Yesterday's super bowl had me thinking about this year's Ultimus. Usually, championship games are played in warmer area like Florida, Los Angeles, and Miami. But I think it's finally time for a change. I do not think anyone would want to play in the snow or rain during super bowl/ultimus week though so I did keep that in mind when brainstorming a place. The location of this year's Ultimus should be at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. Yup, underwater but not like in the water. There should be like a glass thing built that keeps the players and field dry kind of like Sandy's house from Spongebob. This will be like nothing ever seen before in the history of sports and television. Imagine getting to see Big Edd win his first Ultimus while seeing a great white shark eating a whale all at the same time. The media would get to have so many chances to take great pictures that will for sure be saved forever. The players will be the first ever to say "I won an Ultimus under the sea". As for the halftime show, I think there is only one viable answer: Spongebob spongebob and more spongebob. The NFL failed us once again by not displaying a Spongebob lead concert at Halftime, but fear not no more there will for sure be Spongebob at this championship game.
Yesterday’s super bowl was held at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida. It serves as the home of the USF Bulls, and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The Buccaneers managed to get to the super bowl, creating a minor hiccup for Kansas City as they got smacked 31-9 on opposing soil. Some could say that Tampa being at home gave them a small advantage, though having a ferocious pass rush probably gave them a bigger one. Because of this problem, I think an Ultimus or Ultimini should be held where there is no team, so it is a 100% guaranteed neutral site. That’s why in my opinion, the best place to host an Ultimus or Ultimini would be in Hawaii at Aloha Stadium. The previous home of the NFL’s Pro Bowl, it’s a perfect venue for a championship game for a number of reasons. Hawaii is a beautiful place, and a tourist hotspot. It has countless hotels that can house guests, and a rich culture and history that visitors would be sure to enjoy. Hawaii might raise some problems as well however. It is a rather small island that is inconvenient for a lot of people to get to, and Aloha Stadium has a rather small capacity at only 50,000 people. Nonetheless, I believe it would be a very good location for a championship game. The halftime show for the game would be spectacular, and include a lot of Hawaii’s culture, with Hula dancers, and Hawaiian music all over the place. You could even gift the winning team with Leis afterwards! That’s why I think that Hawaii is a fantastic place to host a Championship Game.
Aside from selfishly picking my hometown locations of Chicago and/or London for the Ultimus and Ultimini host sites, i think it makes the most sense to choose a destination that is relatively centralized. For all we know, all other sports leagues have collapsed by 2040, so I'll try to keep my preferred destinations to in-universe stadiums.
For the Ultimini, there are six teams in the DSFL located within or close to the United States. Let us first accept that the two international teams, London and Bondi Beach, are going to have to travel a long distance regardless of where the game is located. (Yes, I know Tijuana is international, but for the purposes of travel it's easier to lump them in with the other five DSFL teams.) The central meeting point for these teams is some random town in Kansas, so it only makes sense to have the Ultimini in ... Colorado! (Sorry KC, you aren't getting to host the Ultimini.)
Doing a similar exercise for the ISFL and assuming Yellowknife, Berlin, and Honolulu are not factored into our travel calculations, Kansas City becomes a very natural place to host the Ultimus. This seems like the most fair way to decide the hosts of our big games each year--assuming that they are sharing their profts with the rest of the league of course.
Given how the past year has gone I've decided the ultimus should be held somewhere awesome, somewhere safe and most importantly somewhere nice and warm.
So I think we should take it straight to fight island, that's right, it worked for the UFC why not make it work for the ultimus. Players would be able to enjoy sandy beaches in luxury and be able to play in a lovely location. Everyone could be nice and safe and make a ton of money while they are at it. For halftime we can have my grandma play a kazoo while we bring in a bear with boxing gloves affixed on top of his paws, we could then see if any fans in the stadium would be willing to fight said bear for cash prizes, or better yet they could fight the bear for a chance to return a kick in the second half. After they sign dozens of waivers that assure we are in no way liable for bear or football related injuries of course.
When the bear fight finishes we make sure to give the bear a reward of whatever the bear wants, as it is a bear and is capable of hurting us fleshier weaker beings.
Then maybe we could maybe have a mini football game where we give someone a football and they try to score a touchdown on the bear.
It may not be the biggest halftime show ever, but you better believe nobody would ever forget it.
The ISFL has followed the path of a more famous, three dimensional football league by putting a development team in London. Though the DSFL team is doing much better than the now defunct NFL Europe team, it is clear that management knows that there is an appetite for football across the Atlantic. While that flesh football league is messing about putting one or two regular season games in London a season, I think the ISFL should blaze a trail on this one and and host the Ultimus there. The Royals have built close ties with a number of ISFL franchises, a few of which look to have good chances of making the Ultimus this year, so the fan interest would be huge. The main route to Wembley stadium is usually decorated with huge artworks of the teams on the walls next to the paths, building anticipation as soon as you get close to it. Giant flags, dancers, drone shows, I've seen them done in the past at Wembley, and we should put them all on the the pregame and halftime shows. As for halftime acts, take your pick. I'm pretty sure we could get Oasis to reform for a show like this, maybe Black Sabbath? Elton John wouldn't be my choice but might fit the tastes of HO better. As part of the Ultimus festivities, we should also ceremonially return James Corden to the UK, where he can be used as Ultimus entertainment... by loading him into a giant catapult and firing him into the sea.
The ultimus should be held on a massive aircraft carrier. All the planes are moved off of the aircraft carrier which leaves a massive field on top of the carrier. Around the ship are smaller ships loaded with fans and staff. A giant plane known as "The ref plane" flies over the aircraft carrier watching for penalties. If a penalty is committed the ref plane shoots out a massive yellow flag. Players need to know how to swim as they can fall off the sides of the carrier. Because of this, rescue crews are always on the surrounding area of the ship ready to pick up people and give them a fresh uniform. The field is also concrete so that may cause more injuries than a normal game. Because of that, a medical helicopter comes and airlifts injured players out of the field and onto a medical boat. The ship would be a very different experience which I think would be fun. Only the most skilled and willed players will succeed in this ultimate stadium. After the game the losing team would have to walk the plank. The winning team will enjoy mediocre food from inside the ships cafeteria and go to the trophy ceremony where the battleships will shoot out "fireworks" (Bombs) as the winning team celebrates on the front of the ship.