*Which DSFL team is named the best?

[LancedJack]

Well it's now under a week until the DSFL draft and what better way to tank my draft stock than to insult the names of any potential employers via various assertions about their team name and therefore their masculinity or femininity.

For those of you who didn't read last weeks post regarding the team names (And who could blame you for not reading it) this is how our bracket currently looks -



Could Portland have been misseeded? Coming through from 8th into the semi final, can they continue their Cinderella story? I mean, it's a three round bracket so anything could happen. The Grey Ducks at 4th Seed are the Mr. Average of our tale. As I said previously Grey Ducks is maybe the least sexy name of all time. But as The Colonel will attest you can be ugly as sin but a top shagger. As for our second tilt, the victor is as unknown to me as it is to you. Will the Royal Navy turn on it's leaders, sinking the Royals and taking the Seawolves to victory? Or will the Royals continue their shadow government, unphased by Norfolks attempts to break free?

THE SEMI FINALS

8. Portland Pythons vs 4. Minnesota Grey Ducks

First lets look at this from a geographical perspective. Portland, Oregon gave birth to Portlandia which is... I mean frankly sickening. Eating cereal out of beanie hats or whatever they do, it's not for me. Just a collection of moustached bed wetters. Meanwhile Minnesota has.... I can actually think of no defining characteristic of Minnesota other than that dude from "How I Met Your Mother" is supposedly from there and even then I can't remember the characters name so lets go with Nigel. Nigels whole character arc was that he wanted to get far away from Minnesota (Wasn't it?) then his dad died and he got a bit sad but you know what he didn't do? MOVE BACK TO MINNESOTA. Geography goes to no side, it's a tie. We need to go deeper. We need to be zoologists.

If you look at this from a purely zoological perspective and say to me that the Pythons win this one hands down then I've got news for you, you're wrong and your opinion is bad. Consider the following: a Ball Python requires high humidity and an average year round temperature of 20-25 degrees Celsius (That's right we're in Celsius, ask @Matty7478 and he'll tell you it's the right unit of measurement) The average temperature in Portland, Oregon is 11.9C. Now even the most soft brained amongst you are now thinking "But.... that's not enough for a python" and you'd be RIGHT! But we're talking about Minnesota, right? That's where these hypothetical black and white ducks live. I couldn't find an average temperature and I'll be damned if I calculate one from monthly estimates but I'll tell you this. Five months of the year, FIVE, are represented by a minus symbol. You know what that means? It means a big, frozen snake. At best you could throw it like a javelin and spear one duck, before being pecked to death by the remainder. Do ducks peck people to death?

FIND OUT NEXT WEEK BECAUSE MINNESOTA GREY DUCKS TAKE THIS ONE!

2. Norfolk Seawolves vs 3. London Royals

I hope you've got your seatbelt on and you've looked out cheesy nachos and your vuvuzelas because this one is as hot as concentrated steam shot directly into your face from close range. Imagine the trap from Saw..... I dunno eight or whatever? How many Saws are there? Anyway the one with the steam trap. THAT! That's how steamy hot this is. It seems like fate these two were meant to meet. The London Royals taking on the Seawolves. Try as I might I can't seperate the fact that this is actually Norfolk in the UK. So it's Civil War.



This is tighter than arse cheeks. Really this has to come down to personal preference. The arguments on either side are too vast. A submarine, in theory, should win this whole thing. But the Royals exist only on land?! But how do they get to their secret cabal islands where they sacrifice children? Submarine, obviously!? So do they command the submarines? Or do they NEED the submarines? I also can't be distracted from the fact that if this is an ALL ENGLAND showdown then we're looking at the actual, genuine Queen who is one bad bout of gas away from being laid to rest, probably with a state funeral (WHICH THE TAX PAYER IS PAYING FOR I MIGHT ADD F**KING MONARCHY) so the idea of her resisting a charge by Submarine is laughable.

At the end of the day I think no matter how hard they shouted the Royals could be swiftly taken out by the quickest Seawolf, and even if you look at it as a Seawolf being an orca then the results are the same. Deceased elderly.

Norfolk Seawolves take another win, lucky really given that if Norfolk, England wasn't coastal you were getting the boot.

Join us post draft where who I'm drafted by will 100% determine who wins best name!

[Matty7478]

(That's right we're in Celsius, ask @Matty7478 and he'll tell you it's the right unit of measurement)

Celsius gang

[nutbarspadge]

7/7 GFX

[Asked Madden]

Are you holding out if you're not picked by Minnesota or Norfolk?

[LancedJack]

I think we both know I’ll do exactly as I’m told

[ReverendOReily]

I'm still trying to get past the fact that "grey ducks" beat "birddogs"
Kind of sinks the credibility of the whole event for me, but boy do I appreciate the hell out of the effort/your graphics! Really good stuff.

[Huskies311]

Just a heads up but the Seawolves are based in Norfolk, Virginia

[LancedJack]

Just a heads up but the Seawolves are based in Norfolk, Virginia

It's MY headcanon!