Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the first, hopefully annual, DSFL Prospects All Name Team.
Two factors come into consideration when earning your spot on the All Name Team, firstly, how many views does your prospect page currently have, and secondly, how entertaining I, Lionel Rumper, owner of one of the strongest strong safety names (more on that later), find your name.
The criteria is set, lets get into it.
Quarterback - Uncle Rico
In what is a rather mundane list of names for quarterback prospects, one man stands tall amongst the rest. Some say he can even throw a pigskin a quartermile. A classic name that's sure to be a hallmark in seasons to come.
Honourable mention - Bill Brasky
Alliteration is something I can get behind.
Runningback - King Tutankhamun
The prospect list for runningbacks is on the short side, as is the King himself, standing in at 5'8". But with a name much larger than his physical presence, King Tut dominates this draft class with five syllables that blow the competition out of the water.
Runningback - Terry Yaki
The lowest view count for Terry when it comes to RBs, but gotta respect the hustle on a tasty pun.
Wide Receiver - Noah Akerele
A strong front runner in profile views, Akerele just bumps Mark Callous (a play on marvellous?) out of the top spot. Blazing speed at 6'3" and a strong biblical forename, he could be the savior for a lucky franchise that's down late, rescuing his team from deep waters when it's needed most.
Wide Receiver - Willy Weasel
Despite ranking on the lower end of profile views, Willy Weasel is being under appreciated. A route runner with a tall slender frame to suit the name, and aliteration quite clearly at the forefront, it could easily be the name of a pesky looney tune. Crafty, cunning, clever, all these words apply to oor Willy.
Tight End - Cleg Manclaw
A blocking tight end with hands like clamps. When you're confronted with 6'5" 260lbs of Manclaw, you're going to know all about it. The fact his first name is that of one of the most irritating flies in bonnie Scotland, you just know he's going to be a nuisance for defenders come game day.
Honourable mention - Djibutee McJimmerson
McJimmerson. Enough said.
Offensive Line - Swantavius Jones
Swantavius. Swantavius. Swantavius. Roll it around in your mouth. It's graceful, powerful, large, much like the player it belongs to. This mountain will be anchoring the blindside for years to come, and his QB will enjoy saying his name, of that I'm sure.
Offensive Line - Ninton Quelson
Another classic play on words here, swapping around the opening letters of a positional archtype, has birthed Ninton Quelson, who I'm sure will be opening running lanes for ball carriers for years to come with his impressive size and skills.
Honourable Mention - Hank Antilles
Respects paid to a nice little Star Wars reference.
Defensive End - Brick Van Sanzo
When Brick sticks his hand in the dirt, you know there's been a strong foundation laid in your run defence. A power rusher that sounds like an 80's action hero, he's built like one too. Step aside John Matrix, Brick Van Sanzo is here.
Defensive End - Albert Ruschmann
Subtlety wins the day here. Plenty names for DEs are just too on the nose for me "Sack Guy" "Jim Sackson" "Stevie McSackguy", but Ruschmann lets you know exactly what this player is all about, without punching you in the mouth with it. A balanced end, Bertie Ruschmann will no doubt make himself well known in pass rush situations.
Defensive Tackle - Honky-Tonk Haywood
A clear cut winner in my eyes. Alliteration and a loose little rhyme, Honky-Tonk Haywood sets his stall out as an early name to keep an eye on. With prototypical size and a beautiful beard to match, HTH is a big favourite on this entire list.
Defensive Tackle Sheed Thebaw
On the surface this name may appear nothing more than unusual, but if you're as well travelled a man as myself, you'll know this is a clever little play on words, referring to someone who's a little bit of a madman. And thats exactly what Sheed will be on your defensive line, a madman, hellbent on bringing down the oppposing QB.
Linebacker Dean McBean
Simple execution, big impact. A lovely rhyme here broken up masterfully with the classic "Mc" to give the name just that added dimension. Dean McBean will no doubt add a much sought after dimension to any defence he's plugged into as well, with a skill set that is as well rounded as his name. One to keep an eye on.
Linebacker Rusty Rucker
Now I know some may call this a homer pick, favouritism, but the viewer numbers are clear, and not only that, Rusty Rucker packs some wonderful alliteration as well as portraying a strong image of exactly what Rusty is all about. He's a lunch-pale-to-work kind of guy, he's a grafter willing to get down and do the dirty work so you're team can enjoy the silverware.
Cornerback Ben Anabender
It's a name that rolls of the tongue, smooth and fluid as his transitions in coverage. Anabender will no doubt be hip to hip with number one wide outs in just a few short seasons.
Cornerback Lugolor Gulogor
In stark stark contrast to Anabender, Lugolor Gulogor is even more difficult to beat in coverage than his name is to say. A true tongue twister after only a few beers, I feel sorry for the commentators who'll have to excitedly talk us through one of the many impact plays he'll no doubt be making in his career.
Safety NationalSimulation FootballLeague
Dominating the viewer numbers, and it's clear why, who doesn't love them some NationalSimulation FootballLeague? They know their audience and they've knocked this on out of the park. Bravo.
Safety Bob Roberts
Subtle on the surface, this name has layers. It sounds great to say, simple and effective, and when you peel back the complexity of this name, you realise he's really Robert Roberts. As they saying goes, Roberts is so good they named him twice.
Honourable Mention - Milk Mann
I'm a big fan, but the viewers just swung in the favour of Rob Rob. Besides, who doesn't like milk?
Kicker/Punter - Jack Burton
Romping the views, proving that indeed kickers do matter. Jack Burton makes it in with the most normal name on the list.
Thank you very much if you managed to make it this far reading what is quite honestly utter drivel.
Until next time
Two factors come into consideration when earning your spot on the All Name Team, firstly, how many views does your prospect page currently have, and secondly, how entertaining I, Lionel Rumper, owner of one of the strongest strong safety names (more on that later), find your name.
The criteria is set, lets get into it.
Quarterback - Uncle Rico
In what is a rather mundane list of names for quarterback prospects, one man stands tall amongst the rest. Some say he can even throw a pigskin a quartermile. A classic name that's sure to be a hallmark in seasons to come.
Honourable mention - Bill Brasky
Alliteration is something I can get behind.
Runningback - King Tutankhamun
The prospect list for runningbacks is on the short side, as is the King himself, standing in at 5'8". But with a name much larger than his physical presence, King Tut dominates this draft class with five syllables that blow the competition out of the water.
Runningback - Terry Yaki
The lowest view count for Terry when it comes to RBs, but gotta respect the hustle on a tasty pun.
Wide Receiver - Noah Akerele
A strong front runner in profile views, Akerele just bumps Mark Callous (a play on marvellous?) out of the top spot. Blazing speed at 6'3" and a strong biblical forename, he could be the savior for a lucky franchise that's down late, rescuing his team from deep waters when it's needed most.
Wide Receiver - Willy Weasel
Despite ranking on the lower end of profile views, Willy Weasel is being under appreciated. A route runner with a tall slender frame to suit the name, and aliteration quite clearly at the forefront, it could easily be the name of a pesky looney tune. Crafty, cunning, clever, all these words apply to oor Willy.
Tight End - Cleg Manclaw
A blocking tight end with hands like clamps. When you're confronted with 6'5" 260lbs of Manclaw, you're going to know all about it. The fact his first name is that of one of the most irritating flies in bonnie Scotland, you just know he's going to be a nuisance for defenders come game day.
Honourable mention - Djibutee McJimmerson
McJimmerson. Enough said.
Offensive Line - Swantavius Jones
Swantavius. Swantavius. Swantavius. Roll it around in your mouth. It's graceful, powerful, large, much like the player it belongs to. This mountain will be anchoring the blindside for years to come, and his QB will enjoy saying his name, of that I'm sure.
Offensive Line - Ninton Quelson
Another classic play on words here, swapping around the opening letters of a positional archtype, has birthed Ninton Quelson, who I'm sure will be opening running lanes for ball carriers for years to come with his impressive size and skills.
Honourable Mention - Hank Antilles
Respects paid to a nice little Star Wars reference.
Defensive End - Brick Van Sanzo
When Brick sticks his hand in the dirt, you know there's been a strong foundation laid in your run defence. A power rusher that sounds like an 80's action hero, he's built like one too. Step aside John Matrix, Brick Van Sanzo is here.
Defensive End - Albert Ruschmann
Subtlety wins the day here. Plenty names for DEs are just too on the nose for me "Sack Guy" "Jim Sackson" "Stevie McSackguy", but Ruschmann lets you know exactly what this player is all about, without punching you in the mouth with it. A balanced end, Bertie Ruschmann will no doubt make himself well known in pass rush situations.
Defensive Tackle - Honky-Tonk Haywood
A clear cut winner in my eyes. Alliteration and a loose little rhyme, Honky-Tonk Haywood sets his stall out as an early name to keep an eye on. With prototypical size and a beautiful beard to match, HTH is a big favourite on this entire list.
Defensive Tackle Sheed Thebaw
On the surface this name may appear nothing more than unusual, but if you're as well travelled a man as myself, you'll know this is a clever little play on words, referring to someone who's a little bit of a madman. And thats exactly what Sheed will be on your defensive line, a madman, hellbent on bringing down the oppposing QB.
Linebacker Dean McBean
Simple execution, big impact. A lovely rhyme here broken up masterfully with the classic "Mc" to give the name just that added dimension. Dean McBean will no doubt add a much sought after dimension to any defence he's plugged into as well, with a skill set that is as well rounded as his name. One to keep an eye on.
Linebacker Rusty Rucker
Now I know some may call this a homer pick, favouritism, but the viewer numbers are clear, and not only that, Rusty Rucker packs some wonderful alliteration as well as portraying a strong image of exactly what Rusty is all about. He's a lunch-pale-to-work kind of guy, he's a grafter willing to get down and do the dirty work so you're team can enjoy the silverware.
Cornerback Ben Anabender
It's a name that rolls of the tongue, smooth and fluid as his transitions in coverage. Anabender will no doubt be hip to hip with number one wide outs in just a few short seasons.
Cornerback Lugolor Gulogor
In stark stark contrast to Anabender, Lugolor Gulogor is even more difficult to beat in coverage than his name is to say. A true tongue twister after only a few beers, I feel sorry for the commentators who'll have to excitedly talk us through one of the many impact plays he'll no doubt be making in his career.
Safety NationalSimulation FootballLeague
Dominating the viewer numbers, and it's clear why, who doesn't love them some NationalSimulation FootballLeague? They know their audience and they've knocked this on out of the park. Bravo.
Safety Bob Roberts
Subtle on the surface, this name has layers. It sounds great to say, simple and effective, and when you peel back the complexity of this name, you realise he's really Robert Roberts. As they saying goes, Roberts is so good they named him twice.
Honourable Mention - Milk Mann
I'm a big fan, but the viewers just swung in the favour of Rob Rob. Besides, who doesn't like milk?
Kicker/Punter - Jack Burton
Romping the views, proving that indeed kickers do matter. Jack Burton makes it in with the most normal name on the list.
Thank you very much if you managed to make it this far reading what is quite honestly utter drivel.
Until next time
"You gotta hump with that rump to bring that thump"