prospects might spout off some garbage about being a ‘hard worker’ or ‘dedicated to the craft’, Stormblessed spouts off about ‘cocaine’ and ‘prostitutes’. He claims it makes him run faster and jump higher. He’s probably wrong, but it’s working so no coach has wanted him to stop.
Strengths
- Stormblessed has only one name. Like Cher. While this might not necessarily be a strength in the classic sense of the word, it’s certainly not a weakness. By process of elimination then, it must be a strength.
- Stormblessed is really good at passing drug tests. Like, prodigy levels good. They say he did his first oil change at the ripe age of fourteen. Believe me, with the amounts of drugs he consumes, you’re going to need to develop some skills. Wait, I should say *alleged* … you know, legal purposes and all that.
- He’s also fast.
Weaknesses
- Football character needs a little improvement. Not much, but maybe just a little. He’s the classic, ‘put him in the right system and hope he doesn’t drunkenly drive his car into the practice facility’ type of prospect. What team doesn’t have a few of those?
- He really really – and I cannot possibly stress this enough – REALLY loves magic. I mean…cool man but nobody cares about David Blaine that much. Not even David Blaine. Let it go – it’s not real.
Highlights
- T-bagging his offensive co-ordinator for “fun”.
- Being a more obnoxious Terrell Owens.
- Refusing to score a 70 yard touchdown once because he wanted to get tackled at 1 so the stat sheet could read ’69 yard gain’.
- He has this bag of …marble like things that he…sniffs(?) before each game. It’s so weird. Probably uppers.
Draft Projection
- I wouldn’t.
Stormblessed is exactly the opposite of the “traditional” prospect. While other prospects might spout off some garbage about being a ‘hard worker’ or ‘dedicated to the craft’, Stormblessed spouts off about ‘cocaine’ and ‘prostitutes’. He claims it makes him run faster and jump higher. He’s probably wrong, but it’s working so no coach has wanted him to stop.
Strengths
- Stormblessed has only one name. Like Cher. While this might not necessarily be a strength in the classic sense of the word, it’s certainly not a weakness. By process of elimination then, it must be a strength.
- Stormblessed is really good at passing drug tests. Like, prodigy levels good. They say he did his first oil change at the ripe age of fourteen. Believe me, with the amounts of drugs he consumes, you’re going to need to develop some skills. Wait, I should say *alleged* … you know, legal purposes and all that.
- He’s also fast.
Weaknesses
- Football character needs a little improvement. Not much, but maybe just a little. He’s the classic, ‘put him in the right system and hope he doesn’t drunkenly drive his car into the practice facility’ type of prospect. What team doesn’t have a few of those?
- He really really – and I cannot possibly stress this enough – REALLY loves magic. I mean…cool man but nobody cares about David Blaine that much. Not even David Blaine. Let it go – it’s not real.
Highlights
- T-bagging his offensive co-ordinator for “fun”.
- Being a more obnoxious Terrell Owens.
- Refusing to score a 70 yard touchdown once because he wanted to get tackled at 1 so the stat sheet could read ’69 yard gain’.
- He has this bag of …marble like things that he…sniffs(?) before each game. It’s so weird. Probably uppers.
Draft Projection
- I wouldn’t.
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