08-30-2023, 10:52 PM
(This post was last modified: 09-09-2023, 05:24 AM by Aneeqs. Edited 2 times in total.)
Something downright bizarre has been happening at the Bondi Beach Buccaneers training facility this week. I know that many readers of this publication and those that syndicate my column have been following this DSFL team and my reporting quite closely, but this may be the most unusual thing to take place at that team's facility to date.
It all goes back to the one and only Paul McLaughlin. The standout offensive tackle that the Buccaneers picked up in the fourth round of the DSFL draft. The Louisiana native has also been a noted member of the locker room and part of an international outreach program. While his play on the field has been nothing short of stellar as part of the offensive line unit known as The Armada, off the field issues have been equally noteworthy.
I am of course referring to McLaughlin's multiple run ins with mysterious individuals that have become known in various circles across the internet as Men In Black. His first interaction with this group was during the Prospect Bowl when he was still with the Mexico City Aztecs. By all accounts he had been more or less abducted by two of these beings and transported to some kind of reeducation camp run by the DSFL or some kind of shadowy organization that pulls the League's strings.
After being drafted by the Bondi Beach Buccaneers, another incident took place on Halloween. Two other rookies were present for this, seemingly having been locked in the team's practice facility late at night and having a threatening encounter with a Man in Black that was present in the building. This has raised a plethora of questions about what exactly is happening at that location when players and staff are not present. Do these events take place in every team's facilities or is it localized to the Buccaneers?
Then there is the matter of a very controversial video that has been making the rounds on the Dark Web. What starts off as a seemingly pretty innocuous interview with the offensive lineman takes a rapid left turn and the man appears to either get abducted or simply disappear. While some members of the Buccaneers' media staff tried to spin the video as a leaked prank, the fact it gets deleted within 500 milliseconds any time it is posted speaks to a much larger and coordinated coverup being enacted by the DSFL and ISFL management.
To say that Paul's had an interesting tenure in the DSFL so far would be an understatement akin to saying that Death Valley is a little bit warmer than average. For someone seemingly so unremarkable, just another offensive lineman coming out of an SEC school drafted in the mid to late rounds, the man has been the center of an ongoing series of bizzare and unsettling events that have more or less taken over the headlines around his team.
And to add to everything, it appears that the man has either disappeared or been replaced. Dear readers, this reporter has scoured hundreds of pieces of data to try and figure out what happened. First and foremost is the obvious exclusion, Paul McLaughlin has not been traded away from Bondi Beach Buccaneers to any team in the DSFL and has not yet been drafted as part of the ISFL draft.
Every shred of footage from every piece of media put out by the Buccaneers' team since that alleged abduction has been looked over frame by frame by myself and a team of experts and there hasn't been a single iota of evidence that Paul McLaughlin is still rostered by the team. The man hasn't appeared in the background of a single frame of video or a picture posted by the media team.
Our diligent team has also gained access to the training facility's internal security camera footage as well as the log of all badge entries and exits from the time that the media day interview supposedly took place until now. McLaughlin does not appear in a single frame of the footage we acquired, though there are several odd instances of visual glitching and snow that occur throughout the entirety of the video we were able to get.
All of this evidence might lead you, dear reader, to believe that Paul McLaughlin was cut or placed on the Physically Unable to Perform list. Perhaps he had to leave the country and go back to the United States for a private reason. But! In our reading through the badge logs for the facility as a whole we were able to discover that the ID card and Player ID number that were assigned to Paul have been assigned to someone else, without any database record of the change being made. It seems as though this change was made with the intent to portray that this new person and Paul McLaughlin were always the same person.
And who is this individual? Who has the DSFL and ISFL establishment, and perhaps the shadow government, put in Paul's place as the right edge of the Armada? It is a man that we are only able to known and identify as Triceracop.
That isn't a typo, that isn't a mistake of reporting. This has been verified a dozen ways that there is now a player on the Bondi Beach Buccaneers roster playing Offensive Tackle that is named Triceracop. We've even gotten footage from practices and media events that show a large humanoid man with a triceratops head. He doesn't wear a helmet as the horns, it seems, would not fit.
We sat down with several experts in breaking down offensive line film, and after convincing them to take the exercise seriously, they came to the conclusion that Triceracop uses the exact same techniques as Paul McLaughlin. For all intents and purposes, the two men are the same being, just one of whom has the head of a triceratops.
It was also reported by an insider close to the team that Bertie Mannering-Phipps complained that Triceracop mostly listens to synthwave artists during team lifts. Favorites were reported to be The Midnight, Sunglasses Kid, and FM-84. The star running back also said that Triceracop repeatedly said things like "These neon nights will only bring us to more danger," and "I've traveled through time to make sure Thor doesn't get sacked again." Triceracop also, reportedly, has a British accent.
Why was this change made? Who decided that Paul McLaughlin needed to be replaced by a man who, by all appearances, is at least partially dinosaur? Is it perhaps to draw attention away from the gritty details of this publication's reporting? We can't say for certain, but we do know that this is not the last article that will be written about the Buccaneers.
Dear readers, you must stay vigilant. Or perhaps you will be the next to be replaced with a dinosaur-human hybrid.
It all goes back to the one and only Paul McLaughlin. The standout offensive tackle that the Buccaneers picked up in the fourth round of the DSFL draft. The Louisiana native has also been a noted member of the locker room and part of an international outreach program. While his play on the field has been nothing short of stellar as part of the offensive line unit known as The Armada, off the field issues have been equally noteworthy.
I am of course referring to McLaughlin's multiple run ins with mysterious individuals that have become known in various circles across the internet as Men In Black. His first interaction with this group was during the Prospect Bowl when he was still with the Mexico City Aztecs. By all accounts he had been more or less abducted by two of these beings and transported to some kind of reeducation camp run by the DSFL or some kind of shadowy organization that pulls the League's strings.
After being drafted by the Bondi Beach Buccaneers, another incident took place on Halloween. Two other rookies were present for this, seemingly having been locked in the team's practice facility late at night and having a threatening encounter with a Man in Black that was present in the building. This has raised a plethora of questions about what exactly is happening at that location when players and staff are not present. Do these events take place in every team's facilities or is it localized to the Buccaneers?
Then there is the matter of a very controversial video that has been making the rounds on the Dark Web. What starts off as a seemingly pretty innocuous interview with the offensive lineman takes a rapid left turn and the man appears to either get abducted or simply disappear. While some members of the Buccaneers' media staff tried to spin the video as a leaked prank, the fact it gets deleted within 500 milliseconds any time it is posted speaks to a much larger and coordinated coverup being enacted by the DSFL and ISFL management.
To say that Paul's had an interesting tenure in the DSFL so far would be an understatement akin to saying that Death Valley is a little bit warmer than average. For someone seemingly so unremarkable, just another offensive lineman coming out of an SEC school drafted in the mid to late rounds, the man has been the center of an ongoing series of bizzare and unsettling events that have more or less taken over the headlines around his team.
And to add to everything, it appears that the man has either disappeared or been replaced. Dear readers, this reporter has scoured hundreds of pieces of data to try and figure out what happened. First and foremost is the obvious exclusion, Paul McLaughlin has not been traded away from Bondi Beach Buccaneers to any team in the DSFL and has not yet been drafted as part of the ISFL draft.
Every shred of footage from every piece of media put out by the Buccaneers' team since that alleged abduction has been looked over frame by frame by myself and a team of experts and there hasn't been a single iota of evidence that Paul McLaughlin is still rostered by the team. The man hasn't appeared in the background of a single frame of video or a picture posted by the media team.
Our diligent team has also gained access to the training facility's internal security camera footage as well as the log of all badge entries and exits from the time that the media day interview supposedly took place until now. McLaughlin does not appear in a single frame of the footage we acquired, though there are several odd instances of visual glitching and snow that occur throughout the entirety of the video we were able to get.
All of this evidence might lead you, dear reader, to believe that Paul McLaughlin was cut or placed on the Physically Unable to Perform list. Perhaps he had to leave the country and go back to the United States for a private reason. But! In our reading through the badge logs for the facility as a whole we were able to discover that the ID card and Player ID number that were assigned to Paul have been assigned to someone else, without any database record of the change being made. It seems as though this change was made with the intent to portray that this new person and Paul McLaughlin were always the same person.
And who is this individual? Who has the DSFL and ISFL establishment, and perhaps the shadow government, put in Paul's place as the right edge of the Armada? It is a man that we are only able to known and identify as Triceracop.
That isn't a typo, that isn't a mistake of reporting. This has been verified a dozen ways that there is now a player on the Bondi Beach Buccaneers roster playing Offensive Tackle that is named Triceracop. We've even gotten footage from practices and media events that show a large humanoid man with a triceratops head. He doesn't wear a helmet as the horns, it seems, would not fit.
We sat down with several experts in breaking down offensive line film, and after convincing them to take the exercise seriously, they came to the conclusion that Triceracop uses the exact same techniques as Paul McLaughlin. For all intents and purposes, the two men are the same being, just one of whom has the head of a triceratops.
It was also reported by an insider close to the team that Bertie Mannering-Phipps complained that Triceracop mostly listens to synthwave artists during team lifts. Favorites were reported to be The Midnight, Sunglasses Kid, and FM-84. The star running back also said that Triceracop repeatedly said things like "These neon nights will only bring us to more danger," and "I've traveled through time to make sure Thor doesn't get sacked again." Triceracop also, reportedly, has a British accent.
Why was this change made? Who decided that Paul McLaughlin needed to be replaced by a man who, by all appearances, is at least partially dinosaur? Is it perhaps to draw attention away from the gritty details of this publication's reporting? We can't say for certain, but we do know that this is not the last article that will be written about the Buccaneers.
Dear readers, you must stay vigilant. Or perhaps you will be the next to be replaced with a dinosaur-human hybrid.
![[Image: Triceracop.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/Triceracop.gif)
