For Pilot RedSun's training camp for kids, he would teach "The Dangers of Cocaine and Steroids: Why They Make You Good at Football but Bad at Life." There would be no parents allowed at this training camp. I would be teaching the kids the chemical structure of cocaine, how it effects the body, and how it makes me into a total animal when I step on the field. In addition, I would explain the effects of steroids on muscle growth, and I would constantly flex during the powerpoint to demonstrate how swole they can make you. However, I would also explain the intense rage issues I undergo as a result of these combined substances. I would then allow the children to insult me as I am presented with various objects to destroy, such as beer cans and squishimals. A gift bag would be provided to each child upon the completion of the camp, which would include a signed Pilot RedSun Dotts card, and a handful of pixy stix candy, which I would call "essentially training wheels cocaine, in case you want to practice." Finally, a line of lawyers would prompt then to sign Non-Disclosure Agreements before they exited, allowing me to sue any of the children that told their parents about this educational and fun-filled camp.
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