The first thing that hits you in there is the smell. Bear and Jiggles haven’t showered in weeks. But for some reason they’re not stressed out. Maybe it’s the fumes. You look to one side of the office and you see the two Orange County Otters General Managers staring intently at a giant chalkboard with a ton of names. Wow! you think, That’s some impressive scouting! But as you look closer you notice strange names like Jar Jar Binks and Nien Numb. You open your mouth to begin to ask what the hell that is, but a fight breaks out between the two GMs.
“BUT THE ENGLISH ACCENTS, DAMMIT!” Jay Bear screams, “WHO ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE HAS AN ENGLISH ACCENT?!”
“You do know that you need a sperm and an egg in order for a human child to be born,” Jiggly Jiggles responds.
“Shmi had a kid using only the force!”
“BUT SHE WAS A WOMAN! OBI-WAN HAS A DICK!”
You cut in to ask what you probably should’ve asked when you walked in:
“Excuse me, but where are your plans for the draft?”
Jiggles shoots an angered look in your direction and points to the whiteboard on the other side of the room. The whiteboard is pretty blank except for a crude drawing of a mountain and a stick figure on top with a flag that said, “#1”.
“BUT THE ENGLISH ACCENTS, DAMMIT!” Jay Bear screams, “WHO ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE HAS AN ENGLISH ACCENT?!”
“You do know that you need a sperm and an egg in order for a human child to be born,” Jiggly Jiggles responds.
“Shmi had a kid using only the force!”
“BUT SHE WAS A WOMAN! OBI-WAN HAS A DICK!”
You cut in to ask what you probably should’ve asked when you walked in:
“Excuse me, but where are your plans for the draft?”
Jiggles shoots an angered look in your direction and points to the whiteboard on the other side of the room. The whiteboard is pretty blank except for a crude drawing of a mountain and a stick figure on top with a flag that said, “#1”.
[OPTION]S32: CAR: 0 \ RUS: 0 \ RUT: 0 \ CAT: 35 \ REC: 582 \ RET: 3
[OPTION]S33: CAR: 395 \ RUS: 1756 \ RUT: 21 \ CAT: 14 \ REC: 124 \ RET: 1
[OPTION]S34: CAR: 196 \ RUS: 831 \ RUT: 6 \ CAT: 35 \ REC: 582 \ RET: 3
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]DSFL Playoff Stats
[OPTION]S31: DNQ
[OPTION]DSFL Playoff Stats
[OPTION]S31: DNQ
[OPTION]S32: CAR: 0 \ RUS: 0 \ RUT: 0 \ CAT: 7 \ REC: 67 \ RET: 0
[OPTION]S33: CAR: 47 \ RUS: 147 \ RUT: 0 \ CAT: 2 \ REC: 7 \ RET: 0
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]NSFL Regular Season Stats
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]NSFL Playoff Stats
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]Trophy Case/Achievements:
[OPTION]S33: CAR: 47 \ RUS: 147 \ RUT: 0 \ CAT: 2 \ REC: 7 \ RET: 0
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]NSFL Regular Season Stats
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]NSFL Playoff Stats
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]Trophy Case/Achievements:
[OPTION]S33 DSFL RBOTY
[OPTION]S33 DSFL MVP
[OPTION]Height: 6'2"
[OPTION]Weight: 195 lbs
[OPTION]Birthplace: Yakushima, Japan
[OPTION]Number: 23
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]DSFL Regular Season Stats
[OPTION]S22: CAR: 0 \ RUS: 0 \ RUT: 0 \ CAT: 0 \ REC: 0 \ RET: 0 \ KR: 0 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S23: CAR: 23 \ RUS: 89 \ RUT: 2 \ CAT: 14 \ REC: 112 \ RET: 0 \ KR: 569 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]DSFL Playoff Stats
[OPTION]S22: CAR: 0 \ RUS: 0 \ RUT: 0 \ CAT: 0 \ REC: 0 \ RET: 0 \ KR: 0 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S23: DNQ
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]NSFL Regular Season Stats
[OPTION]S24: CAR: 192 \ RUS: 744 \ RUT: 6 \ CAT: 7 \ REC: 59 \ RET: 0 \ KR: 0 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S25: CAR: 232 \ RUS: 860 \ RUT: 4 \ CAT: 19 \ REC: 140 \ RET: 2 \ KR: 977 \ PR: 44 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S26: CAR: 54 \ RUS: 213 \ RUT: 3 \ CAT: 72 \ REC: 818 \ RET: 8 \ KR: 0 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S27: CAR: 179 \ RUS: 633 \ RUT: 4 \ CAT: 38 \ REC: 329 \ RET: 2 \ KR: 100 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]NSFL Playoff Stats
[OPTION]S24: DNQ
[OPTION]S25: DNQ
[OPTION]S26: DNQ
[OPTION]S27: DNQ
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]Trophy Case/Achievements:
[OPTION]Height: 6'1"
[OPTION]Weight: 180 lbs
[OPTION]Birthplace: Chicago, IL
[OPTION]Number: 13
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]DSFL Regular Season Stats
[OPTION]S13: Comp: 213 // Yards: 2306 // Comp%: 55 // TD: 10 // INT: 14 // Rating: 66.3
[OPTION]S14: Comp: 231 // Yards: 2100 // Comp%: 58.5 // TD: 11 // INT: 10 // Rating: 71.7
[OPTION]S15: Comp: 180 // Yards: 1595 // Comp%: 54.9 // TD: 7 // INT: 14 // Rating: 57.4
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]DSFL Playoff Stats
[OPTION]S13: Comp: 45 // Yards: 485 // Comp%: 57.7% // TD: 3 // INT: 2
[OPTION]S14: DNQ
[OPTION]S15: Comp: 11 // Yards: 130 // Comp%: 55% // TD: 1 // INT: 1
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]NSFL Regular Season Stats
[OPTION]S16: Comp: 216 // Yards: 3106 // Comp%: 55.7% // TD: 18 // INT: 7 // Rating: 89.8
[OPTION]S17: Comp: 202 // Yards: 2267 // Comp%: 62.2% // TD: 18 // INT: 8 // Rating: 94
[OPTION]S18: Comp: 302 // Yards: 3652 // Comp%: 57% // TD: 18 // INT: 16 // Rating: 77
[OPTION]S19: Comp: 326 // Yards: 3716 // Comp%: 56.4% // TD: 11 // INT: 15 // Rating: 71.4
[OPTION]S20: Comp: 347 // Yards: 4275 // Comp%: 56.5% // TD: 28 // INT: 12 // Rating: 85.2
[OPTION]S21: Comp: 267 // Yards: 3242 // Comp%: 57.5% // TD: 24 // INT: 8 // Rating: 89.2
[OPTION]S22: Comp: 236 // Yards: 2864 // Comp%: 53% // TD: 8 // INT: 11 // Rating: 68.8
[OPTION]Career: Comp: 1896 // Yards: 23,122 // Comp%: 56.9% // TD: 125 // INT: 77
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]NSFL Playoff Stats
[OPTION]S16: Comp: 21 // Yards: 231 // Comp%: 65.6% // TD: 3 // INT: 3 // Rating: 79
[OPTION]S17: Comp: 18 // Yards: 186 // Comp%: 48.6% // TD: 0 // INT: 1 // Rating: 52.3
[OPTION]S18: DNQ
[OPTION]S19: DNQ
[OPTION]S20: DNQ
[OPTION]S21: DNQ
[OPTION]S22: Comp: 16 // Yards: 184 // Comp%: 57.1% // TD: 1 // INT: 1 // Rating: 74.1
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]Trophy Case/Achievements:
[OPTION]
[OPTION]Height: 5'9"
[OPTION]Weight: 185 lbs
[OPTION]Birthplace: Brookfield, IL
[OPTION]Number: 23
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]DSFL Regular Season Stats
[OPTION]S4: Tackles: 50 \ PDs: 15 \ INTs: 4 \ DTDs: 1 \ KR: 493 \ PR: 418 \ RetTD: 1
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]DSFL Playoff Stats
[OPTION]S4: DNQ
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]NSFL Regular Season Stats
[OPTION]S5: Tackles: 60 \ Sacks: 2 \ PDs: 4 \ INTs: 1 \ DTDs: 0 \ KR: 0 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S6: Tackles: 50 \ Sacks: 6 \ PDs: 5 \ INTs: 0 \ DTDs: 0 \ KR: 0 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S7: Tackles: 92 \ Sacks: 0 \ PDs: 4 \ INTs: 2 \ DTDs: 0 \ Catches: 16 \ RecY: 171 \ RecTD: 3
[OPTION]S8: Catches: 71 \ RecY: 1239 \ RecTD: 6 \ YPC: 17.5 // KR: 0 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S9: Catches: 70 \ RecY: 1168 \ RecTD: 3 \ YPC: 17.0 // KR: 711 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S10: Catches: 68 \ RecY: 1348 \ RecTD: 9 \ YPC: 19.8 // KR: 0 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S11: Catches: 71 \ RecY: 1003 \ RecTD: 5 \ YPC: 14.1 // KR: 956 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S12: Catches: 47 \ RecY: 685 \ RecTD: 8 \ YPC: 14.6 // KR: 315 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S13: Catches: 53 \ RecY: 805 \ RecTD: 8 \ YPC: 15.2 // KR: 0 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]Career (Defense): Tackles: 202 \ Sacks: 8 \ PDs: 13 \ INTs: 3 \ DTDs: 0
[OPTION]Career (Offense): Catches: 396 \ RecY: 6419 \ RecTD: 50
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]NSFL Playoff Stats
[OPTION]S5: Tackles: 9 \ Sacks: 0 \ PDs: 0 \ INTs: 0 \ DTDs: 0 \ KR: 0 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S6: Tackles: 8 \ Sacks: 1 \ PDs: 0 \ INTs: 0 \ DTDs: 0 \ KR: 0 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S7: Tackles: 8 \ Sacks: 0 \ PDs: 0 \ INTs: 0 \ DTDs: 0 \ Catches: 2 \ RecY: 18 \ RecTD: 0
[OPTION]S8: Catches: 3 \ RecY: 40 \ RecTD: 0 \ YPC: 13.3 // KR: 0 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S9: Catches: 3 \ RecY: 45 \ RecTD: 0 \ YPC: 15 // KR: 43 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S10: DNQ
[OPTION]S11: Catches: 4 \ RecY: 29 \ RecTD: 1 \ YPC: 7.2 // KR: 54 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S12: Catches: 11 \ RecY: 208 \ RecTD: 1 \ YPC: 18.9 // KR: 0 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]S13: Catches: 6 \ RecY: 55 \ RecTD: 0 \ YPC: 9.2 // KR: 0 \ PR: 0 \ RetTD: 0
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]Trophy Case/Achievements:
[OPTION]S5: Ultimus Trophy Winners
[OPTION]S6: Ultimus Trophy Winners
[OPTION]S12: Ultimus Trophy Winners
[OPTION]S13: Ultimus Trophy Winners
[OPTION]Height: 6'4"
[OPTION]Weight: 260 lbs
[OPTION]Birthplace: Chicago, IL
[OPTION]Number: 3
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]Regular Season Stats
[OPTION]S1: CAR: 207 \ RUS: 995 \ RUT: 4 \ CAT: 19 \ REC: 148 \ RET: 1
[OPTION]S2: CAR: 191 \ RUS: 640 \ RUT: 2 \ CAT: 23 \ REC: 142 \ RET: 3
[OPTION]S3: CAR: 123 \ RUS: 359 \ RUT: 5 \ CAT: 46 \ REC: 387 \ RET: 0
[OPTION]S4: CAR: 123 \ RUS: 357 \ RUT: 6 \ CAT: 69 \ REC: 533 \ RET: 2
[OPTION]Career: CAR: 664 \ RUS: 2351 \ RUT: 17 \ CAT: 157 \ REC: 1210 \ RET: 6
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]Playoff Stats
[OPTION]S1: CAR: 15 \ RUS: 59 \ RUT: 0 \ CAT: 2 \ REC: 11 \ RET: 0
[OPTION]S2: CAR: 13 \ RUS: 32 \ RUT: 0 \ CAT: 0 \ REC: 0 \ RET: 0
[OPTION]S3: CAR: 0 \ RUS: 0 \ RUT: 0 \ CAT: 6 \ REC: 19 \ RET: 0
[OPTION]S4: CAR: 6 \ RUS: 16 \ RUT: 0 \ CAT: 4 \ REC: 17 \ RET: 0
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]Trophy Case/Achievements:
[OPTION]S4: Ultimus Trophy Winners
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]Record:
[OPTION]NSFL S1: OC Otters: 9-5-0
[OPTION]NSFL S2: OC Otters: 8-6-0
[OPTION]EFL S1: Notre Dame University: 0-14-0
[OPTION]NSFL S3: Chicago Blues: 10-4-0
[OPTION]NSFL S4: Chicago Blues: 5-9-0
[OPTION]NSFL S5: Chicago Coyotes: 3-7-0
[OPTION]PBE S7: Milwaukee Swans: 50-50 (Lost World Series 2-3)
[OPTION]NSFL S17: Chicago Butchers: 8-5-0
[OPTION]NSFL S18: Chicago Butchers: 5-8-0
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]Trophy Case/Achievements:
[OPTION]NSFL S1: Finished 2nd in league (2nd in conference)
[OPTION]NSFL S1: Solis Trophy Runners-Up
[OPTION]NSFL S1: GMs of the Year Runners-Up
[OPTION]NSFL S2: Founded DSFL Franchise, Chicago Blues
[OPTION]EFL S1: Joined Notre Dame University as Athletic Director
[OPTION]NSFL S2: Finished 3rd in league (2nd in conference)
[OPTION]NSFL S2: Solis Trophy Runners-Up
[OPTION]EFL S1: Resigned from Athletic Director position with Notre Dame
[OPTION]NSFL S3: Finished 1st in league (1st in conference)
[OPTION]NSFL S3: Noble Trophy Semifinals Runners-Up
[OPTION]NSFL S4: Finished 5th in league (3rd in conference)
[OPTION]NSFL S5: Joined DSFL Franchise, Kansas City Coyotes
[OPTION]NSFL S5: Moved DSFL Franchise, Kansas City Coyotes from Kansas City to Chicago, creating the Chicago Coyotes
[OPTION]NSFL S5: Retired from Leadership Positions in the NSFL
[OPTION]PBE S7: Co-Founded MiPBE Franchise Milwaukee Swans
[OPTION]PBE S7: Finished Runners-up in MiPBE World Series
[OPTION]PBE S8: Resigned from MiPBE team Milwaukee Swans before the start of the season
[OPTION]NSFL S17: Joined NSFL Franchise, Chicago Butchers
[OPTION]NSFL S19: Resigned from NSFL team Chicago Butchers before the start of the season
[OPTION]NSFL S21: Appointed Interim GM of Chicago Butchers
[OPTION]NSFL S21: Staged a violent military coup to gain control of Chicago Butchers
[OPTION]NSFL S21: Retired from all Leadership Positions
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Quote:"There is no such thing as a person who can call themselves truly not lonely. There are only those who choose to hide it."
-Chizuru Ichinose