It is quite the open secret around the ISFL that Cliff Burton has a dark side. Before picking up the old pigskin, Burton was quite the accomplished musician and he and his thrash metal cohorts went hard. Although he put the music scene behind him the bottle remained. With his rookie season proving to be more challenging than expected, Burton has been setting booze filled records off the field to make up for his lackluster stats in Austin.
One of the more embarrassing bits of dirt that has been brought to light is that Burton has demolished every last one of his teeth in an attempt to break the world record for number of beer bottles opened with one’s mouth. Burton apparently has excellent technique in this but made the terrible mistake of drinking every single bottle opened as soon as it was opened instead of waiting for the record-breaking bottle to celebrate.
This pretty much season long bender as led to another record breaking event though. Burton has taken, and this is confirmed by the Guinness book of records, the world’s largest beer shit. A team of plumbers had to be called in the get an accurate reading and make sure that was confirmed the dump could be flushed without absolutely destroying the city of Austin’s sewage system.
(219 words)
One of the more embarrassing bits of dirt that has been brought to light is that Burton has demolished every last one of his teeth in an attempt to break the world record for number of beer bottles opened with one’s mouth. Burton apparently has excellent technique in this but made the terrible mistake of drinking every single bottle opened as soon as it was opened instead of waiting for the record-breaking bottle to celebrate.
This pretty much season long bender as led to another record breaking event though. Burton has taken, and this is confirmed by the Guinness book of records, the world’s largest beer shit. A team of plumbers had to be called in the get an accurate reading and make sure that was confirmed the dump could be flushed without absolutely destroying the city of Austin’s sewage system.
(219 words)