Gieb 1.5x monies.
--------------------------------------------------------
Juno Hu's rookie and sophomore seasons in the ISFL are in the books. Hu's rookie season takes the number one spot in Pro Football Focals' "Lowest Passes Defensed Rate Per Snap", with a whopping 1 PD across 16 games, a incredibly difficult accomplishment and thus extremely prestigious award.
For those following Hu over the past two seasons, you may know of the dozens of law enforcement encounters and courtroom litigations, for incidents including but not limited to substance abuse and addiction, illegal solicitations, debt settlements, fraud, and the many instances of kneeling during games [on the sidelines when San Jose's offense is on the field], which are speculated by many to have been the main factors negatively impacting his performance on the field.
But we are here to report good news today! Halfway through the S29 season, Hu seemed to finally be able to recognize the path of self-destruction he was heading down and quietly checked himself into a mental healthcare facility, where he has been working hard to turn his life around. Earlier this morning at Kelley Park, Hu held a press conference unveiling his new project.
A transcript of his announcement can be found below:
Welcome folks, one and all! Thank you for coming out today despite the heavy rain, thunder, cold, and difficult timeslot of 4:20 AM. By doing so, you have already demonstrated a level of determination, commitment, and grit that I hope to be able to impart onto greater humanity. Give yourselves a round of applause!
I have gathered you all here today to unveil my newest project, Hu Cares, a non-profit, crowdfunded charitable foundation dedicated to the betterment of society. My mission with this new establishment is to work with various parties and partners all around the world to tackle many of the most difficult problems afflicting society. Poverty? Public health? Public education? Domestic abuse? Disease and cancer? Desertification and climate change? Social and judicial injustices? Labor exploitations? Hu Cares!
We are already preparing to put into action a multitude of plans to improve the well-being of people and overall quality of life in this world. We will work to ensure that social injustices are more evenly distributed amongst all demographics. We will push for changes to the federal minimum wage as to make US-based manufacturing jobs and other dangerous, labor-intensive jobs more competitive and financially viable as to lower the rate of outsourcing of these very important jobs. Children in other countries are actively honing their skills in factories, fields, mines, etc. By the time they enter the workforce as adults, they are able to bring over a decade of work experience to entry level jobs! It's no wonder the current generation of young adults find it incredibly difficult to find work.
Thus, we must revisit the old question, "is our children learning?" and work to get the "Re-Educate America" bill passed and into action, which is a plan to reform the very corrupt and provenly ineffective Department of Education. The plan will also overhaul our very outdated national curriculum, replacing millenia-old teaching techniques with much more modern techniques, formulated by the many advancements in the fields of neuroscience, psychology, and sociology. These new techniques are theorized to be much more effective in instilling disciplinary lessons into our youth. And these re-educational efforts will not be limited to just our youth. They will also be the main driving force behind the reunification of this very divided country. We even have plans to build re-education camps for adults, should we run into difficulties with capacity.
Moving onto climate change, we will be acquiring territory in what we think will be prime real estate in various locations such as Greenland, Russia, Canada, and Alaska in anticipation of mass exoduses caused by climate change to be able to accomodate refu---erm, residents, if worst comes to worst and people are forced to migrate away from the equator. In areas of increasingly hot climates, we will make efforts to equip as many buildings as possible with air conditioning units to reduce heat-related injuries and deaths, especially the elderly and decrepit. We will help fund and complete mega projects such as the "Solar Umbrella" in Phoenix, Arizona, which is a giant solar panel array that will cover the entire city, acting as both its main source of power generation, and a giant Sun umbrella to shade the city. We will build aqueducts going into the drier, drought-stricken regions of this country to facilitate their growth and hopefully alleviate their water shortage struggles.
Public health has been a big talking point in this country for decades now, and our plan to bring universal healthcare to all is to work with all the various health insurance companies to coagulate into a singular entity, requiring its membership by law. This will allow the entire American populace to collectively pool all of our insurance money together, maximizing its effectiveness and ultimately reducing the operating costs of healthcare. With the reduced costs, people will be able to live as long as humanly possible, with additional hopes of greatly reducing, or even eliminating, suicides caused by extreme medical debt.
Following the demonstrated widespread success of medical cannabis, we will push to reopen the conversation of reanalyzing other potentially miscategorized substances, and, if there are medical uses, help to develop new or even over-the-counter remedies. This may also open up many new industries and thus avenues of tax income which would help relieve our ever increasing national debt, increase the general happiness of the public, and reduce our absurdly high incarceration rates. We will also aim to position ourselves in the supply chain to be able to help as many people receive their medicine as possible.
We will join forces with the noble National Security Agency to develop new technologies to assist in the very difficult efforts of making America safer. We then hope to be able to implement as many of these new technologies as possible into the public domain, such as Macrosoft's new line of operating systems, "Doors XD", and Apple's new product line, "iSpy", among many other consumer level electronics such as the various wifi-equipped gadgets and appliances present in all of our homes. We wish to bring about our utopian vision of the future. A future where, with the help of artificial intelligence, our homes will automatically be able to order products and services and have delivered to our doorstep before we even know that we want or need them. For those that are handicapped or otherwise physically challenged, we hope to further optimize the global supply chain to deliver products directly into your hands, or, with products such as foods, drinks, and medicines, even directly into your mouths or other various orifices or delivery methods such as injection (with consent, of course), no matter where you may be. We also hope these new technologies will help to resolve missing persons cases, or even minimize the prospect of people from going missing in the first place.
I have also heard concerns from a very small but vocal minority regarding the name of our city and that it is un-American, and that we should change the name of our city to "Sand Hoes Say", which should help curb mispronunciations. I fully agree with these concerns and hope to see it happen.
As for poverty, our efforts have already shown to be incredibly effective, most notably when we started pushing to change the very ways in which we measure poverty.
Football has made me who I am today, and has opened a multitude of doors for me throughout life, and even kept many doors open that should have probably been closed long ago. It has been an incredible privilege, and I wish for our future youth to be able to have these same opportunities. Thus, Hu Cares will also open as many football camps as possible. These camps will primarily be aimed at children ages 3 to 13. Through hours and hours of intense hitting drills, we will teach the next generation of football players how to inflict maximum pain when hitting your opponents, while also avoiding unsportsmanlike conduct penalties. Good, clean play is our focus!
I hope you all can appreciate the nobility of these efforts, and that you will join me, or at the very least spread word of our efforts. The more people we have on board, the more effective we can be. And we will not stop our efforts until we are all equal in worth! Numerous parties have already offered financial support, even members of Nigerian royalty, which came as a very welcome surprise. We are still a small group, but in time, we will be expanding our operations globally.
If you personally wish to help, please visit our website at www.hu-cares.org. Front and center are easy payment options, as we take currency of any kind (except fake currency of course), including of course cryptocurrencies and even stocks, especially GME/AMC. Other accepted forms of payment include direct bank transfers, checks, money orders, gold, raw denominations sent via mail, property and land deeds, ammunition, rare earth metals, and more!
Our phone lines, if I understand correctly, should be up later today, enabling anyone to contact us via phone at (404) HU-CARES. We anticipate with this announcement that we will be experiencing extremely high call volumes perpetually, so please be patient with us. Long wait times may persist until we are able to complete the expansion of our support center's capabilities. Your interest is very important to us.
On that note, we are hiring! You may send your resumes to jobs@hu-cares.org. Any and all levels of qualification will be considered, as we will have positions of need in thousands of sectors, so don't be afraid or feel like you don't have the qualifications to join our ranks! All you need is the aforementioned determination, commitment, and grit! Internship programs will be available as well, aiming to develop marketable skills so that upward mobility, and of course pay, is more possible in one's future.
Thank you all for your time and attention, and again, I greatly appreciate you all for being here today. Unfortunately, I will not be able to answer questions at this time, as I am already very late for multiple obligations. My business card will be provided to all in attendance, allowing you to take me out to lunch where I can then answer all of the various questions you might have. Have yourselves a wonderful day!
We are very happy to hear that Juno has started to turn his life around, and applaud his efforts. We wish him the best of luck going into S30. Hopefully his improved health and life reformation will lead to quality play and a breakout season!
--------------------------------------------------------
Juno Hu's rookie and sophomore seasons in the ISFL are in the books. Hu's rookie season takes the number one spot in Pro Football Focals' "Lowest Passes Defensed Rate Per Snap", with a whopping 1 PD across 16 games, a incredibly difficult accomplishment and thus extremely prestigious award.
For those following Hu over the past two seasons, you may know of the dozens of law enforcement encounters and courtroom litigations, for incidents including but not limited to substance abuse and addiction, illegal solicitations, debt settlements, fraud, and the many instances of kneeling during games [on the sidelines when San Jose's offense is on the field], which are speculated by many to have been the main factors negatively impacting his performance on the field.
But we are here to report good news today! Halfway through the S29 season, Hu seemed to finally be able to recognize the path of self-destruction he was heading down and quietly checked himself into a mental healthcare facility, where he has been working hard to turn his life around. Earlier this morning at Kelley Park, Hu held a press conference unveiling his new project.
A transcript of his announcement can be found below:
Welcome folks, one and all! Thank you for coming out today despite the heavy rain, thunder, cold, and difficult timeslot of 4:20 AM. By doing so, you have already demonstrated a level of determination, commitment, and grit that I hope to be able to impart onto greater humanity. Give yourselves a round of applause!
I have gathered you all here today to unveil my newest project, Hu Cares, a non-profit, crowdfunded charitable foundation dedicated to the betterment of society. My mission with this new establishment is to work with various parties and partners all around the world to tackle many of the most difficult problems afflicting society. Poverty? Public health? Public education? Domestic abuse? Disease and cancer? Desertification and climate change? Social and judicial injustices? Labor exploitations? Hu Cares!
We are already preparing to put into action a multitude of plans to improve the well-being of people and overall quality of life in this world. We will work to ensure that social injustices are more evenly distributed amongst all demographics. We will push for changes to the federal minimum wage as to make US-based manufacturing jobs and other dangerous, labor-intensive jobs more competitive and financially viable as to lower the rate of outsourcing of these very important jobs. Children in other countries are actively honing their skills in factories, fields, mines, etc. By the time they enter the workforce as adults, they are able to bring over a decade of work experience to entry level jobs! It's no wonder the current generation of young adults find it incredibly difficult to find work.
Thus, we must revisit the old question, "is our children learning?" and work to get the "Re-Educate America" bill passed and into action, which is a plan to reform the very corrupt and provenly ineffective Department of Education. The plan will also overhaul our very outdated national curriculum, replacing millenia-old teaching techniques with much more modern techniques, formulated by the many advancements in the fields of neuroscience, psychology, and sociology. These new techniques are theorized to be much more effective in instilling disciplinary lessons into our youth. And these re-educational efforts will not be limited to just our youth. They will also be the main driving force behind the reunification of this very divided country. We even have plans to build re-education camps for adults, should we run into difficulties with capacity.
Moving onto climate change, we will be acquiring territory in what we think will be prime real estate in various locations such as Greenland, Russia, Canada, and Alaska in anticipation of mass exoduses caused by climate change to be able to accomodate refu---erm, residents, if worst comes to worst and people are forced to migrate away from the equator. In areas of increasingly hot climates, we will make efforts to equip as many buildings as possible with air conditioning units to reduce heat-related injuries and deaths, especially the elderly and decrepit. We will help fund and complete mega projects such as the "Solar Umbrella" in Phoenix, Arizona, which is a giant solar panel array that will cover the entire city, acting as both its main source of power generation, and a giant Sun umbrella to shade the city. We will build aqueducts going into the drier, drought-stricken regions of this country to facilitate their growth and hopefully alleviate their water shortage struggles.
Public health has been a big talking point in this country for decades now, and our plan to bring universal healthcare to all is to work with all the various health insurance companies to coagulate into a singular entity, requiring its membership by law. This will allow the entire American populace to collectively pool all of our insurance money together, maximizing its effectiveness and ultimately reducing the operating costs of healthcare. With the reduced costs, people will be able to live as long as humanly possible, with additional hopes of greatly reducing, or even eliminating, suicides caused by extreme medical debt.
Following the demonstrated widespread success of medical cannabis, we will push to reopen the conversation of reanalyzing other potentially miscategorized substances, and, if there are medical uses, help to develop new or even over-the-counter remedies. This may also open up many new industries and thus avenues of tax income which would help relieve our ever increasing national debt, increase the general happiness of the public, and reduce our absurdly high incarceration rates. We will also aim to position ourselves in the supply chain to be able to help as many people receive their medicine as possible.
We will join forces with the noble National Security Agency to develop new technologies to assist in the very difficult efforts of making America safer. We then hope to be able to implement as many of these new technologies as possible into the public domain, such as Macrosoft's new line of operating systems, "Doors XD", and Apple's new product line, "iSpy", among many other consumer level electronics such as the various wifi-equipped gadgets and appliances present in all of our homes. We wish to bring about our utopian vision of the future. A future where, with the help of artificial intelligence, our homes will automatically be able to order products and services and have delivered to our doorstep before we even know that we want or need them. For those that are handicapped or otherwise physically challenged, we hope to further optimize the global supply chain to deliver products directly into your hands, or, with products such as foods, drinks, and medicines, even directly into your mouths or other various orifices or delivery methods such as injection (with consent, of course), no matter where you may be. We also hope these new technologies will help to resolve missing persons cases, or even minimize the prospect of people from going missing in the first place.
I have also heard concerns from a very small but vocal minority regarding the name of our city and that it is un-American, and that we should change the name of our city to "Sand Hoes Say", which should help curb mispronunciations. I fully agree with these concerns and hope to see it happen.
As for poverty, our efforts have already shown to be incredibly effective, most notably when we started pushing to change the very ways in which we measure poverty.
Football has made me who I am today, and has opened a multitude of doors for me throughout life, and even kept many doors open that should have probably been closed long ago. It has been an incredible privilege, and I wish for our future youth to be able to have these same opportunities. Thus, Hu Cares will also open as many football camps as possible. These camps will primarily be aimed at children ages 3 to 13. Through hours and hours of intense hitting drills, we will teach the next generation of football players how to inflict maximum pain when hitting your opponents, while also avoiding unsportsmanlike conduct penalties. Good, clean play is our focus!
I hope you all can appreciate the nobility of these efforts, and that you will join me, or at the very least spread word of our efforts. The more people we have on board, the more effective we can be. And we will not stop our efforts until we are all equal in worth! Numerous parties have already offered financial support, even members of Nigerian royalty, which came as a very welcome surprise. We are still a small group, but in time, we will be expanding our operations globally.
If you personally wish to help, please visit our website at www.hu-cares.org. Front and center are easy payment options, as we take currency of any kind (except fake currency of course), including of course cryptocurrencies and even stocks, especially GME/AMC. Other accepted forms of payment include direct bank transfers, checks, money orders, gold, raw denominations sent via mail, property and land deeds, ammunition, rare earth metals, and more!
Our phone lines, if I understand correctly, should be up later today, enabling anyone to contact us via phone at (404) HU-CARES. We anticipate with this announcement that we will be experiencing extremely high call volumes perpetually, so please be patient with us. Long wait times may persist until we are able to complete the expansion of our support center's capabilities. Your interest is very important to us.
On that note, we are hiring! You may send your resumes to jobs@hu-cares.org. Any and all levels of qualification will be considered, as we will have positions of need in thousands of sectors, so don't be afraid or feel like you don't have the qualifications to join our ranks! All you need is the aforementioned determination, commitment, and grit! Internship programs will be available as well, aiming to develop marketable skills so that upward mobility, and of course pay, is more possible in one's future.
Thank you all for your time and attention, and again, I greatly appreciate you all for being here today. Unfortunately, I will not be able to answer questions at this time, as I am already very late for multiple obligations. My business card will be provided to all in attendance, allowing you to take me out to lunch where I can then answer all of the various questions you might have. Have yourselves a wonderful day!
We are very happy to hear that Juno has started to turn his life around, and applaud his efforts. We wish him the best of luck going into S30. Hopefully his improved health and life reformation will lead to quality play and a breakout season!