What kind of idiot spends several hours setting up a completely nonsensical formula to rank incoming prospects, analyses ISFL team needs for the upcoming season, and then realizes halfway through his mock that the draft already happened yesterday?
But wait…that’s not all…
In case you haven’t narrowed it down yet, this idiot also somehow didn’t save about 90% of the work that he did so now all he’s left with is his mock list, with no additional commentary or anaylsis?
Honky Tonk Haywood, baby!
Well I’m not just gonna let that sweet sweet 1.5 times draft day media go straight out the window, so below is a presentation of a completely useless draft guide for a draft that already happened. Featuring a mock that may or may not even be authentic since you’ll just have to trust I didn’t look at the results before posting. What fun, right?
Using Honky Tonk Haywood’s patented THICC system of prospect evaluation, and cross referenced with general team needs, your boi created a mock of the first two rounds. The results are below and were legitimately done before the draft. Not like it matters since it wasn’t all that accurate, no one cares, and the draft was a while ago now, but here you are:
First Round Mock:
1st pick (Baltomore Hawks) – Luke Quick, WR
2nd pick (Baltimore Hawks) – Busch Goose, RB
3rd pick (Orange County Otters) – Sam the Onion Man, WR
4th pick (Philadelphia Liberty) – Anton Bruckner, CB
5th pick (Berlin Fire Salamanders) – Xavier Walls, LB
6th pick (New York Silverbacks) – Glenn Smart, DE
7th pick (San Jose Sabercats) – Juno Hu, CB
8th pick (Yellowknife Wraiths) – Prof. Godfrey Gravity, DT
9th pick (Arizona Outlaws) – Mongo, DE
10th pick (Chicago Butchers) – Saleem Spence, WR
11th pick (Colorado Yeti) – Manhattan Project, RB
12th pick (Honolulu Hahalua) – Bayley Cowabunga, WR
13th pick (New Orleans Second Line) – Daniel O’Leary, DT
14th pick (Sarasota Sailfish) – Romulus Roman, RB
Second Round Mock:
15th pick (Philadelphia Liberty) – Tim Soulja, WR
16th pick (Austin Copperheads) – Dexter Hall, LB
17th pick (Orange County Otters) – Dexter Zaylren, QB
18th pick (Baltimore Hawks) – Bender Rodriguez, TE
19th pick (Berlin Fire Salamanders) – Cade Williams, OL
20th pick (New Orleans Second Line) – Stumpy Jones, OL
21st pick (Baltimore Hawks) – Chunt the Badger, WR
22nd pick (Yellowknife Wraiths) – Amy Wong, CB
23rd pick (Orange County Otters) – Raeni Clarke, QB
24th pick (Chicago Butchers) – Erik Gaare, RB
25th pick (Colorado Yeti) – Remus Roman, S
26th pick (Honolulu Hahalua) – Andrew Warthol, DE
27th pick (New Orleans Second Line) – Logan Anderson, DE
28th pick (Sarasota Sailfish) – Cole Maxwell, S
The Good:
The mock nailed the Quick and Goose selections, though those were mocked by just about all pundits in that exact order, so nothing special there. The mock also got Juno Ho at 7 and Manhattan Project at 11. Perhaps the most impressive result was the mock predicting the order of Bruckner-Walls-Smart, with the only difference being the trio was selected starting at pick three, rather than at pick four. That’s impressive. The mock was also only 1 or 2-off on draft slot for a bunch of second round picks, which I think is rather impressive as well. That list includes Romulus Roman, drafted 15th, mocked at 14, as well as Bender Rodrigues (17/18), Erik Gaare (22/24) and Stumpy Jones (18/20).
The Bad:
Without going into team locker rooms and getting a feel for the team, it’s tough to judge exactly what teams are looking for. So with that said, let’s look at my big swings and misses. The mock had Saleem Spence as the 10th overall pick. Spence went 31st overall. That’s not good. This pick was made based on the THICC system rating of Spence, which had him as the best player available, non-quarterback. Yet the 2nd WR taken off the board wasn’t until 14, and was a WR that the THICC system had rated much lower. The mock also had Dan O’Leary as a first round talent based mostly off positional scarcity and team needs. O’Leary was the 30th overall pick. Well only 1 DT was taken in the first round, and then 3 total through 50 picks. Having 2 DTs in the first round was a mistake for sure. Another miss was Andrew Warthol, who was mocked at 26th, but was off the board at 8. Defensive ends were in short supply and high demand. Looks like I mixed up the value for DTs with DEs. Another miss worth mentioning is Makoa Mah’ai, a tight end. He was taken at 21, but unmocked. Let’s just pretend I had him mocked at 29 tho, so not a huge miss. Just another example of me not looking enough into a position, this one being tight end. It was either this guy or Rodriguez at the position, or nothing. Not a surprise he was a second rounder.
The Ugly:
Sam the Onion Man was taken 23rd, but mocked and rated by THICC as a top-5 pick. The Otters did take this guy, as the mock had them doing, but the management team in Orange County clearly played their cards better. They were able to address two other team needs with Bruckner at 3 and Rodriguez at 17 before taking Onion Man at 23. THICC had Onion Man rated a hair behind Quick as the top WR, yet two additional WRs were taken before him in the draft. That is not a good look. The other massive miss is Troy Abed going 9th overall to Berlin. This player was left unmocked and un-THICC’d. The mock had two quarterbacks, Zaylren and Clarke, in its mock and taken in the second round (which was accurate), but completely missed the boat on a 1st round pick. I feel shame.
So that’s my mock and draft analysis. I’d say, considering my lack of knowledge about what goes on in team locker rooms, in management, and the rest of the league in general, I put together a pretty decent mock. Now all that’s left is to START ALL OVER AGAIN FOR NEXT YEAR SINCE I LOST ALL MY SHIT. But no use crying over spilt analytics.
Good luck to all the season 28 draft picks and especially to my Philly brethren. Looking forward to another fun year!
(1,042 words)
But wait…that’s not all…
In case you haven’t narrowed it down yet, this idiot also somehow didn’t save about 90% of the work that he did so now all he’s left with is his mock list, with no additional commentary or anaylsis?
Honky Tonk Haywood, baby!
Well I’m not just gonna let that sweet sweet 1.5 times draft day media go straight out the window, so below is a presentation of a completely useless draft guide for a draft that already happened. Featuring a mock that may or may not even be authentic since you’ll just have to trust I didn’t look at the results before posting. What fun, right?
Using Honky Tonk Haywood’s patented THICC system of prospect evaluation, and cross referenced with general team needs, your boi created a mock of the first two rounds. The results are below and were legitimately done before the draft. Not like it matters since it wasn’t all that accurate, no one cares, and the draft was a while ago now, but here you are:
First Round Mock:
1st pick (Baltomore Hawks) – Luke Quick, WR
2nd pick (Baltimore Hawks) – Busch Goose, RB
3rd pick (Orange County Otters) – Sam the Onion Man, WR
4th pick (Philadelphia Liberty) – Anton Bruckner, CB
5th pick (Berlin Fire Salamanders) – Xavier Walls, LB
6th pick (New York Silverbacks) – Glenn Smart, DE
7th pick (San Jose Sabercats) – Juno Hu, CB
8th pick (Yellowknife Wraiths) – Prof. Godfrey Gravity, DT
9th pick (Arizona Outlaws) – Mongo, DE
10th pick (Chicago Butchers) – Saleem Spence, WR
11th pick (Colorado Yeti) – Manhattan Project, RB
12th pick (Honolulu Hahalua) – Bayley Cowabunga, WR
13th pick (New Orleans Second Line) – Daniel O’Leary, DT
14th pick (Sarasota Sailfish) – Romulus Roman, RB
Second Round Mock:
15th pick (Philadelphia Liberty) – Tim Soulja, WR
16th pick (Austin Copperheads) – Dexter Hall, LB
17th pick (Orange County Otters) – Dexter Zaylren, QB
18th pick (Baltimore Hawks) – Bender Rodriguez, TE
19th pick (Berlin Fire Salamanders) – Cade Williams, OL
20th pick (New Orleans Second Line) – Stumpy Jones, OL
21st pick (Baltimore Hawks) – Chunt the Badger, WR
22nd pick (Yellowknife Wraiths) – Amy Wong, CB
23rd pick (Orange County Otters) – Raeni Clarke, QB
24th pick (Chicago Butchers) – Erik Gaare, RB
25th pick (Colorado Yeti) – Remus Roman, S
26th pick (Honolulu Hahalua) – Andrew Warthol, DE
27th pick (New Orleans Second Line) – Logan Anderson, DE
28th pick (Sarasota Sailfish) – Cole Maxwell, S
The Good:
The mock nailed the Quick and Goose selections, though those were mocked by just about all pundits in that exact order, so nothing special there. The mock also got Juno Ho at 7 and Manhattan Project at 11. Perhaps the most impressive result was the mock predicting the order of Bruckner-Walls-Smart, with the only difference being the trio was selected starting at pick three, rather than at pick four. That’s impressive. The mock was also only 1 or 2-off on draft slot for a bunch of second round picks, which I think is rather impressive as well. That list includes Romulus Roman, drafted 15th, mocked at 14, as well as Bender Rodrigues (17/18), Erik Gaare (22/24) and Stumpy Jones (18/20).
The Bad:
Without going into team locker rooms and getting a feel for the team, it’s tough to judge exactly what teams are looking for. So with that said, let’s look at my big swings and misses. The mock had Saleem Spence as the 10th overall pick. Spence went 31st overall. That’s not good. This pick was made based on the THICC system rating of Spence, which had him as the best player available, non-quarterback. Yet the 2nd WR taken off the board wasn’t until 14, and was a WR that the THICC system had rated much lower. The mock also had Dan O’Leary as a first round talent based mostly off positional scarcity and team needs. O’Leary was the 30th overall pick. Well only 1 DT was taken in the first round, and then 3 total through 50 picks. Having 2 DTs in the first round was a mistake for sure. Another miss was Andrew Warthol, who was mocked at 26th, but was off the board at 8. Defensive ends were in short supply and high demand. Looks like I mixed up the value for DTs with DEs. Another miss worth mentioning is Makoa Mah’ai, a tight end. He was taken at 21, but unmocked. Let’s just pretend I had him mocked at 29 tho, so not a huge miss. Just another example of me not looking enough into a position, this one being tight end. It was either this guy or Rodriguez at the position, or nothing. Not a surprise he was a second rounder.
The Ugly:
Sam the Onion Man was taken 23rd, but mocked and rated by THICC as a top-5 pick. The Otters did take this guy, as the mock had them doing, but the management team in Orange County clearly played their cards better. They were able to address two other team needs with Bruckner at 3 and Rodriguez at 17 before taking Onion Man at 23. THICC had Onion Man rated a hair behind Quick as the top WR, yet two additional WRs were taken before him in the draft. That is not a good look. The other massive miss is Troy Abed going 9th overall to Berlin. This player was left unmocked and un-THICC’d. The mock had two quarterbacks, Zaylren and Clarke, in its mock and taken in the second round (which was accurate), but completely missed the boat on a 1st round pick. I feel shame.
So that’s my mock and draft analysis. I’d say, considering my lack of knowledge about what goes on in team locker rooms, in management, and the rest of the league in general, I put together a pretty decent mock. Now all that’s left is to START ALL OVER AGAIN FOR NEXT YEAR SINCE I LOST ALL MY SHIT. But no use crying over spilt analytics.
Good luck to all the season 28 draft picks and especially to my Philly brethren. Looking forward to another fun year!
(1,042 words)