Kumquat Archipelago has generally considered himself a friend to the media throughout his playing career - he came to America knowing very little about the country and its people, so among the first people he got to know upon arriving in America were groups of journalists, some of whom were very helpful in Kumquats transition to stardom. That's why Kumquat found it all the more offensive this past offseason when a reporter had the audacity to suggest during a press conference that Kumquat was a fringe candidate for the league's most valuable player player award due to a "strong supporting cast" and "poor yards per carry." This reporter went on to suggest Kumquat was something called a "touchdown merchant" who padded his touchdown numbers by carrying the ball on the goal line so often. Kumquat didn't quite understand the accusation, being generally unfamiliar with the practice of merchandising touchdowns, however he wishes that reporter nothing but health, happiness, and many more Offensive Player of the Year awards.
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(167 words)
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