(S26) Ultimus Week

[Jiggly_333]

Task 12:
Hoo boy. I always love this prompt. Hi, it’s me: The guy who moves every single team to Chicago. The thing is, there’s already a team in Chicago. But what if there were two teams? Just kidding. I love the Butchers and I never want to hurt them ever again. Instead, I want to take a look at the new concept that’s been introduced by the “International” part of the new league name. There’s really only one team that’s truly taken advantage of this new opportunity with the Berlin Fire Salamanders, a really weird choice in every part of its branding. Why Salamanders? Why that logo? Anyway, I think that there’s a couple of interesting places around the world that could get a football team:

Unfortunately, I don’t think that the old S3 meme of the “Seoul K-Poppers” will ever take off. On the other hand, I still think that it’d be nice to have an asian team. Something that’ll speak to the weebs. It doesn’t have to be in Japan, there could easily be some team in a city in China named the Dragons if you wanna be basic. I think a team in South Korea could be something like the Pohang Steelers, which is a real K-League soccer team that has the name of a football team.

But for me, I wanna stick in Japan and I honestly think that Tokyo is over-used. Instead, I like Osaka for… reasons that have nothing to do with Chicago, don’t read into it. I’m thinking as I’m writing here, but I really want a pink team in this league. I think it’d pull a really great contrast and not enough sports teams utilize it despite overusing red and blue. What are some good names that work with pink? Not many. No flamingos in Japan and while the cherry blossoms could be a great reason for the color to be pink, it’s not a good enough name. So something that is more symbolic to the city.

Osaka’s name means “Large Hill”. So, “Hill-Toppers”? That’s a high school level name, no real pro team would name themselves that. The city’s name in kanji had to be re-written because it could be misread as “samurai rebellion”, but “Samurai” is such a generic and over-done name. Not good enough. Now while everyone knows Tokyo as the country’s cultural center, Osaka was actually Japan’s major economic center (much like a certain Midwestern railway hub) for an incredibly long time, deep into the Edo Period (which ended around 1867). They’re a port city, so something nautical should work.

I present to you: The Osaka Mariners


Task 20:
Well, Mai is running back. But she apparently plays like a slot receiver with the amount of production that she gets. I mean, she already does this where she plays normally, so why wouldn’t she be moved to play there if there were injury issues. She’s got over 800 receiving yards, 72 catches, and 8 receiving TDs. That’s an incredibly solid season for a WR. But, that’s just me complaining about the lack of carries. Instead, I think that without thinking of what her actual in-sim build is, Mai would be a really good free safety.
Mai already has an incredible amount of speed, good enough hands for playing the ball in the air, and while it’s not in the sim it is canon that she’s incredibly strong. Personally, I wasn’t able to get myself excited about watching a defender’s stats go up in the NSFL, but I think that if I re-made Mai to better fit her character rather than fit her to what I wanted to do, she would’ve ended up as some sort of safety, maybe even run support. Like, this girl is too ripped to just be a skill player, she could absolutely slay at safety.
Please GMs, don’t get any ideas. I still wanna be a running back.


Task 28:
I don’t like change in general. So that’s like, one thing against moving to a new sim right there. We’ve been using this sim for almost 4 years now. The thing about people who complain about a sim being “broken” is that most of the people who say that intentionally break things. There’s an episode from the classic BBC sitcom “Father Ted” where a visiting priest shows up and the whole joke about him is that he complains about the “shoddy craftsmanship” of every piece of hardware around him. And it’s not that he complains, he literally breaks things to prove his point. Even things that aren’t broken. He kicks down a door to prove that it’s squeaky, he smashes a chair on the ground to prove it can’t handle enough weight, and he even goes up to an actual sturdy bookcase and proceeds to jump on top of it to make it fall over on top of him to prove how precarious it is.

What I’m saying is, the sim only looks broken when you intentionally do things to break it. People find exploits, that’s what test-simming literally is. To constantly insist that things are broken is stupid. Did we need to update the sim? Not really. But the real reason is just that we’d been using an older version for so long when a newer version was readily available. But we’ll still get the same “sim broken” comments for the new one. Because that’s what you guys do all day. You break things.