*Abuse in Myrtle Beach

**Ephenssta** · 02-08-2020, 02:55 PM

There are, quite frankly, some disturbing things that I have to report out of the Myrtle Beach locker room. I’ve escaped to a friend’s apartment, but it’s only a matter of time until they track me down. But I had to escape so I can publish this uncensored. I probably don’t have much time here, so I’m going to only talk about what I perceive as the worst offenses.

The fact is, ScoryCory has gone mad with power. We are subjected to harsh censorship and all our comments are reviewed by an incredibly oppressive bot before posting, making sure that certain slogans cannot ever be repeated. In fact, even mentioning words that might be loosely associated with rival teams are banned, and posting them results in punishments ranging from docs in fines to weeks confined to the belowdecks, where the beatings are regular and, much to my horror, we are frequently denied rum.

Sure, some people might argue that food is far more important, but those people have clearly never lived on a pirate boat. If you’re not a Buccaneer, don’t pretend to understand my culture. Rum is the centerpiece of everything we do, and to deny it as a means to enforce an oppressive censer should be considered on par with human rights abuses similar to forcing your colonists to eat without a table in Rimworld.

When I read the Gucci article talking about why Myrtle Beach sucked, I was hoping the piece would report on the abusive conditions we suffer through every day. Sadly, he was more interested in criticizing the city as a whole and suggesting that Myrtle Beach is actually an enjoyable place to be. Never has the Media been so fooled by a simple façade. We see right through China and North Korea, why is Myrtle Beach such a mystery?!

It should be obvious that Cory is massively abusing his GM powers, given the fact that he was just sanctioned for massive overreach on the forums by turning a Scorp comment into a meme. Clearly, this behavior is a threat to the league. Perhaps Myrtle Beach is playing so well on the field because all the players are playing, literally, for their lives.

I hear steps outside the door, so I think I need to wrap this up and head to the next safe house. Please, someone, save us! Cory is coming….If you don’t hear from me again, assume that I’m locked in the darkest part of the ship with no rum. Send help.

^419 words

DO NOT GRADE BEYOND THIS LINE!
Disclaimer:
THIS IS A JOKE. THERE IS NOT ABUSE HAPPENING IN MYRTLE BEACH.