01-18-2021, 07:51 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-19-2021, 07:27 AM by Asked Madden.)
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1,022 words
Rookie Kicker Ranking
Today I am going to do a Rookie kicker ranking for you GMs out there that are looking for the next big kicker coming into the DSFL. Now, I know what you all might be thinking, but I do believe it is absolutely necessary to do rankings on a position that has just 1 player entering the draft. The people need to know what I think, especially when it comes to draft information. Think of me as the Todd McShay of the ISFL league, an absolutely useless commenter that has just as much of an idea about what will happen in the draft as the person sitting in the chair looking at the screen, but I get paid for it.
Let's meet our Rookie kicker coming into the draft. We have Alastor Hazbin, an ELITE kicker prospect the likes of which the league has never seen. Now, lets dive into the statistics on this kicker based off their prospect bowl appearances thus far. Kickers are an incredibly under appreciated position when it comes to modern day football. You look at teams that have elite kickers over the past few years and that consistency is something that can't be rivaled. We live in an age where kickers are only hated when they miss the kick and ignored when they perform well, and that is an absolute travesty. KICKERS ARE PEOPLE TOO.
Alastor Hazbin: Alastor Hazbin has not performed as well as he would have liked throughout these past few prospect bowl games. He currently has 7 field goals made on 17 attempts, which would put him right around 40% on average throughout his appearances. Now I'd really like to dive in and analyze these stats because your first thought is likely, "Holy shit that's terrible." Well the truth is, it really is super bad. Now what he has excelled at is he has the leg strength to make the long shots, he did make a kick from 45 yards out which is pretty impressive. I went out back at my house and attempted to kick a football 40+ yards and it is way harder than it looks so you guys should really think about that when you evaluate his draft stock. Another thing to keep in mind here is that Alastor Hazbin is also deadly from inside the 30; He's gone 2/2 on attempts within the 20. Now, this statistic drops off a cliff when you move outside that range, but if you are SPECIFICALLY looking for someone that can make a pedestrian field goal with nothing on the line, this is your kicker.
Secondly, Alastor Hazbin has also been extremely successful at the extra point, he is a perfect 11 for 11 on attempts made. That is the kind of consistency you look for out of a kicker, although ideally that would also translate to a higher kick percentage outside of extra point range. This truly is an amazing benefit to have on a team that people underestimate. As a Vikings fan in real life, I pray every moment that Dan Bailey doesn't shank another God damned extra point so we have a shot at winning this time. Alastor can take that kind of pressure off your shoulders, which can be a huge weight lifted off an offense.
As his teammate on the Machu Picchu Sols, I can also vouch for him in the locker room. He truly is a leader in every sense of the word, often taking the blame for a loss when it happens to the team. Although to this point, a majority of the time it is his fault, but EVERY TIME he will bite the bullet and let us know he will try to do better next time even when we all know he won't. I will say that he is truly a Hoo-Rah type of leader, he really lights a fire under the ass of all of his teammates to go out there and perform to the best of our abilities. I walked off the field one time after getting the stop and he walked up to me, headbutted me in the helmet and immediately put himself into the concussion protocol. We all know concussion protocol is a myth, and shockingly enough he performed considerably better after this incident.
Although Alastor Hazbin is not the most gifted kicker in the league, he is definitely the tries his hardest. Every time I'm out there on the bench and watching him play I sit there and think, "Wow he is trying so hard, God bless him." If there was a Hall of Fame for people that tried super hard, Alastor Hazbin should be the face that greets you when you walk through the door. He leaves everything he has on the field even if it's not enough, and that should put him in a situation that warrants a draft pick. I mean, just look at the Bears, they drafted Mitchell Trubisky 2nd overall and all he ever does is try to do better! If that warrants a 2nd pick, I think the DSFL can outdo it and put him first overall.
Another added benefit about Alastor is that he is the type of guy that won't let things like this keep him down, he is so used to performing poorly that it doesn't even bother him anymore. Think of him as the reverse Justin Tucker, ice in his veins when he walks on the field and shanks the ball 12 yards to the right. Alastor Hazbin truly is the man, the myth, and the legend.
NOW after all this hard-hitting analysis we have reached the pinnacle of this media post, at what pick does Alastor Hazbin get taken? My argument is that he has the heart, the passion, the drive, the willingness and the leadership capabilities to go first overall, but the skill to lose a kicking contest in a Junior Varsity kicking competition. I put him going to the Tijuana Luchadores in the 3rd round because they have literally no other options.
I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO MENTION THAT THIS POST IS MOSTLY SATIRE. MOSTLY.
1,022 words
Rookie Kicker Ranking
Today I am going to do a Rookie kicker ranking for you GMs out there that are looking for the next big kicker coming into the DSFL. Now, I know what you all might be thinking, but I do believe it is absolutely necessary to do rankings on a position that has just 1 player entering the draft. The people need to know what I think, especially when it comes to draft information. Think of me as the Todd McShay of the ISFL league, an absolutely useless commenter that has just as much of an idea about what will happen in the draft as the person sitting in the chair looking at the screen, but I get paid for it.
Let's meet our Rookie kicker coming into the draft. We have Alastor Hazbin, an ELITE kicker prospect the likes of which the league has never seen. Now, lets dive into the statistics on this kicker based off their prospect bowl appearances thus far. Kickers are an incredibly under appreciated position when it comes to modern day football. You look at teams that have elite kickers over the past few years and that consistency is something that can't be rivaled. We live in an age where kickers are only hated when they miss the kick and ignored when they perform well, and that is an absolute travesty. KICKERS ARE PEOPLE TOO.
Alastor Hazbin: Alastor Hazbin has not performed as well as he would have liked throughout these past few prospect bowl games. He currently has 7 field goals made on 17 attempts, which would put him right around 40% on average throughout his appearances. Now I'd really like to dive in and analyze these stats because your first thought is likely, "Holy shit that's terrible." Well the truth is, it really is super bad. Now what he has excelled at is he has the leg strength to make the long shots, he did make a kick from 45 yards out which is pretty impressive. I went out back at my house and attempted to kick a football 40+ yards and it is way harder than it looks so you guys should really think about that when you evaluate his draft stock. Another thing to keep in mind here is that Alastor Hazbin is also deadly from inside the 30; He's gone 2/2 on attempts within the 20. Now, this statistic drops off a cliff when you move outside that range, but if you are SPECIFICALLY looking for someone that can make a pedestrian field goal with nothing on the line, this is your kicker.
Secondly, Alastor Hazbin has also been extremely successful at the extra point, he is a perfect 11 for 11 on attempts made. That is the kind of consistency you look for out of a kicker, although ideally that would also translate to a higher kick percentage outside of extra point range. This truly is an amazing benefit to have on a team that people underestimate. As a Vikings fan in real life, I pray every moment that Dan Bailey doesn't shank another God damned extra point so we have a shot at winning this time. Alastor can take that kind of pressure off your shoulders, which can be a huge weight lifted off an offense.
As his teammate on the Machu Picchu Sols, I can also vouch for him in the locker room. He truly is a leader in every sense of the word, often taking the blame for a loss when it happens to the team. Although to this point, a majority of the time it is his fault, but EVERY TIME he will bite the bullet and let us know he will try to do better next time even when we all know he won't. I will say that he is truly a Hoo-Rah type of leader, he really lights a fire under the ass of all of his teammates to go out there and perform to the best of our abilities. I walked off the field one time after getting the stop and he walked up to me, headbutted me in the helmet and immediately put himself into the concussion protocol. We all know concussion protocol is a myth, and shockingly enough he performed considerably better after this incident.
Although Alastor Hazbin is not the most gifted kicker in the league, he is definitely the tries his hardest. Every time I'm out there on the bench and watching him play I sit there and think, "Wow he is trying so hard, God bless him." If there was a Hall of Fame for people that tried super hard, Alastor Hazbin should be the face that greets you when you walk through the door. He leaves everything he has on the field even if it's not enough, and that should put him in a situation that warrants a draft pick. I mean, just look at the Bears, they drafted Mitchell Trubisky 2nd overall and all he ever does is try to do better! If that warrants a 2nd pick, I think the DSFL can outdo it and put him first overall.
Another added benefit about Alastor is that he is the type of guy that won't let things like this keep him down, he is so used to performing poorly that it doesn't even bother him anymore. Think of him as the reverse Justin Tucker, ice in his veins when he walks on the field and shanks the ball 12 yards to the right. Alastor Hazbin truly is the man, the myth, and the legend.
NOW after all this hard-hitting analysis we have reached the pinnacle of this media post, at what pick does Alastor Hazbin get taken? My argument is that he has the heart, the passion, the drive, the willingness and the leadership capabilities to go first overall, but the skill to lose a kicking contest in a Junior Varsity kicking competition. I put him going to the Tijuana Luchadores in the 3rd round because they have literally no other options.
I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO MENTION THAT THIS POST IS MOSTLY SATIRE. MOSTLY.