9) In the game of football, some are able to emerge above others. Be it their superior athleticism, speed, agility, intelligence, or overall knowledge of the game, there are those who are just better than the rest. It’s an uncommon calling. Some people are born with it and are able to emerge above others almost immediately. Others have to work for it. Those players have to build their legend instead of growing into it. But just being better than most doesn’t designate you as the best. Being the best requires a combination of god-given ability and an undying work ethic. Being the best is an extremely rare calling that very few have legitimate arguments towards. However, football is not a sport where a decisive GOAT can be found among everyone. Just because someone might be the best safety in the league doesn’t exactly mean he’s any better than an average wide receiver (it could but...hear me out). Therefore, in order to find the GOAT, the search must be narrowed down to positions. I have decided to look at the most important position in the ISFL...offensive line. And through weeks upon weeks of strenuous and sleepless vetting, I have found the truth...DICK THRUSTER is the greatest o-lineman in ISFL history.
The 6’7” largeman out of Michigan may have just finished his first season in the ISFL, but it’s too hard to pass up upon the truth. That truth is that when Dick was thrust into the NSFL, the league changed. What was once the National Simulation Football League is now referred to as the International Simulation Football League. The league has also changed websites, expanded to a 16 game regular season, and now publicly discourages quarterbacks from joining the league. That last one is especially important since they know that every quarterback wants nothing more than to play with Dick protecting their weak side. However, Dick Thruster has made it clear that he is a proud Yeti. Sure, Dick only had 53 pancakes last season. And sure, he allowed 5 sacks to boot. But anyone who has eyes, ears, and a functioning central nervous system can tell that Dick hits differently than any other offensive lineman in the history of the ISFL. I am still in awe at the size of this lad and I hope to never get on his bad side. He will be a force to be reckoned with in the ISFL for, at least, the next 3 seasons (then he’ll probably retire). But for now, there’s no debate that Dick Thruster is the GOAT o-lineman.
10) Oh boy, I get to talk about this again! The S22 Minnesota Grey Ducks were a team of triumph and determination. A team that dominated the league on both sides of the ball but, unfortunately, fell short on their ultimate goal: winning a championship. The DSFL was extremely competitive in Season 22. Every season, there are teams that are considered “easy victories” or generally lesser in the eyes of the major teams. S22, however, had no teams of that distinction. It was a competitive season from every team involved and a dogfight until the very end. After winning Ultimini in Season 20, the Grey Ducks had an underwhelming S21 campaign that saw them go 6-8 and miss out on the playoffs. It was also my first season with the team and it was not a great introduction. But they did not fixate themselves for long on their shortcomings of that season. They instead began to focus on the upcoming season where they expected to have strength everywhere on the field. And strength was something that the Grey Ducks absolutely had in S22.
Offensively, the team was led by the incredible ground game of Jamar Lackson and the showering air-attack of Sim SnowBow. SnowBow was greatly assisted by receivers like Tychondrius Hood and Daymond Brooks. When it was all said and done, Hood would win Offensive Rookie of the Year and Wide Receiver of the Year. Sim SnowBow would win Quarterback of the Year and Most Valuable Player. Jamar Lackson was a major contender for Running Back of the Year, Offensive Player of the Year, and Returner of the Year, but failed to win any of them. In total, the Grey Ducks offense scored 317 points: 2nd most of any DSFL team. The defense, however, was the real highlight of this Grey Ducks team. Buck Thornton was, especially, the highlight player. Thornton won his 2nd consecutive Defensive Back of the Year award in addition to winning Defensive Player of the Year. I was up for a lot of awards as well, including MVP. I didn’t win any because I guess the voters ignored I led the league in sacks as a linebacker but...whatever. The Grey Ducks defense allowed 216 yards that season: the least allowed yards of any team. But, of course, we didn’t win it all in the end. It’s the closest I ever got to winning it all and I probably will never get closer. Were they an all-time great? Probably not. They were to me, though.
The 6’7” largeman out of Michigan may have just finished his first season in the ISFL, but it’s too hard to pass up upon the truth. That truth is that when Dick was thrust into the NSFL, the league changed. What was once the National Simulation Football League is now referred to as the International Simulation Football League. The league has also changed websites, expanded to a 16 game regular season, and now publicly discourages quarterbacks from joining the league. That last one is especially important since they know that every quarterback wants nothing more than to play with Dick protecting their weak side. However, Dick Thruster has made it clear that he is a proud Yeti. Sure, Dick only had 53 pancakes last season. And sure, he allowed 5 sacks to boot. But anyone who has eyes, ears, and a functioning central nervous system can tell that Dick hits differently than any other offensive lineman in the history of the ISFL. I am still in awe at the size of this lad and I hope to never get on his bad side. He will be a force to be reckoned with in the ISFL for, at least, the next 3 seasons (then he’ll probably retire). But for now, there’s no debate that Dick Thruster is the GOAT o-lineman.
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426 Words
Offensively, the team was led by the incredible ground game of Jamar Lackson and the showering air-attack of Sim SnowBow. SnowBow was greatly assisted by receivers like Tychondrius Hood and Daymond Brooks. When it was all said and done, Hood would win Offensive Rookie of the Year and Wide Receiver of the Year. Sim SnowBow would win Quarterback of the Year and Most Valuable Player. Jamar Lackson was a major contender for Running Back of the Year, Offensive Player of the Year, and Returner of the Year, but failed to win any of them. In total, the Grey Ducks offense scored 317 points: 2nd most of any DSFL team. The defense, however, was the real highlight of this Grey Ducks team. Buck Thornton was, especially, the highlight player. Thornton won his 2nd consecutive Defensive Back of the Year award in addition to winning Defensive Player of the Year. I was up for a lot of awards as well, including MVP. I didn’t win any because I guess the voters ignored I led the league in sacks as a linebacker but...whatever. The Grey Ducks defense allowed 216 yards that season: the least allowed yards of any team. But, of course, we didn’t win it all in the end. It’s the closest I ever got to winning it all and I probably will never get closer. Were they an all-time great? Probably not. They were to me, though.
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418 Words