We find ourselves in the press hall of the Concrete Jungle, with a wide collection of personalities from top networks and publications across the state of New York slowly filtering into the room. The room buzzes quietly with anticipation until seasoned general manager Peter Brand takes the stage. Rarely does this man speak publicly beyond his seasonal press conference unless he has important news to share, so the gravity of the room changes as he approaches the podium.
Brand stands at the podium silently for nearly a minute, collecting himself, before he clears his throat and directs his tired eyes to the crowd. “Thank you all for coming today,” he begins, his voice softer than usual. “I’ve been doing this eleven seasons now, and I’ve never much cared to call y’all together if I don’t feel I have to…but today, I have news for you, and I want you to hear it from me first”.
“I know there’s been talk among y’all about my public presence this past season. More and more, Z has been the partner that makes appearances and acts for the franchise. And part of that is an implicit trust I have that Z knows what to do and can handle our business just as well as I can. We just made it official behind the scenes that he would be taking the lead as general manager this season, while I settle into a more reserved role for the time being, for exactly that reason. But there is a bit more to it than that”.
Brand takes another lengthy pause as the room catches its breath, then continues, “I have to be honest with you, New York: I’m exhausted. I’ve been doing this thing for eleven seasons with three different teams. I have five championship appearances and three trophies to my name. I’ve been named the general manager of the year four separate times now. And I’ve loved every moment of all of that. But I am tired, and I have been for some time now. And I think, for me, I know that with the cast of characters I have around me, especially with Z showing as much promise as he has with this team…I finally have the courage to take some time for myself”.
“At the end of this twenty-eighth season of the International Simulation Football League, I will be stepping aside from my role as general manager of the New York Silverbacks. It has been an honor and a privilege to help build this franchise, and I am forever humbled to have been selected as part of the group tasked with laying the foundation for this league’s next great football team. But I know this team can only continue to move forward if we let fresh minds continue to guide it along this course, and that means it is time for me to take time to refresh myself and let Z and the rest of the front office carry our vision into the future.”
“At this time, I will not be fielding any questions about this decision. Thank you all for your time, and I look forward to this final season of football with y’all”.
Alright, time to drop the character and have a chat. The past week or so, I’ve found myself regularly returning to an article that @SwagSloth wrote early in my time here. At the time, he was grappling with this same difficult decision, i.e. whether to step aside from a position he loved, general manager of the Arizona Outlaws. That decision forced him to grapple with some extremely difficult concepts, but the one that always stuck with me was depression and how it shaped (and, I imagine, continues to shape) his sim league experience. At the time, he was coping well with his mental health, and hopefully he still is doing well, and this league was a meaningful coping mechanism for him, and ultimately, that helped him feel comfortable sticking around (albeit only about another season).
I, of course, am making a different decision than the one Swag made at that time, but the article still resonates with me because I’ve faced many of the same struggles as he was at that time. Like Swag, I don’t necessarily have to divulge any of this to any of you; I write this piece of my own volition, because I want to provide some perspective as to why I feel this is the right decision for me, hoping that somebody, somebody will remember this article the same way I am remembering Swag’s, and understand that we are not alone here.
Recently, through a series of conversations with friends and family, academic advisors, and mental health professionals, I’ve begun to come to terms with the fact that I am having intense struggles with generalized anxiety. The past sixth months particularly have been eye-opening, but I imagine this particular issue has quietly affected my day-to-day life for some time now, and I just had not realized it. Now, of course, stress is obviously a regular component of my life; I am a second-year law student, working through a young and at times shaky marriage, living paycheck to paycheck while struggling to find work relevant to my degree and experience, all while a global pandemic has drastically altered life as we know it. And that was always going to be tough. But for me, the journey has been tougher, and as I begin to dive into understanding my mental health, I have been able to better explain why my struggles have felt so severe.
For those of you wondering, I think I’m going to be okay. The process of coming to terms with my anxiety and the handful of other mental health concerns tied to that has been a bumpy road, for sure, but I am taking the steps I need to so that I can correct course and, hopefully, emerge better from all of this. Part of that journey is routinely seeing a new therapist, which I started doing just a couple weeks ago. Another part of that journey has been starting to take medication to mitigate the symptoms of anxiety, which I’ve been taking for about a week now. And of course, part of that has been wholly personal, making efforts to commit more energy to my marriage and to my schoolwork so that I can repair some of the damage I’ve done to those areas of my life while I struggled to admit I needed help. But one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make is how to best approach my future in this league as I work towards managing my mental health.
As many of you may have anticipated, I intend for season twenty-eight to be the final season for Bubba Thumper. This player has meant a great deal to me the past thirteen seasons, and I love the opportunity I have had to build his legacy. But, given his advanced age and rapidly dropping TPE count, it is time for one last ride into the San Antonio sunset. This retirement may be part of why it is easier for me to step aside from my role as general manager of the Silverbacks as well; while I have loved each of the past four seasons with this team (as well as my seven spent between the Marshals, Grey Ducks, and Yeti), I never intended to be a general manager forever, and while someday I may return to that role, this feels like an appropriate time for me to let fresher minds take the reins of a young and promising franchise.
While I’m here, I have some people I’d like to thank for making this journey as enjoyable as it has been.
First and foremost, thank you to Swag for inspiring this article with your work from so many seasons ago.
Of course, I next have to thank @Duilio05 and @shadyshoelace. The two of you took a chance on a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed rookie because he happened to craft some decent media, and I’ll always be thankful for the faith you had in me.
On the subject of Marshals, I want to thank @Bauer and @run_CMC, two of my oldest friends in this league. The two of you have stuck by my side my whole career, and I am grateful for the friendships we have forged.
Next, I have to thank @infinitempg, @Bwestfield, and perhaps most importantly @Frick_Nasty, for making me a Yeti. The three of you (especially you, Frick) saw what I could bring to the table perhaps before I saw it myself, and I am thankful to have learned and grown with y’all to help guide my path.
Quickly, a thank you to @124715, and to my rookie mentor team, who got me through some tough times as a member of this league. I am absolutely floored that I not only had the opportunity to serve alongside each of you, but as your leader, for the time I served as rookie mentor head.
A specific thank you to @SchwarzNarr and @IsaStarcrossed, not only for improving upon my legacy both as rookie mentor heads and as Yeti, but for your friendship generally, and especially for the time Schwarz helped me write an entire paper for school with her priceless insight.
Of course, another shout to Westy for agreeing to join me on this crazy adventure in New York; you inspired me to take this step, and I have loved every moment with you by my side.
A big thank you to not only @zaynzk, but to the entire New York war room, for making me feel not only comfortable, but confident that I can make this decision and the franchise that was my brainchild will still be a contender. Each and every one of you has helped to put my mind at ease, and I am grateful to have been able to work with you.
And finally, so much gratitude to @bex, one of my dearest friends, who has supported me through some extremely difficult times of my life. Thank you for electing to accompany me along this journey despite only having the vague understanding of football that I could give you and know that I am proud of your accomplishments with this league.
There are of course many other users I could name here; I have built some outstanding friendships during my time in this league. But I don’t want to take too much time with this, so suffice it to say that you all hold a special place in my heart.
I don’t know what the next chapter holds for me here. I do know that I am going to take some time to digest this career and to work towards self-betterment before I think too much about a recreate. I also know that I intend to return someday, because this league has meant a lot to me. But for now, I intend to finish my lame duck season, hopefully finish with an Ultimus, and then give myself a break from league activities for a bit. That said, I am far from gone; I still have a monkey to manage in the PBE, and regardless of that, I still have a Discord account.
Thank you all, and know that my door is always open.
Brand stands at the podium silently for nearly a minute, collecting himself, before he clears his throat and directs his tired eyes to the crowd. “Thank you all for coming today,” he begins, his voice softer than usual. “I’ve been doing this eleven seasons now, and I’ve never much cared to call y’all together if I don’t feel I have to…but today, I have news for you, and I want you to hear it from me first”.
“I know there’s been talk among y’all about my public presence this past season. More and more, Z has been the partner that makes appearances and acts for the franchise. And part of that is an implicit trust I have that Z knows what to do and can handle our business just as well as I can. We just made it official behind the scenes that he would be taking the lead as general manager this season, while I settle into a more reserved role for the time being, for exactly that reason. But there is a bit more to it than that”.
Brand takes another lengthy pause as the room catches its breath, then continues, “I have to be honest with you, New York: I’m exhausted. I’ve been doing this thing for eleven seasons with three different teams. I have five championship appearances and three trophies to my name. I’ve been named the general manager of the year four separate times now. And I’ve loved every moment of all of that. But I am tired, and I have been for some time now. And I think, for me, I know that with the cast of characters I have around me, especially with Z showing as much promise as he has with this team…I finally have the courage to take some time for myself”.
“At the end of this twenty-eighth season of the International Simulation Football League, I will be stepping aside from my role as general manager of the New York Silverbacks. It has been an honor and a privilege to help build this franchise, and I am forever humbled to have been selected as part of the group tasked with laying the foundation for this league’s next great football team. But I know this team can only continue to move forward if we let fresh minds continue to guide it along this course, and that means it is time for me to take time to refresh myself and let Z and the rest of the front office carry our vision into the future.”
“At this time, I will not be fielding any questions about this decision. Thank you all for your time, and I look forward to this final season of football with y’all”.
Alright, time to drop the character and have a chat. The past week or so, I’ve found myself regularly returning to an article that @SwagSloth wrote early in my time here. At the time, he was grappling with this same difficult decision, i.e. whether to step aside from a position he loved, general manager of the Arizona Outlaws. That decision forced him to grapple with some extremely difficult concepts, but the one that always stuck with me was depression and how it shaped (and, I imagine, continues to shape) his sim league experience. At the time, he was coping well with his mental health, and hopefully he still is doing well, and this league was a meaningful coping mechanism for him, and ultimately, that helped him feel comfortable sticking around (albeit only about another season).
I, of course, am making a different decision than the one Swag made at that time, but the article still resonates with me because I’ve faced many of the same struggles as he was at that time. Like Swag, I don’t necessarily have to divulge any of this to any of you; I write this piece of my own volition, because I want to provide some perspective as to why I feel this is the right decision for me, hoping that somebody, somebody will remember this article the same way I am remembering Swag’s, and understand that we are not alone here.
Recently, through a series of conversations with friends and family, academic advisors, and mental health professionals, I’ve begun to come to terms with the fact that I am having intense struggles with generalized anxiety. The past sixth months particularly have been eye-opening, but I imagine this particular issue has quietly affected my day-to-day life for some time now, and I just had not realized it. Now, of course, stress is obviously a regular component of my life; I am a second-year law student, working through a young and at times shaky marriage, living paycheck to paycheck while struggling to find work relevant to my degree and experience, all while a global pandemic has drastically altered life as we know it. And that was always going to be tough. But for me, the journey has been tougher, and as I begin to dive into understanding my mental health, I have been able to better explain why my struggles have felt so severe.
For those of you wondering, I think I’m going to be okay. The process of coming to terms with my anxiety and the handful of other mental health concerns tied to that has been a bumpy road, for sure, but I am taking the steps I need to so that I can correct course and, hopefully, emerge better from all of this. Part of that journey is routinely seeing a new therapist, which I started doing just a couple weeks ago. Another part of that journey has been starting to take medication to mitigate the symptoms of anxiety, which I’ve been taking for about a week now. And of course, part of that has been wholly personal, making efforts to commit more energy to my marriage and to my schoolwork so that I can repair some of the damage I’ve done to those areas of my life while I struggled to admit I needed help. But one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make is how to best approach my future in this league as I work towards managing my mental health.
As many of you may have anticipated, I intend for season twenty-eight to be the final season for Bubba Thumper. This player has meant a great deal to me the past thirteen seasons, and I love the opportunity I have had to build his legacy. But, given his advanced age and rapidly dropping TPE count, it is time for one last ride into the San Antonio sunset. This retirement may be part of why it is easier for me to step aside from my role as general manager of the Silverbacks as well; while I have loved each of the past four seasons with this team (as well as my seven spent between the Marshals, Grey Ducks, and Yeti), I never intended to be a general manager forever, and while someday I may return to that role, this feels like an appropriate time for me to let fresher minds take the reins of a young and promising franchise.
While I’m here, I have some people I’d like to thank for making this journey as enjoyable as it has been.
First and foremost, thank you to Swag for inspiring this article with your work from so many seasons ago.
Of course, I next have to thank @Duilio05 and @shadyshoelace. The two of you took a chance on a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed rookie because he happened to craft some decent media, and I’ll always be thankful for the faith you had in me.
On the subject of Marshals, I want to thank @Bauer and @run_CMC, two of my oldest friends in this league. The two of you have stuck by my side my whole career, and I am grateful for the friendships we have forged.
Next, I have to thank @infinitempg, @Bwestfield, and perhaps most importantly @Frick_Nasty, for making me a Yeti. The three of you (especially you, Frick) saw what I could bring to the table perhaps before I saw it myself, and I am thankful to have learned and grown with y’all to help guide my path.
Quickly, a thank you to @124715, and to my rookie mentor team, who got me through some tough times as a member of this league. I am absolutely floored that I not only had the opportunity to serve alongside each of you, but as your leader, for the time I served as rookie mentor head.
A specific thank you to @SchwarzNarr and @IsaStarcrossed, not only for improving upon my legacy both as rookie mentor heads and as Yeti, but for your friendship generally, and especially for the time Schwarz helped me write an entire paper for school with her priceless insight.
Of course, another shout to Westy for agreeing to join me on this crazy adventure in New York; you inspired me to take this step, and I have loved every moment with you by my side.
A big thank you to not only @zaynzk, but to the entire New York war room, for making me feel not only comfortable, but confident that I can make this decision and the franchise that was my brainchild will still be a contender. Each and every one of you has helped to put my mind at ease, and I am grateful to have been able to work with you.
And finally, so much gratitude to @bex, one of my dearest friends, who has supported me through some extremely difficult times of my life. Thank you for electing to accompany me along this journey despite only having the vague understanding of football that I could give you and know that I am proud of your accomplishments with this league.
There are of course many other users I could name here; I have built some outstanding friendships during my time in this league. But I don’t want to take too much time with this, so suffice it to say that you all hold a special place in my heart.
I don’t know what the next chapter holds for me here. I do know that I am going to take some time to digest this career and to work towards self-betterment before I think too much about a recreate. I also know that I intend to return someday, because this league has meant a lot to me. But for now, I intend to finish my lame duck season, hopefully finish with an Ultimus, and then give myself a break from league activities for a bit. That said, I am far from gone; I still have a monkey to manage in the PBE, and regardless of that, I still have a Discord account.
Thank you all, and know that my door is always open.