Ask this grizzled and chiseled lineman anything!
First up to bat, we have some questions from Frazzle, my teammate in Austin.
How does it feel to be a Frankenstein Karaoke legend?
What my good friend Frazzle is referring to here is a video I sent him of an evening I spent in his lovely native country of Scotland, which I visited a little over a year ago. One night in the capitol city, Edinburgh, we happened upon a bar that was completely and totally Frankenstein themed. Which was cool, but also slightly terrifying. A grumpy man who smelled like old cigarettes was also at this bar, setting up for karaoke! “Not a snowball’s chance in hell I’m doing karaoke in a foreign country”, I thought. However, after drinking about 4 beers in 25 minutes, I found the liquid courage to stumble to the stage and fumble my way through a rendition of Mr. Brightside. Good thing a family member of mine filmed it, because I genuinely do not really remember doing it. Anyways, Frazzle has now seen the video of it and it’s embarrassing.
Will you be showing off your singing talents more in Austin now you've re-signed?
Frazzle you’ve seen the damn video, you know that’s a bad idea. I really like Austin, and would very much like to not be kicked out. I hope you understand.
Who is more sus @Buttersqauch101 or @Jackets28?
This is a tough question, as it would imply Starboy is ever sus at all. Could never be sus on Star. Butters, on the other hand, is literally always sus to the point where it breaks the meta of the game on a grand scale. It’s Schrodinger’s Sus, Butters is either one hundred percent sus, or not sus at all, based on quantum observations or some shit I don’t know.
Next up we got my boy z0rem, defensive lineman for the Kansas City Coyotes.
What's your player pre-game tradition?
I think if my player had a pre-game tradition, it would be eating a whole large pizza and hitting the whiskey flask about four or five times before taking the field. He’s a bit of a mess. But he gets the job done!
Does he have Pets? If yes, what kinds?
My player doesn’t have any pets, because he is wildly irresponsible and volatile. If he did, it would probably be like a gold fish or a turtle or something, something easy to take care of. I imagine he really wants an exotic pet like a cheetah or a condor, but that’s illegal, and his apartment in Austin is realistically only big enough to house like a ferret or a comically large sewer rat.
What is an obscure sport that needs a sim?
Not really obscure, but I really like extreme sports like motocross and BMX and stuff, so a sim where you would like spend TPE on conditioning and learning new tricks and creativity and stuff would be cool, then you would have competitions and stuff and the X Games would be like the Ultimus. Only issue is that it’s really not a team sport, so you lose that really cool aspect of being on a team with other people. Other than that, I don’t really know any obscure sports unfortunately.
Will you write a song about your player and perform it one stream? If no, why not?
Yes, but I would need to find someone to sing it, and that’d be kinda hard to do over stream. Plus, it would be hard to make it not completely cringey and out of place, people watch the streams for dot football, not some random guy’s half-assed song about his middle-earning offensive lineman lol. Maybe on one of those exhibition games? Only if other people do it too though.
If not your player or even if you say yes. What about a song about the isfl?
Someone has actually already done this, and it is glorious and cannot be topped!! I can’t find the link right now, but it’s essentially singing over the “waiting all day for sunday night” theme from the NFL, but it’s “waiting all day for ISFL”. It’s perfect and amazing and there’s no way I or anyone else could ever come close to it’s perfection and grace.
When you do it all again what will he your next player?
I think I want my next player to be another relatively low-stress position. Offensive line has been great so far, but with the new sim, bots are now better than humans that are under 550 TPE. It’s great that it provides incentive for linemen to earn more to get up to and past that level, but at the same time, it ain’t easy. Anyways, I’d probably go with something that would fit with my projected earning at the time. So who knows, we’ll have to see where I’m at when it happens!
Favorite moment in a locker room?
There are so many great moments in the locker rooms I have been in, so it’s really super hard to find just one. Actually, I am kind of glad I am answering this question right now, because just a few days ago, Kansas City won the Conference Championship and are going to the Ultimini! So, that night in the locker room, after the game was over and we had won, that was an incredibly special moment. We went from one and thirteen last season, starting two and seven this season, to making the final championship game. Everyone worked their asses off and did not give up, so seeing all of that hard work pay off in the end was incredibly cathartic and exciting. The locker room lit up, and the afterglow is something I am still feeling today.
If you had to pick a catch phrase your player said after a touchdown (if he ever gets one). What would it be?
SOMEBODY HOLD MY BEEEEEERRRRR!!!!!!!!!
Can you describe your players celebration dance after he wins an ultimus?
Without a doubt, my guy would waltz up to the first row of the stands and chug every beer offered to him until he puked or passed out. I reckon he’d make it about seventeen.
Thanks so much for the questions! Ready for grading. 1,035 words.
First up to bat, we have some questions from Frazzle, my teammate in Austin.
How does it feel to be a Frankenstein Karaoke legend?
What my good friend Frazzle is referring to here is a video I sent him of an evening I spent in his lovely native country of Scotland, which I visited a little over a year ago. One night in the capitol city, Edinburgh, we happened upon a bar that was completely and totally Frankenstein themed. Which was cool, but also slightly terrifying. A grumpy man who smelled like old cigarettes was also at this bar, setting up for karaoke! “Not a snowball’s chance in hell I’m doing karaoke in a foreign country”, I thought. However, after drinking about 4 beers in 25 minutes, I found the liquid courage to stumble to the stage and fumble my way through a rendition of Mr. Brightside. Good thing a family member of mine filmed it, because I genuinely do not really remember doing it. Anyways, Frazzle has now seen the video of it and it’s embarrassing.
Will you be showing off your singing talents more in Austin now you've re-signed?
Frazzle you’ve seen the damn video, you know that’s a bad idea. I really like Austin, and would very much like to not be kicked out. I hope you understand.
Who is more sus @Buttersqauch101 or @Jackets28?
This is a tough question, as it would imply Starboy is ever sus at all. Could never be sus on Star. Butters, on the other hand, is literally always sus to the point where it breaks the meta of the game on a grand scale. It’s Schrodinger’s Sus, Butters is either one hundred percent sus, or not sus at all, based on quantum observations or some shit I don’t know.
Next up we got my boy z0rem, defensive lineman for the Kansas City Coyotes.
What's your player pre-game tradition?
I think if my player had a pre-game tradition, it would be eating a whole large pizza and hitting the whiskey flask about four or five times before taking the field. He’s a bit of a mess. But he gets the job done!
Does he have Pets? If yes, what kinds?
My player doesn’t have any pets, because he is wildly irresponsible and volatile. If he did, it would probably be like a gold fish or a turtle or something, something easy to take care of. I imagine he really wants an exotic pet like a cheetah or a condor, but that’s illegal, and his apartment in Austin is realistically only big enough to house like a ferret or a comically large sewer rat.
What is an obscure sport that needs a sim?
Not really obscure, but I really like extreme sports like motocross and BMX and stuff, so a sim where you would like spend TPE on conditioning and learning new tricks and creativity and stuff would be cool, then you would have competitions and stuff and the X Games would be like the Ultimus. Only issue is that it’s really not a team sport, so you lose that really cool aspect of being on a team with other people. Other than that, I don’t really know any obscure sports unfortunately.
Will you write a song about your player and perform it one stream? If no, why not?
Yes, but I would need to find someone to sing it, and that’d be kinda hard to do over stream. Plus, it would be hard to make it not completely cringey and out of place, people watch the streams for dot football, not some random guy’s half-assed song about his middle-earning offensive lineman lol. Maybe on one of those exhibition games? Only if other people do it too though.
If not your player or even if you say yes. What about a song about the isfl?
Someone has actually already done this, and it is glorious and cannot be topped!! I can’t find the link right now, but it’s essentially singing over the “waiting all day for sunday night” theme from the NFL, but it’s “waiting all day for ISFL”. It’s perfect and amazing and there’s no way I or anyone else could ever come close to it’s perfection and grace.
When you do it all again what will he your next player?
I think I want my next player to be another relatively low-stress position. Offensive line has been great so far, but with the new sim, bots are now better than humans that are under 550 TPE. It’s great that it provides incentive for linemen to earn more to get up to and past that level, but at the same time, it ain’t easy. Anyways, I’d probably go with something that would fit with my projected earning at the time. So who knows, we’ll have to see where I’m at when it happens!
Favorite moment in a locker room?
There are so many great moments in the locker rooms I have been in, so it’s really super hard to find just one. Actually, I am kind of glad I am answering this question right now, because just a few days ago, Kansas City won the Conference Championship and are going to the Ultimini! So, that night in the locker room, after the game was over and we had won, that was an incredibly special moment. We went from one and thirteen last season, starting two and seven this season, to making the final championship game. Everyone worked their asses off and did not give up, so seeing all of that hard work pay off in the end was incredibly cathartic and exciting. The locker room lit up, and the afterglow is something I am still feeling today.
If you had to pick a catch phrase your player said after a touchdown (if he ever gets one). What would it be?
SOMEBODY HOLD MY BEEEEEERRRRR!!!!!!!!!
Can you describe your players celebration dance after he wins an ultimus?
Without a doubt, my guy would waltz up to the first row of the stands and chug every beer offered to him until he puked or passed out. I reckon he’d make it about seventeen.
Thanks so much for the questions! Ready for grading. 1,035 words.
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