7:00 AM. Wake up. It is December 25th, Christmas morning. One of Albert Ruschmann's favorite holidays, he immediately runs down the stairs and looks under the tree to see what Santa brought him. Tons of presents lie beneath his Fraser fir Christmas tree. He goes to the kitchen to make a cup of hot cocoa before diving in to unwrapping. Suddenly, his doorbell rings. Curious, who could this be, especially on Christmas morning and still so early. He briskly walks to his front door, opens it, and finds....nobody. Instead, there is a small box with his name on it. No return address, no postage, nothing else other than "ALBERT RUSCHMANN" in big, bold letters. A surprise Christmas gift, how neat. Albert brings it inside. His curiosity as to what lies inside is so strong that he forgoes opening any other presents before this one. As Albert begins his effort of opening this peculiar parcel, he notices it is taped very thoroughly. In fact, almost the entire box is covered in tape. Instead of grabbing a box cutter, he elects to brute force the tape off. Have to put those ISFL muscles to use during this holiday break. Albert manages to get through enough of the tape to actually get both hands under the flaps of the box which form the lid. At this point, he turns the box away from him and puts everything he has into opening it. With one flex of his biceps, the box is split in twain. Simultaneously, ten-thousand flakes of glitter fly out from the now exploded box and cover everything in Albert's living room. He says nothing. He can only look at the shiny wasteland that was once his coffee table. After coming to his senses, Albert delicately gets up off of his couch and calls the one person he believes would take advantage of his love of Christmas and presents in such a way: L'Gazzy Burfict (@y2bobman). For a little context, Albert had a nickname in college which L'Gazzy certainly knew well - the Glitter Critter. This comes from an ancestor of Albert's having invented glitter, as well as how Albert celebrated on-field defensive performances. After a brief confrontation, L'Gazzy did admit it was him who sent the glitter bomb, and ensured Albert that a hand vacuum was arriving the day after next. All in all, this little prank made Christmas (and the clean-up) a very memorable one and let two old friends and teammates reconnect during the holiday season.
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417 words