12-14-2022, 07:24 PM
(This post was last modified: 12-16-2022, 12:35 AM by speculadora. Edited 4 times in total.)
17. Kotoni Skaggs is my choice for the Ultimus MVP after piling up 8 catches for 187 yards and 2 touchdowns on just 11 targets. It was an incredible performance from both a volume and efficiency perspective. As the newly crowned Ultimus MVP, Skaggs is headed to Disney World. As soon as he arrives, he's probably headed straight to the Magic Kingdom to see Cinderella's Castle, feeling a bit like a Cinderella himself after Arizona's run to the title. Might as well hop on Space Mountain while he's there. After that, he'll obviously want to check out Epcot to see the international pavilions and try some delicious food from around the world. Everyone knows that the off-season is the time to let yourself go. Next, Skaggs plans to visit Animal Kingdom to see the live animals and take a safari ride. There are many teams named after animals in the ISFL, and Skaggs plans to shout insults at all of them as if they are his on-field opponents. If he sees any salamanders, watch out.
18. Among tight ends, I'm a physical freak. At 6'5" and 255 pounds, I have the size and strength to dominate defenders in the run game and the speed and quickness to burn them in the passing game. And I'm not afraid to get dirty. I'll do whatever it takes to get the job done, whether that means laying out a defender with a bone-crushing block or trucking over a linebacker on my way to the end zone. Off the field, I'm a straight shooter. I don't sugarcoat anything and I don't take crap from anyone. I'm a leader in the locker room and I'm not afraid to call out my teammates when they're not giving their all. I've got a chip on my shoulder and I'm determined to make the most of my opportunity. So if you want a tight end who's going to bring a level of toughness and competitiveness that's unmatched by anyone else in this draft class, look no further. Take a chance on me and I'll make sure you won't regret it. I'm Detective Crashmore and I'm coming to make a name for myself.
21. Detective Crashmore is a hard-boiled crime drama that follows the adventures of the eponymous detective, a foul-mouthed, trigger-happy cop who prefers to bring criminals to justice by giving them a taste of their own medicine. The show opens with a shootout between Detective Crashmore and a gang of armed robbers. As bullets fly and those fuckers start hitting the floor, Crashmore rips out his glock and unloads a hail of lead on the criminals, barking out a profanity-laden tirade as he does so. In the aftermath of the shootout, we see Crashmore interrogating a suspect at the police precinct, where he beats the shit out of him to extract a confession. From there, the show follows Crashmore as he takes on a series of dangerous cases, each one more high-stakes than the last. He faces off against ruthless mobsters, brutal murderers, and corrupt politicians, always staying one step ahead thanks to his street smarts and his willingness to do whatever it takes to get the job done. But despite his tough exterior, Crashmore is haunted by his past, and we see him struggling to balance his personal demons with his duty to serve and protect. Just kidding, he kills the criminals and doesn't give a shit. As the season progresses, Crashmore is drawn into a web of intrigue and corruption that threatens to destroy everything he holds dear. Can he stay alive long enough to bring the bad guys to justice?
32. I am utterly conflicted about the Philadelphia Liberty rebranding to the Cape Town Crash. On the one hand, my name is Detective Crashmore, and I am absolutely flattered that team ownership would change their name to honor me, albeit in a painfully obvious attempt to sway my preferences in the Season 40 ISFL Draft. However, their attempt will unfortunately be in vain as it is clear they did not do their research on me before brazenly bending the knee. For one, I'm on a no fly list and I am banned from several countries, including South Africa. So I'd only be able to play in away games if I were a member of the team. Not exactly worth naming your team after me at that point. Second, I can not help but feel irate that team ownership would so callously rob our nation's most historic city of their only simulation sports team. The people of Philadelphia are essentially living in a social experiment in which cave dwellers are allowed to roam the streets freely, and the one thing they seem to care about is professional football. They will literally riot if they win a championship. To steal that one, lone source of joy in their lives and give it to South Africa is unforgivable. May God have mercy on any souls involved in that decision.
18. Among tight ends, I'm a physical freak. At 6'5" and 255 pounds, I have the size and strength to dominate defenders in the run game and the speed and quickness to burn them in the passing game. And I'm not afraid to get dirty. I'll do whatever it takes to get the job done, whether that means laying out a defender with a bone-crushing block or trucking over a linebacker on my way to the end zone. Off the field, I'm a straight shooter. I don't sugarcoat anything and I don't take crap from anyone. I'm a leader in the locker room and I'm not afraid to call out my teammates when they're not giving their all. I've got a chip on my shoulder and I'm determined to make the most of my opportunity. So if you want a tight end who's going to bring a level of toughness and competitiveness that's unmatched by anyone else in this draft class, look no further. Take a chance on me and I'll make sure you won't regret it. I'm Detective Crashmore and I'm coming to make a name for myself.
21. Detective Crashmore is a hard-boiled crime drama that follows the adventures of the eponymous detective, a foul-mouthed, trigger-happy cop who prefers to bring criminals to justice by giving them a taste of their own medicine. The show opens with a shootout between Detective Crashmore and a gang of armed robbers. As bullets fly and those fuckers start hitting the floor, Crashmore rips out his glock and unloads a hail of lead on the criminals, barking out a profanity-laden tirade as he does so. In the aftermath of the shootout, we see Crashmore interrogating a suspect at the police precinct, where he beats the shit out of him to extract a confession. From there, the show follows Crashmore as he takes on a series of dangerous cases, each one more high-stakes than the last. He faces off against ruthless mobsters, brutal murderers, and corrupt politicians, always staying one step ahead thanks to his street smarts and his willingness to do whatever it takes to get the job done. But despite his tough exterior, Crashmore is haunted by his past, and we see him struggling to balance his personal demons with his duty to serve and protect. Just kidding, he kills the criminals and doesn't give a shit. As the season progresses, Crashmore is drawn into a web of intrigue and corruption that threatens to destroy everything he holds dear. Can he stay alive long enough to bring the bad guys to justice?
32. I am utterly conflicted about the Philadelphia Liberty rebranding to the Cape Town Crash. On the one hand, my name is Detective Crashmore, and I am absolutely flattered that team ownership would change their name to honor me, albeit in a painfully obvious attempt to sway my preferences in the Season 40 ISFL Draft. However, their attempt will unfortunately be in vain as it is clear they did not do their research on me before brazenly bending the knee. For one, I'm on a no fly list and I am banned from several countries, including South Africa. So I'd only be able to play in away games if I were a member of the team. Not exactly worth naming your team after me at that point. Second, I can not help but feel irate that team ownership would so callously rob our nation's most historic city of their only simulation sports team. The people of Philadelphia are essentially living in a social experiment in which cave dwellers are allowed to roam the streets freely, and the one thing they seem to care about is professional football. They will literally riot if they win a championship. To steal that one, lone source of joy in their lives and give it to South Africa is unforgivable. May God have mercy on any souls involved in that decision.