Coming into the Season 13 DSFL playoffs the Tijuana Luchadores were staring at long odds to move on to the second round. As the lowest playoff seed, the Luchadores's 7-7 regular season record highlighted the uphill battle going on the road to the 11-3 San Antonio Marshalls. Yet the Luchadores marched into San Antonio and pulled off the stunning 37-10 upset, sending the Marshalls home to ponder what went wrong.
The Luchadores came out hot in the first quarter, determined to amass an early lead so the potent San Antonio rushing attack, led by Fast Boija, would not be able to grind the game away. The Tijuana defense held strong in the first quarter, setting up their offense for a Tanner Hendrix touchdown grab in the first quarter to put Tijuana up 7-0. Barely a minute later, the Luchadore defense would again flex its muscles, this time with a pick six deep in San Antonio's half courtesy of Quandre Favorite. Kicker Stephen Harris closed the first quarter out by nailing a 33 yard field goal as time expired, and the Luchadores were up by 17. The Marshalls did manage to score the second quarter's first 10 points, thanks to a mirror 33 yard field goal from Spencer Lawes and a 4 yard touchdown scamper by Fast Boija. But that would be all the offense San Antonio could muster all game, thanks to the brilliant defensive scheme of the Luchadore coaching staff setting up their underdog squad to succeed.
So where did Johnny Slothface fit into this surprising win? Slothface provided moderate support to the real heroes of the game on defense: Cheese JR led Tijuana with 9 total tackles, Favorite picked off San Antonio's Wozy twice, and Bakshi had an astounding 4 tackles for a loss. This doesn't even mention Nair (4 passes defended, 1 interception) or Bryant (7 total tackles, 1 pass defended) patrolling the no fly zone for the Luchadores. While his teammates flashed on the field, Johnny Slothface merely put up a supporting 3 tackles on the night. Focusing on playing closer to the line and setting the edge in the run defense, let's see how Slothface made his impact in the game:
Tackle 1: 6:26 left in the second quarter
After Tijuana built an early lead in the first quarter, San Antonio got on the board with a field goal on their opening second quarter drive. After the teams traded punts on their ensuing series, San Antonio started at their own 44 yard line thanks to a crafty 15 yard punt return by the ever present Boija. After the punt return, Johnny Slothface joined the Luchadore defense core on the field to try to prevent another Marshal score. Wozy took the first down snap, pivoting to hand off to Boija (shocking, I know). Boija shot through a hole his offensive line opened up and was met by Slothface a yard from the line of scrimmage.... and Boija promptly trucked the shit out of Slothface for an additional 4 yards to give the Marshals a 2nd and 5 yards to go. Johnny was left laying on his back muttering to himself about not giving up a first down at least.
Tackle 2: 4:27 left in the second quarter
Astonishingly enough, the Tijuana coaching staff opted not to pull Slothface out of the game after being run over by Fast Boija. This time, the Marshals decided to air the ball out a little bit, completing a couple short passes for first downs. After a Rudd dropped catch on the ensuing first down, Wozy once again dropped back to pass. At first it looked like the QB Wozy would be running for his life as the Tijuana defensive line surged through a porous San Antonio offensive line. Unfortunately for the Luchadores, the Marshals picked the perfect time for a quick screen pass as Wozy hit Rudd in his numbers, who managed to hold on to the ball this time. Rudd scampered for 12 yards before he was dragged down from behind by a pursuing Johnny Slothface. This first down would set up the eventual Fast Boija rushing touchdown, giving San Antonio some life. Slothface was quickly hidden by the coaching staff on the sideline, given the task of handing out jackets to players coming off the field. After spilling a lot of water last game, the Luchadore staff kept him away from the coolers to save on the team budget.
Tackle 3: 6:20 left in the third quarter
After a third quarter Zoro Roronoa 2 yard touchdown run, the Luchadores were once again up 17 points against the favored Marshals. After a foolish decision to take the kickoff out of the endzone by Murphy, who only made it 17 yards, the Marshals were bailed out by a Tijuana Cheese Jr. facemask penalty, who was guilty of trying to decapitate the busy Fast Boija. With some added space between San Antonio and a potential safety, the Marshals looked to keep feeding Boija despite trailing in the game. Boija took the handoff, and after a quick jump cut in the backfield, burst through the right side of his offensive line. Once again living up to his name, Johnny Slothface was too slow to stop the also aptly named Fast Boija, and Johnny was dragged from Boija's jersey for an 8 yard gain. Defeated, the coaching staff sent out a water boy to drag Slothface's body to the sidelines where they would roll him into a tarp and he would not be seen again for the rest of the game. After 4 more rushes from Boija, the Marshals would punt, and ultimately be shutout the rest of the game, no thanks to Slothface who we are pretty sure is still in that tarp.
The Luchadores came out hot in the first quarter, determined to amass an early lead so the potent San Antonio rushing attack, led by Fast Boija, would not be able to grind the game away. The Tijuana defense held strong in the first quarter, setting up their offense for a Tanner Hendrix touchdown grab in the first quarter to put Tijuana up 7-0. Barely a minute later, the Luchadore defense would again flex its muscles, this time with a pick six deep in San Antonio's half courtesy of Quandre Favorite. Kicker Stephen Harris closed the first quarter out by nailing a 33 yard field goal as time expired, and the Luchadores were up by 17. The Marshalls did manage to score the second quarter's first 10 points, thanks to a mirror 33 yard field goal from Spencer Lawes and a 4 yard touchdown scamper by Fast Boija. But that would be all the offense San Antonio could muster all game, thanks to the brilliant defensive scheme of the Luchadore coaching staff setting up their underdog squad to succeed.
So where did Johnny Slothface fit into this surprising win? Slothface provided moderate support to the real heroes of the game on defense: Cheese JR led Tijuana with 9 total tackles, Favorite picked off San Antonio's Wozy twice, and Bakshi had an astounding 4 tackles for a loss. This doesn't even mention Nair (4 passes defended, 1 interception) or Bryant (7 total tackles, 1 pass defended) patrolling the no fly zone for the Luchadores. While his teammates flashed on the field, Johnny Slothface merely put up a supporting 3 tackles on the night. Focusing on playing closer to the line and setting the edge in the run defense, let's see how Slothface made his impact in the game:
Tackle 1: 6:26 left in the second quarter
After Tijuana built an early lead in the first quarter, San Antonio got on the board with a field goal on their opening second quarter drive. After the teams traded punts on their ensuing series, San Antonio started at their own 44 yard line thanks to a crafty 15 yard punt return by the ever present Boija. After the punt return, Johnny Slothface joined the Luchadore defense core on the field to try to prevent another Marshal score. Wozy took the first down snap, pivoting to hand off to Boija (shocking, I know). Boija shot through a hole his offensive line opened up and was met by Slothface a yard from the line of scrimmage.... and Boija promptly trucked the shit out of Slothface for an additional 4 yards to give the Marshals a 2nd and 5 yards to go. Johnny was left laying on his back muttering to himself about not giving up a first down at least.
Tackle 2: 4:27 left in the second quarter
Astonishingly enough, the Tijuana coaching staff opted not to pull Slothface out of the game after being run over by Fast Boija. This time, the Marshals decided to air the ball out a little bit, completing a couple short passes for first downs. After a Rudd dropped catch on the ensuing first down, Wozy once again dropped back to pass. At first it looked like the QB Wozy would be running for his life as the Tijuana defensive line surged through a porous San Antonio offensive line. Unfortunately for the Luchadores, the Marshals picked the perfect time for a quick screen pass as Wozy hit Rudd in his numbers, who managed to hold on to the ball this time. Rudd scampered for 12 yards before he was dragged down from behind by a pursuing Johnny Slothface. This first down would set up the eventual Fast Boija rushing touchdown, giving San Antonio some life. Slothface was quickly hidden by the coaching staff on the sideline, given the task of handing out jackets to players coming off the field. After spilling a lot of water last game, the Luchadore staff kept him away from the coolers to save on the team budget.
Tackle 3: 6:20 left in the third quarter
After a third quarter Zoro Roronoa 2 yard touchdown run, the Luchadores were once again up 17 points against the favored Marshals. After a foolish decision to take the kickoff out of the endzone by Murphy, who only made it 17 yards, the Marshals were bailed out by a Tijuana Cheese Jr. facemask penalty, who was guilty of trying to decapitate the busy Fast Boija. With some added space between San Antonio and a potential safety, the Marshals looked to keep feeding Boija despite trailing in the game. Boija took the handoff, and after a quick jump cut in the backfield, burst through the right side of his offensive line. Once again living up to his name, Johnny Slothface was too slow to stop the also aptly named Fast Boija, and Johnny was dragged from Boija's jersey for an 8 yard gain. Defeated, the coaching staff sent out a water boy to drag Slothface's body to the sidelines where they would roll him into a tarp and he would not be seen again for the rest of the game. After 4 more rushes from Boija, the Marshals would punt, and ultimately be shutout the rest of the game, no thanks to Slothface who we are pretty sure is still in that tarp.
Thank you to @bfry for the signature!