*Ryan Applehort Sits Down

Daybe · (This post was last modified: 04-07-2018, 09:13 AM by bovovovo.)

Ryan Applehort and Sir Racha sat down the day after the draft to talk about the NSFL. Here is the transcript (Brought to you by the NSFLN):

Sir Racha: And that was another round of Hot Takes with Sir Racha! Now we're moving on to something very special, a phone interview with a NSFL player who was just drafted. We're on the phone with Ryan Applehort!

Ryan Applehort: Thank you, Sir. A pleasure to join you and the NSFLN crew on the phone. And what should I call you? Calling you Sir feels awkward.

SR: Well, some other nicknames I've heard about myself around the office are "The Dispenser of Spice", "Hot Takes!™" and "El Fuego", not to be confused with Fuego Wozy. I'm better than Mr. Wozy.

RA: Err, how about I just call you Spice.

SR: Sounds good, man.

RA: *Laughs*

SR: MK. First thing I wanna get into: Many people around the NSFL and fans looked at your performance last year and frowned. Obviously you didn't play well at all for the majority of the season, and finished with a completion percentage under half, as well as a lot of picks. What do you want to say to them?

RA: Well, I won't say anything to them explicitly. I'm gonna let them be. Obviously there's gonna be some people who like my game and some people who don't like my game. And I'm not going to keep them on my mind.

SR: So basically, ignore the hate?

RA: Yup. Ignore the hate.

SR: I try to to that with all of the Smifter/Clayman/Westin burner accounts. Anyways, what was your initial thoughts on being drafted to Colorado?

RA: Well, Colorado's a great organization, and with the recent news about Pierno and his accident, there's gonna be an opening at the QB job. And I'm proud to fill that position that the Yeti have been desperately needing for the past few seasons post-Noble. It's just gonna be a fun time, man. It's a young, fun squad.

SR: And I hear there were some pranks going on when you got to Colorado?

RA: *Laughs* I arrived at the airport in this classy, $800 suit, gold wristwatch, and as I'm getting out of my Uber ride to my hotel, I get met by Haruki, Jonathon, and Dwayne. And, *Laughs* I go up to high five Haruki, and then *Laughs*, they all whip out these giant jugs of water *Laughs continuously*. I don't know how on earth they made those jugs appear, but then I knew what was gonna happen. I ran off immediately, in a blur. But, then, *Laughs*, my 5.25 40 time goddamn slow ass gets chased down by Dwayne. There goes the first jug. Damn, Dwayne, how much f**king ice you put in there? *Laughs uncontrollably*. Then Jonathon and Haruki run up to me and they get me with the other two jugs. I was f**king furious. There goes my goddamn $800 suit. *Laughs*. But man, that was funny as hell. I got to know them well, man.

SR: Ice cold water?

RA: Ice cold water.

SR: You know, that reminds me of a certain few NSFL reporters and their takes... Well, let's move on. So, how long has it taken to get used to Colorado?

RA: I'm still not used to it, man! F**k you talking about!

SR & RA: *Laughs*

RA: Hey man, the air up here is whack. We're like on a mountain right now, pretty much. And coming from a place like Fort Worth, where we're right next to the ocean and the ground level is pretty low, it's troublesome when you come up to the Rockies. It's no smooth transition. But I've gotten used to it. I got a special tour along with fellow first round picks Howard, Desta, the other Ryan, and Mark of the Yeti facilities. Really cool, state of the art. Also, the team chefs are amazing! Now I know why people eat Denver omelets. But we just chilled out in the Yeti gaming lounge for a while, playing PS4 with the guys Andre, Michael, Antonio and his brother Ricardo (I keep getting 'em mixed up, damnit), as well as Haruki, Jonathon, Dwayne, and Micycle. We just played a bunch of Fortnite squads, and hell, Desta, Andre, Micycle and I even won a game together.

SR: I'm the best at Fortnite at the NSFLN office. The last time Stan Cold Takes challenged me, guided missiled his bum ass to death. Well, anyway, have you gone skiing yet? I mean, it's Colorado!

RA: Not yet, man! I've actually never skied before, and the first time I ever saw snow was when we visited Norfolk for a game. It's... well, weird. I didn't know you could make something so cold it could turn into something that it actually isn't. Weird!

SR: Jack Westin's takes are so cold they turn into babbling one-liners, not takes, like they should be, so I definitely see eye to eye on that.

RA: Wasn't he one of the guys who had Fyodo falling to 7?

SR: He was! You had Fyodo going to Orange County, right?

RA: Yep! I mean, it was pretty obvious. Wasn't even a hot take when it was right in front of you.

SR: We see eye to eye. Great minds think alike, right?

RA: *Laughs*

SR: Anyway, we got one last question. This was suggested by the readers. "How soon do you want the Yeti in the playoffs?"

RA: This season. I want them to be in the playoffs this year. That may not happen. But that's what I want, and that's what the question was asking.

SR: OK, let me reword that Westion™ (It means a stupid and ridiculous question, also named after a reporter I despise) better. How many games do you honestly and truly think you will win this year?

RA: The goal is five from me. Five wins. We've got a solid defense, and I can throw the ball pretty well, if I do say so myself. *Laughs* Obviously Tweed is gone, and he's a great dude, but I think we can change how we run this offense from day 1. We've got an excellent, young receiving corps with Crush, Aaron, Miller, and Grau, and without a young'in to work alongside me at running back, I do think that's where our management is going to go. I believe that I can bring this team to five wins at quarterback, something Pierno wasn't able to do. I'm very confident in our abilities.

SR: Thank you, Ryan, for letting me call you!

RA: No problem, man. Always a pleasure being with a reporter. I do have a knack for interviews.

SR: Well, good luck this season with the Yeti.

RA: Thanks, dude. I'm out.

*Call ends*