05-13-2019, 04:02 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-19-2019, 06:33 AM by Fordhammer.)
Good afternoon everyone. I wanted to take a moment out of everyone's time to try and make everyone understand the Offensive line matters. I've been hearing a lot of of talk around the league about removing the role, and more than that, you can see how far down some of us Offensive lineman fell in the DSFL draft. We are people too. More than that, offensive lineman are typically some of the smartest, compassionate, and good looking players on a football field. Some people may feel like it is a boring position to user, but that is not your cross to bear. Some of us live and die by the pancake, it's what we live for. I'll break down some of the benefits that come along with picking up an offensive lineman in next seasons draft.
1. We Are Not Bots
Pretty self explanatory, but let's dive a little deeper. We are not computers. We are living breathing compassionate people. We are active in your discords, and even in your hearts. Offensive Lineman have a knack for knowing when someone is down, as we are usually the ones causing the situation. Bots don't care about you. Bots don't help the quarterback up after he's been sacked. Bots don't talk about their hopes and dreams in the discord servers. BOTS DON'T HAVE HOPES AND DREAMS. He should be able to stop here, but we should probably continue (for money reasons)
2. We are committed
Another thing to think about here. We are a group of people that are coming into the league knowing that our efforts will go unnoticed and under appreciated. This is something that you have to accept as an offensive lineman from the beginning. We are salt of the earth people, getting up every morning and doing our job without any hope of congratulations or praise. Other players that are just starting out at RB or WR may just be looking for immediate results. For us, there are almost no results that anyone cares about. This just goes to show the type of people that we are.
3. We are good looking
This is an amazing thing to finally be able to talk about. We are currently super into body positivity as a society, so we are able to embrace the big chunkahs inside all of us. Offensive lineman have better beards, bigger muscles, and softer cuddle spots for the ladies. These are all statistical facts that can be corroborated. Couple this with our fun loving demeanor, and you are literally describing the ideal man for any woman. This relates to drafting offensive lineman as well, as everyone knows that more loveable equals more sex appeal, more sex appeal leads to brand deals, and brand deals lead to jersey and ticket sales. Plainly put, offensive lineman put butts into seats. You can't argue facts.
4. We are the most important players on the field
I know what you are thinking. The quarterback is the most important player on the field and should be treated as such. FALSE. See, without uss lineman there to protect them, The Quarterback gets destroyed. Does anyone think Robert Griffin III is the most important player on the field? The answer is no. The man got hurt so many times, he turned into a wide receiver. Most Quarterbacks cannot perform as a wide receiver. So there's that. Also, as mentioned before, if you just run with bot offensive lineman, there is no emotion there. They don't care if your "prized possesion" gets railed and suffers brain damage so bad he has to wear diapers the rest of his life. That's where we come in. Need to run the ball? We will make a hole. Need to pass? Take all the time you need. Without us, the football field would just be a godless anarchist world where defensive players could just do whatever the hell they wanted. We can't have that.
5. We are very strong
Particularly because of the way that this game's metrics work. We are all maxing out strength in order to maximize our flap jack potential. Why does this matter? I'm so glad you asked. If you need movers, we are your guys. Just think about how annoying it is to have to call a moving company that brings a bunch of punk ass 16 year olds that can barely hold their own arms up. Draft a full team of buff ofeensive lineman in the first round, and we will handle it. We can bring couches down the stairs with ease. No more throwing your back out while screaming at your eight year old daughter to pivot. Bring your daughter back from her every other weekend visits while we redecorate for you. Did I mention that we also have a keen eye for fashion? We can get you ready for your next date with style suggestions and icebreaker questions. We truly are a well rounded bunch that could help you on and off the football field.
6. We eat a shit load of cereal
Last but certainly not least, let's talk about cereal. This may vary from guy to guy a little bit, but every offensive line I've been on has been a cereal eating bunch. You may be asking yourself, "How does this affect me". great question, potential NSFL GM that is intently looking at taking me (or another offensive lineman) in the first round. You see, at breakfast time we don't need much. We can wake up on game day, grab some cereal and milk, and hit the road. We even are capable of just dumping the milk into the cereal box and passing it around on the bus like a bunch of frat kids passing around a bottle of jaeger. We are not going to be like your other players, asking for "gluten free" options or trying to have a custom omelette made, causing everyone on the bus to be late. Type of cereal doesn't matter, type of milk doesn't matter (as long as it is actually milk, and not some kind of milk juice). We are good to go.
To conclude, all of this is to say that us offensive lineman are just quirky. We are our own, weird bunch and we are loveable in our own way. We provide an extreme value to the team, and we never ask for a thank you. Don't outsource our position to robots, we aren't McDonald's cashiers. But even more than that, make sure you draft all of us in the first round this year. We are better than everyone else. Can't wait till NSFL draft day!
1. We Are Not Bots
Pretty self explanatory, but let's dive a little deeper. We are not computers. We are living breathing compassionate people. We are active in your discords, and even in your hearts. Offensive Lineman have a knack for knowing when someone is down, as we are usually the ones causing the situation. Bots don't care about you. Bots don't help the quarterback up after he's been sacked. Bots don't talk about their hopes and dreams in the discord servers. BOTS DON'T HAVE HOPES AND DREAMS. He should be able to stop here, but we should probably continue (for money reasons)
2. We are committed
Another thing to think about here. We are a group of people that are coming into the league knowing that our efforts will go unnoticed and under appreciated. This is something that you have to accept as an offensive lineman from the beginning. We are salt of the earth people, getting up every morning and doing our job without any hope of congratulations or praise. Other players that are just starting out at RB or WR may just be looking for immediate results. For us, there are almost no results that anyone cares about. This just goes to show the type of people that we are.
3. We are good looking
This is an amazing thing to finally be able to talk about. We are currently super into body positivity as a society, so we are able to embrace the big chunkahs inside all of us. Offensive lineman have better beards, bigger muscles, and softer cuddle spots for the ladies. These are all statistical facts that can be corroborated. Couple this with our fun loving demeanor, and you are literally describing the ideal man for any woman. This relates to drafting offensive lineman as well, as everyone knows that more loveable equals more sex appeal, more sex appeal leads to brand deals, and brand deals lead to jersey and ticket sales. Plainly put, offensive lineman put butts into seats. You can't argue facts.
4. We are the most important players on the field
I know what you are thinking. The quarterback is the most important player on the field and should be treated as such. FALSE. See, without uss lineman there to protect them, The Quarterback gets destroyed. Does anyone think Robert Griffin III is the most important player on the field? The answer is no. The man got hurt so many times, he turned into a wide receiver. Most Quarterbacks cannot perform as a wide receiver. So there's that. Also, as mentioned before, if you just run with bot offensive lineman, there is no emotion there. They don't care if your "prized possesion" gets railed and suffers brain damage so bad he has to wear diapers the rest of his life. That's where we come in. Need to run the ball? We will make a hole. Need to pass? Take all the time you need. Without us, the football field would just be a godless anarchist world where defensive players could just do whatever the hell they wanted. We can't have that.
5. We are very strong
Particularly because of the way that this game's metrics work. We are all maxing out strength in order to maximize our flap jack potential. Why does this matter? I'm so glad you asked. If you need movers, we are your guys. Just think about how annoying it is to have to call a moving company that brings a bunch of punk ass 16 year olds that can barely hold their own arms up. Draft a full team of buff ofeensive lineman in the first round, and we will handle it. We can bring couches down the stairs with ease. No more throwing your back out while screaming at your eight year old daughter to pivot. Bring your daughter back from her every other weekend visits while we redecorate for you. Did I mention that we also have a keen eye for fashion? We can get you ready for your next date with style suggestions and icebreaker questions. We truly are a well rounded bunch that could help you on and off the football field.
6. We eat a shit load of cereal
Last but certainly not least, let's talk about cereal. This may vary from guy to guy a little bit, but every offensive line I've been on has been a cereal eating bunch. You may be asking yourself, "How does this affect me". great question, potential NSFL GM that is intently looking at taking me (or another offensive lineman) in the first round. You see, at breakfast time we don't need much. We can wake up on game day, grab some cereal and milk, and hit the road. We even are capable of just dumping the milk into the cereal box and passing it around on the bus like a bunch of frat kids passing around a bottle of jaeger. We are not going to be like your other players, asking for "gluten free" options or trying to have a custom omelette made, causing everyone on the bus to be late. Type of cereal doesn't matter, type of milk doesn't matter (as long as it is actually milk, and not some kind of milk juice). We are good to go.
To conclude, all of this is to say that us offensive lineman are just quirky. We are our own, weird bunch and we are loveable in our own way. We provide an extreme value to the team, and we never ask for a thank you. Don't outsource our position to robots, we aren't McDonald's cashiers. But even more than that, make sure you draft all of us in the first round this year. We are better than everyone else. Can't wait till NSFL draft day!
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