Having taken a Political Science survey-course while at Clemson, Drake has tried to stay engaged in current affairs outside of his commitments to the Grey Ducks. Prone to doom scrolling, Drake felt that there were too many problems in the world for him to pass up a chance to use his influence as a regionally relevant minor league simulation football player. Writing a book feels too daunting. He never had the artistic flourish to paint a mural. Drake did prominently feature in the St. Helens of Perpetual Remorse middle school choir. If he found the right producers to usher in his vision, he could make a difference for the next generation. He reached out to his agent, the famed Harlan "Big Dollar" McCrory to see what connections Harlan had in the music industry.
Following the instructions from the most recent telegram from Harlan, Drake called the front desk of The Grey Dog Motel and Livery in Mobile, Alabama, and asked for "Jans Erikkson". After a small pause, McCrory answered:
"This is Jans Erikkson"
"Pardon me, Jans -- is Mr. McCrory available?"
"Come again? You're breaking up"
"McCrory! I'm calling for a HAR-LAN Mc-Cro-ry. It's Drake Wane."
"Derek! My boy! How are you? How's Indiana?"
"Minnesota is great, Harlan. I'm actually calling about a passion project, even though it's a little silly."
"A Passion project? Derek, I'm not entirely sure the last days of Christ is quiet, shall we say, your color."
"Apologies, Mr. McCrory, I meant something I've been thinking about doing for a while. I want to release a song."
"A song! A capital idea! I happen to manage a menagerie of musicians. If you'd like, we can add you to the ensemble after you pay a small licensing fee and then coordinate a small payment for my representation as your manager, and my fee for booking you the deal as your agent."
"That sounds great. I really want to make a song to help kids learn right from wrong. A song that makes a difference. I know it's controversial, but I want to make a protest song."
"I'm sorry, Derek, this ramshackle abode has a terrible connection. You want to record a what?"
"A PRO-TEST. SONG. To tell the KIDS what's RIGHT"
"Well, not exactly playing into your 'devil may care' persona, but I have some associates who may be able to address this. I'll post you in a day. While you're on the line, be a dear and please give your credit card information to the desk. I seem to have misplaced mine on a fanboat trip."
McCrory lived up to his word, but not quite Drake's. Due to the Grey Dog's outdated phone line and McCrory's attention partially being on an active game of dominoes he was playing during the call, Drake was discouraged by the message he received from Harlan:
"Derek,
I know I set an egregiously high standard as your agent, and I fear I have bested myself again. You will be delighted to know that I made your dreams come true. In two days you'll be getting the sheet music for the tune of your dreams, courtesy of the Ohio River Valley Gospel Singers, my finest singing group. I thought your goal of teaching the youth right from wrong was far-fetched until my associate at the Alabama State Dept of Education assured me that this is a critical issue. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I took it upon myself to pen the chrous as well: 'They say that homework is for the birds/Well I never heard such foolish words! / Examinations are exaltations! Take a quiz for goodness gracious!' You wanted a pro-test song? Well, I've never heard a more pro-test song than this!
Yours,
Harlan"
Following the instructions from the most recent telegram from Harlan, Drake called the front desk of The Grey Dog Motel and Livery in Mobile, Alabama, and asked for "Jans Erikkson". After a small pause, McCrory answered:
"This is Jans Erikkson"
"Pardon me, Jans -- is Mr. McCrory available?"
"Come again? You're breaking up"
"McCrory! I'm calling for a HAR-LAN Mc-Cro-ry. It's Drake Wane."
"Derek! My boy! How are you? How's Indiana?"
"Minnesota is great, Harlan. I'm actually calling about a passion project, even though it's a little silly."
"A Passion project? Derek, I'm not entirely sure the last days of Christ is quiet, shall we say, your color."
"Apologies, Mr. McCrory, I meant something I've been thinking about doing for a while. I want to release a song."
"A song! A capital idea! I happen to manage a menagerie of musicians. If you'd like, we can add you to the ensemble after you pay a small licensing fee and then coordinate a small payment for my representation as your manager, and my fee for booking you the deal as your agent."
"That sounds great. I really want to make a song to help kids learn right from wrong. A song that makes a difference. I know it's controversial, but I want to make a protest song."
"I'm sorry, Derek, this ramshackle abode has a terrible connection. You want to record a what?"
"A PRO-TEST. SONG. To tell the KIDS what's RIGHT"
"Well, not exactly playing into your 'devil may care' persona, but I have some associates who may be able to address this. I'll post you in a day. While you're on the line, be a dear and please give your credit card information to the desk. I seem to have misplaced mine on a fanboat trip."
McCrory lived up to his word, but not quite Drake's. Due to the Grey Dog's outdated phone line and McCrory's attention partially being on an active game of dominoes he was playing during the call, Drake was discouraged by the message he received from Harlan:
"Derek,
I know I set an egregiously high standard as your agent, and I fear I have bested myself again. You will be delighted to know that I made your dreams come true. In two days you'll be getting the sheet music for the tune of your dreams, courtesy of the Ohio River Valley Gospel Singers, my finest singing group. I thought your goal of teaching the youth right from wrong was far-fetched until my associate at the Alabama State Dept of Education assured me that this is a critical issue. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I took it upon myself to pen the chrous as well: 'They say that homework is for the birds/Well I never heard such foolish words! / Examinations are exaltations! Take a quiz for goodness gracious!' You wanted a pro-test song? Well, I've never heard a more pro-test song than this!
Yours,
Harlan"